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That hunch, that deeper feeling that something has gone wrong or is going wrong has to be the worst feeling one can go through. Even though I was at work, all I could think about that someone needed me and I am not around that someone. I pick up my phone and dial the one number that's on my list these days-- Grandpa.

"Pick up, Dadu." I mumble raising from the chair, already rushing out of the door. Glancing at the clock-- 2:39pm, I dial Advik's number. Grandpa's health has continued declining since our engagement seven months ago. He doesn't even leave the bedroom now, attached with oxygen machines that he has tried to get off of many times. Sahil, Suhana and Advik hasn't seen the light out of that bedroom since a month now. Sahil skipping his law school and Advik-Suhana missing out on their training at Mehr.

When even Advik doesn't pick up, I race. Knowing the elevator will take hours, I run down the four floors while informing my driver to keep the car ready. With my heart in my hands, I enter the car and dial the house number of Sahdev house, when this one is missed; my body gives up.

"No. Stop over analyzing, Falak. They must be busy. Dadu must be... he must be sleeping after his medicines and that's why everyone around him put their phones on silent. Even the house phone this time." I try breathing in and out a couple of times, while thinking who to call. The only thing that I am grateful of today is how easy it is to drive, little to no traffic that gets me to Sahdev-Mehrotra house in twenty minutes.

When the watchman looks at me with sad eyes, I lose all the last bit of hope in my heart. It takes all my energy to not fall down my knees and cry. When my steps are slowed down, my driver comes to my side and helps me in the elevator. He stays with me in the elevator as I cry silent tears, already knowing what I will probably walk into.

Howling. I walk into Sahil howling.

"Ask your idiot daughter to answer the call, Papa!" Sahil shouts and I hear it even when I am still outside the elevator. It takes me a moment to understand what's happening. There's almost ten unknown people inside-outside Dadu's room, Sahil is in the room but his voice is booming on the entire floor.

"Just check the machines, Rao." Rudra uncle's lashes out at the doctor.

"There's nothing to do with the machines, Rudra, his organs are shutting down." 

"I don't know any thing. Make him breathe, Rao. Make. My. Bade-Papa. Breathe!" Rudra uncle bellows. I take my first steps closer to Grandpa's bedroom. Tears already soaking my clothes. Watching Samyak Uncle sitting beside him, holding his hand and watching him fight for each breath, that's all it takes for my knees to buckle and my body to give up.

"Suhana! Call. Her." Sahil says, his voice breaking down as he finally stops moving and just walks to Grandpa's side where Advik and Suhana are already cocooned. "M-Me--Mehr..." I hear Dadu breathe out her name.

"Mer--e... S-Shai d-di Sh-eaaa..." And the hand that's moving over not only those three in his one side and two in other side falls down, but also the hand that was shielding all of us... god snatches it away in one heart beat. All it takes is that one moment for Samyak and Rudra Uncle to be orphans, Avni and Shika Maa to no longer have any in-law, and Advik-Ahaana and Sahil-Suhana to have no grandparent.

And no one to call me Doll or that the only good thing his shaitan bacha Advik has done is get me.

In one moment, the man who became my grandfather more than my grandfather ever could... all it takes is one moment for god to take away our angel.

•–•

Nothing makes sense, I just sit at one place and watch the strongest and bravest people cry their hearts out on loosing their most precious soul.

"Abhi badepapa baithe hai mere.." Rudra Uncle used to say to Samyak Uncle whenever they would have a fight. To watching him prepare himself and his best friend for his Bade-Papa's last rites. Advik and Sahil do whatever that is asked from them as their eyes stay on Grandpa's body that now lays lifeless in the living room, their tears never stopping.

"Dadu.." Suhana sobs, wrapped in my arms. Yug, his parents and my parents making sure that everything is ready for Dadu's last journey.

•–•

The first night after Grandpa's passing is the hardest. Everyone sits together mourning him, holding each other. Only Sahil, Advik and Suhana stay locked in Grandpa's room. I don't know how they spent the night in the room which used to be filled with life to the brim but tonight lays lifeless. But they do, all three of them in his room. Probably whispering to his soul the agony of their hearts.

Rudra Uncle and Samyak Uncle sits silently staring at nothing but making sure to be holding each other's hand; their tears now dried but the pain in their eyes telling stories of how broken and helpless they are. The sagging shoulders, as if yelling how alone they feel at the moment after loosing their last parent. They have been through this three times already but that doesn't make it easy, I guess this ones the hardest since Grandpa was the last hand that kept them blessed from their birth to now.

It is after the third day ritual that Samyak Uncle calls out Suhana and I, bringing all our attention to himself. "Hood has booked both your tickets to London. Ahaana ke pass jaiye... use phone par batana thik nahi hoga. She has been calling non stop on everyone's phone since last three days." Samyak Uncle forwards us the tickets. {It won't be right to inform her of this over call.}

"I don't wanna see her." Suhana mutter getting up from beside me and walking away. I spot Yug, before I can ask him to check on her; he nods at me and follows her.

I walk to Samyak Uncle and reach for his phone to check the flight details, the device is snatched away from both our hands. "No one's going anywhere, there's no need to tell strangers what's happening in our house. Use koi farq nahi padta kisi ke jeene yaa marne se, toh koi jarurat nahi hai use kuch bhi batane ki!" Sahil says bitterly, sounding gruff from all the nonstop crying. The most words he has spoken since last three days. Samyak Uncle just huffs out a short quick breath before opening up his palm, letting his eyes do all the talking; asking for the phone from Sahil. {She doesn't care whether anyone lives or dies, so there is no need to tell her anything.}

"She didn't pick up the calls, Papa. He would have left so much more peacefully only if he had, just once heard her or looked at her." Sahil keeps the device to himself, sounding helpless and sad at the thought of those last moments.

"He was only calling for her in his last times. You might dislike her as much as you claim to, Sahil, but Ahaana has been special to him since she was born. If we don't deliver the news of his passing as gently as possible to her, he will be furious." Samyak Uncle asserts, trying to be gentle but with the way it makes Sahil clench his jaw, I'm assuming he's failing at it. Of course, he doesn't want to hear; she was Dadu's favorite grandchild. Was?

"Ahaana ka apne DaduJaani par utna hi haq jitna aapka, Advik ka aur Suhana ka hai. You can't take this away from her, Sahil. She deserves to mourn and bid him bye as much as you do." Avni Maa murmurs softly., walking to her son; tears starts running down Sahil's eyes. He shakes head as he starts sobbing like a little baby for the nth time today. {Ahaana has as much right on her grandfather as you, Advik and Suhana have.}

"I'll... I'll never forgive her." He whispers in his mother's arms.

"But he holds nothing against her. Your grandfather has been nothing but the proudest for what his little one was achieving sitting oceans away. Do you want him to visit you in your dreams and beat you? Are you missing your Dadu's flying slippers?" Samyak Uncle sweetly teases his son, rubbing soothing hands on Sahil's back as he softly chuckles between his sobs on what his father.

Dadu used to beat Advik and Sahil with his slippers and they loved it. The guys used to say 'chittar pade matlab Dadu's best blessings are with us'. It was a flex between them, a competition. Each day they would try to be chaotic just to irritate Dadu to the lengths of leaning down to pick the slippers and aim at them. The idiots would then also criticize Grandpa's aim.

"When she comes, she won't come in front of me." Sahil warns his mother pointing a finger. "I don't wanna see her or speak to her. Ever. She means nothing to me and never will." Avni Maa agrees to whatever he says immediately.

My eyes move to Shika Maa , Advik and Rudra Uncle; all three just silently witnessing this whole exchange of Sahdev family, never saying anything. Never speaking up for their daughter. Ahaana truly has ruined things for the worst by not picking up calls that day. I don't know just how she will handle not only Sahil but also her own family. I send a quick prayer to waheguruji to give her immense strength and courage. She better have a great --out of the world-- reason for not answering Sahil's call that day.

•–•

We reach London Heathrow Airport at 6:30am. Our hotel was booked in the area near to Ahaana's college so after booking a cab to the college we decide to first visit her, not having the patience to check in and see her later. Suhana stayed mum throughout the journey, I still haven't told her that I have been in touch with Ahaana all these years. I don't know how badly she will take this especially after she was forced by her parents to come with me.

The one hour and some minutes drive to the college feels too long and too scary. I don't know what will be Ahaana's reaction after none answered any of her calls since past four days. She has always been aware about Dadu's health so I'm guessing she already connected the dots. She did wish to visit Grandpa last month but he denied knowing that she has exams and he didn't want her to miss out on those since it was the final semester.

"Advik told me..." Suhana breaks the silence, I look away from the maps which say we are only some minutes away from her dorm.

"Hm?" I look at her confused. "He told me that Ahaana has been in close contact with you." All the water drains from my face, I feel it layer by layer peeling off. The smile on her face, a hard blow to my gut.

When I stay silent, she continues, "the very next day that he walked in on you talking to her." I don't know what to say. I don't know if I had to justify myself. Perhaps, I do need to but I don't find the words to do so.

"And I get it... you know, I get why she did what she did and I probably even get why you decided to never tell me about it but I'd be brutally honest, it did hurt me a lot. It still does to this day." She takes a moment to herself, my own eyes moisten when I see her trying to blink her tears away, "Since then, I have never felt like I belonged to either of you. For her, I was probably forever the sister of the man who in her eyes broke her heart and for you, best friend of your fiancé or even worse sister of your fiancé's best friend."

"No, Suh... you have never been that." I cover her hand with mine. "I wanted to tell you so many times, so so many times but I was scared of this. These tears in your eyes, I thought one day she will contact you and that day I'll tell you. I didn't know things will turn out this way." I slide closer to her, my heart continues breaking as the tears from her eyes never stop.

"You have been the girl whose friendship meant to me more than I could ever describe. Ahaana's friendship, I received it as a gift of loving her brother but you... I craved for your friendship. Teenage Falak only ever asked for one person's validation, Suhana Sahdev's and when I finally got it, it meant the world to me and it still does."

"The only reason of never telling you was I never wanted to hurt you, Suhana. I knew this would and that's why I kept it to myself. I couldn't ask her to not contact me because then I'd always worry about her well-being. When she called me the first time, I wanted to come rushing to you but I just couldn't when I found out that she wants none to find out that we are in touch. I am so sorry, Suh." She threads our fingers together giving me a smile, but it sure doesn't reach her eyes.

"I'm glad she had you." Suhana whispers just as the car stops, I look out of the window to see we are at our destination. The driver takes out the luggage and paying him, we head to search for Ahaana-idiot-Mehrotra.

"Suhana." I hold her wrist before we step into the building, she faces me. "I know nothing I say or do will makes this better, I also know how hard it must have been for you to speak to me about this now even when you knew of it since years. I just want to say that the only reason for never telling you was because I didn't want to in anyway rub it in your face. I know what she means to you, little devious Suhana showed that to me quite early in our friendship..." I chuckle a little at that which makes Suhana give me 'please, I apologized for it so many times' face.

I continue, "and that was the only reason. I knew this would hurt you really bad and I didn't want us to go back to our younger days. I value our friendship more than anything and didn't want to ruin it at any cost. I also had immense faith in that little evil thing to reach out to you but that silly goose dropped that faith in the Arabian sea."

Suhana chuckles pulling me in her arms, "not the Arabian sea, she dropped it in the Thames River." Suhana adds and all the fear that was instilled in me as soon as this topic was touched by her, flies away. I hold her for a moment longer than she likes but I still do and also give her a kiss on the cheeks which she wipes off making faces.

Oh! Just how much I love this woman and her gentle side. Yes, this is her gentle side. She at least let me put that kiss and be in her close vicinity, Suhana hates physical touch. Even of her parents.

She's also allergic to Sahil breathing near her let alone touch her.

"Let's go set that goose straight." I say trying to take the trolley bag from her but she swats away my hand. Giving her a 'suit yourself' look, I start walking. We decided to only carry one bag and she hasn't let me hold it even once. Just because I'm tiny and she's some 1.5 inches taller than me, she thinks she's all hulk.

We stop outside the one door that probably will be opened by either a unknown face or a known turned unknown face. This time when Suhana reaches out to hold my hand, I let her and even tighten it a little before raising my hand to ring the bell. We hear someone coming near slowly. With each step nearing the door, my ears ring a little louder, mouth going dry a little more and heart thudding a lot harder. Suhana squeezes my hand when we hear the latch inside turning, I feel the warmness of both our palms joined together; doing nothing to our cold fingers.

The door opens.

She opens it.

Ahaana Mehrotra.

Before I have the chance to take her in, her face turns sideways with a loud smack sound reverberating around all three of us. Eyes wide open, I look at Suhana. Her jaw clenched and nose turned red in utmost fury.

"You fucking bitch!" Suhana growls loud enough for only us. I take a second, wondering which one I have to check up on first. Ahaana who probably got slapped by someone other than Sahil for the first time or Suhana who looks ready to repeat it.

"What the fluff?" Ahaana finally mutters coming out of the shock, I look at her from Suhana. This time when I look at her, I see her. Clearly. For the first time in three years. The video calls doing no justice to the changes that time and stress has brought in her.

Her brown eyes seeming lost between dark circles, lips dried and chapped like she hasn't had drop of water in days. Hairs short. Like really short. It physically hurts me to see her in shoulder length as I'm well aware of the fact that the only thing she likes and actually makes an effort for are her hairs.

My eyes trail down her body, taking in her shape. Still as thin as ever but at the same time seeming more womanly due to the fullness of chest and toned thighs. Thighs... the white gauze wrapped around her upper thigh brings all my attention to it.

"What happened?" I ask, reaching out to touch it. From the corner of my eyes, I see even Suhana's attention moving to her thigh; her eyes stop glaring for the first time since she opened the door.

Ahaana's doe eyes continues jumping between Suhana and I. "What... what are... d-doing... he...re?" Her eyes jumping from Suhana to me and when her nose twitches, I know tears will soon run out. The mere thought of her crying and the reason behind our sudden visit to her, wells up my own eyes.

"Fa--lak... Da--Jaani... wo... theek?" Her words are all jumbled as she steps near me, when I don't reply and look at Suhana who seems ready to bawl eyes out herself, Ahaana's sobs turns harder.

Ahaana's cold fingers wrap around my wrist and all hell breaks loose. I shake my head slightly, sniffing, but also trying my best to hold myself together for her. It obviously doesn't work, her hand falls down from mine and she starts walking backwards, shaking head before falling down on her knees; crying her heart out. The white gauze on her thigh turns red; both Suhana and I rush to her.

"Ahaana... no." Suhana yells trying to tug out her thigh from under her. When she manages to get it out, Ahaana's head falls in my chest. Her cries echo in the room.

"Ahaana!" A woman comes sprinting to us. She looks at us, wide eyed before pushing Suhana and me away; taking Ahaana to herself. "Who are you?" She yells pulling Ahaana to herself.

I try to speak but Ahaana's loud wailing turns my attention back to her. "Da.. da..Jaan-niiiiiii." Ahaana screams, breaking apart in her roommate's arms. Suhana and I sit back on our knees beside her. Watching her heart shred in pieces.

"Da-Jaani? Your grandfather?" The roommate looks between Ahaana and us, confused. Suhana wipes her tears away, sliding near Ahaana. "Are you from India? You guys are her family?" She asks and when I nod at her, she lets Suhana gather Ahaana in her arms. She tries to shush her. Ahaana suddenly howls loudly and scratches the white now turned red gauze with her finger.

"Ahaana!" I scold, caging her wrist. The roommate leaves us alone before coming back with some water. "She'll pass out." She whispers forwarding the glass to me, I nod at her in gratitude. Suhana holds her face, I take some drops of water and rub it on her lip. When her pupils focus back, she looks at me, still crying. Her nose blocked, making it hard for her to breathe. Her face wet with tears, sweat and drool, she continuous sobbing.

Suhana sits on her haunches, pushing her hands under Ahaana's thigh. Understanding what she's doing, I help her take Ahaana in arms. Ahaana's roommate shows us her bed, we make her sit on it; keeping her legs stretched out.

Ahaana's roommate comes to us with a first aid kit. "We'll have to check if she ripped open her sutures." I agree to her and move away, making space for her. Ahaana seems ready to pass out any moment with the continuous weeping so Suhana sits with her, trying to soothe her a little while her own tears hadn't dried yet.

But that's what Suhana does best-- caring for her loved ones, even when her own heart ruptures.

I focus on wound. When the girl --don't know her name yet-- unwraps the bandage, my heart thumps down in my chest. The angry red long wound on her thigh with sutures--so many sutures-- some of which are now ripped open. It looked like her entire fucking thigh was ripped open. "What in the world did this girl go through?" I ask the girl, taking out some cotton and wiping the gushing blood from near the wound. My hand shivers as the wound becomes clear.

This woman is scared of injection. How did she go through this? How did this happen? How did she even get it treated without any of us with her? Did she even get it treated?

"She did." I blink away the tears and look at the girl. "You said it all out loud." She mutters opening up her hand in front, when I continue looking at her, she takes away the cotton from my hold.

"How did this happen?" I lowly ask her, my eyes flicking to the girls who are now whispering. Suhana whispering to Ahaana, and her finally listening to Suhana even though the sniffing and tears never stop.

"She fell down on the platform outside her dance class building. On a spike. Hit her nose first which probably gave her a concussion. When she tried to get up, she pushed the spike further in her skin." I hiss, insides squeezing in pain like I'm the one who went through this. "It took her more than twelve hours to wake up. I was scared beyond anything, it was the longest she was passed out for. I even called Sahil but he never picked up." I look at her in more shock than confusion at the mention of Sahil. She knows Sahil?

"Sahil?"

"The only contact I have from your family." She replies, her actions slow and gentle as she works on disinfecting the wound and I make sure to not look at it. I can't look at this without thinking of the excruciating pain she must have went through.

I focus on what she said. The hope that had flared down under the three year long trauma, rushes back like hot lava in my heart, "Why only Sahil? What did she tell you about him?"

"She said and I quote, 'if any day I'm on my deathbed, call this mother-fluffer; he'll be the happiest.' But I somehow understood that there's deep love hidden under that tiny layer of hatred and I have to call him if some thing ever goes wrong." She smiles, more like grinning, making me realise that he's the one; Ahaana has talked about the most with her and that just rests my heart in utter calmness.

She asks, 'Is he here? Do you want me to get him permitted in the room?" I wish.

"No. It's just the two of us," I look at Suhana then back to her, "Can I please know your name?"

"I'm Olivia. You must be Falak?" The accent in which she says my name has to be the cutest accent, I have heard someone call my name in.

"Yes. How-- How do you know?"

"Oh. I know everyone from your family, I only have the contact number of Sahil." She states, carefully dressing the gauze around her thigh before putting back the things in the first aid box. I give her my hand to help her down the bed.

"Our work starts in thirty minutes, do you want me to inform our employer she won't be available today?" Olivia asks, her hand moving to Ahaana who's nestled in Suhana's arms; on verge of sleeping with all the crying. I look at Suhana, quizzed, when she nods; I tell Olivia about the same.

"There's not much available in the room currently. Do you guys want some coffee? I'll ask my friend to drop off some for you guys." Olivia asks, walking towards her bed and picking up her phone. I walk to her to keep my voice low.

"No. Nothing. Thankyou so much for all this though. And really sorry for coming in unannounced." I hold her hand but she amazes me by pulling in me in a hug. "I was actually aware of it, she told me long back that her family members can drop in anytime." She chuckles breaking away our hug.

"Her classes start at 10:30am, make sure to wake her on time. It's Mr. Dylan and his classes are the ones we both never miss." She throws a little wink at the end making me chuckle. I close the door after waving her bye. Suhana meets me near the door, away from her bed where she's asleep.

"What do you think we should do?" Suhana asks looking around the room. Ahaana's side is neat and well maintained while Olivia's side looks like it went through a cyclone.

"Why is she living here? I'm pretty sure she gets enough funds from the families to afford an apartment." Suhana looks at the walls which seems to be closing in on us with each second.

"I don't know." I mumble walking to her. She lets me out my head on her arm.

"I still can't believe he's no longer here." Suhana whispers. The mere mention of him, wells up my eyes.

The tears starts to run down like they never stopped, because in real they never did. Even when our eyes dried, our heart continued sobbing and hurting; longing & grieving for him. "Neither can I. He would have been so happy to know we met her, we saw her." Suhana hums in agreement.

We stand there. For how long? I don't know. But we do stand there for a long while. Our eyes full of tears and heart full of agony. They say there are five stage of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This might be in order for some but for us, it's different. Each one of us, are on different stages right now.

Sahil is angry at god for taking away his grandfather, his best friend.

Suhana and Advik have gone silent. Their tears dried and eyes stuck to that one room in Sahdev house.

The parents seems to have accepted whatever happened, moving on to now handling their kids and helping them mourn properly, whilst breaking inside themselves.

I'm still bargaining to be woken up from this bad dream.

Ahaana is in denial and maybe she's going to be in this for a long time. She might take the longest time to reach to the point where she accepts his passing.

But, all of us... together are one on that one stage: mourning. Mourning the loss of him with each of our breaths and thump of heart. Yes, I do know that very soon he'll fade into our memories. We'll forget his voice, the feel of his warm hand over ours. The sound of his laughter. The depth of his eyes. But what will remain, is the void of the relationship we shared with him. The person, that we were only with him.

I am Bugu for three people in my life but Doll, I was only Doll for him. Advik is Advu for many, but shaitan but samjhdaar bacha he was only for his grandfather. Samyak Uncle is Uncle to me, father to Sahil and Suhana but son, he was son only to him. Rudra Uncle was Roo only for him. Ahaana was Mehr only for him. Suhana was Chiku only for him. Sahil... he was Shai only for two people and both left him.

I have always believed that for light to come through after the passing of a loved one, one must wrap themselves in the cocoon of mourning and tears, to let the acceptance come by. When you reach the stage of acceptance you fully mourn, your heart accepts that now is the time to live the memories of the person who will only live in your memories... fading memories. Ten years down the line, when someone names Rajveer Mehrotra, we'll probably smile thinking of him. But some months from now, when Samyak Uncle writes his name, he'll maybe take a moment to himself. Perhaps even walk away to be alone to cry a little thinking about his father, but these tears, they won't last forever. We'll properly mourn his passing, accept the void left in all our chests and then smile at his mention some years down.

For now, we'll grieve him. Grieve the kind of person we were with him, that left with him. Grieve the empty room left behind which was full of light, laughter and blessing.

Now to take his blessings, we'll not walk to the room but to the smiling photo. For advice, some wisdom and to solve our uncountable silly fights, we can't run to him. We'll have to sit alone, remember him and ask him to show us way.... give us a sign.

"Falak." Suhana calling me, brings me out of my thoughts. I blink my eyes to push the tears back, looking up at her, "we should wake her up." I sniff, nodding head. We both clean our faces, take some breaths before heading to the bed.

Suhana carefully & gently wakes her up. The moment her eyes open and she looks at us, everything rushes back to her. She starts sobbing this time hiding herself in my arms. Together we three, after three long years, let the truth wash over us once again. We'll never see him, touch him and hear from him ever again.

Holding each other we cry and cry and cry some more. Finally calming down after the tears run dry but the heart stay heavy. We store the heavy heart away, for yet another moment of grief.

After staying mum, letting our feeling run through each of our cells, Ahaana breaks the silence. "Is that why he called me that day?"

"Hm?" Suhana asks, confused.

"Your brother. Did he call to inform me about..." Ahaana trails off, not voicing the words out loud. She's far, far from accepting this.

"He...he actually..." When I notice Suhana's trying to not soeak of the matter clearly, I bring the conversation to me, "Grandpa wanted to speak to you." I tell her the truth.

Ahaana tries to calculate the time and days, "But you said it's the fourth day today then...."

"He wanted to speak to you one last time. He knew his time has come and the last thing he asked for was to talk to you. Sahil called to make his last wish come true." I reveal the entire thing, no use hiding things when she makes stupid decisions based on those half stories.

"Sahil also didn't cheat on you, Ahaana." I continue.

"Falak! Shut up. Not now." Suhana glares at me.

"Then when? We have already lost so much time and Grandpa, at least let me do the one thing he wanted-- see them together." The times I am angry can be counted on finger. Those times are rare and right now, that rare moment is now.

"What do you mean? I saw... saw him. With my own eyes!" She roars out the last part, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Yeah. Half assed thing! You saw bullshit!" She pushes away from me, I leave the bed; towering over both her and Suhana. "Start asking for explanations, Ahaana, and when someone offers it himself, fucking take it! That man hates lying in general, why would he lie to you?"

"We'll talk when you walk in on Advik hugging another girl. Shirtless." Ahaana screams.

"How dumb can you be?" I shake head, she looks furious. Good. "If he was cheating --which he wasn't-- why would he do it in open? Ever thought that? Why would he do it where you can catch him, idiot!?" The frustration I had caged in me for years comes through.

"He didn't cheat on you! He was helping the girl." All three of together exhale shaky breaths, I lower down my tone, "that girl --whose name is Zahra by the way-- she fell down that night, stumbled on something and broke her heels. Even her top slipped down, some boys were laughing at her, making nasty comments. Sahil was out there, getting flowers for you when he saw it all happen and helped her."

"Why would he kiss and hug her then?"

"I don't know, Ahaana! Probably to calm her heart down that she's safe and secure, that no one can hurt her. She seemed pretty scared even the day we met her. It was a traumatic experience for her as it might be for every girl." I throw my hands up, frustrated out of mind.

"We have the camera recordings if you want to see." Suhana cuts in.

"IF? I'm going to shove those recordings down her fucking eyes." I mumble looking around to spot my phone. And I do exactly that. I look for those recordings and show her the entire thing.

The recording starts with Sahil running out of the society gates and to the florist some steps away. At the shop, he handpicks the peonies and gives instructions to the florist on how he wants them. While the bouquet is in process, he turns around to look at whats' happening behind him. The boys laughing and whistling, giving high-fives as a girl falls down and struggles to get up with the broken heel. The florist calls Sahil, he takes the bouquet and stands for a moment watching the scene play out, waiting for her to get up. But when he notices her top slipping down, he runs to her.

Sahil moves towards the girl while unbuttoning his shirt and upon reaching her, he spreads it over her; give her hand to help her stand up. He talks to her and she bursts into tears so he puts his hand over her shoulder, and pats it lightly. The girls clings to him, crying harder. Sahil says something to her before lightly pressing his lips to her crown. He makes her sit down in the waiting car and sees her off before running in the society shirtless.

The recording ends.

Ahaana gasps, her eyes widening and face twisting in 'what the fuck--fluff have I done?' This idiot better start packing up right away.

She exhales a shaky, deep breath, her voice quivering, "Why didn't he say anything?"

"He didn't say anything? He didn't say anything?" My voice booms up a notch the second time that I repeat the words. A humorless laugh escapes me. No wonder she's Advik's sister-- stupid! She should have done graduation in idiocy instead.

Oh! She already has a PhD in that department.

"Falak calm dow--"

"Chup!" I warn Suhana, she literally keeps a finger on her lips.

"Did you even see his face after your epic runaway? Did you give him a chance to say anything? Like anything to you? No.. right?" She continues looking at me wide eyed, her nose moving as she sniffs, I know she's ready to bawl any moment now and for the first time in so many years, I feel nothing for her.

The flashbacks of how... just how Sahil has survived these three years runs through me like a movie. Him taking not a day at a time but a second at a time. Him just sitting and staring at Grandpa's phone because she calls only him. Him just gazing at the family pictures on the wall and how he broke all three photos of her that were in the Sahdev house the night Grandpa passed. I see not her tears for the first time but only the lost smile on his face, the hidden tears in his eyes and the Sahil I have known for years bygone in the body that lives with us.

I take a huff of breath, "because you believed the insecurities roaring in your head more than the man who devoted his whole freaking life to you. The man who time and again proved how wrong your inhibitions were when it came to your relationship with him. The man who you have grown up with and you know he wouldn't do that to any woman, let alone to you for whom he takes every breath for." I slump down in front of her, drained of all the emotions running through me, and watching the guilt, the pain evoke in her eyes.

"Ahaana... yaar, despite loving you so much, how did you not give Sahil a chance to explain himself even once? How can you not trust his love yaar? His words? The eyes that poured love on you whenever they turned to you? How can you not give the one person a chance to explain himself, express himself who has only showered you with love? He's a stupid bully for me and Yug. Snarky for Advik and Suhana but for you, only for you his eyes only showcased kindness. How can you not trust your Shai?? How?" I start getting frustration, at her, the time; the misunderstandings. My heart felt like it will never be whole again as it pierces for these two lovesick halfwit buffoons. Such infuriating creatures!

Like I already assumed, she breaks down. Yet again. This time I let her; not making a move to shush her. Shai.

Grandpa's Shai-Mehr!

The moment I think of Grandpa, I mentally give narrowed eyed looks to him whose probably sitting right beside us and shaking head at me. He didn't come between this conversation just like that. He's reminding me that his Mehr is his favorite grandkid and I'm making her cry, when I promised him I'll never let Sahil or anyone ever do that.

Okay, fine Dadu!

I know I should have approached this topic in a gentler way, but the past few days have been so emotionally wrecking that the stupidity spewing out of this tiny thing of Sahil's was my breaking point. I see Sahil being sucked into this deep dark pit everyday which seems that it would engulf him whole and do some irreparable damage and here this girl is questioning why he didn't tell her. The fucking incredulousness?

The tick of the clock can be heard somewhere in the room, with Ahaana sniffling as she lowly breaks down; more on the inside than outside. She reaches out for her phone and searches 'Shai' but finds nothing, her fingers hover over the screen before she searches for another name 'Cheater Sahdev'. The next sound that comes is of my hand smacking her forehead.

"FALAK!" Suhana shrieks, pulling Ahaana to herself. Ahaana slides her lower lip out making me roll eyes. "Laga bhi nahi usko." I look at Suhana. She's the same woman who slapped her so bad the first time she saw her in three years. I just lightly smacked Ahaana's forehead, and she's yelling like I broke her nose or something.

Ahaana ignores us and focuses on dialing the number. It never connects. "The internet might be off." Suhana says.

"Or he might have you resting in the blocked list." I add in which makes Ahaana's eyebrows squint. How offended she looks, na? Her fault and she still looks like he's the one who did her wrong? These Mehrotra's are taking too much advantage of their naive, innocent looks.

"He'll never block me." Ahaana mumbles, trying again. I notice even his profile picture ain't showing. I pull out my phone and look for his contact, his picture with Grandpa, Advik and Suhana appears.

"Oh but he did." I wave the picture in her face.

"Falak. Stop being so mean." Suhana glares at me, snatching away my phone.

When Ahaana sits with nothing but her eyes lowered down to her lap--like she's meeting us for the first time or like we are some strangers. Suhana picks up her chin, making her look at herself. "Why didn't you ever call me?" The words are lightly breathed and my heart squezzes for her all over again.

Ahaana looks back down in her lap, tears drop on the blanket her legs are covered with. "If I did, I'd lose."

"Lose what?" Suhana's voice breaking as she quietly questions.

Ahaana looks at her, the gathered tears of her eyes running down on her cheeks, "this battle of heart and mind."

She sniffles before continuing, "If I ever heard your voice, I'd leave everything and run back to you because my soul was suffering way too much in this cold without you by my side for the first time in eighteen years. Because stepping in the classroom without you was too hard, having lunch without you was hard, waking up without you was hard, breathing without was hard and existing without my soul sister by my side was the hardest . If I heard your voice, I'd drop everything and rush back to you and I didn't want to do that because my heart was way too broken and despair."

Her words make me cry, obviously Suhana starts bawling hugging her. For the nth time in the last three hours of us stepping in this room, we three shed tears together. Again and again, till the sun dawns.

•—•

Suhana and I stay in London for three days only because we had to be back home for Grandpa's twelfth day ritual. When Ahaana informs us that she's not coming with us, even though I wanted to drag her back with us by her damn hair; Suhana stops me. She shows me the Ahaana we have lost in Ahaana. Maybe forever.

The same evening her friend Ellie and her boyfriend Killian meets us. Even though, it's not enough but after knowing Ahaana has them, somewhere calms us down. She stays with us only for that one day, the next two days we just wait for her. Ahaana's day starts at 5am and ends at 12am. She's doing two jobs; one from 6:30am to 11am as a barista in the near by coffee shop and the other from 4pm to 7pm as a waitress. She never tells us about that, we get that information from her roommate Olivia. Then she has dance classes from 8pm to 10:30pm--which is an hour away from her college, dorm and work places, she commutes through public transports which take her almost an hour to come to the room; fix herself a peanut butter sandwich which she calls dinner.

Suhana has enough waiting on the second day itself and she ends up going through Ahaana's stuff. She finds only eighteen pounds on her and some transport passes. Her morning breakfast and dinner are the same, a peanut butter sandwich. No idea what or if she even has lunch. Watching her live like that, the third night Suhana makes her call off from her work and dance classes and takes her out to dinner in an Indian cafe. She then ends up going through Ahaan's phone once she's asleep and finds that she has money in her bank account but the statement shows no transactions --other than amount getting credited every month-- in over an year.

We realise that it's her punishment for herself. Not using what the family sends and living like this. Suhana wanted to question her about this but I stop her not wanting to make her more miserable than she already is after knowing about all the things regarding Sahil, Grandpa and hustling like this. Even though we wanted to ask her so much, we can do nothing other than leave some cash under her pillow and fill her food drawers to the brim on our last day before our flight; also making a mental note to deliver her things each month anyhow. Ellie, Killian and Ahaana drops us back to the airport and we return back to our country while a huge part of both our hearts stays back. Yet again.

What will I say to Advik? Sahil? Shika Maa? Why didn't we bring her back when that was the reason we were sent there?