"When you were with that girl, why didn't you break up with her and confess to me if you did have feelings for me?" I look down, my breathing deepening and affecting my lungs as if the air in my room was suddenly thicker.

He does not answer right away as if he was not sure what to say. "I told you. I was scared to lose you."

"But you knew I was in love with you too. It doesn't make sense, Jungkook," I do not believe him, aware of what Angelo exposed. "You don't understand. Confessing to you and dating you meant I'd have been more at risk to lose you."

His point still not sounding true at all, I let out what I know. "But you still lost me and didn't do anything about it," I do not keep it inside anymore, telling him what I truly feel. "I didn't know what to do, y/n," his voice and words reflect some emptiness as if he was not even trying.

"I got to know about what you once said to Felix and Angelo when you were drunk. You told them you didn't want to break up with her because sex was way too good, and she was so hot—"

"That motherfucker is the one who told you, isn't it?" he does not even defend himself or denies anything right away, and my throat tightens. "I was drunk. I never meant those words. You know it, y/n."

"No, I don't," I tear up, the pain in my chest only intensifying more now that I am hearing him talk about it and admit those words did leave his mouth. "I don't know anymore. I don't even know if the person I fell in love with and thought I knew was actually—"

"Don't you dare say that," he does not let me finish. "You know it more that anyone that I'd never mean those types of words. I was always genuine with you, I never lied about anything other than her—"

"But you still lied," I cut him off the same way he did it. "You pretended not to know, ignored my feelings, and let me go as if you didn't care."

"Stop talking like that, y/n. I swear," his voice quivers. "I made a mistake, and I regret it, but I don't ever want to hear you doubt my love and honesty for you. I was an asshole, I did things that I shouldn't have and wish I haven't done, but I've always loved you and cared about you more than anything. Angelo is just turning you against me and taking—"

"Stop mentioning him! It's not about him. It's about you, and the things you've done. Do you have any idea how this makes me feel? To know that not only I was suffering while you were apparently enjoying having sex with her, but you and your friends were aware of everything and just watched me being a dumb and naive girl? They knew and still must know so much more that I probably wouldn't want to even get to know about. And on top of that, I'm the one who caused your friendship to be destroyed. Can't you even understand how painful and humiliating this is?" I cry and cannot control my emotions any longer, feeling like a complete idiot and horrible person.

"How can I not mention him when he's the one at fault?! If he didn't act the way he did—"

"He's not. He's never done anything wrong, Jungkook," I do not let him put the blame on someone. "I understand why you'd want to point the finger at him because I felt the same way about the girl you dated, but I was wrong. It hurts him to see you treat him that way, you know? He maybe doesn't show it to you, but it does because he's not trying anything, he's just telling me the truth that you keep to yourself."

"You think I'm not telling the truth?" he does not like to hear me say that, but I affirm my thought. "You're just keeping it to yourself. If you didn't, I would have known about what Angelo said so far but from you."

"Every time you asked me a question, I answered with the truth," he asserts, my heart slamming me in the chest as the grief is starting to merge with some anger. "You didn't, Jungkook. You tell me half of the truth that I get to know from your friend!"

"That's fucking bullshit," he contradicts me, no matter how right I am. "Then tell me why the hell you stayed with her for so long but would call and text me so much and ask to see me just to treat me like your girlfriend! You—"

"I liked it!" he yells it out. "Is that honest enough? I liked that feeling of having you both and feeling loved and wanted. It felt good. Yes, I just used that girl for sex because I needed it, there were times were I'd see and crave you so much that I needed it with that girl who was so unlikable that I knew I'd never catch feelings. I only had you on my mind. I was scared to settle down with you because I know I'm too possessive and jealous when I love somebody, I knew that having you all for myself and having sex with you would make me so possessive and jealous that you'd fall out of love and get hurt. And I was right, you proved me right a minute ago by doubting if you actually fell in love with the same person you're talking to right now."

The shock keeping me speechless as the tears are never ending, I stare into space and cannot believe all the things I am hearing.

"And when you left, I felt so disgusting and horrible that I thought you'd be better off alone, so I didn't want to hold you back and feed that selfish part of me," he keeps talking and showing me he was not honest. "But it doesn't matter anymore, does it? You're not in love with me anymore, Angelo matters more—"

"It doesn't matter?" I repeat those hurtful words he spit out as if this was nothing. "You really think that all of this don't matter anymore just because of Angelo? Do you even realize what you're saying?"

"I didn't mean it that way," his voice becomes calm, contrasting with my stressful and crying one. "I just feel like you're not in love with me anymore, so I can't fix anything."

I wipe my tears away and cover my face with my sleeve. "Honestly...it just hurts. When I think about you, I just feel pain now, and you just made it even worse."

No sound comes out of my phone anymore, not a single one. The lingering silence feeling endless and breaking my heart even more, he eventually speaks, faintly. "Fine. I'm sorry. If he's the only one making you happy—"

"That's not what I meant," I correct his thought. "I got it. I'll leave you alone, and I'm sorry for hurting you and ruining us," he hangs up without letting me say anything more, and I cry my eyes out.

This is the second time I lose him, but I am not even sure I lost the same person again.

•••

7:20 pm.

The time passing and the pain never lessening, I take my phone from under my pillow but realize Angelo texted me yesterday, and before checking, I warn Enna about my absence today.

[ hey, I won't be there today I need a day off >

I move to Angelo's conversation and read everything he sent me.

< you better not be working too hard ]

< are you alright? ]

< hope you're okay and will answer me soon. I'm worried ]

[ hey, I'm sorry for not answering you. I'm doing fine >

My eyes already watering right in the morning as if yesterday and last night was not enough, I crush my big plushie against me and bury a part of my face in it, but Angelo already answers me.

< sure? I feel like something's wrong ]

[ yes, very sure. I'm okay >

< I trust you. Don't work too hard today, alright? ]

[ I won't. Don't either >

< :3 ]

Enna's new message appearing on my screen, I open it.

< what? Why? What's happening? ]

[ I'm feeling a bit sick, nothing bad. I just need a day off >

< alright take care of yourself, I hope it's not too serious. Text me to let me know you're still alive every hour, got it? ]

[ yeah >

< nothing happened with Angelo yesterday, right? ]

[ no, I had a good time with him >

< are you sure? Bcs I'll take care of him if he every did anything, okay? So do not think about lying ]

[ no I promise, he was really sweet. He wouldn't do anything wrong >

< Alright, I believe you ]

Not receiving anything anymore, I play some music to distract myself and go back to sleep.

•••

6:40 pm.

Someone knocking on my door wakes me up, so I roll on my back and remove the pillow from my face to let a 'What' out. My mom comes in. "Are you not eating dinner?"

"I...later, I have a stomach ache," I lie and comb my messy hair back. "Hm. Are you sick?"

"I don't know, it feels like I am," I rub my eye, and she keeps her focus on me. "Well, eat something still. Wait if you need, but don't skip this meal."

"I'll eat, don't worry," I give her my word, knowing it is important since my health is not the best. "Alright, I'll leave the food in the pot, so don't wait too long," she tells me and goes out of the room, closing the door behind her.

I heave a sigh and run my hand over my face, my headache feeling much more intense than earlier. I turn to my side and grab my phone.

Enna and Angelo sent me a few texts again, but Felix as well.

Since I am not used to receiving a text from Felix unless this is about something important, I open it.

< hey, are you doing alright? ]

[ hey, yes I am, and you? >

I move to Angelo's conversation right after sending this text.

< would you want to hang out this weekend if you're not with Jungkook? ]

[ I'm sorry but I can't. It's not because I'll be with him, but I don't feel like going out >

< oh okay ]

< have I done something wrong? ]

[ No, not at all. Don't worry, you're a good person >

He does not say anything, so I check Enna's texts, despite how much it hurts to have to be so cold with Angelo.

< you didn't even text me once since this morning ]

< there's something wrong going on i know. I'm gonna fucking kill somebody ]

< give me Angelo's number ]

[ No, I was sleeping I'm sorry I forgot. Why would you want his number? >

< because. Please i just want to talk to him ]

[ what are you going to tell him? >

< I'm gonna talk to him like a normal human. I'll spam you until you give it to me ]

[ only if you tell me why you want it >

< Fine, are you really sick? Bcs I don't believe you. Even when you're sick, you don't talk like that, so you better be honest or ill kill you too ]

[ I'm just not doing okay. Why does it matter so much? >

< I knew it. One of those guys did something to you, am I wrong? ]

[ they didn't do anything >

< tell me who it is, and if you don't, I'll come to your house I'm not even kidding ]

The guilt and pressure making me feel like I have no other choice but to tell her the truth, I give in.

[ it's about Jungkook, are you happy? >

< this fucking motherfucker again ]

< Give me Angelo's number ]

[ no >

< Fine, unfortunately for you you showed me your screen the other day when you texted him on Discord and I memorized his name ]

[ stop Enna I swear! I don't want him to know about this I'm serious >

Not getting any answers from her anymore, I panic and hurry to tell Angelo about it.

[ hey, my best friend's gonna text you on Discord but don't pay attention to what she says, okay? She's just making a big deal out of nothing >

< Enna? Why would she text me? ]

[ she's being annoying >

A few seconds pass after my last text, and he does not say anything anymore either, making me fear they might be talking to each other.

I have no idea what she could tell him, but I'll be mad if she exposes anything I would not want Angelo to know about.

I am so stressed out right now.

30 minutes later...

After finally taking a shower, I sit down on my bed and anxiously grab my phone. No one texted me again, this cannot be real. What has she done?

Not standing how nervous this makes me, I send her another text to ask what she said to him.

I throw my phone next to me right after and drop my body on my blanket. I cover my face with my arms and breathe more steadily.

Someone knocking on my door forces me to move my arms above my head. "What?" I sigh, but as soon as I see who that person is, I sit up, and my heart beats faster. "What are you doing here?"

Angelo closes the door behind him and lays all his attention over me. "Your mom let me in. I'm worried about you," he walks closer and stops himself in front of me. "Can I?"

I nod and slightly move to the side to free some space, and he sits down. "There's no need to be worried. You should go home. I don't want you to see me like that."

"Like what?" his blue eyes unsettling me, I avoid making eye contact and bring my knees up. "Without makeup, with a puffy face."

"You're pretty, and I think that's the last thing you should care about right now," he scares me with words that must hide something, and I peek at him. "Why are you here? What the hell did Enna tell you?"

He remains silent and stares at me, knowing how weak this makes me. "I want you to tell me what's wrong."

His soft and comforting voice inducing some emotional response, I glance down and refuse to let him know. "Nothing's wrong."

"Enna told me Jungkook did something, and she knows you're hurt," the sound of his name provokes some tears, but I lie down and turn my back to him. "I don't want to talk about it. Go home, please."

I put one hand under my head to soak my tears with my sleeve, and Angelo comes closer, doing the opposite of what I want him to. He does not speak or make any noise, and for some reason, the quietness worsens the sadness inside of me.

I turn my head and hide it with my arms to cry, and I feel his warmth cover my side, and his hand grabs my forearm to pull it down. "It's okay," he pats the side of my face and head, and I move up to lose myself in his arms. "It's my fault again," I blubber in his chest, and he holds me tight against his warm body.

"Why would you think that?" he runs his fingers over the side of my face and wipes my heavy tears away. "Because...I shouldn't have been so close to you. If I wasn't, he wouldn't have gotten upset and hurt."

"Stop thinking like that," he tells me otherwise but sounds like he means it. "How could I? My dad's always been right...I'm a slut...I liked both of your attention and care, I felt good with you both, but I can't control it. I don't know how to do it...and he left because of me again, but I'm mad at him, even though I'm the same exact person," I struggle to breathe without gasping for air, feelings ashamed but getting everything of my chest.

"Do not talk about yourself like that," he rests his hand on my neck and holds the side of my throat to rub his thumb over my skin. "You're not to blame. Enna told me it's been burdening you, but there's nothing wrong about what you're feeling. You're a sweet and sensitive girl, and receiving affection from us makes you feel good and happy, but do not even compare that to him."

I listen without being able to say anything more, feeling lightheaded from all the hyperventilation and crying. "He used a girl for her body, he knew he was hurting you, and maybe even her, but it never stopped him. You've never used anyone or played with anyone's feelings. You've always been genuine with everyone, and I know that you'd never do such a thing. We're the ones always initiating things with you, not the other way around."

I press my damp sleeve against my eyes to soak my tears, and he combs my hair, calming me down and helping go through something similar to what I have already dealt with but on my own.

"Do you still not want to talk about what happened exactly?" he brushes the back of his hand over my cheek, and I listen to his heartbeat. "He admitted to not breaking up with her because he liked having us both. He used her for sex because he knew he'd never catch feelings for her but needed it. And he told me he never confessed because he knew he'd be too possessive and jealous," I summarize in a short way to not speak too much. "And after being honest, he just said he didn't matter anymore now that I'm not in love him anymore...and I thought I moved on...but iit hurt to hear him admit to those things, and he made it sound like it was a small matter.

"I'm sorry you had to hear all that," he rubs his thumb over my cheek as I managed to stop crying a little, and he drops a kiss on the crown of my head. "You'll move on, be okay, and happy again. I promise. He needs to work on himself and get some help if he can't do it on his own before dating."

I do not speak about it more but stay in his arms, feeling much better that way.

•••

8:40 pm.

'JUNGKOOK'S P.O.V'

After taking a shower and leaving my bathroom, I head towards the kitchen to get something to eat, but someone bangs at my door.

I heave a sigh and check what time it is on my watch, feeling like a will not get any time for myself at all. I walk up to my sofa and grab my shirt, but the person standing behind the door bangs at it again.

With irritation, I hurry up and abruptly open the door, despite hoping for one person in particular to be here.

As soon as I come face to face with the one who took his anger out on my door, I huff and proceed to close the door, but feel it get stopped.

"Are you happy of what you fucking did, asshole?" Angelo violently hits the door open and steps in, and I just stare at him. "Get the fuck out of my house."

"No, I won't. You're gonna move your fucking ass and go to her house to properly apologize to her, got it?" he dares to order me around and act like a good guy. "Apologize? Why? Aren't you glad that you can finally have her all for yourself? That's what you wanted, wasn't it?"

He clenches his jaw and never takes his eyes off of mine. "I'd never have expected you to be such an immature dumbfuck. You really don't give a fuck about her anymore, do you? She's crying over you again, she's in pain, but that doesn't even matter to you. Is that maybe gratifying to know she's still so attached and in love with you that she'll cry all day long just for you?"

"So now that you can act like the good guy you care about it? Because, so far, the only thing you tried to do was break us apart. You never gave a fucking shit about what she feels for me!" I lose control of my anger again and raise my voice. "You're right," he raises his eyebrows. "I hoped for her to forget about you, move on, and be happy. She was doing so much better when you weren't a part of her life anymore, but the only thing you decided to do was to come back, be a fucking kid, and break her heart again. I can't stand to know a girl like her is in love with such a piece of shit like you. I never did. You could have fixed the fucking mess you've made, but you didn't even try."

"You shut your fucking mouth. I apologized to her, I tried to be a better a person, but you always did everything to keep her away from me, so don't you dare say that bullshit when you've always done everything to be in the way. You act like you know or understand what her and I went through, what we're going through, but you don't even know what it is to love somebody, to lose them, or see them happy with someone else," I spit my hateful words out. "So you keep your fucking opinion to yourself."

"I don't know what it is to love somebody?" he shows a bitter smile. "Do you? Have you ever been a serious and sincere relationship with a girl?"

"The only thing you want from y/n is sex. You're not in love with her. You don't even wanna date her, the only thing you want is to fuck, so quit pretending because I won't believe otherwise," I state what I have on my mind without thinking twice, but he barely shows any emotions. "What the fuck have I done for you to think that of me? I've never heard you talk about me that way before y/n and I got closer. I haven't even done anything with her or any other girl for you to label me as a fuckboy who doesn't feel anything."

"You act the same way with every girl you end up having sex with, and since this time it's y/n, I can't stand it. I always thought that of you but just never said anything," I do not hide this opinion anymore. "Name one fucking girl I did this with other than Maia who was my sex partner. A single one."

"She is already enough of an example. Since you broke up with your last ex, you've only been friends with benefits with Maia, then you left her, you flirted with two other girls but rejected them, and now, it's y/n's turn to be played with," I remind him of what he has done in the past, but he grins. "Maia consented and wanted that too. I never left her, we agreed to put an end to it because she didn't want to do it anymore. And I don't know who are those other girls you're referring to, but I didn't flirt with anyone. I just show some care and affection. I literally act the same way with guys."

"Sure, you're just naturally flirty without knowing and it's not your fault if they fall in love, right?" I repeat the words he once said to excuse what he causes. "Just like with y/n. You know damn well how your touches and actions make her feel, you know she's gonna crave it, but you can't help it, do you?"

"I treat her like she deserves to be treated, I'm into her so I'm very affectionate to her, and I don't do anything that could make her uncomfortable, if I do, I stop and never do it again," he admits to wanting more than a friendship. "If I was really that fuckboy you want me to be, I would have had sex with all the ones who asked me out, with your ex who came up to me for sex right after you left her, and I would already have tried to do it with y/n and left if she didn't agree. So stop talking about me that way because I'm not that kind of person."

No matter what he says, I cannot have him as a friend anymore. I feel so much hatred for him now that I cannot erase it.

"Get out. I don't wanna talk to you," I put an end to this moment with him, feeling way too mad to listen and understand. "Fine, do whatever you want with your life, but you better stay away from her," he turns around and opens the door to leave my house.