So, um…

This is weird to talk about

Anyway, it's not a big secret that I, like most teens and young adults, hate myself with fiery passion. I am repulsed by my very existence. But it's not like that's uncommon or anything.

And that isn't what I want to talk about. Well, not entirely.

I hate that I can't do anything good, that I can't be what I want, and that I can't seem to be confident enough to do anything I want. And all that hatred just traces back to my own hatred of myself. Sure, I laugh and joke and make light of it, but I only laugh so I won't cry.

This isn't me asking for help. Nobody can help me but myself.

And that's what I've decided to do.

I figure that if there's so much I hate about myself, why not change it? I have the power to do that, so why not use it? Even if it doesn't work immediately, I can stop neglecting myself and treat myself like I deserve being loved. Through pretending that I love myself, I may actually learn to.

And I want to. I want to love myself more than anything in this world, because then I can find some sort of true peace and contentment and not settle for constant loathing and disappointment in myself. I can be a person that I can love. And I'm going to begin that from now on.

Here's the reason I made this. My goal is to learn to have confidence and love myself, or at least hate myself a little less, by next school year. I know that self love and a true value of self worth is lacking in this generation, so I want to spread a positive message in the only way I can.

I want to write about it. I want to write it and tell everyone that it can happen, that you can love yourself, that you are worthwhile.

Would any of you want this? Would you want me to actually make a book that chronicles my attempt?

I'll probably make it no matter what you say, anyway.

Even if it doesn't work out as I hope, at least I tried. At least I gave myself a shot.

You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you, and you can't love yourself if you don't try.