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I was wrong, so very wrong. I thought things were getting better. But the day I found Advik sleeping in Ahaana's room with Sahil and Suhana, I knew things were far from getting better. Life will never be better without Ahaana in it, especially for these three. With Dadu's declining health, entry of two Siberian huskies so Sahil stays busy to even sit still for a moment, Suhana busy with college and stepping into the new phase of her life--dating Yug; I slowly felt the friendship & love fading from my life. The only good thing was that the elders of the family got back together. Samyak Papa and Rudra Papa sorted out, so did Rudra Papa, Grandpa and Shika Maa.

The families were broken after the doctor said that the age is getting to grandpa and not slowly, the time was chasing him. But for me, the belongingness slowly started to evaporate without the relationship via which I was stepping into the family—Advik. Suhana, Yug and I still made sure to hang out as much as possible but Sahil and Advik, I lost bits and pieces with them each day. I was nearing end of my six year relationship and ten year old friendship with my nemesis.

After Ahaana got admission in the fashion college, Sahil stopped to even stand the conversation mentioning her. After we found out that she has planned to shift to the dorms, moving out of Kashish Aunt's; her families freaked out here but it was Grandpa who made them all understand why it was so important as she spent hours commuting in public transports.

Advik and I started having fights because he hated how I tried to make him understand that what Ahaana did was right. She needed to stand up for herself and I'm proud of her for doing this for herself. He hated it when I showed him the truth behind my words and told him about incidents where she was hiding away from all of them because she needed to breath alone, or keeping alarms to wake up late at night to eat her favourite junk or to just jump on the couch and touch things as she preferred. She would tell me all about what she did the night before and it would break my heart that she cannot do the littlest things as someone is always making sure she's safe.

She hated it. She used to be so angry but she had to keep it in herself, I could see fire burning in her eyes every time Suhana, Sahil or Advik did things for her without letting her try. She loved them to her heart but when they would try to be her 'bubble wraps' it pissed her off.

It's been ten months that she's not here. Ten month of not being able to hug her, braid her hair, help her with school which would be now college work if she was here. Ten long months of miserable life. Sahil spends his time locked in the flat where Coco & Oreo (his dogs) live if he's not at the college or at the library to prepare for his entrance test exams. Initially, Sahil was going to visit her on her birthday, he did board the flight but he returned taking the next flight from London. Without meeting her because he just couldn't do it.

"Falak! Look at this." Suhana shakes me out of the trance, I blink my eyes to focus at what she's pointing, saree. "Nope." I say, popping the 'p'.

"But why? I have never seen you in a saree." Suh whines.

"Because I'm sure I won't look good in one." I reply making sure to keep my voice low, my mother, Avni & Shika Maa rummaging through Mehr's latest collection, which is yet to be released. Perks of being family to the Mehrotra & Sahdev's? I guess.

"Falak, if you don't like this we can checkout the western collection." Avni Maa says moving between the aisle of the clothes. We are currently in the Mehr workplace, looking for my farewell outfit which is tomorrow —I have been busy—and I am more than just late. Yug, Sahil and Advik are already done with their tuxedo shopping, while I'm still confused between Indian or western. Pretty or bold.

"This one?" Shika Maa takes out yet another saree and waves it in the air to show me. "Wow!" Both Avni Maa and Mumma gushes, heading where Shika Maa stands with the Saree. I look at Suhana to see her already wiggling eyes at me with a bright smile, I shake head and start walking towards the mothers.

"What are you guys doing here?" Advik's voice makes me snap my head to the entrance, I stop walking. More like freeze. His eyes settles on me for a moment before moving towards the mother's as he walks in. His eyes bloodshot, as if he spent the night crying; I look away.

"Selecting farewell outfit for your bird." Advik calls-- used to call me 'bird or birdie' in front of the families, the 'bugu' name only for the two of us like he promised.

"Oh." He nears me, our eyes meet; throwing a hand on my shoulder he starts walking us to the mothers and Suhana. I know it's all only for a show. We're only for a show.

Last night.

"Falak baby, your driver's here." The house help calls behind me as I'm walking into Mehrotra house. I stop and turn to face her. "Didi, aap bolo unhe baithe wo, I need some more minutes." I smile at her, when she leaves; I walk into Advik's bedroom.

I'm at the door when my phone rings, looking at the name on the screen I steal a glance around before answering the phone. "Hello." I whisper heading into the bathroom.

"FAL-ak!" Ahaana starts with screaming but then ends my name in a whisper, I smile knowing someone must be around her. She's still in the college. "Hey princess." I greet her.

"Remember I told you about that design I made? The one we had to stitch ourselves?" She tries to make me recall, I hum, feeling the joy in her voice spreading in my heart.

"That outfit is going to be a part of the New years' fashion week in my college. I'm going to doll up a model in the outfit I made from scratch, like a designer." She giggles and I can imagine her jumping in joy. My heart warms up instantly, her achievement, her happiness feeling like it's my own.

Advik, who I have been waiting for hiding here walks in then. His step halt momentarily at seeing me on the basin counter.

I focus on the call, "I'm so so so happy for you, Aahu." I say, Advik turns the tap on and starts splashing water on his face. He came here to use the toilet but since I'm sitting here he will face wash first.

"I know Bhabhi, you're the only person who is. Thankyou so much for your support. I don't know if I'd ever have the courage to do what I'm doing if not for you." My best friend mumbles, Advik pats the towel on his face; I tug him to me with his shirt collar. He never meets my eyes, the clenching jaw shows that he's not happy.

"I love you so much Ahaana. I'm so proud of you." Like I always, I make sure that she knows I'm very proud of her and so in awe of her. "I love you too, Falku! Okay, I gotta go for my next class, talk to you later." We cut the call and I put away my phone.

"Kyu muh fula hai?" I tug him more to myself, making him stand between my legs. He looks at me like it's chore to even do so. It irks me but I keep the annoyance down.

"Why are you not happy with your sister's growth, Advik? Why can't you look past that one decision of hers?" I almost beg to him to see things through my eyes like I have been doing since last ten months.

I continue, "can't you see how happy that turned out for her? She's doing so good for herself, doing things I'm sure she would never do if she was still here. Why can't you see that the person who went from here heartbroken and the person she is right now is skies apart. When I am so proud of her, you should be jumping in excitement cause she's your baby sister!" I cup his face, caressing his jawline over his beard.

"Tu hai na sabke hisse ka khush, toh rah." He grumbles holding my wrist and removing from his body. Before he can leave, I hold the shirt from his shoulder.

"Kya hai yaar? Sirf isliye narazgi ki I'm good to her?"

"Dekh Falak--"

"Bugu." I cut him off.

He glares hard, "Falak. You have many things to do, such as getting ready to meet the man your grandfather has chosen for you. So you stay busy with that. I'll handle my brat of a sister and everything else. You focus on your arrange marriage." He brushes my hand away and walks away. I sit still, repeating his words in my head.

My grandfather? Arrange marriage?

I sprint behind him. He stands near the bed, unclasping his watch and belt. His back to me as I watch him fidgeting with the shirt buttons and then in the next moment he holds the collar, tugging hard; the buttons fly. The light sound of the buttons falling on the floor makes me move.

I move to him and turn him around with his elbow, "Advu." The moment I see his eyes, my heart shatters. Tears running down those favourite eyes of mine in the world, pierces my heart, pain clawing at my throat.

"Tu jaa na yaar. Why are you holding yourself back for this mess?" He moves his hand up and down at himself, his voice husky with the crying, I cup his face as my own eyes well up.

I cup his face, brushing his tears but more of them keeps coming, "Advik...what are you saying yaar baby? Aise dil mat todo yaar mera."

He steps away from me, my hands fall down by my sides. He rubs hands on his face, sniffing, "your grandfather wants to marry you as soon as possible and I'm not going to be able to give that to you in I don't know how long." Our eyes meet and I see the heartbreak his next words will cause before he even utters the words.

"Your father called Dad, you're meeting some guy next month when he returns from USA. You're going to meet this guy, Falak and know him, alright? I'm not making you wait any longer because there's no way I'm getting married without my fool sister by my side. And I don't want to hold you back from the love, the happiness you deserve." The way his words kills me, I wish I was dead way before I had to hear him say these words.

"What do you mean?" I feel the shiver in my hands, the way my body weakens, already sensing what's coming next. "You know what I mean." He makes sure to not meet my eyes, his hand fisted and jaw clenched.

"No, I don't; so make it clear to me, Mehrotra, what the fuck do you mean!" I grit out angrily, stepping closer and grabbing his collar.

"I don't want anyone to find out that we... we are no longer together. Your grandfather allowed you to join office so you can just tell my families that you no longer visit because you're busy there. By the time they know, your ro--roka or maybe--"

"Shut the fuck up, you fucking arsehole!" I shove him with all my strength, he falls down on the bed. I breathe fire, tears continuously running down my eyes as my heart clenches in agony.

"You don't get to make decisions for me! Who died and made you king? You don't want to stay with me? Fucking FINE! Enjoy your single fucking life!" With tears running down my eyes, I leave. I leave the room of the one person who's my entire world, with my broken heart and teary eyes; a parting gift from him for loving him with my whole existence.

"Falak. Where are you lost?" I blink the welling tears away, focusing gaze on Shika Maa. I clear my throat, 'nothing' I shake my head, pulling a smile. His mother looks between the both of us, as if she could sense something's not right here. I bring her attention to the saree.

"Saree is definitely not for me, Shika Maa, my back rolls shows and I hate that." I cleverly try to step away from him, he allows me to.

"Those are the sexiest thing on your body, nahi Advik?" Suhana grins at her best friend, I peek up at him to see his eyes already settled on me.

"I was just here to check up on some work as per your husband's order." He motions at both Shika and Avni Maa, before taking his foot back, "you guys have fun choosing outfits." Without waiting for anyone's response, he leaves giving my mother a kiss on her head.

I don't watch him walk away. Not having the energy to cry again. My eyes refused to watch him walk away, so my tears blurred my vision.

The mothers push me to try on the saree and I end up loving it on me. Shika Maa gives my measurements to the head masterji and asks him to get the blouse ready in by tomorrow early morning. Suhana shows them the design and stays back to work on it alongside Masterji. I bid bye to Shika and Avni Maa and head home with my mother.

In the evening, it's just my grandfather and I at home. Gathering enough strength, I go to his room.

"Haan Falak." Dadaji looks away from to the bellowing news anchors on the tv to me.

"I-I wanted to talk." I take steps into the room from the threshold. He says nothing, only waiting for me to speak.

"I know you're looking for rishtas." I start off, he raises an eyebrow like I'm offending him by having this conversation.

"Humare ghar ki ladkiyaan aise besharmo ki tarah khud ke rishte ki baat nahi karti." He comments, turning back to the screen, brushing me off.

"Dadaji, kya meri jagah Arya hoti tab bhi aap uski shaadi kar dete at my age?"

"Not again with this topic. Why are you so jealous of that little girl?" He shakes head at me.

"Dadaji, she's schooling from Bangalore, staying in hostel. Something you denied to me when I wanted to do my graduation from Delhi. I'm four year older than but she gets permission for things I can't even imagine, why?" He stays mum, I continue, 'Bachpan se lekar aaj tak maine aapki sab baat maani. I wanted to study from Delhi but you said no, I never complained. I wanted to be comfortable in my house, but you didn't want me to wear shorts, I never did outside the four walls of my room. I wanted to learn how to drive car, you said no; I didn't. I wanted to do learn dancing, you said no. I listened to whatever you said since I was eight.'

I stop to take a breath but he speaks before I can, 'I just allowed you to join office.'

"Because you knew you would arrange my marriage and I would be gone in a few months. You thought this through!" I throw my hands in frustration. Done with what chaos my life has been. All because of this one man.

"I have immense respect for you, Dadaji but if you take this choice away from me, I will never forgive you. I will always hate you for forcing me into such huge commitment. I can not. At least not at this point." I join my hands together, bending my head down and begging, 'Please Dadaji, don't take away my remaining bits of life. Let me have some time to myself. Please.'

When he stays silent for a long while, I give up. Huffing out a tired sigh and controlling my tears as much as I can, I move towards the door. "Okay. I won't invite Raman's family. I will make some excuse but I'm giving you only two years, Falak. I would love to see my eldest grandchild married before it's my final time." I slam the door after hearing him.

"Don't worry. Evil like you don't die so soon, it would need many bad soul's sacrifice before it's your time." I mumble storming to my bedroom.

Locking it carefully, I turn the lights off and dive into my bed. Never even reaching for the cell-phone, knowing well enough that he didn't call yesterday, he won't call today. It's not only Ahaana who is so stubborn, her brother is on the same level as her when it comes to stubbornness and self-tormenting. Bloody Mehrotra siblings!

My heart weeps just thinking about him and the things he said last night. In his eyes, I saw a world so bright, it brightened my colourless life. In his arms, I found warmth so warm, it gave my cold soul a home. He was my shelter and in one day, he snatched everything away from me, leaving me standing in the cold without any source of warmness and light. He left me alone. He, who promised he would never break my heart, broke my heart and didn't even check up on me. He gave up on us.

I always craved for love and when he came in my life, I found it. I found love. I found all the happy, joyful things it does to you. How it changes you for the better. Only now I'm finding out how it also wrecks you. Saddens you and shatters you beyond recovery.

khamosh chehre par bhi,
hazaroon pehre hote hai...
hasti aankho mein bhi,
Zakhm ghehre hote hai.