Song: Hold It In (by Jukebox The Ghost)

A/n - so it was kind of a really last-minute decision to make Nick Fury really nice and on Raven's side, but I am so glad I did. It was originally going to be someone else, but I feel like this just works so much better and it also gives me an excuse to make a really loveable and just amazing Fury character- it's my favorite thing when he is not portrayed as an asshole <3

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

I hold my breath the whole elevator ride, then the doors open and I swear that I can not even breathe if I tried. I know how this is going to go and I know that this is an absolutely awful idea. But, I remind myself that I need to do this, if not for myself, then for everyone else. These people are my best chance at getting the infinity stones and possibly even saving the universe. I need them, even though that is the last thing any of us want to admit.

As the elevator door finally opens Fury steps out but when he sees that I have not made a move to leave he turns around giving me a comforting smile and slowly reaches out his hand for me to take. I cautiously do and he gently guides me out of the elevator, putting some of my worries to rest as he wraps his arm tightly around my shoulders.

I deeply sigh once I finally gain control of some of my nerves. However, that breath is quickly knocked out of me once again when as soon as we enter the room all the Avengers quickly snap their attention to us, and then within seconds of realizing that I am here along with Fury, they all hastily stand up getting into an attack position and aiming many various assortments of weapons directly at me.

I feel Fury's hold on me tighten slightly as someone finally speaks up.

"What are they doing here, Fury?! They are supposed to be in the cell!" Steve shouts as he still holds his shield up ready to throw it at a moment's notice.

"Lower your weapons, they are no threat," Fury states strictly, sounding like a disappointed parent.

However, their weapons do not waver.

"What do you mean they are no threat? Haven't you been listening to anything?" Tony Stark yells.

"Do you seriously believe that Stark? If you do, you are clearly not the genius that you claim to be. Just look at them!" Fury says coldly as he roughly gestures to me. I don't know if I should take that as an insult or not, I am very intimidating! I think to myself.

"You can't judge a book by its cover, Fury." Bruce flatly states.

"Precisely, and that's exactly what you all did!" Fury yells.

There is an outburst of yelling and protests that causes my head to spin. The intense arguing continues for several more minutes and I decide that I can not take this anymore, and I know that there is really only one thing that I can do to truly put an end to it. No matter how much I will hate it.

I pull away from Fury, who is even too busy and preoccupied to notice, and try to get their attention. I start to sign, but no one notices, all too involved in the screaming match occurring right in front of me. I try again, but it doesn't work. I then start to wildly throw my hands around desperately trying to get someone's attention. Finally, after a bit of waving my hands around Bucky finally notices me. Bucky has not been taking part in the argument, he has simply sat there observing everyone with a puzzled and conflicted face while not uttering a word. But, when he sees that I am trying to say something he finally speaks up.

"Everyone stop." he tries, but no one falters.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" he yells standing up. Everyone angrily turns toward him, but then he simply gestures to me and sits back down on the chair with a huff.

All their stares turn to me and I swear that I feel myself shrinking beneath them, but I continue on.

[Wanda, look into my head. I will let you in this time.] Natasha translates.

They all look at me wearily but remain silent until eventually Wanda slowly nods.

[You may want to sit down.] I sign.

She silently nods again and we both walk toward one of the couches. I see several people tense and tighten their hold on their weapons at the action but ultimately stay in place.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

After a few moments of getting situated and sitting directly in front of each other on the couch, she hesitantly reaches out her hands to place them on my temples. I force her a tight-lipped slight smile but it then breaks away quickly and I look down at my lap and close my eyes as I feel her enter my mind.

I try to direct her to only a few specific parts, not wanting her to see any more than absolutely necessary, both for my good, and hers. However, she instantly breaks through those directions and I feel her travel back to the very very beginning.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

The scene forms in front of me, I now know it as the night right before my mother left for the battle, the one she would never come back from. I watch as she crouches down in front of my younger self lovingly caressing their cheek. Suddenly I completely forget that this is simply a memory, I am completely sucked into it, feeling like I am really there all over again.

"You know that I love you very much, Ellery." My mother says with tears in her eyes, tears that I did not understand what they were for at that time.

"Yes, and I love you, mother!" Younger me says excitedly, blissfully unaware that this was the last time that we would see our mother that we loved so much.

"You are going to grow up to become someone great, Ellery, I know it. Never forget that my child," she says with admiration overflowing in her eyes.

She then leans over to gently place a soft kiss on my forehead, one that I swear I can still feel lingering on my forehead.

"I will see you soon, my dearest."

The scene then rapidly changes again, now I am at my mother's funeral. The younger me looks so confused and broken. It was after this day that I did not leave my room for weeks.

I simply could not comprehend that my mother was gone, it left me feeling so lost and... angry. I could even feel that anger radiating off of my younger self at this very moment, my anger towards Odin grew only by the second. I had a hard time understanding a lot of things happening at this time, but the one thing that I did understand clearly was that Odin was fully aware that this would happen, he knew that I would be standing right here today in my black clothes preparing to fire a flaming arrow to the ship that my mother was on and I absolutely despised him for it.

The scene around me swirled for the third time, now it was when I moved into the palace, shortly after my father's death.

It showed the younger version of myself setting the few belongings that I had in my room. When I reached the bottom of the basket and pulled out the last item, my mother's shawl, I simply stared at it for a long while. However, I was then interrupted by the door opening, but I still didn't take my eyes away from the shawl that was now stained with the drops of my tears. I watched as Loki came up to my younger self and without saying anything he simply wrapped me in his arms and comfortingly stroked my hair as I cried into his shoulder. We stayed like that for hours. That was the first time and one of the very very few times I cried in front of him, in front of anyone.

Everything swirled around me once again, this time it showed one of the many times that I and Frigga were tucked away into the corner of the library late at night as we read and practiced magic.

It seemed to start out as a good memory, but then I recognized the night. Within a few moments, the library doors slammed open as young Loki burst in with great anger but also with despair and tears brimming in his eyes. Both I and Frigga rushed over to him and tried to ask what was wrong but he only mumbled something mostly illegible about Odin. Frigga rushed off, most likely to go find out what Odin did and tell him off, but I stayed there with Loki. He tried to push me away at first, but I refused to leave and asked him to tell me what happened. He eventually told me about all the hurtful and monstrous things that Odin said to him as he sobbed into my shoulder and I did my best to comfort him. It was the first time and one of the very very few times that he cried in front of me. I could not sleep for days after that, knowing that he was hurting destroyed me. I wanted nothing more than for him to feel happy and loved. So, sadly, since I could not kill Odin, I made it my goal to make sure that Loki always felt happy and loved by at least one person, I would be damned if he ever felt otherwise even for a moment.

My head spins along with the world that was around me again. It now quickly showed small bits of many moments that in general seem small, but to me, all of them meant something important, all rapidly one after another. It sped through many of my moments with the two princes whether it was my initiation as a valkyrie, training, messing around in the palace, going on adventures, or in battle. Most of them were good memories, but of course, now even these were tainted and left a bitter taste in my mouth since they only taunted me with everything that I lost and everything that would be forever gone and I would never be able to get back.

However, then one of the memories or all our battles took hold clearly pushing to the front, it was the battle on the rainbow bridge.

I tense as I already anticipate all the events that I know will come next. I have played out this moment countless times in my head, trying desperately to find any different outcome that would have been possible. But now, I want nothing more than to never watch this again. I have watched it so many times, but now, it somehow hurts even more because I know that this is the event that was the cause of the endless amounts of hurt and pain I brought to many, one of which of those people I know is standing only a few feet away from me right now.

I am forced to watch the scene and I see my past self's quick internal debate all over again, I see the realization and also the determination in my eyes as I made my decision. I watch as I rush in front of Thor, get hit, and it cuts off just like every other time. I am never able to see what happened afterward, no matter how much I wish I could.

It then progresses through my time in the Chitauri cell, all the way from when I woke up, tried to escape, and met Thanos for the first time, to the moment when I thought that I was finally about to be put out of misery. However, that turned out to only be the start of it.

It rushed through a lot slower than I hoped. It showcased everything in only the span of a few minutes, but that was plenty of time to be reminded of everything that happened there. It felt like I was there again, being tortured day after day and every day slowly losing a little more hope than I had the last. I felt how the determination that I used to always hold slowly slipped out of my grasp and has still even to this day is yet to return. I felt as my mind started to give up along with my body. I lost my spark during that time, and I have never been able to ignite it again since.

It then eventually got to the three hundred and seventeenth day when I then felt a whole new type of flame ignite inside of me. But this was a very unwelcomed flame, it burned me instead of warmed me.

I tried to close my eyes and look away when the scenery showed me back in Asgard for the first time in a year. I know what happened next and I couldn't bare to look. But I was unable to look away, I tried to close my eyes, but it only continued to play behind my eyelids just as vividly as before. I tried to stop the memory from playing out, but I was trapped, I couldn't pull out no matter how hard I tried, something else was holding me down.

I struggled to try to escape the hold as it reminded me even more of the feeling of being trapped in my own mind only being able to watch the pain I caused once again. But my struggle was fruitless and the scene continued on in front of me. It showed at a painstakingly slow pace when we entered Asgard, when we got into the palace, when I killed countless guards, when I tried to get the tesseract, when I tried to attack Frigga, when I got to the dungeons, and when the flame that burned throughout me was finally extinguished and I was freed from my mind.

I almost breathed a sigh of relief, but it was not over, not even close to over, it never has been.

I then get to the worst part. I thought that I was finally free and it would all be over soon at that time, but I could not have been more wrong. I view the whole scene again, yet another one that I have painfully played over and over trying to find any other outcome that would have been possible.

Frigga leaves the cell and closes it behind her, leaving me useless. I try to look away once again when the time comes and the Chitauri comes out of the shadows, but the scene only adapts, not allowing me to look out of her line of sight. I watch it from an outside perspective as the seiðr bursts out of me and the whole dungeon around me crumples from the blast. I watch myself ruthlessly kill the Chitauri and rush over to Frigga, I watch as the thing that replays in my memories every night in my nightmares plays again, more vivid than ever.

The world around me then continues to quickly rush through the next few weeks that included my conversation with Odin and the two princes and then my banishment. I could see how hopeless I looked, and I could also see the pain and hurt in Loki even more clearly this time, but I also still saw the disgust just as clearly.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Just as I saw myself being pulled into the Bifrost, I was harshly ripped out of my own head and shoved back into reality.

My eyes snap open and at the same time, Wanda does as well. I watch as she jumps back, tears streaming down her face and hyperventilating. She looks unbelievably terrified. I jump back slightly as well as a sense of panic and anger overtakes me. Why did she have to look at everything?!

I didn't even realize the fact that I was hyperventilating or the fact that I had tears rolling unconsciously down my face as well until several moments later. When I did I quickly tried to collect myself and wipe away my tears desperately not wanting the others to see me like this– weak.

I hazily looked around to find all the others staring at me and Wanda with concerned and almost scared expressions. Fear fills my eyes as I feel so incredibly exposed, not only because of the many eyes staring at me but mainly because of how violated I feel. My entire life was just on display and revealed and there was nothing I could do about it, it was like I was trapped in my own mind all over again and it left me completely shaken.

Wanda then speaks up in a shaky and hoarse voice that sounds like it will break at any moment. "Th-they were telling t-the truth." she stutters as she fights to hold her own tears back at what she just witnessed.

All their heads snap towards me with wide eyes, there is a mix of confusion, worry, sympathy, and guilt spread among them, but all their stares only bore holes into me all the same.

I swiftly stand up and rush away, not bothering to even say anything. I just need to get out of there, I need some time to think.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅