Izuna:

Cassandra approached me at work the next day.

"Izuna, look!"

"Cassandra, what have we agreed on?" I said with mock sincerity. "I'm your boss now, so you knock and say 'Excuse me for bothering you, Very Busy Sir, but could you please do me the pleasure of letting me bask in your glorious presence for a while as I am your servant?' Now, get out of my office and try again."

"Oh, fuck off, bitch", she said happily. "Look!"

She showed me a piece in the newspaper. I speed-read it, something I'd learned as I remembered Tobirama could do it I MEAN because I thought it would be a useful skill to learn.

"That's..." I begun. "That's amazing!"

"I know!" Cassandra said with a smile.

The article was about a home that had been set up one year ago for children who'd lost their parents to drugs, both those whose parents had died and those whose parents were incapable of taking care of them. The goal was to give them a good environment to thrive in until they could have a foster family. The photos of the house in the two-sheet spread were incredible, depicting an airy and open home with bright colours and a big garden. I read a few passages out loud.

'"The place is amazing!" one worker Ali says. "I've been to two homes before this, but none reaches this standard. The children are sent to school, and when they come back, there are people here that are paid to help them with homework, usually university students who want to do something good on the side. There are activities outdoors on weekends and evenings, and we have two good chefs providing the meals."'

"Sounds too good to be true", I said.

"I know, I don't believe it! Keep reading!"

'We see several of the children running around the immaculate space as Ali shows us around. He shows us a whiteboard where they have the schedule for each child. "With the funding of the owner, we can afford them to attend one club or activity each. Many have chosen basketball. Horse riding is highly popular among both boys, girls and non-binary. Some play an instrument.

But Ali presses on the matter that the goal is for the children to have foster families.

"It is a long process sometimes. They go to therapy weekly and all staff are educated in childcare."

When we ask how they fund the place, he smiles warmly. "Oh, it's the owner! He's provided everything. He comes here sometimes to be with the children. He's very shy, though. Doesn't interact with media." Ali winks.'

"We should visit! How cool would that be, huhh? Police officers visiting!" Cassandra suggested.

"Cassandra, that's a fantastic idea!"

"You, me and who else?"

"Oh no, not me. I hate the uniform."

"Oh come on!" Cassandra pleaded.

"I'll think about it. Bring Keith. Or, we should ask that place first. Can you phone them?"

"With pleasure!"

Fuck this shit.

I looked at myself critically in the mirror. Nothing made me feel as uncomfortable as the police uniform. I put on the hat over my hair, that was loose for the day. I'd kept it waist-long, and it was thicker and healthier than ever. That part was good at least.

"Not everyday we get to see you in your uniform."

I turned round. "Hello, Keith. It's because I hate it."

He put his ginormous, dark brown hand on my shoulder. "Do it for the children. They'll love it."

I took a deep breath. "You go meet Cassandra. I'll meet you in the parking lot. Take car thirty-four; it's sirens are the loudest. I..." I swallowed. "I need to fetch something."

I took a deep breath before entering my office, that I'd taken over when I got promoted. I had unpacked everything, but one box was still in the corner, and in it was just one item. I have a feeling I'll need it today.

I hadn't even touched it. I had asked someone else to pack it for me, barely daring to even look at it. I took slow steps towards the box, as if it contained a monster. It really didn't.

Quite the opposite, actually.

I bent down, sat on my knees on the wooden floor and peeked inside. It looks exactly like I remember it... Then, I scolded myself. Of course it does, silly. What, would it have changed?

I tentatively reached my hands inside the box, touched the soft, knitted fabric. Oh, God... I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, a lump forming in my throat. I took hold of it, and lifted it up with shaking hands.

For a while, I just looked at it. Just looked. Then, slowly, agonisingly slowly, I brought Emil's cardigan to my face.

I felt my face crumble up as I felt the soft fabric on my skin, and a memory sprang to life in my mind; of the two of us in his office. He'd called me in to show him a piece of information on his computer, and he'd slung his arm around my shoulders so casually, it was as if it had been the most natural thing in the world. I snaked my hand around his waist, grabbed hold of the surprisingly soft yarn of the cardigan. I had felt so safe then. It felt so casual, yet the whole time, my heart was pounding. He kept pointing at his screen and explained, but I wasn't listening.

"Izuna, are you even listening to me?"

"No..."

I had bent forwards and kissed him then, a feather peck on his lips. He'd just stared at me in surprise.

Then, he'd grabbed my face and shove his tongue into my mouth.

His kiss was so forceful, so desperate, as if he tried to fit in a lifetime of feelings into that one kiss.

I just surrendered to it.

Just surrendered.

When he was done after a good minute or so, not daring to go on further in case someone would enter, we broke apart, panting, him with his hands on my face, our lips swollen, only a word apart, a sliver of saliva connecting us still.

"You wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid", Iteased.

"Oh, shut up", he said and kissed me again.

Tears were streaming down my face now I breathed the fabric in. It still smells of him... Holy shit, it still l smells of him. After all these years.

I let out a whimper as I felt the sweet, musky smell of his skin and sweat. With trembling hands, I opened the brown wooden buttons and carefully put the cardigan on me.

Keith and Cassandra found me a weeping mess on the floor half an hour later.