Yeah I'm hi. I dont go on much anymore. Sadly. I'm sorta (at the moment) freaking out and feeling bad about myself.

Its whatever but it hurts me. In a way. I'm not sure in a good way or a bad way? Just in a way I dont even know hownto understand...

My mind is bleh. Blah. Bloop.  I really like this song. It makes me feel sad but yet in a good way. I recomend watching the movie. (Totally forgot the name of hahaha)

But anywho... I feel selfish. (I am the LEAST person to be selfish) but I do. I look up to the YouTubers and all the people who help people. The world. I want to do that. I want to help.

I don't know anymore. I don't know where to begin. Where to start. Its all so frustrating. You should be ashame.

I stopped writing fan fics because I had to move on. Need to use my own characters, ideas, my mind. I want to say thank you all who stayed. I just read now.

Does anyone have the urge to do something? Something great! Like you have a purpose that you don't know yet. That gives me anxiety. Not knowing what but you need to do something.

Its strange. I cant bear to think meeting my fav YouTubers. I feel so guilty. Selfish if I do. (This is all the over the place) I don't know why. I guess I convinced myself for years that me meeting them someone else won't have the chance. Just that thought makes my stomach turn. I somehow feel I don't deserve it.

I like people smiles. Their laugh. When their eyes turn bright of happiness. For me. Its the best. To see them happy and flourish. Its even great when I make them smile. If I can make one person smile today. I changed the world tomorrow. I always think that. A smile today, the world changes tomorrow.

I need to go to bed. I'm thinking of taking down my stories. The song I like to listen to... There are more but for now this would do. Haha