I stare at the pale wood of the door in shock.

Did Drew really just...?

The door swings open again to reveal Audrey. I should be excited to see her after months but I can't get over the fact that Drew just slammed the door on my face.

Me! His adorable little Ellie! The girl he treated like a sister!

"Hi guys, sorry about Drew. Come in!" She gestures us in, stepping aside. I stand frozen until Harry grabs my arm and pulls me inside. The blond gives me a wary look before gazing at Harry, who can only shrug in response. "It's so nice to see you!"

Drew scoffs somewhere in the corner.

Harry pulls me down onto the couch, looking completely at ease. Has he been here recently? I should be as carefree as him! After all, this once used to be my house. 

"Let me bring some coffee," Drew says before disappearing into the kitchen, no doubt to get away from me.

Oh my god, he hates me.

I turn to Audrey and hiss, "You didn't tell him I was coming?!"

Her response is to sheepishly smile. Before I can blow up on her, I take a deep breath and sigh. There's no use in getting mad now. The damage is done.

I take a moment to allow my eyes to wander around the living room. The once comfy couch we had has been replaced by a much stiffer sectional. The photos that once lingered on the walls are now framed pieces of artwork. In fact, no sense of personality is left in this place. It doesn't seem lived in at all.

As if reading my thoughts, Audrey explains. "We rent out the place to others."

My mouth forms an 'o' shape as I nod. That would explain how impersonal the place is. It makes sense, too. With Audrey and Drew in New York, this place would be sitting empty. At least they can make some money like this.

Drew comes back with four mugs of coffee on a tray. Surprisingly, he hands me one. I take it slowly, just in case he pulls back. He doesn't though.

He may hate me right now but at least he's polite.

"So, how was your guys' Thanksgiving?" Audrey asks when Drew sits down next to her.

A smile adorns my face as I recall that night. "My mom found her soulmate!"

"Really?"

I vigorously nod. "Yeah! His name's Dawson and he's an office bot by day, biker by night."

Audrey softens as she reaches out to put a hand on top of mine. "How are you?"

Ugh. I love her. She's always thinking about me, even when I'm not. How could I have left her all those years ago?

"Good," I say truthfully. "I was suspicious at first, but she really, really likes him. Plus, he's perfect!"

Harry clears his throat in protest. We ignore him.

"That's good! I'm glad your mom found him, even if it's a little delayed," Aud says. I nod in agreement. If only she had met him before my dad. Things would've been so different. "So I take it she knows about Harry as well?"

I nod again, bringing the mug to my lips. I take a sip, gag, and spit the liquid back into the cup. "Ew ew ew! Drew, what the hell did you do to my coffee?"

The guilty party manages to innocently smile. "What do you mean?"

"This tastes off."

"Oops. Must've mixed the sugar and salt."

That little–!

"Drew," Audrey scolds in a warning tone before apologetically smiling at me. "Sorry about that. I can make you another cup–"

"No need." I wave her off before she can stand up. "I should kick the coffee habit anyway. I swear, working with Daffodil has me intaking my caffeine levels tenfold."

Saying my boss's name feels weird. It feels like forever ago that we saw each other, even though it's only been a matter of days. Ironically, I haven't even felt the need to work since I've gotten here. Something tells me it's because of the other ways I've exerted my energy...

"When are you guys going back?" Audrey asks, taking a sip of her perfectly normal coffee. I zero in on the mug, sending it my most suspicious look.

"Tomorrow," Harry answers for me.

I snap back into the conversation. "Yeah. A girl's gotta work. Speaking of, how's your job going?"

A wide smile appears on her face. Almost instinctively, my eyes snap to Drew. Sure enough, he's absolutely beaming at the sight of her genuine happiness.

Damn it, they're so cute and I can't even fawn over them right now!

"Great, really! New York is such a dream! You should come visit soon!" she gushes, a faraway look in her eye.

"Maybe the next time I get a day off," I weakly smile.

"You work too much."

"I agree," Harry huffs.

She turns to him, a mischievous glint in her eye. "And you don't work enough. What is it that I'm hearing about you forcing Ellie to move into your place?"

Harry raises his brows at me while I sheepishly duck away. "If I recall correctly, she's generously agreed to living with me for a while," he tells her without ever taking his eyes off of me.

"Generous," she scoffs with hints of playfulness in her voice.

I give her a look. I remember all too well that she told me to make sure we wanted the same things in life before moving to the next step. She's right, of course, but I really don't want to acknowledge it. It isn't necessarily the fact that I think Harry doesn't want long term. If anything, I'm sure he'd be pleased for me to be his forever. It's something else, something about me, that I'm not sure he'll be able to get past. Something not even Audrey knows about.

We catch up on each other's lives – and by we, I mean Audrey and me. Harry silently sits in one corner while Drew broods in another. They're honestly acting a lot like each other, which is weird to witness. Still, it's amusing.

"Oh!" I ask as I suddenly sit up. "Aud, do you know whatever happened to Noah? We stopped by his shop and it was completely gone!"

They used to be childhood friends but fell out of contact. I'm not sure if she visited him often in my absence but there's a small chance she knows what he's up to now.

She makes a thoughtful face. "I'm not sure. We didn't really talk that much, but maybe my parents could get in touch with his and figure it out."

"I'd like that," I nod gratefully. "If anything, I just want to apologize to him. You know, clear conscious and all."

Her eyes flicker to Harry and I can see specks of appreciation. I can only assume she's giving him credit for my development, which is true. He deserves it more than anyone. He's stuck with me through thick and thin. He seems to have a silent understanding with her because he nods in acknowledgment before facing away.

Aww!

"Hey, Harry. Could you help me in the kitchen? I've always wanted to learn how to make tea and aren't British people amazing at that?" Audrey suddenly asks.

He blinks at her. "I'm offend–"

"I don't care. Come on, chap," she cheekily responds before standing up and brushing off her pants.

Harry gives me a look along the lines of 'you're paying for this later' which is dumb because I don't own Audrey and he's the one who chose to come with me, but I shrug in response and watch him leave.

Then it hits me.

Oh!

Oooooh.

She's left me alone with Drew. Now's my chance to reconcile! Ugh, my genius best friend.

"So..." I grin, attempting to put some light into the situation. "You've been awfully quiet tonight. You almost remind me of Harry."

Silence.

I try again. "I heard you got engaged. That's amazing!"

Nothing.

Dropping my smile, I narrow my eyes at him. "Look, Drew, I get what I did was really shitty but do we really have to do the silent treatment?"

Nothing at all.

"Fine. I see how it is." I clamp my lips shut, determined to ice him out. I can do this. I'll beat him at his own game.

It takes me approximately two minutes to admit defeat.

"Okay, okay! Drew, this is getting really annoying. Stop being immature and talk like an adult," I huff, not expecting results.

When he glances over, fire in his eyes, my heart quickens.

"I'm the immature one?! Me?!" he seethes.

"Well–"

"What the hell do you call abandoning your friends for years, then? That too, without purpose?"

Okay, so he's mad. Very mad.

My heart pounds against my ribcage. The idea of him truly being upset with me is crushing, especially because he was always the one who was there for me. "Look, I can explain–"

He scoffs, looking away as if he can't stand to look at me. "Don't bother. Audrey's explained everything. And while she can forgive you for your shit, I can't. Not anymore."

With that, he stands up and strides to his room, slamming the door on the way.

I stare at the now-empty couch cushion in shock, my heart sinking by the second. Gone is the light feeling I had in the car, replaced with dread.

He's really mad. He's mad even though he knows why I did everything I did.

Oh crap.

Upon hearing the door, Audrey rushes back into the living room, Harry trailing behind. She doesn't hesitate in sitting next to me and grabbing my hands.

"Look, Drew didn't... he means well... he needs time."

I shake my head. "I-it's okay. I get it."

If possible, her gaze softens even more. "I promise you he'll forgive you one day. He's just hurt."

I'm hurt too, but I don't say that. This isn't about me. Well, it's partly about me, but it's about Drew too.

I weakly smile at her. "Hopefully before the wedding."

She rolls her eyes as she wraps her arm around my shoulder and pulls me into her. "You're so dramatic. You're invited whether or not he approves. Can't have my bestie not be there."

"Really?" I ask, slightly touched.

She pokes my forehead. "Really."

We continue talking about her future wedding. She doesn't have a date yet, but she's in the very, very early stages of planning. Then again, it's Audrey we're talking about. She's had her wedding planned since we were 13-year-olds playing with dolls.

We talk until the sun goes down, even Harry chipping in once in a while – mostly sarcastic responses. Drew doesn't come out once. He doesn't come out when we leave either.

I brush it off but it hurts.

Audrey squeezes me into a tight hug, swaying us back and forth for a little. "I'll miss you."

Tears well into my eyes. Audrey is one of a kind. I'll never have a friend with the same dynamic we have.

California is lonely.

"Me too," I whisper. When I pull away, I see she's crying too. "Take care of him, okay? And make sure he takes care of you too."

"He'll come around." She smiles, so full of determination.

And I believe her.

She straightens up and mock-salutes Harry. "See you later, chap."

"You're annoying," Harry grumbles but the corners of his mouth quirk for a nanosecond. "Have fun in New York."

"And you, California," she responds, looking at both of us.

After another hug, I finally forced myself to pull away. Who knows when the next time I see her will be? Our schedules are hectic as is, and it's not the same over Skype.

The entire ride back to the hotel, we're silent. It's funny how earlier we couldn't stop confessing to each other, but now I feel like my heart's been stomped on and crushed, that too by Drew.

How could this happen?

I can't say it's undeserved though. Someone had to be unforgiving. I always thought it would be Noah considering his stubborn nature but Drew? And it's not like he even had a mature conversation with me. He acted petty and pettier after blowing up.

"Are you okay?" Harry finally asks as we pull into the hotel lot.

I shrug, keeping my gaze outside. "I'm not sure. First Noah, now Drew? It seems as if everything's going downhill."

His hand squeezes my thigh as he pulls into a spot instead of valeting. Surprising. Once the car's in park, he angles his body toward me and forces me to look back at him. "He'll come around. He loves you. If he doesn't, we'll just make a quick trip to New York."

The thought itself sounds lovely until he threateningly cracks his knuckles.

Maybe not so lovely.

I nod, wanting this conversation to end. There's no use thinking about the 'what ifs'. Drew needs some time to cool down and there's nothing I can do about that.

Our room is cleaned up by the time we arrive. My cheeks burn at the thought of some poor maid having to fix our sex-mess. Not only were the sheets tainted, but the entire room. It's going to take a lot of bleach to disinfect this.

Somehow, the thought brings me back to when Harry and I had sex in his kitchen. If possible, my cheeks burn even brighter. Gosh, we're horny savages. Can we at least have one go without acting rabid?

Probably not.

The honeymoon stage is wonderful, isn't it?

My stomach coils. I just agreed to move in with Harry last night. Was that really a smart idea? I mean, I wasn't thinking. I was blinded by my love and passion for him. Now that my head's clear, is this really a good idea?

A large part of me is screaming yes.

A very tiny voice that oddly resembles Audrey's is saying no. That I need to have the relationship talk before I progress.

I glance over at Harry, who's lounging on the bed. It's then that I decide. We need to have this talk now. Maybe... just maybe... we'll come to an unfavorable conclusion. If that's the case, I'll move into Daff's place as soon as I reach Cali.

Is this smart to do the night before a plane journey home? Absolutely not.

Will it be awkward if things do end? Absolutely.

"Harry?" My voice comes out hesitant, which is enough to have him snap his eyes to me. I force a small smile before sitting next to him on the bed. "I think we should talk."

He slightly pales. "About?"

I can't reassure him that this'll be good, so I opt for a small smile. "Our future."

Apparently, he doesn't feel the same as me about this topic. He lets out a sigh of relief, color flooding back into his cheeks. "Jesus, I thought you were breaking up with me for a second. Yeah, we can talk."

"Okay," I sigh, very aware that this may end in a breakup.

When he sees I'm too nervous to prompt the topic, he takes the lead. "Well, I want to get married one day. To you, obviously," he quickly adds, making me laugh despite the circumstances. His eyes light up before continuing. "Um, California is the ideal place to stay but you know that I'm pretty flexible. I don't mind moving somewhere else if that's what you want. I'd just have to travel a lot."

My throat closes up. He avoided the one topic I want to speak on.

"Kids?" I prompt, my voice quivering a little.

He opens his mouth to answer before his eyes narrow at me. "Why do you look so nervous?"

I ignore his question. "Harry, do you want kids or not?"

"Do you?"

I want to wring his neck. Or cry. Whichever is more satisfying.

"I do," I whisper, my eyes filling with tears. "But I can't."

He blinks, all traces of emotion gone from his face. I nervously bite my lip as I look away. A sob threatens to climb up my throat.

Oh god. This is it.

"What... what do you mean?" he finally asks, snapping out of his initial shock.

"Remember when I said I was on the pill? It's a bit more complicated than that," I admit, making him tense. "I can't have kids, Harry. I have premature ovarian failure. It seems that my body stopped producing eggs."

Silence.

"Ellie," he whispers, pained.

A rebel tear escapes my eye. I quickly wipe it away but it's too late. He saw.

"Fuck, El," he whispers again before wrapping his arms around me and crushing me into his chest. I silently sob into his chest.

It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that I'd never have kids. Telling Harry and having to relive it suddenly makes me sick.

"I'm sorry," I sniffle, pulling away and attempting to dry my tears. "I should give you time to process and," I hesitate, "and decide whether you want to continue being with me."

I get up slowly, trying to ignore the hurt in my chest. I can't, though. My heart is aching.

I'm aching.

I'm not sure exactly where I intend to go, but none of it matters as Harry tugs me by the wrist and pulls me back into his chest. If I'm being honest, I feel relieved. 

It's now that I know we're in this together.

"Ellie," he whispers against my hair. "Of course I want to be with you."

"But–"

"No. It doesn't matter. I want to be with you, kids or not. It's always you, Ellie."

"Don't you want to even consider?" I can't help but ask.

I feel him shake his head as he tightens his hold on me. "No. Whatever happens, we'll get through this together. We have options. We'll go to the top doctors in the world if you want. And if you decide you don't want kids, then we won't have any. I don't care as long as I'm with you."

Suddenly I'm very glad he didn't tell me whether he wanted kids. Without knowing, I don't have to feel a large amount of guilt for keeping such a beautiful concept from him. It may be selfish but it might just prevent me from going absolutely insane.

"When did you find out?" he asks gently as he strokes my back.

"It was during college. I had gone to the doctor for birth control but she noticed something weird and did a test."

I flinch at the memory. It wasn't a pleasant one. I had gone alone, thinking I could handle buying some simple pills. When the gynecologist told me that she noticed irregularities, my heart dropped. It was obvious what she was referring to.

I told no one. I'm not exactly sure why, but I think admitting it made it seem more real. Plus, it didn't matter during the time. I didn't want kids yet, anyway.

"I'm so sorry, baby," Harry whispers, his voice matching the pain he's feeling.

"I'm sorry," I laugh through the tears. "Seriously, if you want to dump me for a more functional uterus, now's the time."

He pulls away, giving me a stern look. "Ellie. Don't even joke about that. I'm not going anywhere."

I throw up my hands in surrender. "Okay, okay! I won't."

He softens as he cups my cheek. "I love you and everything about you."

"Even my nonexistent eggs?"

"Even your nonexistent eggs," he confirms with a nod. "Thank you for telling me. And I hope whenever you doubt us, you come to me instead of keeping it in."

"Okay," I breathe.

"Okay."

I feel the need for a topic change. "So, marriage, huh? What if I don't want to be married?"

He grins at my lighter mood. "Too bad. You're mine forever."

I laugh, smacking his chest. He's lucky I do want to get married or else I'd kick his ass.

"Hmm... what about pets?" I ask, already feeling much lighter than I did before. His reaction is only reassuring.

He reassures me every day, even when he doesn't know I'm feeling insecure. He does it when he looks at me in a certain way, when he can't keep his eyes off of me, when he tells a joke and immediately looks to see my reaction. He's the only one who can wipe my worries away in a flash. 

And I'm filled with relief, love, and exhilaration all at once. Our love is so fucking scary sometimes. One look at him has all the air drained from my lungs. I feel crushed by the weight of his love and I love every second of it.

I know then that it'll always be Harry. He'll always be by my side. My understanding rock. Mine.

He pretends to thoughtfully tap his chin before mischievously grinning at me. "I was thinking maybe a snake."

"Hell no!" I screech, even though I'm pretty sure he's messing with me. I'd rather die than share a living space with a snake!

He laughs, tilting his head back. I pause my abhorrence to really look at him. Not only is the sound music to my ears, but he just looks beautiful when he's genuinely happy. Elation bubbles in my chest at the mere sight.

It's amazing how he can make me feel like I'm on top of the world, even after a very shitty day.