Funeral homes always got me. They looked so homey and inviting and perfect, but they were actually the most dreaded, hated places in the world. Here, people said goodbye to their loved ones. Forever. More tears were shed here than anywhere else. More heartache.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. All around, people crying, talking in low voices. Frank and Anna had been in their early 30's. In the prime of their lives, with a growing family. They deserved to watch their children grow up. To take them to Disney World. Not this.

I breathed out and made my way to the line, where people were waiting to pay their respects. Because Lin and I had arrived together, he was right behind me in line. The only thing that made this worse was having to be here with him. I would never forgive him to what he'd done to my brother Andrew.

At least he seemed to get the message that I wasn't interested conversing with him other than what was absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, that would be happening a lot more now. We'd be connected for the rest of our lives now because Alexandra and Jack would link us.

Things hadn't always been this way. We'd been fast friends on the set of Hamilton. Our friendship was easy and full of laughter. I had even wondered if we might eventually start dating, once the show had ended. But then it had happened. Andrew left his heart on the floor when he auditioned for Hercules Mulligan with the Chicago cast. As the creator of the show, Lin had a hand in everything. He still liked to make casting decisions for every production.

Lin had met Andrew before and seemed impressed by him. Things seemed promising. One night when we were hanging out with a group of friends, Lin offered to walk me home. He was drunk off his ass. He'd leaned in to kiss me, but I wanted no part of our first kiss being a drunken one. I moved out of the way and I could tell he was hurt. Andrew's audition was a day later. I always felt in my gut that the reason he'd turned Andrew down was because I'd rebuked him.

His presence behind me irked me as we moved through the line of mourners. After a half hour, we reached the front, where Anna's parents and Frank's sister stood. They were a mess of course. I offered my condolences to them and Lin followed suit. We then took our seats for the ceremony.

Afterward the ceremony and burial, we hung around because we needed to touch base about the children. They were Alexandra and Jack's only living family left, after all. As the guests slowly trickled out, Lin and I waited in a sitting room on separate couches. Lin called Joey to see how the kids were doing and everything was fine.

Anna's mother walked over, looking heartbroken, and gave me a long embrace. "I can't believe they're gone," she sobbed into my shoulder.

"I know," I sympathized. "It was a shock to everybody. I'm so sorry."

Lin shook hands with Anna's dad and Frank's sister and had a quiet conversation. Anna's mom pulled away with tears in her eyes.

"How are Alex and Jack?" she asked.

"They're doing fine," I told her. "I don't think they really understand what's happening."

"Poor things," she commented. "Can I see them?"

"Of course," I said. "Do you want to come down today?"

"We have our van so we load their stuff in pretty easily," she mentioned. I stopped for a moment, realizing she thought the kids would be going with her.

"Ummm...their will said the kids would actually be staying with Lin and me," I told her gently. She looked confused.

"Why would it say that? We're their family, not you," she said. Lin had wrapped up his conversation and we were all forming a circle now. He stuck his hands in his pockets. I wasn't sure how to approach this. The reason Anna and Frank didn't want their kids going with their grandparents was because they didn't agree with their beliefs or they were alcoholics. How could I put this delicately?

"I'm not sure why," I told her. "All I know is that's what's in their will. Lin and I share custody."

She looked at Lin, almost disgusted. "But you two aren't even married," she said. "How would that even work?"

"Well, we're still working out the details," I admitted, looking to Lin for help. "For now, they're staying with me and my son."

She just stared at me and then let out a disgusted sound. "They need to be with us."

I didn't know what to say and froze. Luckily Lin stepped in.

"Jennifer, we all want what's best for the kids," he said. "Anna and Frank decided being us was what was best. I can't tell you why, but that's their decision and we need to honor that."

"Easy for you to say," Jennifer quipped. "I think we need to discuss this more."

I looked at Lin, feeling my heart pounding. Were they really going to challenge us on this? Their will was clear.

"We're happy to let you come visit as much as you'd like," Lin said, stepping away and putting a hand at the small of my back. "But we plan on sticking to their will. I'm sorry for your loss. If you'll excuse us."

I gladly walked away as Lin followed a step behind me. I could hear them murmuring as we left. We made a quick exit out to the parking lot, where our Uber was thankfully waiting.

"Well, that was awkward," Lin commented, looking out the window.

"Tell me about it," I agreed. "Do you think they're really going to challenge us on this? I mean, the will is very clear."

"They wouldn't have a legal leg to stand on," he reasoned. "The will left the kids to us. I don't know if they can get visitation rights or what. I'll need to check with my lawyer."

I sighed and nodded. "Speaking of lawyers, do we really want to get them involved in this? I mean, can't we share the kids civilly?"

He looked at me, studying me for a moment. "I can be civil if you can be civil."

"Of course I can be civil," I told him. "What arrangement do you think makes the most sense?"

"I don't know," he said. "Maybe every other week? I don't like the idea of weekends and every other Wednesday like you hear about."

I nodded. "That sounds do-able," I said. "When should we start?"

"Maybe give them a couple weeks with you to get adjusted," he suggested. "And do visits to my place so they get used to it."

I held out my hand and we shook. "I think we've got a deal."

____

The Uber dropped me off first, and I walked in to Elliott's music blasting. I definitely wasn't in the mood. I knocked on his door and he turned it down. After changing out of my funeral clothes, I collapsed on the couch in my sweats, ready to binge Netflix. Lin would bring the kids over later.

Elliott walked out and sat on the other couch. "Mom?"

"Yeah," I answered tiredly.

"You said we needed to talk about Homecoming," he said tentatively. "Can I go?"

"What's your science grade?" I asked him.

"C+," he told me.

"We agreed you'd bring it up to a B- for you to go to Homecoming," I said.

He rolled his eyes. "Come on, Mom. It's almost a B-."

"But it's not," I pointed out. "How about your other classes?"

"I don't know," he said.

"Then pull up your account," I told him. He sighed and got his laptop from his bedroom. He signed into MyHunter, where we could access all his grades. They were worse than the last time I'd checked.

"Elliott, there's no way you're going to that dance with your grades like this," I told him. "These are horrendous."

"Mom, that's not fair!" he countered. "Dad told me yes."

"Well, Dad didn't check your grades," I said, standing up to get a drink. "I'll call him."

He let out an annoyed growl and stormed away, slamming his door. I let my fingers come to my forehead in frustration. I'd had a horrible day, having to attend the funerals of two good friends, then my son is being difficult. Tears pooled in my eyes and I let myself release. I cried.

My phone rang and it was ring. I should've just let it go to voicemail, but I picked up in case it was about the kids.

"Yeah?" I asked, trying my best to mask my voice.

"You okay?" Lin asked me.

"Great," I said humorlessly. "What do you need?"

"Alex seems to have a slight fever so I need to go pick up some children's Tylenol or something," he said. "I thought we could head out and come to your place a little early. I could pick up some take-out on the way over?"

"That sounds great," I said, not feeling like cooking at all. I told Lin what I wanted, then texted Elliott to ask what he wanted. I was over my son for the evening.

I got up and got a glass of wine, ready to drown my sorrows.

Almost an hour later, Lin walked in with Alex and Jack. Joey had probably had enough of them for the day at this point. He set all the food on the kitchen table and we both busied ourselves getting the kids settled. After Alex was set with her food and I'd heated up a bottle for Jack, Lin and I sat down with our own food.

Elliott wouldn't make eye contact with me as he came and grabbed his own food gruffly. Lin said hi to him and he just grunted.

"Rough day?" he asked, shoving a couple french fries in his mouth.

"His grades are ridiculous," I confessed. "I wish he cared half as much as Joey does. I told him he can't go to Homecoming."

"Joey's super excited about it," he said. "She's going with a bunch of friends."

I was secretly a little jealous of how well Lin and Joey seemed to get along. They had an easy way about them, and a funny banter back and forth. She was very intelligent, like her father, and I think they enjoyed debating with each other. Her mother was smart as a whip, too, but apparently their relationship was strained. That made me feel a bit better.

"Would Elliott be interested in babysitting Friday night?" he asked.

"He'll be playing in the game," I reminded him. "But if he doesn't improve his grades he's off the team."

"Maybe Joey could tutor him," Lin offered, and I chuckled.

"I don't think either of them would enjoy that," I said.

"True," Lin agreed.

I think Lin I could tell I was physically and emotionally exhausted because he took the lead with bath and bedtime. I was grateful to have someone else to help me. After he'd read them a story, I came in to kiss them both goodnight.

I wandered back out to the living room and found the wine.

"Want a glass?" I offered Lin.

"Sure, why not," he said. I grabbed another wine glass and poured. Lin and I both sat on the couch, away from each other. He was looking relaxed, back in jeans and a t-shirt. His hair was pulled back in a bun, which I grudgingly thought was kind of sexy.

I must have looked pretty pathetic because Lin said, "Are you sure you're okay?"

I looked over at him and he had concerned eyes. Those eyes used to do me in. The way his eyebrows crinkled when he was concern. The way they slanted up when he was laughing. Making him laugh always felt like a small victory and it had been a daily goal of mine back when we were friends.

"Just a tough day," I told him, not wanting to elaborate. He couldn't be trusted. He nodded in agreement.

"Well, if you ever need to talk I'm here," he offered. For some reason that really got to me.

I was feeling mean. "You're about the last person I'd want to talk to."

He furrowed his eyebrows but didn't say anything.

"I don't know if I can ever forgive you for what you did," I told him honestly.

He sighed and leaned forward on his elbows. "Pippa, I've apologized I don't know how many times. Your brother just wasn't right for the part. I'm sorry he tried to commit suicide, but that's not on me. That was the mental state he was in."

"Oh, and it had nothing to do with the fact you tried to kiss me a couple nights before? When you were drunk?"

He looked away for a moment, as if trying to remember. "That has nothing to do with it," he made eye contact with me. "Absolutely nothing."

"Bullshit," I said, standing up from my chair. I walked back to the kitchen, annoyed, to fill my glass. "Your ego took a blow and you couldn't let me win. You knew it would hurt me."

Lin stood up, following me with his glass. "Pippa, I would never want to hurt you."

"Well, you did," I told him as I poured myself yet another glass of wine.

"And I'm sorry," he said, sounding sincere. His eyes searched mine and he looked pathetic. Like a puppy dog. It was hard to stay mad at him. "I wish you'd let me back in so I could make it up to you."

I sighed and looked down at the base of my wine glass, twisting the stem in my fingers.

"How about I start with taking the kids all day tomorrow," he said, setting down his wine glass. His hands found mine, holding them. For some reason, I didn't pull away immediately. "You can have some time to yourself."

"They're a handful," I pointed out.

"I can handle it," he told me confidently. "We'll have a great time. You go to the spa, take a bubble bath, have lunch with the Schuyler sisters. Whatever you need."

I grinned a little at that. Jasmine and Renee were still two of my best friends in the world. I had to admit his offer sounded nice.

"C'mon," he urged me, squeezing my hands. "Don't be stubborn just this once."

"Fine," I smiled, chancing a look at him. His face lit up and he smiled back. Not fair. Lin tipped his wine glass back and set it in the sink.

"I'll head out now then," he said, grabbing his jacket. "Should I come by around 9?"

"Sounds good," I told him, watching him slip his shoes on.

"Great," he said, reaching for the doorknob. "Good night."

"Night," I almost whispered, then the door closed behind him. I locked it behind him and let my body rest against the door. Why did feelings have to be so complicated?