C L O S I N G N O T E S

And so, this marks my fourth completed full-length novel, but wow this one was hard to let go of. Collectively, I think this is without a doubt my best cast of characters, and each one of them has challenged me in the best possible ways. This story has produced my favorite friendships (DALLAS/CHRIS/ROCHELLE FOREVER), morally gray characters who surprised even me with their character development (Anthony and Jordyn), and most importantly, the best story crossovers you will ever witness (for fucks sake, if you haven't read THE HALO EFFECT by now, what are you even doing with your life???). I'm actually tearing up writing this. I'm not ready to say goodbye, but here we are. Ending a novel feels like you're ending a relationship, but it breaks your heart in a way that you can't really explain. You have to be okay with giving that broken piece away.

Here are just some closing notes on the story I'd like to leave y'all with;

- The most important thing to remember is that this is meant to be realistic, contemporary fiction. That means nobody is perfect, people change and grow (for the good and the bad), mistakes have been made (some more severe than others), and not everyone gets away with a happy ending. That's fucking life.

- Concerning our main man; yes, we love him, and I will forever protect him like he's my actual son. However, it goes without saying that Dallas makes questionable decisions and actions throughout the story, especially towards the end. I wrote him purposefully to be a misleading, unreliable narrator, partly because he had been mislead in some instances (like not knowing what was best for him vs. what everyone expected of him) and then partly because there were times that he was so in denial that he didn't know something that he was doing was wrong. He's an 18 year old boy who was made to feel invincible, but what happens when you're made to feel that way is you think you can do whatever you want and your actions don't have consequences. Dallas unfortunately learned that the hard way.

- In regards to Kaia, she was not meant to be the "bad guy" in the end, she was genuinely only doing what was best for her, and I made several hints at how she was going to handle it all throughout the story. While her ultimately choosing to end her relationship with Dallas was a factor in his final meltdown (and truly being the only person to call him out on his shit in the end), it would have happened at some point anyway - Dallas was already on his way to rock bottom. I know some of y'all wanted them to be endgame, and depending on how you interpret the epilogue, they might be, but again...who's to say??

- I don't consider this story a "romance" even though there are romantic scenes and feelings - the story itself is about Dallas and how his actions affect himself and those around him. This story was incredibly character-driven, and this is the first time I've written a story like that. I also was very adamant on highlighting several social issues in sports, particularly football, that are rarely - if ever - addressed in contemporary fiction. Firstly, the way we treat star high school athletes versus other students in the school, as well as how male versus female athletes are treated. Secondly, pain management in football. The US has a serious opioid and painkiller problem right now, but football players are regularly pumped with painkillers that only mask their pain - not heal their injuries - just so they can continue to play, which can lead to serious addiction problems.

- As a society we're finally taking mental health issues seriously, and while there are a lot of positives, there's still a lot we need to talk more openly about, specifically mental health in young men. Only 16% of males outwardly express concerns about their mental well-being or seek out help, and the number of college level and professional athletes specifically are even less. The toxic masculinity narrative among male athletes needs to stop, but we also need to stop perpetuating it as observers. We're doing good, but we still need to do better.

Yes, I write for fun, but I also write with purpose. This is life, right? There's not always happy endings and sometimes the universe does not course correct. You then need to choose what you do after the dust settles and things do not go the way you want them to - you can move on or you can let your past haunt you. As for Dallas? He'll move on. He'll get better. He'll find a new path to follow. I promise.

Please feel free to share any and all final thoughts, feelings, questions, etc on the story - I'd love to hear them!

A C K N O W L E D G M E N T S

The biggest and most obvious thank you goes to my writing soulmate Sar (w1ldflow3r), who's actually become one of my real life best mates, the person I FaceTime first when I'm drunk (and vise versa), the Gemma to my Savannah (ifykyk) and my emotional sounding board for almost everything I do. Genuinely about 1/4th of this story wouldn't even exist without her, and you should all thank her for the gift that is Chandler England.

The other major acknowledgement (though he'll never see this) is to my husband and his high school football teammates, who were the direct inspiration for Dallas and his friends - both the good and the bad. One of those friends visited us recently, and we were all talking about the bullshit they got away with and the shenanigans they got into in high school, all while still being almost unstoppable as a football team - they did in fact go on to win the state championship. At one point, he said "someone should write a book about us." And I had to keep a sly, knowing glance to myself. There's a lot of little things in this novel that have been directly inspired by stories I've heard about my husband's high school football team - some of them great, and some of them not so great. But alas, his friend was right - it made for a great fucking story.

Finally, I love and appreciate every single one of you that's made it all the way to the end. You have my whole heart. Thank you ❤️