3rd Person POV

After Steve's failed attempt to reach out to Natasha, they boarded the quinjet and they were on there way back to the tower. Natasha sat in silence, but her head was loud she as thinking about what had happened. She had lost control, she hadn't felt like that in a long time, she was always in control but since Clint's passing she hadn't felt like herself.

Steve's worry was evident, not just only in his voice but in his eyes, he looked at her in disbelief because his best friend. Who he always knew to be the strongest and the most emotionally stable person out of the whole team, was disappearing into all the grief and sadness and she wouldn't let him in.

Finally they landed at the Tower, Natasha headed to the training room once she got out of her cat suit and placed her weapons in their designated areas.

Steve sat in his room, which was alot more comfortable than his apartment, he had his music playing while he read a book. Tony once again isolated himself in his lab and either finished or started projects, while Bruce listened to classical music on his headphones in his room.

Natasha landed another punch on the bag, harder than the one before hand. Sweat poured off her forehead, her hands were becoming sweaty as well but she continued.

Natasha started punching the bag with her legs, the bag was swaying but Natasha landed each hit perfectly. All her focus was on the bag and nothing was going to stop her.

Apart from the sound of Natasha foot hitting the bag, the room was silent. Usually Clint and Natasha would spar together and it usually ended with bruises mainly on Clint, but that would never happen again.

Never again would Clint be able to hold a bow or an arrow, or be able to live a life full of happiness with Laura and the kids. And Natasha couldn't nor wouldn't accept that he was gone.

A few hours passed, and dinner was ready the team sat around the table and ate their meal. "Mr Stark, you have a visitor" said Jarvis. Confusion and curiosity filled their minds with as who it be.

"Who is it Jarvis?" Steve asked, "Mrs Laura Barton" he responded, everyone responded with shock. Natasha was shocked most of all, since their last encounter they hadn't talked, what was she doing here?, Natasha thought.

"Direct her to the living area" Tony said.
"Of course sir" Jarvis responded, they all looked around at each other in confusion. Natasha stayed expressionless, They all stood up and walked towards the elevator, to greet Laura with Natasha slightly at the back.

Soon enough the elevator doors opened, with Laura standing inside. She half smiled towards everyone, she wore casual clothes and her eyes looked tired. She hugged Steve, Tony and Bruce but when it came to Natasha, they didn't know how to respond to each other so they nodded.

Which was odd to the other's, "So laura, what are you doing here" Steve said to break the awkwardness, "Sorry for coming here uninvited, but I would like to talk to Natasha alone" Laura said apologetically. "Well, I guess we will leave you guys alone" Bruce said, they left the room leaving Natasha and Laura to talk.

Natasha gestured they sit on the couch, which Laura agreed. "Nat, first off I am so sorry for the way I acted. I didn't mean any of it, I was just angry and upset" Laura said with a pleading tone.

"Laura, you had a right to be upset and I understand" Natasha said trying to comfort her. Laura smiled and Natasha smiled back. "How are the kids?" Natasha asked.

"They are okay, dealing with it, they are with my grandmother at the moment, she has a small apartment in New York" Laura replied. "How are you?" Laura asked Natasha in a concerned tone.

Natasha faced dropped from a smile to deadpan, "I don't know" Natasha responded, which to herself was the most honest answer she could give. A tear escaped her left eye, she wiped it away and looked at her hands in her lap. "I guess, I just deal with it day by day, and it slowly becomes easier" Natasha added, she looked up to Laura who tried to hold back the tears.

Natasha held her hand in comfort, "I guess, that is what we do" Laura finally says. After a good hour of sitting and talking, Laura's phone goes off. "I better go, the kids and my mum will be wondering where I am."

Laura said as she got up from the couch, "Jarvis, notify the other's that Laura is leaving" Natasha said to the A.I, "Yes, Ms Romanoff" he responded. Soon the others joined and gave Laura goodbye hugs and said if she needs anything that they were there for her.

She got into the elevator and she was on her way to her kids. "What did Laura want to talk about?" Asked Steve as he stood next to Natasha, but she stood in silence. They all soon retreated to their rooms to go to bed. Natasha closed her eyes and soon she was asleep.

In her dream, she layed upon a sheet of snow and around her tall trees stood with long and thick leaved branches which blocked most of the sunlight out of view. Natasha stood up and looked around, suddenly a woman's scream echoed throughout the Forrest. Soon other voices joined in, they shouted Natasha's name in a pleading tone and their screams created a void of noise becoming louder and louder.

Natasha covered her ears in an attempt to block it, but it was no use. She fell to the ground in defeat, all of a sudden the voices stopped and their was silence. Natasha looked around as she stayed crouched on the cold surface.

"You let me die" a man's voice said, Natasha recognised man, she looked as to where the voice came from and she couldn't believe who was in front of her. "Clint" She said in a shocked tone, "you could have saved me" he said, he looked sad and terrified. "Why didn't you Nat?" He asked in a betrayed tone.

Natasha walked towards him in disbelief, "Clint" she repeated. Tears rolled down Clint's face. She tried to speak, but it was like someone had ripped out her voice box, "I'm sorry" Natasha said finally.
"I could have lived happily, if you saved me Nat" he sia in a disgusted tone.
"I'm sorry" she repeated, tears fell down er face and they didn't stop. She trembled where she stood, finding her legs becoming numb she collapsed to the ground. A loud and sharp scream escaped from Clint like someone had shot him in the back, he fell forward now on his knees.

Blood dripped out of his mouth, Natasha looked at him in anguish as he collapsed to the ground with a loud thud. She shouted his name and tried to shake him awake but nothing could bring him back.

Natasha woke up suddenly, she sat up in her bed. Her heart was pounding in her chest, sweat rolled off her forehead she took a few deep breathes which helped. She headed to her bathroom where she washed her face with water. Her singlet was coated with sweat, son she decided to get changed in a pair of leggings and a shirt.

She exited her bathroom, she knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep anymore. She decided she needed a drink, she walked to the elevator and once she had arrived at the living area floor, she headed straight to Tony's mini bar and grabbed a glass and a bottle of gin.

She walked back to into the elevator, where she pushed the button that said 'roof', sometimes Clint and Natasha would go to the roof to escape the world of being an Avenger and just be two friends talking about anything they wanted to talk about.

Natasha's POV

It felt weird sitting on the roof, all alone with New York lit up like a Christmas tree with it's lights and although it was about 1am the streets were still busy with cars and people buzzing around. I poured myself a glass of gin that filled the glass, I sipped on the liquor.

It tingled my taste buds and created a warm feeling in my chest I sat there watching the view. My mind wandered to Clint again and my nightmare, was he right? Was it me that killed him? I knew it was the guilt talking and it was winning. I was overwhelmed with guilt and there was a feeling in my stomach that couldn't be shaken.

What if I had saved him, he would have been happy with his family at his farm. Making jokes and being annoying, that what made him a one of a kind.

Even in the darkest of days, he could make anyone smile. I must have sat there for much longer than I thought, because the sun was rising.

I looked at the bottle of gin which was nearly empty had I drunk that much? I thought. Even though I could feel the cold breeze on my skin, I didn't move my gaze was still focused on the view.
Steve's POV
7:30am

Beep! beep! I slammed my hand on the alarm clock which made it stop making noise, then I made myself get up but it was like my body didn't want to wake up.

I got up out of my bed and went into my bathroom and had a shower. Once I had dried off and made myself presentable, I grabbed some clothes, a blue shirt with a pair of denim pants with closed in shoes. I made my way to the living area where Bruce was sitting at the table eating his breakfast.

I made myself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal and joined Bruce at the table. "Do you know where Natasha is?" I asked, "I don't know, she is usually up at this time" Bruce replied. "Jarvis, where is Natasha?" I asked the A.I.
"Ms Romanoff is on the roof Captain" he replied, I exchanged a look of worry to Bruce before I made my way to the roof. I walked out of the elevator only to see Natasha sitting on the ground, leaning her head on the brick wall that stopped people falling off. I noticed also the gin bottle next to her almost empty.

I walked up to her, and I sat down opposite her on the ground. She looked like she was in a bad state, "Rogers" she said more like acknowledged.
"Romanoff" I responded in the same tone.
"What are you doing up here?" She asked,

"I was about to ask you the exact same thing and I was looking for you" I respond. She stretched out her legs to the side and yawned.

"Couldn't sleep" she answered,

"Why couldn't you sleep?" I asked.

"Nightmare" She responded,

"Is that why you drank a bottle of gin?" I asked.

"Well, I needed something" she said in a defensive tone. I wanted to help her and maybe this conversation was going to break through some walls. "What was your nightmare about?" I asked in a curious tone.
"Clint and some other things" she replied, that was easier than I thought it was going to be.

"What happened?" I asked
"I was in a Forrest, it was winter and then all I could hear was shouting and screaming. I fell to the ground and it went silent, then I could hear Clint's voice talking to me" I could see her eyes becoming glassy, she grabbed the gin bottle and drank the rest of the liquid before returning to the nightmare.

"He was telling me, it was my fault and I let him die and I kept telling him sorry" her voice was becoming more chocked up with tears and I could see the pain in her eyes as she recounted the horrible dream. "He let out a scream of pain and collapsed to the ground, and he wouldn't wake up. No matter what I tried he wouldn't come back" now the tears were streaming down her face, her hands trembling and her eyes full of anguish.

She breathed in deeply before talking again, "he saved me and I couldn't save him" she said, before speaking, I moved around so I would be sitting next to her side by side, she placed her head on my chest.

"Listen to me Nat, it wasn't your fault, you didn't let him die." I said in a comforting tone. I could still see the tears rolling down her face, but there were less tears than before. "Why can't we live in a place where we cannot feel pain" Natasha stated.

"Because, pain is something that makes us human and we experience it because it is a test of our strength and Natasha Romanoff, you will win because you are the strongest person I know" I said.

Natasha's POV

It felt reassuring coming from Steve's mouth that I was going to deal with it and even though at times I will fall down at least I know how to get back up and I have a team to help.

"Thanks Steve" I said as I half smiled at him. Maybe Steve was right, I could overcome all that pain and suffering.

It would take time and I would still feel the loss of Clint everyday but as long as I am happy and doing what makes me happy. I could make Clint proud and prove I was worth saving and I could fight any demon or monster coming my way.

Steve and I made our way back to the living room where Bruce was shocked to see me in that state and Tony, who was making his breakfast gave me some pills that he used when he was hungover.

We all sat around the table drinking and eating and for the first time in what seemed to be forever, I felt like we could get through this as a team because we were the Avengers and there was nothing that could get in our way.