I sigh as I glance at the altar I have in the corner, inconspicuous. An altar to Ares made by a pagan who wants to join the military but is too young. I sigh at the thought, I'm also in the wrong country which translates to 'I'm more scared of joining my military than being in the crossfire' which should be a statement on it's own, I'm scared of the police because they have no authority and will stand back if I'm killed. The curtain blows in like a breath and my eye is drawn away from the altar to my yoga mat where I begin my sit-ups and push-ups.

My breath stutters as I lay a red petal on the flame as sacrifice and watch it burn, saying a muttered prayer to Ares for help, my relationship with the gods is weird: I see Ares as a guide and the rest as almost second thoughts though I respect them all. The flame of the candle flickers and I smile, small shows it is then I think as I head to the front and start my cartoons.

I wake up to another day and go through my routine, tying my hair into a bun and doing my push ups and sit-ups before changing into my school uniform and head to the car. Too unsafe to walk still. I'm not in 12th grade and almost 18 years old in the middle of November, another month and I'll be legal to join the military, army in particular as I'm sure I told you last year. My altar still stands with Ares my main patron and I'm still not out to anyone besides my friends but they like to ignore it completely and hate it when I talk about it.

I keep quiet through the car ride to school and once we come into view of the school I spot my friends and raise a questioning eyebrow to my mother, soon we're nearly hitting my friends with the car and my mom and I cackle. We'd never hit them actually. I get out still giggling  "hey" I greet my friends and they all hug me before going back to their conversations like I'm chopped liver though I take no offence since I'm a quiet girl though I do hear one of them mutter about trying to find a stripper at career day.

Great. I sigh as we head to the hall to see many many many booths set up with as many career choices piled into one room as possible after wandering for a few hours and talking to a few people, I head to the wilderness reserve and grab a pamphlet to leaf as I walk a few more hours until I see it. A single booth, covered in camo but with 4 symbols and pamphlets stacked high, nobody pays the booth or the person in full military dress any mind but I march forward with determination, I will not be shot down because I'm a girl, even by a soldier, which yes I can tell he's army, uniforms differ duh. 

I grab a pamphlet and leaf through it right then and thee, a curious stare on me from the soldier and the giggles from my peers as they take in the "skinny" "weak" girl leafing through military pamphlets "may I help you?" the soldier asks and I slowly look up from the pamphlet "no sir, yes sir,maybe?....if you don't mind answering a few questions" "I don't mind if you let me ask some and you don't need to call me sir" he answers and I nod "you first" I say indicating to him with the pamphlet.

His gaze drops to survey me in my school uniform, green dress, green pull over and jacket even in this weather "You interested in joining?" he asks and I nod "it's always been a dream of mine to join the army and I guess this is the first time I've got a chance" "well we are the US military, only here for display" "that's sad, I turn 18 in a month" "you would join now?" "well yeah, I don't want to go to this country's military" "understood". We stand in silence before I shake my head "how is it for the women in the military? Any different? A lot of negativity?" I ask as my first question and he steels himself before he jumps in shock.

I take a mental evaluation: twitchy fingers when scared, permanently in parade rest, captain stripes, right fingers twitch to empty holster. I allow myself to smirk slightly "Not really, a lot of guys accept the women as our own and see them much as little sisters" "15 MINUTES!" the intercom yells and I glance at the soldier to confirm "here" he says handing me a phone into which I rapidly type my go-to-fake-name and number and meet my friends which immediately notice the massive smile on my face as I text.

Wave: when does your unit leave the country? Is there any way I can enter the army from here?

Soldier: The US army is not allowed to help in the immigration process but I could talk to my C.O for you

Wave: That would be great thanks

I expect the conversation to be over at that and I slip my phone into my pocket until it beeps loudly as I exit the school gates

Soldier: My turn

Wave: sorry but it's already dangerous enough walking home without a phone in my hand

Soldier: Stop there, tell me where you are and I'll walk you home

I gulp, I really want to talk to him but he could be a rapist

Soldier: That's an order

Wave: Front gate

He shows up a minute later with a bag and slings it over his shoulders, I shoulder the other one just to  prove I can and since I didn't have a school bag today, he only raises an eyebrow at me and I smile before taking off in the direction of my house in my version of walking which is speed walking "do you always walk this fast?' he asks, not winded but surprised "yeah, old habit" I say without any elaboration on how I used to get bullied.

He walks beside me and I consciously match his footsteps into the all-too-familiar-left-left-left-right-left-march, he seems impressed. It takes us an hour to get to my house which we spend talking about the army and I greet him at the gate.

2 days later I get a plane ticket to the USA and a VISA in the mail with the name "soldier" as the sender and the name "Wave" at the bottom. I sacrifice a rose to Ares on that day because he helped me become who I am and I lay the pamphlet on his altar, saying a quiet thanks in gratitude.