My Hallucination

i feel like i've woken up
dreaming
and all this is one big
hallucination
some twisted form of torture
that my very own mind dreamed up
but if my mind invented all this
if i've created all of this
pain
then why can't i give myself
happiness?
maybe i can
maybe i have
but i've given it all away
so if this is my hallucination
and these are my creations
then i've invested all of my "happy"
in me
so maybe
just maybe
i can manage to give it back
to me