CHAPTER TWENTY ; PLEASE DON'T CRY, IT HURTS.

"Only a mocha bun this time?" The cashier asked, taking Sowon aback. She laughed, trying to deny calling her something negative. "I mean, you typically buy many of our mocha items and take them home, then come back after a week. You've been coming back every day now to buy the same thing, over and over again."

Sowon looked down at it. It was the first thing she ate when Jaeyun apologized to her for the first time.

"Yeah. Now that it's spring, I've been wanting to go out more," She grinned, eyes glistening. "And, what better way to get out of the house than to come to my favorite cafe?"

The cashier smiled and pushed the mocha bun toward her. "It's on the house today. You're probably the one who pays our bills around here, so I might as well give you this one free."

Sowon was thrilled. "Thank you so much!" She grabbed it and bid farewell, walking out of the cafe and taking a seat at their outdoor seating. The stars glimmered under the night sky, winking at her with high praise. She finally got a free treat. Laying one leg over the other, Sowon inhaled the fresh air, soaking in the first break she had today.

From studying to practicing to talking to people about an upcoming trip, it was as if Sowon hadn't been able to hear her thoughts. Her social battery was drained, and she was overwhelmed by life, nobody able to comfort her in ways that she needed. If she didn't enjoy herself this once, she was sure that whatever the final straw would be would tear her to shreds.

Then, her phone rang. She hummed and quickly pulled it out of her back pocket, seeing the name 'Mom' lit at the top. Quickly answering, she pressed the device between her shoulder and ear. "Yes, Mom?"

"Honey, where are you?" Mrs. Ryu asked, looking at the time on her watch. "Are you coming home for dinner again today, or should we save you a plate?"

"Save me a plate, please," Mrs. Ryu hummed in the direction of her daughter, the girl shifting in her seat. "I'm at my favorite cafe right now. I just needed some time alone from everything and everyone. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course I don't. You're always so busy that I'm glad you're finally getting a break," Sowon smiled. She was grateful that her Mom trusted her and understood what she loved. Without that support, Sowon would've never made it this far. "But please come home early, okay? Be safe since it's night."

"Okay," Sowon nodded. "Mom, how did you and Dad fall in love?"

"All of a sudden?" Mrs. Ryu snorted. She loved telling this story. "Your father was a playboy, but when he saw me, he was enamored. He courted me despite me always declining his offers for a date. Eventually, I gave him one chance, and that's all he needed to change my mind. Since then, we've been happily married."

"Didn't you play rugby back then?"

"Yeah, but not at school. It was a casual thing because women's sports didn't exist," She huffed, annoyed at the thought. "That's when he saw me playing. When I tackled a woman, I quote, he fell for me."

"Cute," Sowon complimented. "It's a surprise he loved someone so brutal."

"Everyone is bound to fall in love, my daughter," Mrs. Ryu chuckled. "Even you. You will fall for someone, may it be someone similar or drastically different, but when the time comes, it'll lay the opportunity at your feet."

Sowon scrunched her nose at the sappiness of her Mom. "Well, let's hope it only takes one time," She replied. "Okay. I'm going to finish my food. I'll come home in a little bit."

"Okay. Love you!"

"Love you too."

Hanging up, Sowon put her phone back in her pocket, chewing delightfully at the bread. But, her ecstasy was cut short by a familiar villai–I mean, a friend–coming into view, lit by the orange lights above. Sowon's happiness turned into shock as Jaeyun stood there, holding a bag of food in his hands. "So–"

"I don't want to speak to you!" She shot up and began walking away, hoping he'd take the hint. Jaeyun panicked as she continued down the street, her expression filled with anger.

Stop me, Jaeyun, Sowon thought, praying he'd go against his guts and follow his heart. Stop me and turn me around. Talk to me.

"Sowon!" She suppressed a smile as Jaeyun placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, stopping them both on the empty street. She turned around slowly, seeing him filled with worry. Sowon was expecting a kindhearted apology or even a gentle 'What did I do,' but... "Where the hell have you been? Why haven't you responded to any of my texts?"

Wow. What an impression. Sowon heaved and turned back around, taking a step forward–but Jaeyun grabbed both of her shoulders and spun her to face him, hesitantly letting go. "I don't know what I did. I don't know why you're talking to everyone but me!" Jaeyun groaned. "So please, just tell me about it. I want to fix things between us."

Sowon tapped her foot, inhaling sharply. "Have you not considered me once, Jaeyun?"

He knitted his eyebrows together. "What?"

"Am I not likable to you?" Sowon swallowed hard, feeling tears begin to surface. "I get that you don't like me, but to tell people you'd never like me at all? To tell someone that you would never consider and that if we dated, it would be suicide?"

Jaeyun realized it now. She overheard him saying all of that shit to Sohee. Oh my god, Jaeyun reflected, his brain on meltdown at the sight of her glassy eyes. Oh. Oh no, please. Please don't cry, Sowon. Please. I can't take it.

"I get it, really I do!" The angry tears started to flow out of her eyes, calling her a liar as they flooded down her cheeks. "But... but couldn't you spare me just once? Couldn't... couldn't you make me look good in front of other people? Am I... Am I that uncool as an ice hockey player to you!?"

She began to fully cry, causing the passersby to stare. Jaeyun blinked and felt his world crumbling, dropping the bag of sweet treats to the ground. "Jaeyun, I'm tired!" She admitted, full-on wailing. This was the last straw. "I've been... been running on my ass all day! I got a bad grade on my test, fell on the ice, looked stupid in front of people, and now, I'm reminded that I'm not even good enough to be someone to... someone!"

"No, no," Jaeyun caved, crouching slightly as he drove his hands toward her cheeks, cradling her as if she were a porcelain pot. His thumbs rubbed away the tears from her eyes as she continued sobbing about her hardship, unable to stop. "Sowon, I didn't mean that."

"Then... Then what did you mean!?" She sobbed, trying to push him away. He winced at her hit, but he didn't budge. He wasn't planning on dodging it–he knew he made a grave mistake. "You don't have to like me!"

"Sowon, that's not what I meant. Please don't cry–it hurts," He agonized, shaking his head profusely. "I can't put into words how I feel about you, but I know for sure that what I said that day was bullshitting. I didn't know if you wanted me to say something that you wouldn't agree with and have them bombard you with questions. They're curious, and now that we're close, I was afraid they would blow things out of proportion. So, I lied."

Sowon sniffled, her eyes opening. When he saw her pupils trembling, Jaeyun was sure he had the deepest frown ever. "You lied?"

"Yes, I lied," Jaeyun nodded. "I didn't mean a single word, and if it sounded like I did, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I was angry. I just wanted to be left alone, but I shouldn't have acted like that over you. You don't deserve that."

Sowon sniffled, ceasing her tears. "I don't."

Jaeyun softly smiled. "You don't."

She sniffled one last time and cleared her throat, placing her hands in the nooks of his arms and forcing his hands to rest on her shoulders. "I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Jaeyun pulled her by her shoulders and collided her body into his, hugging her like she was his grounding–like she was the only one standing in his world. She hesitated if it was worth hugging him back–but hearing his breath quiver, she wrapped her arms around him. "I'm the one who should be sorry."

Sowon exhaled. "You're stupid."

"I'm stupid," He admitted. "The stupidest, ever."

They separated, and Sowon caught a glimpse of the bag, pointing at it. "What's that?" Jaeyun looked down and chuckled–one, for her inquiry, and two, because she looked silly with her eyes all puffy. So, when Jaeyun picked it up and opened it, she gasped. "It's full of treats! Is this for me?"

"Yes," Jaeyun nodded. "I got you some new ones this time and different flavors. I asked Narae what else you liked, and she told me you liked vanilla-filled things, too. Now, you don't have to keep buying it–this should last you a long time."

Sowon couldn't help but look at him with glistening eyes, all the words in the universe being conveyed through her gaze. "And," Jaeyun couldn't look away from her, a wide smile on his face. "If you ever need more, don't buy them yourself. I'll buy them for you."

"You don't have to, Jaeyun."

"But I want to, Sowon."

She didn't oppose it. "So," She placed her hands on her hips. "You promise you're going to make me look good in front of others now? You won't tell them dating me would be suicide?"

"Never again," He shook his head violently. "I'll make sure they know we have a very special relationship."

"Huh!?" She widened her eyes. "What do you mean by that, Sim!?"

"Don't worry about it, Ice Fairy," He looked around, then at his phone. "It's too late for you to be out here by yourself. My car's parked not too far from here. Do you want me to give you a ride home?"

Sowon shrugged. "I can walk."

Jaeyun rolled his eyes. "Let me drive you, then. Come on," He grabbed her by her sleeve and pulled her along, the girl mocking his actions by rolling her eyes as well. However, as he continued walking ahead without turning back, she smiled wide, unconsciously admiring the details–his hand holding the bag of treats he bought specially for her, his wet sleeves that bore all the tears she shed, his other hand that would give her an attending squeeze every second on her wrist–that caused her to smile a little wider.

When they got in the car, he placed the bag of treats in her lap and turned on the engine, driving off. "Are you planning to go to the party the guy from Whimoon is hosting?" He turned the wheel with one hand, the other propped on the windowsill. Sowon looked up from the plastic bag and furrowed her eyebrows. "You haven't heard about it?"

"The one that's going to be at that big villa?" Jaeyun nodded. "Yeah, I heard about it recently. I don't know if I want to go. I don't really want to go alone, and Sunoo and Narae are going together. I feel bad for always asking them for rides because Sohee and I share a car."

"Well, do you want to go?" Jaeyun asked, momentarily glancing at her. "I don't have anyone to go with either–Jungwon and Jongseong are the ones I usually go with, but they've got a test the day after."

"What are you insinuating?"

"That we should go together–me and you," Jaeyun suggested, pressing his foot on the pedal to pick up speed. He looked again to see if she reacted to the acceleration, but it didn't bother her. "It would be going together out of convenience–out of friendship, in reality, but if you want to go, then it would be convenient. I can drive you there and drive you home."

"That would be nice," She chuckled. "But, I typically leave parties halfway through. I don't stay for that long in case the party gets shut down."

"That's fine. We can roll whenever you're ready to go," Jaeyun agreed. "So, do you want to go together, Sowon? I'll pick you up at seven. If you're hungry, then we can get something to eat."

"Are you sure?" Sowon questioned, causing the boy to snicker and nod. "Alright. Let's go together, then."

He eased onto her street, pressing on the brake fully once he arrived in front of her house. Putting the gearshift in park, he beckoned to her house. "We are here."

"Thank you for the ride," She took off her seatbelt. "And for this, too–" She lifted the bag. "And, for apologizing."

He swallowed, nodding. "I'm sorry again."

"Don't be," She hushed, giggling. "As long as you meant that apology, then we can forget it. Right?"

Jaeyun stared at her, his head getting impulsive–and it caused him to take off his seatbelt and lean forward, startling the Captain. Their faces were inches away, tension sparking within the gazes they shared. His hand gripped the storage box between them, his mouth slightly ajar as he began to speak.

"How close are you to him?"

"To who?"

"Sunghoon," He whispered his name like a curse. "When I went to the pool, you both were talking, egging one another on. He saw me and continued talking to you like I didn't exist. So, Sowon... how close are you guys?"

She smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know–"

"You've done something to me, Ice Fairy," Jaeyun interrupted, inhaling sharply. He caught a whiff of her oriental perfume and swore if she was just another fling to him, he would've done something irrational. "Something I can't fathom nor control–and it's driving me insane."

Sowon couldn't help but chuckle under her breath, switching her gaze seductively between each eye. "Are you sure..." She muttered. "...You're not in love with me, Sim?"

Jaeyun couldn't define the emotion. His definition of love was so warped that he doubted it. "Maybe I am," He leaned closer. "And, if so?"

Her lips turned upwards, and she leaned back before he could think of getting any closer. Jaeyun inhaled sharply, unable to catch her aroma and missing it already.

"Then," She paused, tilting her head like a fox. "You better think of a way out of it."

He was speechless. Maybe it was the change in persona, the beauty of how her hair slid off her shoulders, or her seduction–but he was damned.

Jaeyun didn't even fathom that she got out of the car and stood there, waving–until she spoke. "Goodnight, Sim," She said. "Get home safe."

Sowon shut the door,

Leaving him fucked for a lifetime.