The dreaded day had arrived.  I was moving to Chicago.  Over the weekend I had packed up most of my clothes.  The morning I was leaving, a Monday, I packed up the last of it.  Pippa had done my laundry the day before so everything was fresh and ready to go.

I'd said goodbye to Elliott that morning before he had to go to school.  They were holding my place in case I came back.  Hopefully I'd be back.  Tearfully, I hugged Alex and Jack goodbye.  They were too young to understand what was happening.  Pippa would stay behind with them while Dad took me to the airport.

I wheeled my massive suitcase out to the living room along with my backpack.  I sighed as I balanced it by the door.  Pippa was cleaning up in the kitchen, trying to stay distracted.  Finally it was time and there was no avoiding it.

"You ready?" Dad asked me, and I nodded.

Pippa walked around the island and held out her arms.  I stepped into them, wrapping mine around her middle.  She swayed us back and forth a little as we hugged for a long while.  Now that I was leaving I realized how awesome Pippa was.  She and I got along way better than my mom and I.  She was an awesome 'stepmom', though that wasn't what she was officially.

"You call or FaceTime anytime you need, okay?" she said, smoothing out the ends of my hair.  "I'm gonna miss you so much."

I fought back tears as she hugged me tight again.  Dad took my suitcase as I readjusted my backpack.  Then I followed Dad reluctantly out the door.  We got a cab to LaGuardia and Dad got me all checked in.  Since I was a minor, he was allowed to go with me to the gate to see me off.  He bought me a soda and some pretzels at a stand and I sipped and pecked at them while we waited.

Unfortunately there was no delay.  It was weird sitting there with him.  It was nice still being with him but there was this awful dread hanging over us.  We tried to talk about a few things, but the conversation wasn't really natural.

Since I was a kid I could to board first.  Dad and I walked up to the counter and the ticket agent scanned my boarding pass.  We stepped to the side and Dad didn't even try to hide the fact he was crying.  I started to break down as he hugged me tightly.

"I'm gonna fight for you, okay?" he said tearfully.  It was rare that my dad cried so it was unnerving.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," I told him through my sobs.

"Me too," he said.  After a couple minutes of hug, he pulled back and lovingly played with my hair as he looked at me.  "Stay strong and be nice to your mom, okay?"

I rolled my eyes and we both knew he didn't truly mean that.  If she was expecting us to have some mother/daughter bonding time she was sorely mistaken.

People were filing past us, looking at us sympathetically.  I wiped at my eyes after we'd hugged one last time.  Dad kissed my forehead and I reluctantly walked away.  I found my seat easily and just pulled my knees up to my chest.  This was the worst day of my life.

The flight was fine and on time.  Mom was supposed to meet me at the gate at O'Hare.  I let everyone else get off first.  I was in no rush to start this new life of mine.  Finally, I was the last one.  I got my backpack and slipped it over my shoulders, then walked out slowly.  I reached the gate and there was Mom.  She smiled and waved at me.  I just stared glumly and walked over to her.

"I'm so glad you're here!" she exclaimed, pulling me in for a hug.  I let her, but didn't hug her back.  "How was your flight?"

"Fine," I mumbled shortly.  "I need to use the bathroom."

I quickly ducked away into the nearest bathroom and locked myself in a stall.  I tried to focus on just breathing.  After a few minutes I felt like I had myself together again.  I went to the sink and splashed water over my face.  After drying off I walked out and found Mom again. 

She chatted to me, telling me about a restaurant she'd found near her house that she think I'd like.  It made me crave New York pizza.  I grunted responses when she asked me questions on the way to baggage claim.  Mine came out quickly and Mom lugged it off the belt.

She got us a cab and we went back to her place.  She wheeled my suitcase back to my new room.  All my stuff from her place was here, set up for me.  At least that was familiar.

"Well, I'll leave you some time to get settled," she told me, clearing her throat awkwardly.  "Let me know if you want help unpacking."

She gave me an awkward hug and I again didn't hug her back.  She needed to know how pissed I still was about this.  I pulled out my phone and texted Dad that I'd arrived at Mom's safely.  He texted back that he already missed me terribly.  It made me tear up again.  I'd cried so much today.

I collapsed onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling.  The plan was to just stay in here as much as I could.  I had no interest in exploring Chicago or trying out restaurants with my mom.  I would go to school and do what I was asked, but that was it.  I certainly wasn't going to enjoy myself.

After a while I was hungry and needed to pee, so I found the bathroom and went to the kitchen to get a snack.  Mom looked up at me from where she was sitting on the couch with her laptop.  I looked around a bit for the first time.  She'd gotten unpacked and settled pretty quickly.

Mom had gotten in some of my favorite things.  She was usually pretty strict about what I ate, but she'd gotten in Oreo cookies, fruit snacks and soda.  I grabbed some potato chips and a soda and was about to disappear to my room when Mom stopped me.

"Come sit," she requested, setting her laptop aside.  "Let's talk."

I sighed and reluctantly joined her on the couch.  I popped open my soda and opened the bag of chips, glad I at least had some junk food to cheer me up a bit.

"I know this is hard," she began, "But I think you'll like it if you give it a chance."

"I'm not going to pretend to be happy to be here," I told her bluntly.  "I pretty much hate you right now."

She looked down and nodded.  "Well, I hope that can change.  This could be a new start for us."

"I don't want a new start," I told her, standing up.  "I liked things how they were."

I grabbed my soda and chips and stormed back to my room, slamming the door.  I pulled out my cell phone and immediately called Elliott.

"I miss you so much," I cried to him.

"I miss you too," he said quietly.  I pictured him laying on his bed, his room a mess as usual.  We talked for almost an hour and it didn't feel like even a few minutes.  Pippa was hounding him to get started on his homework so we reluctantly hung up.

School.  I'd have to figure out where to go to school here.  Mom and Dad made enough to send me to a private school if they wanted.  I'm sure Mom had already started looking into schools for me.  I dreaded being the new kid.

Mom and I went out to dinner at the restaurant she said she thought I'd like.  It was pretty good, but I didn't eat much.  She tried to start up a conversation several times but I wasn't biting.  I was going to make this hard for her.

"So," she said as we dug into our main courses.  "We need to figure out somewhere for you to go to school.  Are there certain things you're looking for?"

"Yeah, that they're in New York," I told her.

She ignored my comment and went on.  "I asked for some recommendations and have a short list.  A few public schools, but some private as well.  I have some tours set up for tomorrow and Wednesday."

"Great," I said sarcastically.

"I'm sure you'll do great wherever you choose," she said.

We spend most of the rest of dinner silently.  Mom paid the bill and we walked home.  I went straight to my room and messed around on my phone, texting with Elliott and some other friends.

Mom had taken the next few days off work to help me get settled.  We had four school tours on Tuesday.  I reluctantly went and didn't try to fake being enthusiastic about it.  The schools all seemed fine.  I didn't care enough to have much of opinion.  If everything went according to plan, I'd get to go back to New York.

Mom was walking on eggshells around me.  There was none of the usual arguing and bickering.  She was on her best behavior and I was too bummed to do much arguing myself.  This was my new reality.

___

A couple weeks passed and I felt like I was in a daze.  My mom picked Walter Payton College Prep for me and I said that was fine.  I got enrolled in classes but I didn't sign up for any extra curriculars.  I just wanted to go to school and go home, keeping my head down.

I was down.  Really down.  I missed my dad and Elliott.  I missed my friends.  I missed my school.  I missed New York.  Mom was concerned about me and kept trying to get me out of my funk.  This was all her fault and I wasn't going to make it easy for her.

One night as I was doing homework, Dad FaceTimed me.  I accepted it and offered a small smile, but my heart was still heavy.

"Hi sweetheart," he greeted me, smiling.  I could hear Alex and Jack in the background playing.

"Hi Dad," I answered quietly.

"How are you holding up?" he asked me as he took a sip from his Hamilton mug.

"Fine I guess," I told him, though we both knew that wasn't true.

"Are you?" he asked, looking concerned.  "Your mom says you barely come out of your room."

"No I guess I don't," I told him.  "I have no desire to do anything."

He was quiet, studying my face.  His eyebrows were downturned at the corner.  "Sweetheart, I wish you'd join some clubs at school to start to make some friends."

"I don't want new friends," I told him.  "I want my old friends."

"Joey, I know it sucks to be away from home but you can't keep going on like this," he told me gently.  "You need to snap yourself out of this funk."

I had lost my drive and energy.  Oftentimes I'd come home and take a nap after school.  I slept a lot on the weekends.  I was usually a workaholic but I was just putting forth the minimal effort at school.  I still made A's but I wasn't wowing anybody.

I sighed, waiting for Dad to go on to something else.

"When do I get to come home again?" I asked.

"Your next break from school I guess," he said.  "I should book you tickets soon."

Dad asked me about how school was going and what sightseeing I'd done and what my neighborhood was like.  I responded with as few words as possibly.  I could tell Dad was concerned about me.  We wrapped up the conversation and said our I love yous.  We hung up and I was alone in my room again.

I'd never felt so alone; so void of hope, and I didn't see any end in sight.