𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄. 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐃
Her Youth

MINAKO WASN'T PARTICULARLY GOOD at handling her emotions. Ayame and Basile always stressed the idea of communication and how it does 'wonders' for the soul. She did try in her younger years, especially whenever Kyoga had done something to make her upset or whenever she was frustrated because of practice. But for the past three years, it wasn't as if she had the luxury to have a heartfelt one-on-one conversation with her grandparents or Coach Anya or Mathis on whatever was bothering her. As invasive as her grandmother is when it comes to her ice skating career, she was the stubborn type to always interrupt you when you're speaking so talking wasn't really an option. Her grandfather was awkward and so unsure of himself that it felt like talking to a wall. Coach Anya was probably the best out of all four of them, but Minako found herself unable to approach her coach about details of her personal life. And then there was Mathis.

      As terrible of a person as he is now, Minako didn't always seem him this way. Mathis has always been warm and inviting and at the start of their partnership, it was always easy to talk to him about anything. Because he wasn't just her partner, he was also her best friend, just a kid around her age struggling to adapt to their professional athlete world at such a young age. They didn't have time for fun or games; their time was spent training from dawn to dusk and they were treated more like adults than teenagers.

      Being around Mathis made the fear of missing out wash away. Their long nights of practice became long study sessions for midterms or their choreography days resembled high school dances like in every teenage coming-of-age movie. Somehow he became all those little teenage moments with his personality, his smile, and his warmness. 

      He became her youth.

      The conceptualization of love has always been fickle for as long as Minako could remember. Her first glimpse was of course her parents. Watching Basile and Ayame flirt like high schoolers in front of young Kyoga and Minako made her envious of how her father always doted on her mother as if she's the most beautiful woman in the world. And those rom-com movies she'd watch as she stayed up the nights of her practices made her realize all the possibilities of what love can be and how diverse it is. Perhaps she'll never experience a prom night like the American teenagers in her favorite movies do or maybe she'll never get to have a boy ask her out on a date to a drive-thru movie theater.

      But she swears that what she felt for Mathis is love. It had to be. Maybe it wasn't a flurry of overwhelming emotions that is often described in those stupid romantic comedies. Maybe it wasn't a guy serenading a girl with a hundred roses and some stupid pop song in the background. However, the way he threw her in the air and caught her, and stared at her as if she had hung the stars in the skies made her heart skip. The way Mathis often snuck in an extra snack for her so she wasn't peckish during practice made her face flush. The way he encouraged her before a difficult run-through of a new jump and lift made her feel as though there was nothing in the world that could stop her.

      That had to be an equivalent to what love is, right?

      Kyoga has always been the protective older brother type. Minako isn't sure if it was implemented at a young age where he was told to look out for her, but she couldn't remember a time where Kyoga wasn't there for her. When they were kids and their parents would be off talking to the other skaters' parents, Kyoga was always there to hold her back if she felt the need to throttle one of the other girls before competitions. Even when she was in France he'd make sure to email her every once in awhile asking how France was treating her, if their grandparents were overbearing, or if her coach was being unreasonable.

      Life in France was easier. Her emotions and feelings got in the way of things now.

      She got blinded by feelings and her focus on her goal was gone, but she can fix this. She knows she can.

      "Mon minou?" Basile spoke up as he watched Minako scramble around her room. He had just gotten back from his walk with Yua only to return to find his middle child rushing around her room throwing clothes onto her bed and more of her items. "What's wrong? Shouldn't you be in school right now?"

      Minako ignored him as she continued to scramble around her closet in search of her practice tights as well as her passport. The only thing on her mind was going to France and working things out with Mathis so he doesn't replace her. As pitiful and pathetic as groveling may be, Minako was ready to get on her knees and plead with her life. Figure skating is her life and no matter what others may think of her for throwing aside her pride, it doesn't matter. There was no chance of being a winner if she was alone.

      Taking notice of his daughter's school uniform still hung up on her clothing rack and her frantic packing, Basile connected the pieces. He's sure that Kyoga was probably the first person she had spoken to, but there was no denying the facts that Minako now knew. Guilt slowly spread to the bottom of his stomach and his chest tightened at the thought of his daughter upset over this.

      "Manon," Basile tried again as he took another step further into her room. He held his arm out to prevent Yua from entering. He wasn't sure how his eldest daughter would react and the last thing he wanted was for his youngest to get caught up in all of it. "Would you like to talk about it?"

      His daughter spun around, allowing him to catch a glimpse of her face. Cheeks stained with dried tears and eyes puffy and red from crying, Minako has never looked more devastated than she does now. It's never easy seeing your own child in distress no matter how old they are. Something about seeing them in such a vulnerable state brings parents to the thought of when they were just helpless kids who needed their parents to guide them. But Minako was no longer a child and while she may no longer need his guidance, it doesn't change his feeling of shielding her from all the evil in the world. When your child cries your first thought is wondering what went wrong, what you possibly missed to allow your child to be in this state of pain. The next is wondering if you were even a good parent.

      "I — I need to go back to France and talk to Mathis and figure all of this out," Minako gasped out as she tried her best to even her breathing. But it was clear to him that she's still panicking and distraught over the revelation. "I'll get him to understand! I can prove to him that I'm better than Lisette !"

      Her croaky voice and tone of desperation were foreign to Basile. And while most kids grew up vulnerable and small, his daughter was far from ordinary. Minako always sucked up her tears and bit down on her lip to prevent herself from complaining or crying. Growing up in a cutthroat world like figure skating didn't allow room for a normal childhood and that meant time for tears and breakdowns. There were often moments where he had regretted sending her to stay with his parents as she trained, but she always seemed so happy. No matter how difficult figure skating was, she never complained nor did she ever show any signs of wanting to leave. Who was he to decide for her?

      But then there were moments like these that made him want to tear out all the stars in the skies that dared to glow brighter than her, that dared to make her feel small when she is the Sun compared to them.

      Basile wished he was able to shield her from the horrors of the world, to make up for all the times when he allowed Minako to take the blows without him around to protect her. But there was no changing the fact that his daughter, his baby, is damaged and broken because of a world he was more than familiar with. And yet, he allowed her in hopes that she'd thrive better than he had, that things may turn out differently because she's stronger than he ever could be.

      Minako looked more like him than Ayame, but her eyes are her mother's, and the sadness that pooled in their lightness made his chest ache at the mere sight.

      "Mon minou, you have school," Basile tried to reason. "And you know how it works, they're probably working on a routine right now and — "

      "I don't care! I don't deserve this!" Minako shrieked as she threw down the sweater that was balled up in her hands. She stomped her feet and did just about anything to release her pain and anger. "I worked so hard and for Mathis to just take this away from me isn't fair!"

      "Manon," Basile repeated calmly before he bent down and retrieved the clothing off of the floor. He looked up at Minako who was visibly shaking and trying her absolute best to keep her composure. The fists by her side were shaking even as the skin turns white from her grip and the hiccups she tried so hard to hide couldn't remain silent. Her breathing was uneven and short, almost as if she couldn't catch her own breath because of her anger

      "I'm sorry, you know I am," he continued in a small voice. Minako closed her eyes shut at his words as she bit her tongue back to stop herself from crying. "But these things happen and sometimes it's out of our reach. I know how you feel. Really, I do. But going back to France will not fix this. The Lévésque's probably signed a contract with Lisette's family already making their partnership official. We can look over your contract with Mathis and see if this breaches your contract with him, but for now, we can't force him to be your partner again."

      It wasn't like she didn't know all of this already, she did. But hearing her father voice these words and confirm the sinking reality in front of her only solidified her worst nightmares. There was really nothing Minako could do at this moment.

      Numbingly, Minako sat down on the edge of her bed as she stared blankly at her opened and haphazardous closet.

      "But . . . I'm not done yet."

      It's over, she thought to herself. But what poor consolation could she have received to make this pain go away? Those two words repeated themselves over and over again in her head like a broken record player that mocked at her, almost gloating at how the mighty have now fallen.

      The once-glorious Manon Clavette is now reduced to nothing.

      "Mon minou, I'm sorry," Basile whispered before he took her hand into his. He brushed the baby hairs that tickled her eyes before he cupped her face and wiped away the dried tears on her cheeks. "But I promise you that this isn't the end of your career."

      "You don't know that," Minako said quietly as she squeezed his hand, trying to bring herself back to reality. But no matter how much she squeezed, the feeling of his skin in her hand wasn't there. "I'm — Papa, I'm stuck here. I have nothing here."

      "You have me. You have your Mama, your brother, your sister. Even your friends from school and that Seina girl that you agreed to coach."

      "But I'm not done! I can still do it! Please!"

      "I'm not saying it's over," Basile stated calmly before he took a seat next to her. He ushered for little Yua who hid behind the door to come in. Gingerly, the youngest Saito walked in before she attempted to climb into her father's lap. After assistance from Basile, Yua sat on his lap and laid her little head on Minako's lap.

      "Neechama, are you sad?" Yua asked in a small voice as she looked up at Minako.

      Minako snorted as she attempted to wipe any evidence of her tears off her face. "I'm just having a bad day, Yu-chan," Minako muttered back as she allowed Yua to play with the bracelets on her arm. "I'm not sad."

      "You look sad. I saw crying!"

      The oldest daughter couldn't help but crack a smile at the innocence radiating off of her younger sister. "Mind your own business, mon bébé," she whispered before she pinched her sister's cherub cheek.

      Yua beamed a smile at the sound of her nickname before she sat straight up and jumped into her sister's lap. Minako tossed her sister onto her back before she turned around and began tickling the toddler's chubby stomach. Laughter and shrieking giggles filled Minako's room, the sound soon replacing the once echoing screams and cries that previously occupied the space.

      What Minako would do to be as carefree and small and innocent as her sister is now. To not worry about things such as love and boys and purpose. To think that one day her sister who has the rosiest and chubbiest cheeks can one day grow up with her cheeks being red for other reasons makes her heart tighten.

      Once Minako ceased her tickle attack against her younger sister, Yua found herself cowering behind one of Minako's stuffed bunnies. "Is neechama leaving?"

      Minako's smile dropped at her question.

      It wasn't a secret that out of their immediate family Minako is a stranger. Maybe not for Basile or Ayame. Especially not to Kyoga. But for little Yua who doesn't know much about her big sister, Minako was nothing short of a stranger in the beginning. It was hard for Yua to comprehend that she isn't the only daughter, but an even harder idea to accept that Minako is her sister.

      Minako couldn't blame her. After all, they've only seen each other a handful of times in person since her father despises going back to France and his parents and because her schedule was always filled with practices. But their parents tried their best with video calls, phone calls, and showing Yua clips of her performances every once in a while so she was at least associated with Minako. Still, it wasn't until she moved back to Miyagi that she was able to build an actual relationship with her sister.

      Kyoga is still Yua's favorite. Then it's Nishinoya leaving her third on the list which is better than nothing.

      But truthfully, she can't bring herself to imagine her old routine without Yua around.

      She had gotten comfortable and settled in Miyagi, somewhere that once never felt like home.

      And that terrified her.

      "I don't know yet Yu-chan," Minako answered honestly before she plucked the stuffed bunny out of Yua's hand. She gave her sister a small smile before she placed Yua back on her lap. "But I'm still here. And we can play and do everything you want."

      "You swear?"

      "I swear." One day she'll learn that promises are just empty words with no real motive behind it, Minako couldn't help but think as Yua kissed their pressed thumbs from their pinky promise.

      Almost as if he sensed Minako's sudden mood change Basile was quick on his feet and scooped Yua into his arms. Bouncing the giggly toddler on his hip he motioned to the door with his head, "Come on, let's go!"

      "Go where?" Minako puzzled.

      "The rink!" he exclaimed as if it was obvious. With a big smile that matched Yua's, Basile nudged her foot with his own. "After all, it's been a while since you and I have gone skating, no?"

      "But . . ."

      Basile clicked his tongue before he gave her a pointed look. "I'm not a fan of you ditching school, but just this once," he said sternly but the mischievous smile on his face said otherwise. "Besides, I need to make sure you're not too rusty for your comeback."

      "Comeback?"

      "C'mon mon minou, you really think your Papa doesn't have a few tricks up his sleeves? Leave it all to me!" Basile nodded his head to the skates nearly stuffed in one of her duffel bags. "Like I said, it's not over yet!"

      "Papa — "

      "You have ten minutes to get ready and downstairs."

      "Okay."

      "Oh, and don't tell your mother, got it?"

      Her youth. 

      It's not over yet, right? There's still a chance for people like her to fight for one more chance. To make room and to fix what went wrong and move on. Because she doesn't want her youth to be filled with just memories of a boy who couldn't form his own conceptualization of love and relied on cheap fleeting feelings of pleasure.

DAICHI LIKED TO PRIDE HIMSELF INTO thinking that he knew his team well enough, that he was able to distinguish their thoughts, their problems, and all the different solutions to fix whatever was troubling them. By no means was he a problem solver, but he liked to think that he knew each person well enough to figure out the different ways to help them. However, that didn't mean he went out of his way to fix everything, after all, his job was only to guide and support them when needed. What kind of a captain would he be if he did everything for them? But if there is one person on the team who made him hesitant and unsure it's Minako Saito. She's the piece of the puzzle of their team that made absolutely no sense to him with her jagged and torn edges that left them incomplete and him frustrated as to where to place her.

      Kyoga came back into the gym after their heated conversation and it was clear to everyone that they needed to give him space. It wasn't as though Kyoga was acting any differently, but Daichi knew his friend well enough to decipher between his actual feelings and the fake act he gave them of being alright with his overly big smiles and exaggerated laughs at Tanaka's comments. Of course, no one dared to comment on it and thankfully the first-years didn't think anything was out of the ordinary to even say anything.

      As for Minako, well, she never came. In fact, Daichi hadn't seen her at school at all the entire day. He wasn't actively searching for her, but his head subconsciously craned as he passed by Tanaka's classroom in hopes of spotting the second-year manager. Much to Daichi's dismay, she wasn't there.

      For the most part, he goes about his day without really thinking much of Minako. He worries over the latest homework assignment that's due tomorrow, he worries about how Hinata will handle playing against a team like Seijoh, he worries about getting in trouble with the vice president again. There was a lot to worry about and somehow the thought of the pretty brunette slipped his mind. His mind no longer lingers on the ideas that are Minako, her love for unsweetened tea, those overly soggy red bean buns sold at the local convenience store near their school, or the dimple on her left cheek that peeked out every time she smiled.

      It wasn't until they were all at the volleyball club room that his thoughts of Minako flood like an unsuspecting wave. He didn't mean to think about her, but seeing Kyoga as he talks to Suga brought upon unwanted thoughts of the youngest manager. Why he was thinking about Kyoga's sister instead of Kyoga was unbeknownst to him. 

      Maybe it had something to do with his budding friendship with the spunky manager who he's only seen one side of. Kyoga's mentioned before in previous conversations how Minako gets fired up and how argumentative she gets when she's in a confrontation with others and while the team has heard many stories of this before, never had they actually witnessed it.

      In fact, Minako almost seems like a false reality. The expectations, the ideas, everything they ever thought she'd be is nothing than what the truth actually is. She was an open-ended question with no real answer. Even before Minako transferred to their schools Kyoga had already warned them about what to expect when it came to his sister in terms of her possible attitude towards them as well as how to approach her seemingly cold personality. But to his surprise, Minako was far from the curated idea they all had of her. She was quiet, yes, but never was she impolite to them other than the short and curt responses to their questions. 

      But meeting Minako was entirely different from what he had expected.

      Hinata's panic got his mind off of Minako for awhile. With the upcoming practice game with Seijoh, now was not the time to be worrying about things out of his hand. Still, he worried for Kyoga. On top of having to see some of his old juniors and classmates, the fight with Minako couldn't have been easy for the protective older brother.

      As the boys changed and got ready for practice, Daichi found himself glancing over at Kyoga every once in a while.

      "I know I'm pretty but is all the staring really necessary?" joked Kyoga as he slipped on his team jacket. He crossed his arms and leaned against one of the storage closets as he watched Daichi slip into his practice clothes. "What's up?"

      "Just . . . thinking," he half-answered. "About the match and Hinata."

      "We'll do fine!" Kyoga stated proudly. "We're a solid team, we get along great, and heck, like you said this morning we have their weird combo."

      "You're not mad that you're not on the starting lineup?"

      "Why would I be mad? I mean, I'd love to crush them with my bare hands, but let's be honest I'm not at my peak like I used to be," sighed Kyoga as he reminisced on the past. "If I didn't get in that stupid accident I would've crushed them."

      Daichi snorted, "Weren't you a wing spiker back then?"

      "I was, but I just know I could've scared them off with my blocking too! Don't you think me as a middle blocker now suits me?" Daichi shook his head but smiled at his friend's words.

      Kyoga grinned proudly at how he eased up his friend. He pushed himself off the cabinets and moved to the other side where Daichi stood. "Now that we got that out of the way you mind telling me why you're staring? I mean, I know I'm pretty and all that, but I'm a taken man Daichi."

      "You're not my type."

      "Ah yes, your type is girls with big — " Daichi shot him a look. "Anyways, what's up? Are you nervous about me getting mad for not putting me in the lineup?"

      "No. We all know you're a good player and that you're strong," Daichi commented as he folded his uniform and placed it on top of his bag. "But you're still not fully healed and I don't want you to strain yourself because of a practice game."

      "So you do care about me!"

      "Your sister would kill me if I placed you in a game and you got hurt in it."

      "She'll get over it," Kyoga said simply, no hint of playfulness in his words like previously.

      Now's your chance, Daichi thought to himself. He hesitates but as he fixes the collar of his jacket he looks up at Kyoga. "Are you okay?" Daichi started reluctantly. Kyoga stared in confusion forcing him to continue. "You know with you and Minako. Things seemed rough."

      It was hard to ignore the sudden tense look on Kyoga's face. But as if the middle blocker didn't want anyone to notice he quickly smiled and tried to force himself to relax. Being friends with Kyoga for as long as he had has made him accustomed to even the smallest thing such as mannerisms to detect when his friend is lying or feigning ignorance.

      "Oh, that," Kyoga laughed off. "Sorry for that, she's just a bit moody, that's all."

      "She wasn't in any of her classes today."

      "Really? Huh, well, I'm sure it was nothing."

      "You know, you can tell me what's wrong."

      The look of hesitance written across Kyoga's face was difficult to ignore, but then again he was never really the best at hiding how he felt. Almost as if he was well-aware of his inability to lie, Kyoga didn't try to hide it.

      "We just fought," Kyoga admitted, but the way he said it made it seem as if it was an everyday occurrence. He seemed too nonchalant for someone whose sole goal is to ensure his sister's happiness. "That's it, nothing special."

      "It doesn't seem like nothing," Daichi argued in a hushed voice. He glanced over his shoulder and noticed the rest of the team out of the club room before he continued. "Is everything okay?"

      Conflicted, Kyoga exasperated a sigh before he shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. She's mad and I can't exactly do anything about it."

      "What happened? Is she okay?"

      "She's probably digging my grave," Kyoga tried to joke, but even a stranger could tell that the smile on his face resembled more of a grimace than anything else. "I . . . kept something from her. A secret."

      "Oh." What secret was big enough that Minako was able to get mad at her own brother?

      "Sorry for worrying you, but don't worry, she's fine."

      "You don't have to tell me what happened, but if you need some help . . ."

      Kyoga smirked as the two boys headed out of the club room to go to the gym. "Ah yes, I forgot that you're the Minako-Expert nowadays. My bad."

      Daichi shifted uncomfortably at the suggestive tone in Kyoga's words, "All we do is walk to the playground and eat snacks."

      "Ooh so you guys are getting comfortable I take it."

      "Knock it off." Kyoga put his arms up in defense.

      "I was just . . . trying to look out for her."

      Daichi glanced over to Kyoga and gave him a small smile, "I don't think your sister's the type of person who needs protecting."

      "Unfortunately you don't know my sister well enough," muttered Kyoga under his breath. Letting out a dry laugh he looked up into the sky before he groaned out of annoyance. "She does the dumbest things and allows herself to get hurt because of her stupid pride."

      "I don't see Minako as the type of person to be reckless."

      "She doesn't seem like it, does she? She's been living all alone with our grandparents, no one really raising her," whispered Kyoga. Daichi noticed the fists by his sides. "My parents think she's just rebelling because she's still in that child-like mindset. She didn't really have a normal childhood."

      "What do you mean?"

      "Private school. Different opportunities. Not what we had," Kyoga easily replied. The cloudy look in his eyes bothered Daichi. Although it was clear to him that Kyoga was lying, prying the truth out of him made no sense either. "She had it strict and hard. Life here is just . . . different for her."

      "Is that a bad thing?" The idea of Minako despising Miyagi and dreading her daily life here made him uncomfortable. 

      "I don't think it is."

      "Well of course you don't, you've lived here for years. But the question is if Minako is happy here."

      Kyoga scoffed as if the idea was absurd. "Why wouldn't she be? She was born here, our family is here, and we have everything!"

      "Don't think for her. Let her figure out what she wants on her own," Daichi advised cautiously as he watched for Kyoga's reaction. "She's not a kid anymore."

      Perhaps in some regards, she is still a child. From the way she bickered with Tanaka over the smallest thing to get a reaction out of him to her complaining to her brother about how annoying he is for simply calling her name. By no means was she grown nor was she mature, but in some aspect, Minako was far more calloused than any other sixteen-year-old girl he knew. Her blunt and straightforward nature painted the image of a once untouched girl only to be stripped of her pride and humanity by the worse of the world. Her wicked tongue was an indicator that perhaps it was better to cut others before they could even lay a hand on you.

      But Daichi liked to believe he saw glimpses of that carefree girl Kyoga mentioned in his childhood. He saw it briefly during their walks home and that night on Heartbreak Hill. He saw her, a girl who wants to head back into the world without the fear of being scathed by those who want to do nothing but bring harm to the bright-eyed girl.

      He didn't pry during their conversation, but anyone in the gym could vouch that it was difficult to ignore Minako's shouts of rage even if they spoke in a different language. The cracked voice, the choked back sobs, all of it was difficult to listen to, and not even the sound of volleyball slamming against the gym floors could hide Minako's pain. As he made his way back to the door where one of the balls had flown to Daichi's curiosity got the best of him. The sight of Minako's tears and her grabbing his collar was too much.

      "I know, but I didn't get to see her grow up," Kyoga said bitterly as the gym was in their line of vision. The two stopped, not wanting to head into practice just yet. "Three years is a long time."

      "It is."

      "My little sister had to just grow up without anyone helping her. That's scary."

      "She's fine," Daichi repeated once more. He placed his hand on Kyoga's shoulder to catch the taller boy's attention. "But I think you should apologize. No matter what your intentions were you should've let her handle it on her own."

      "The secret's out and I don't even know if we can even fix the damages."

      "That's for her to decide, but for now I think you should just say you're sorry. It's better to fix things now than to wait for it to be over."

      Kyoga lowered his head and nodded, almost resembling a child who had just been scolded by his teacher. He looked up and smirked at his friend, "You know I'm kind of offended that you're not taking my side. As my friend shouldn't you be saying that I'm in the right?"

      "That'd require for you to actually be right," Daichi corrected as the two laughed and finally made their way to the gym. "Do you know what you're gonna say?"

      Letting out a tired sigh, Kyoga shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know. But let's hope she's actually home when I get back. I wouldn't put it pass for my sister to head out to avoid seeing me."

      "I'm sorry?"

      "Nah, don't be," Kyoga brushed off. "I'll probably have to apologize tomorrow morning. I need to walk Yori-chan home anyways."

      "Kyoga."

      "Don't worry, I'll apologize the first chance I can. And then you'll have your happy, perfect little Minako back."

      "Knock it off."

      "Yes sir!"

      Your happy, perfect little Minako. 

FOR THE LAST FEW YEARS, MINAKO HAS HATED the way her feet look. It started around the time she grew aware of her budding career as a figure skater when she had already announced to her parents and almost everyone and anyone she knew that she was gonna be a professional figure skater. After hours of practice and intensive training both off and on the rink Minako studied the way her feet look. They weren't necessarily ugly, but the callouses on the side of her feet and the bottom grew more apparent as she got older. When it's time for her to replace her blades and skates it grew worse. Blisters on the back of her ankle and the bottom of her feet grew apparent and sooner or later her feet became the part of her body she found the ugliest. Yet at the same time, Minako loves how strong they are for they were proof of her efforts; the evidence of her hard work was there even during the times when she felt that it wasn't enough. The scars, the marks, the callouses, all of them were ugly and perhaps lessened who she is as a person, but at the same time, they bared the fruit of her efforts.

      Minako laid on her back on her bed with her feet pointed in the area. She flexed her toes and watched as they curled and uncurled. The red imprints from her tight skates were still on her skin as well as the marks left behind her socks.

      Maybe I'll paint my nails blue, Minako thought to herself as she finally lowered her legs back down. The soreness on her calves almost made her wince. Practices with her father always pushed her beyond her limits and whenever she skated with him it was almost like a switch had turned, forcing him to go from father to coach.

      Of course, he'd never coach her.

      Pushing herself off her back she stood in front of her mirror, examining herself from head to toes. She wasn't sure what about her was attractive to the boys at her school. She didn't feel special. Their school didn't allow for makeup to be worn, no excessive piercings, or any semblance of individuality with their school uniforms. With her sweaty hair thrown in a ponytail, her cheeks still flushed from practice, and her face oily from sweat, Minako felt disgusting.

      Imagine yourself in that dress from two seasons ago, she thought to herself. For that competition in Marseille. The velvet navy one with sheer, blue long sleeves and Swarvoski diamonds accenting the neckline.

      "I am still beautiful. I'm still that girl," Minako told herself under her breath as she turned from side to side to view herself from all angles. Biting back her frown at the sight of the pimple growing under her chin, she forced her award-show smile. "You're fine, you're still beautiful, Manon."

      Silence.

      The younger girl groaned out of frustration before she fell back on her bed with hands covering her eyes. While she'd like nothing more than to take her anger out through screaming or punching her pillows she didn't want to risk getting in trouble for causing a disturbance in the neighborhood. Nor did she want her parents to walk in on her having a hissy fit.

      Skating with her father did clear her mind up a bit and it was entertaining to see Yua waddle on the ice while holding onto the safety cone. For the first time in months, Minako finally got to practice her throws once more. Although it wasn't anything as intense as she's used to, such as a double loop throw, the feeling of being thrown in the air and forced to land on her own and skate backward was as exhilarating as the first time.

      How much longer can I keep doing this, Minako wondered as she stared blankly at the ceiling. 

      How many more trips to the rink until it becomes a hassle? How many more months until she becomes a forgotten name? How much longer can she stay?

      Her father told her that he'd fix everything, that he'd find a way for her to continue, but Minako hates that. She hates being thought of as her father's daughter on the rink. For she wants to set her own path, to become someone bigger than her father, and to prove her own worth in a world where titles bear more importance than your skill.

      A knock on her door brought her out of her train of thoughts. Basile peeked his head into her room and gave her a small smile before he motioned to the hallway.

      "Mon minou, you have a visitor at the door," he informed her as he opened the door further. Yua, who suckled at her bottle looked at her with sleepy eyes before she buried her head into Basile's shoulder. "He's outside waiting."

      Minako frowned as she pushed herself off her bed. Who would visit her at this time of night?

      None of the boys from the team were close enough with her to actually swing by after practice to see her. Well, besides Tanaka, but that's only through an invitation to study or do homework together.

      "I'll get it," Minako sighed as she headed for the door. "Thanks, Papa."

      Her mind racked for the potential list of individuals who might be at her door. It wasn't as though she had many friends in Japan, the few being childhood friends in her primary school days — though Minako hasn't talked to them in years — and the team who is technically Kyoga's friends more than hers.

      But to her surprise, she didn't know who was in front of her.

      He stood in front of her with dark, almost greenish hair. The features of his face are gentle and soft, but handsome. His height made him tower over her and he easily reached the same height as Kyoga. The tucked, white dress shirt and black pants told her that he also attended the same school as her as well as the black coat on top of his shoulder bag. The hesitant and nervous smile on his face made her shoulders relax, almost as if there was nothing to worry about.

      The unknown boy held his hands out in front of her holding out a small stack of papers and a folder on top.

      Minako stared at the papers and then to his face. Immediately his cheeks flush to a pale pink from the sudden attention from her.

      "Saito-san, I just wanted to drop off your paperwork from class today," he stammered nervously as he averted his gaze to his feet. "Your homeroom teacher noted that you weren't here today and I offered to take it to you."

      Hesitantly, she took the papers from his hands. She looked from both sides before she took a step back. "How do you know where I live?"

      At the sound of her cautiousness, he quickly lifted his head and took a step back to create some distance between them. The handsome boy shook his head as he placed his hands up in defense.

      "Oh! No, no, it's not what you think," he quickly stated. His hand flew to the back of his neck as he awkwardly scratched it. "I — I live in the neighborhood next to you. Sometimes when I'm walking back home I see you walking too. I'm in the same classroom as your brother."

      "Oh."

      "Your homeroom teacher is the faculty advisor for my club so during my break I overheard her mention how you weren't in class today so I offered to take it to you," he further explained slowly. He watched her face for a reaction, almost as if trying his best not to overstep any boundaries.

      "Thank you," Minako said sincerely as her lips twitched into a small smile.

      He smiled back.

      "I'm Saito Minako," she introduced herself as she bowed her head slightly. A second later she embarrassedly lowered her head, "But you already know that and now I look like an idiot."

      "It's okay," he laughed off. He bowed his head in return. "Hirano Ryuta. I'm a third-year."

      "Ah, well, thank you for coming all this way to give me my schoolwork, Hirano-senpai," Minako thanked once more as she stepped forward. No long as scared as she once was. "I'm sorry for inconveniencing you by having you come all this way."

      "Don't mention it. It wasn't out of my way anyways," Ryuta asserted. The blush on his cheeks only grew darker at her praise. "Are you okay though? Harada-sensei said that it's unlike you to miss school."

      "I'm just not feeling too well today," Minako lied through her teeth as she hugged her schoolwork against her chest. "But thank you for your concern, really. I should be back tomorrow."

      "That's good to hear. I'm sure Harada-sensei would be happy to hear that." His words made her smile grew bigger.

      "I'm not sure I'm doing too well in her class right now so I wouldn't be too sure of that."

      "Well, I hope that everything in that class goes well too."

      "Thank you."

      Minako wanted to thank him further, but what do you say to a boy? She was never good with words, hence why a lot of the times she often stirred fights because of her poor communication skills and her inability to properly filter her thoughts. She wasn't used to this, any of this in fact. Having to speak her mind, having to interact with people who aren't similar to you. Talking to other skaters was easier because at the end of the day everyone had the same interest, the same goal. But here she was thrown to the open with no real navigational skills to point her to what's wrong and what's right.

      For the first time in a while, this boy didn't want something from her.

      Just as she opened her mouth to thank him once more, the sound of his phone going off stopped her.

      Ryuta pulled out his phone and glanced at the screen. He sheepishly smiled at her before he waved her phone. "Sorry, I should probably be going. My mom needs me to watch my brother and sister."

      "Thank you for coming all the way here to give me my paperwork," Minako repeated once more. She wanted to slap herself up in the head. Was that all she could say to him?

      No, why is she even interested? Because he's nice to her?

      Maybe.

      Yes.

      "It's no problem," Ryuta chuckled. He bowed once more and gave her a wave goodbye. "It was nice meeting you, Saito-san."

      But her youth doesn't have to be just brief moments of fabricated intimacy on the rink. It doesn't have to be drive-thru movie dates or first kisses on prom night. No one can decide on what her youth is, no one but her.

      Youth doesn't have to be Mathis Lévésque or the way he kissed the corner of her lips whenever he was proud of her. Youth doesn't have to be holding hands for the camera or pretending to ignore the fact that he ignited something far brighter than anything she could've experienced. And though her youth and almost all her firsts are with a bright-eyed boy who she thought she'd love forever, it doesn't mean it only has to be that. Youth can be more than just Mathis Lévésque, right? Youth can be talking to sweet boys like Hirano Ryuta without a care in the world. Youth can be worrying about missing class assignments because you were absent one day.

      Youth . . . it's not over yet, right?

      Say something, anything, her subconscious urged her as she watched Ryuta walk away from her house.

      Her insides felt like they were on fire while simultaneously being pricked by needles. It reminded her of the same sickening feeling she gets before she performs a new program or before trying out a new throw with Mathis. 

      But to her surprise, Ryuta turns around.

      "Oh, Saito-san! I almost forgot. Can I ask you something?" Oh no. Memories of love letters and public love confessions flash through her mind as she waited for him to continue.

      Minako nodded slowly as she waited with bated breath.

      "Would you . . . Would you like to be a manager for the boys' swimming club?"

A/N;

Ah an update, finally! So sorry for the long wait you guys! It took me a while because I've just been busy lately and writer's block is a bitch. I'm not entirely proud of this chapter because I feel like it's a bit rushed, but I still hope you guys enjoy it!

I got a seasonal job recently and I've been working out which sucks out my motivation to write afterward because I'm so tired after haha. Not to mention I've been on a Chinese drama binge so my attention has strayed. But with my state going on lockdown once more I might be let go from my job, unfortunately. Who knows!

But for now, here's an update! A big big thank you to Rika for always helping me as per usual and for giving the best advice! I couldn't have updated this without your help!

The next chapter will be better, I swear!

As per usual I'm going to be leaving a bunch of different carrd links here for you to check out. Our world is undergoing so many changes and there are so many issues we need to all be aware of so please feel free to check it out.

Let me know your thoughts about this chapter! Reminder, I always reply back to comments the first week of the update!

Much Love Guys.

( written: december 5, 2020 )
( published: december 5, 2020 )