Chapter 33

The Bliss

Malamig.

Tumingala ako at ngumiti sa madilim na kalangitan. Sa bawat dagundong ng kulog at pagbuhos ng matalim na ulan, lalong sumasakit ang loob ko.

Akala ko kaya ko.

It has been months and I've heard Quentin pushed with his operation. It's all over the news. The long awaited heir has returned from the pit. Klarong pinagpipiyestahan ang buhay nito ngayon dahil sa rebelasyon na siya ang mamamahala sa kanilang kompanya matapos ang iilang taon.

When he smiled at the camera, I thought my heart broke again.

He seemed...fine. Well, what did I expect? I told him he should live his life and I'll live with mine. It's only natural for him to be happy without having me around.

Muling humampas ang alon base sa tunog pero dahil sa ulan, hindi ko na maaninag pa ang dagat.

Malamig.

Tumungo ako at nakita ang bagay na hawak-hawak ko. Kahit natatabunan ang buwan, tila kuminang iyon sa paningin ko. Just one slice in my wrists and I'll die.

I sighed as I slowly slit my wrist with the knife. Bumulwak ang masaganang dugo kasabay ng bawat pagpatak ng ulan. Tinitigan ko ito nang mabuti habang iniinda ang sakit.

Malamig.

"Pasensya ka anak," bulong ko habang hinahawakan ang lumalaki kong tiyan. "Hindi malakas ang loob ni mom."

Ilang segundo akong nanatiling ganoon habang tinititigan ang umaagos na dugo.

Tulala lang akong nakatingin habang basang-basa na dahil sa ulan. Humampas muli ang alon kaya dahan-dahan akong naglakad papunta sa dagat. I walked and walked, not minding the waves and the prick-like pain of the cold rain on my skin.

Malamig.

I didn't know how much I walked until I could only see the dark.

It's still cold underwater. I winced at the pain on my wrist but smiled all the same.

Wynfrost. Win the cold? Hahahaha! I laughed so I found seawater inside my throat in seconds.

Please let me die. I don't know where to go from here.

My birth was an accident. My only family is trying to get rid of me.

And Quentin...

He'll be much better without me. At least, he'll be finally happy.

Unti-unting nanlalabo ang mga mata ko hanggang sa nandilim na ito. Nauubusan na ako ng hangin sa baga ko at nanatiling nakangiti.

I'll finally die.

~

Napakurap ako matapos titigan nang matagal ang benda sa kamay ko.

"Are you okay?" anang isang baritonong boses. I glanced at the side and saw a man leaning on the wall with both his hands in his pockets. Walang emosyon ang kanyang gwapong mukha ngunit kitang-kita ko ang pag-aalala sa kanyang mga mata. Magulo pa ang kanyang buhok at hindi sinuklay, klarong kakagising lang. Tumayo siya nang maayos kaya mas naging klaro ang kanyang tangkad. He ruffled his platinum hair and frowned. "This is the third time now."

"Hack," usal ko sa pangalan niya at nanghihinang umupo. Tumalima siya at agad akong inalalayan. He put a pillow behind me to make me feel comfortable while gently holding me. "Thank you." He stared at me with his tired eyes and sat on the side of the bed. His eyebags were more evident now so my guilt sparked again. "I'm sorr—"

"Don't." Maikli lamang iyon pero agad akong natahimik. My eyes went back to my wounds again and gently touched my tummy. "Your daughter is safe." Nakahinga ako nang maluwag at naluluhang tumingin sa tiyan ko. "Simula ngayon, mag-h-hire na ako ng maraming tao para bantayan ka. It's getting worse."

"I know." Napabuntong-hininga ako. "I miss Q so bad."

"Obviously," ani Hack at umiling. "But we've got no choice but to hide you and your daughter. It's difficult right now. Hinahanap ka na ng pamilyang 'yon."

Tumalim ang tingin ko at nag-igting ang aking panga sa galit.

"If they'll touch us, I'll kill them."

"I won't let them touch you both," ani Hack at lumapit para guluhin ang buhok ko. Napanguso ako rito. "Don't worry."

Malaki ang pasasalamat ko kay Hack dahil siya ang nagligtas sa akin noong hinahabol ako ng mga pinadala ng pamilya ni Avicii. He took me to Britain secretly and has been hiding me ever since.

Aksidente lang ang pagkikita namin noon sa isang park habang tumatakbo ako palayo sa mga humahabol sa akin. Humingi ako ng tulong sa kanya pero dahil hindi nito agad naalala kung sino ako, akala niya may balak akong masama. He tried apprehending me and I ended up bleeding. I could still remember his shock when he saw the blood trickling down my thighs. Walang ano-ano'y dinala ako nito sa isang pribadong ospital.

Nang magising ako sa ospital, doon kami nagkausap ni Hack. Nalaman niya ang sitwasyon ko at gulat na gulat sa natuklasang ako ang kapatid at fiancee ni Avicii. Hindi siya makapaniwalang nagpatuloy pa rin ang pamilyang 'yon sa kanilang kahibangan.

Hack didn't think much and just invited me to Britain with him. He said he had to do some stuff there for a while so I could tag along. Ayoko sanang sumama dahil nakakahiya namang tumanaw ng pabor pero sinabi nitong paghihingi na rin daw 'yon ng tawad noong dinugo ako dahil sa kanya.

When we arrived in Britain, he provided me fake IDs and money and told me not to worry about anything. He said he wouldn't even tell a soul that I'm with him. Because of that, I trusted him and told him that I'm pregnant with Q's child. Gulat na gulat din siya dahil doon.

Nakatira ako sa biniling bahay ni Hack na nasa tabing-dagat. Noong unang mga araw ay ayos pa pero may mga gabing biglaan na lang akong nagigising habang umiiyak. Worse days even made me try to commit suicide. But I wasn't aware all the time. Para bang lutang lang ako habang sinasaktan ang sarili ko. Nagigising na lang akong may sugat o 'di kaya'y nasa ospital. Kaya laging puyat si Hack ay dahil nagbabantay siya.

Nakaidlip siguro siya dahil sa pagod kagabi kaya may nagawa na naman ako.

"Should I go to a mental institution, Hack?" suhestiyon ko sa kanya.

"Hindi," mariin niyang ani habang nagkasalubong ang mga kilay. "Wala akong tiwala sa mga asylum dito. Baka mapaano ka pa. Buntis ka pa naman."

I pursed my lips.

"How about a psychiatrist?"

He paused.

"Should I look for one?" he asked and thought for a while. "I think I know someone."

"Please..." pakiusap ko sa kanya. "I don't want to hurt my own child."

Hindi ko na maitatangging nababaliw na ako. Noong nagkaganito ako dati, si Lan at Rondel ang tumutulong sa akin. Salamat talaga at nandito si Hack para tumulong.

~

Sa tulong ng psychiatrist na kaibigan ni Hack, naging normal na sa wakas ang buhay ko. By normal, I mean, I'm not running around with a knife anymore.

I was in a particularly good mood that time since my baby kicked inside my stomach. After months from being in the Philippines, Hack finally returned to Britain and gave me an odd news.

"Quentin paid all my step-parents' hospital bills?!" gulat kong sigaw. "And he even paid all their debt?!"

"Yeah."

"Why did that crazy idiot do that?!" I bellowed in exasperation and anger. I squinted my eyes as I tried thinking of a reason. "Does he want me to owe him something?"

"He said he wanted to piss you off." Hack groaned. "I was lucky to know that since Avicii questioned him."

"That crazy fuck!" Nakuyom ko ang kamay ko habang iniisip na baka nasisiyahan itong isipin na maiinis ako sa ginawa niya.

"He said you'll surely come back if he'll piss you off so much."

Mas lalo akong nainis sa narinig. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kinilig ako bigla.

Pero iniisip talaga ni Q na basta-basta na lang ako babalik matapos niya ako balewalang pinakawalan. Well, there's never been an us so I'm so pissed hearing that he wants me to come back.

Hah. The nerve.

I scoffed with a smirk.

"Anong akala niya sa akin, marupok? Hahahaha!" I laughed wickedly while imagining Q's impatient face. "Manigas siya!"

"The both of you are so childish," Hack muttered in annoyance. Mabait naman ang mokong na 'to pero nang naging mas close kami, nalaman kong napakaprangka nitong magsalita. Thinking about Q's honesty, Lan's craziness, Avicii's sarcasm, and Spaise's temper, the five of them are really friends. "Fuck. I'm getting old faster being a double agent. It's so obvious that you love each other," ani Hack bigla habang ginugulo ang buhok.

He looked so frustrated being caught in the middle. Well, he volunteered though.

And did he say Q and I have mutual feelings for each other?

"Yeah right," natatawa kong sabi. One-sided love affair kamo.

"Oh, and I found out that they're suspecting you're pregnant with Q's child."

Namutla ako at napahawak nang mahigpit sa suot na bestida.

"W-What did you say?"

"Lan told us that he was sure no one touched you other than Q."

Namula ako sa magkahalong hiya at galit.

"THAT CRAZY BASTARD!"