Chapter 30

The Blind

I wrapped my arms around Wynfrost for the last time.

Ako lang at si Belmond ang kasama nito sa labas ng condominium tower. Wala siyang sinabi kung saan siya pupunta at wala siyang balak na magpaalam sa mga kakilala niya.

I can't help but find this situation absurd.

Is this what they call ghosting? She's planning to ghost the others.

I feel bad for those people who'll come looking for her. I don't know if it's good or bad that she bade me goodbye but I couldn't help but feel like I have to do something.

"I'm going," muli niyang paalam kaya awtomatiko akong humawak sa kanyang kamay. "Quentin?"

I grunted at the thought that this might be the last time I'll hear her voice so I panicked.

"C-Can you please stay?" I begged for the first time in a long while. "Please don't leave me."

"I have to go, Q." Malamig ang kanyang boses habang pinipilit niyang bawiin ang sariling kamay. "Kailangan ko 'to."

"How do you know that you need to leave?" My hand tightened around hers. "I can help."

"No, you can't."

"Hindi na ako magpapa-opera. Just please stay with me," I pleaded again. "Dahil ito sa sinabi ko,  hindi ba? I'm not going to have that operation anymore."

"What?!" singhal nito. "Nahihibang ka na ba? Don't just decide then change your mind!" I winced at how her loud voice bombarded my ears. "You should decide for yourself!"

"The reason why I want to see right now is because of you then what's the point of seeing a world without you?!"

"Shit. You sound so cheesy." I bit my lips in embarrassment. "It's not like I'm the reason for your life, stupid.You go live your life and I'll go live mine."

I groaned and said, "Fine. Go and leave me. Never come back again."

Narinig ko siyang natawa. Ngayon ko lang napansin kung gaano kagandang pakinggan iyon.

"What happened to I'll be here always?" she joked while trying to imitate me. "Seriously Q."

Her laughter rang in the cold air as I silently listened to her.

"I'll love you," I mumbled and blinked a few times as I slowly realized what I said. It might've sounded different to her. "I will love you so you shouldn't leave," agad kong pahabol para hindi iba ang isipin niya.

Akala ko bibiruin ako nito dahil sa narinig pero isang malutong na sampal ang dumapo sa kabilang pisngi ko. Hinaklit din niya palayo ang kamay kaya napaawang ang aking bibig.

"I-I hate you!" she shouted and sobbed. Something banged, which could be the car door before I heard the taxi sped away. "Go to hell you idiot!"

Then there was silence.

"W-What did I do?" I mumbled in shock as it slowly sunk in. "She already left me?"

"Tsk, tsk. Q," ani Belmond na sa wakas ay nagsalita na. I forgot he's still here. "You should've just been honest with her."

"What?" Hindi ko maintindihan ang sinabi nito at inalala na lang ang pag-alis ni Wynfrost. "Geez. I'll miss that woman."

"You should've told her that."

Natigilan ako at napangiwi.

"Yeah, I should've."

~

I spent a few months in our family hospital after the operation. Klarong masaya ang pamilya ko dahil sa sinabi kong gusto ko nang makakita.

Nang dumating ang araw na dapat nang tanggalin ang bendang nakatakip sa mga mata ko, hindi ko mapigilang matakot.

What if I can't see again?

But that wasn't the scariest part of that.

What if I can't see her again?

But I need to do this as a step to live a better life. I need to believe I can see again.

I slowly opened my eyes and squinted at what looked like white space.

Unti-unti kong naaninag ang liwanag na nasa paligid, malabo ito at hindi ko masyadong alam kung ano ang nakikita. Then the colors swerved together as if blending and forming images.

I closed my eyes and tried opening them again. This time, the blurry figures finally came to shapes I could describe.

Ilang segundo ko na namang pinikit ang mga mata bago binuka iyon at tumitig sa sinasabi nilang salamin na nasa harapan ko. I blinked a few times as the things I'm supposed to see finally existed right in front of my eyes.

Una kong nakita ang sarili ko sa salamin na nasa aking harapan.

I look the same as always. I couldn't help but believe those jokes about our family being closely related to vampires. I don't look like a 30-year old at all. My shoulder-length pale blonde hair is now in a ponytail while some loose strands perfectly framed my face. My thick brows arched above my almond shaped eyes.

Bright brown, almost yellow. I nearly forgot how my eyes looked like.

Napansin kong mas tumangos ang aking ilong habang natural na rosas ang kulay ng aking mga labi.

Fuck. Wynfrost was right. I look like a girl.

"Q?" Mom asked. I noticed there were now wrinkles on the side of her eyes as she gave me a kind smile. Her blue eyes sparkled, a contrast to her ebony hair. "Can you see me?"

"Yeah." Tears formed on her eyes when I told her that. "You look pretty as always, Mom."

At tuluyan na siyang napaiyak.

"Kuya!"

"Q man!"

Halo-halong emosyon ang naramdaman ko nang makita ang pamilyar na mukha ng kapatid kong si Noren at ang mga kaibigan kong poging-pogi habang nakasuot ng tuxedo. Nakangiti ang mga ito habang may dala-dalang mga bouquet ng bulaklak.

"Welcome back!" sigaw ni Lan at humalakhak pero maluha-luha rin. "Mas gumwapo ako 'di ba?"

"You're gross," Spaise cursed him and gave me a prideful nod. "I'm more handsome, right?"

"Of course," I muttered so Lan gave me a dirty look while Spaise was making an awkward pelvic dance. "But my sister still married Lan though."

"Peste ka talaga, Q! Panira!" reklamo ni Spaise at akma pa akong babatukan pero natigilan din nang pumasok sa kwarto ang kapatid kong babae.

She gave me a smile and a thumbs up, then walked out without saying anything.

Kumunot ang noo ko at tiningnan si Lan pero nakaiwas ang paningin nito at nakikipag-usap na ngayon kay Avicii.

I gave Mom a questioning look and she smiled weakly.

"Relationship problems. I hope they can make it," she said while wiping her tears.

Napansin kong mayroon ding taong nakasuot ng white lab coat sa gilid na agad na kinausap ni Mom.

"Do you want to see what Wynfrost looks like?" Avicii and Noren asked in unison while the latter is holding up his phone. "I got a limited photo right here."

"And I have photos of you too while you're cuddling on bed, bathing in the afterglow of lovemaking!" sigaw ni Lan at ibinida ang kanyang phone na sa tingin ko'y limited edition na naman.

I shook my head while thinking about their suggestions.

"I'd like to see her in the flesh." Kumantiyaw naman ang mga walanghiya kaya natawa na lang ako. I eyed them once more and noticed that Hack wasn't there again. "Is Hack still secluding himself somewhere again?"

"Yeah, I bet he's busy with some games again," Avicii mumbled with a frown. "I envy that lucky walking game machine." That's true. That guy don't even need to try so hard in anything. "Anyways, won't you try to find Wynfrost?"

"Nah," I said with a grin as I remembered how she told me to live my life. "I have to live my life first and fix all my shits."

"Wow!" bulalas ni Lan. "Bagong buhay, Q?"

"Whatever you call it," I said with a chuckle.

"Hindi ko alam pero gusto kong masuka bigla," sabi ni Spaise habang busangot na busangot. "You all feel so in love," he said and looked at Noren and Avicii. "You reek of one-sided love affairs."

"Oh, shut up, ambassador of unrequited love," Avicii muttered with a yawn.

"Kuya Spaise, how did you know?" Noren asked, looking quite flabbergasted. "I never told anyone I like Ate Wynfrost."

Agad ko itong tinitigan nang masama.

This little shit!

"Oh, I like her too," balewalang sabi nina Avicii at Lan na ngayo'y iba-iba ang reaksyon. Nakangiti si Avicii habang si Lan naman ang nakangiwi. I wondered why Lan looked quite confused.

"Mga mang-aagaw!" bulyaw ni Spaise na para bang gusto nang manuntok. "Akin si Frost girl!"

Kinuha ko ang dalawang unan na nasa likuran ko at binalibag sa mga walanghiya.

"She's mine!"

At nagkantiyawan muli ang mga maiingay.

~

"Why did you want to talk with me?" I plainly asked Lan while giving him a frown. "Don't tell me you've gone gay."

"You're right, Q." The lunatic sighed dramatically. "I'm gay." I rolled my eyes at him. Wala pa rin talaga siyang tigil sa pagbibiro. "Kidding, man. Let's talk about Wynfrost."

Nagpanggap akong hindi apektado at binaling ang tingin ko sa paligid. Grandioso ang restaurant na napili ni Lan. The golden chandeliers lit up the fancy place. Pillars of marble stood tall while a glass dome ceiling was above, showing the dark night sky. Ivies decorated the walls intricately and a few flowerbeds were located near the Greek style fountain in the center.

"She would've liked it here," I murmured unconsciously. I'm sure she'll be excited to eat here with m—ah, fuck. I groaned when I saw Lan's maniacal grin. "It's a nice place to eat noodles."

"Sure, sure." He chuckled. "Did you know she used to hate such public places?" Kumunot ang noo ko pero tumango na lang din. "Did you know her favorites include cabbages, pechay, and noodles and her most beloved dessert is macaroon?" I didn't know about the dessert. My brows knitted at what he's trying to say. "Did you know she was bullied but was extremely violent? Did you know she didn't have real friends? Did you know she had a miscarriage? Did you know I love her?"

Nakita ko kung paano unti-unting sumeryoso ang mukha ni Lan. Hindi ko magawang tanggapin ang huling dalawang sinabi niya sa akin.

A miscarriage. And he loves her?

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion. "Why do you want to talk about her all of a sudden?"

He went silent for almost a minute, as if he was pondering on what to tell me first.

"She'll never return, Q." Naningkit ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. "When you let her go, if she's the one who iniated it, she'll never ever return."

"How do you know that?" I couldn't hide how confused and irritated I felt. "We're just giving each other space, Lan. She'll be back in no time. She even wanted to go back to Rondel a few months back so she'll definitely come for me." Hindi ko nagustuhan ang unti-unting pag-usbong ng pangamba sa loob ko at nag-isip ng ibang bagay. My mind went back to what Lan said a few seconds ago so I asked. "And what did you say about her having a miscarriage?"

Lan closed his eyes as he slowly massaged his temples. He looked equally pained and frustrated with his arched brows. He opened his eyes again and stared at me.

"I have to tell you from the beginning, Q," aniya. "I'm not in the position to tell you everything but she wouldn't come back. I just know it."

"Don't say that," I muttered with a frown.

"I have to explain everything on why Wynfrost left you, Q." Lan groaned and ruffled his hair in discomfort. "I know her. I know how her mind works."

Hindi ko mapigilang mapansin ang kakaibang tono ni Lan.

"Tell me one thing before I'll listen to you." Sumeryoso ako habang lumabas ang mga salita sa aking bibig. "Who is she to you?"

He sighed and leaned on the chair, his face flushing red.

I stared at him, completely dumbfounded at the rare sight.

"I love her."