••••••

"...I think she is a fine woman with beautiful, pale skin and long healthy hair if she didn't have such a mouth on her. Hasn't her husband taught her any better? Pfft. Shameful." I remained quiet. Between Lady Xiaomeng and Wàipó was where I sat, silently sipping the warm tea and munching on the soft given pastries Wàipó kindly asked the servant to prepare in order to ensure my body is healthy enough to conceive a child as soon as possible. The three of us sat outside within our compound, enjoying the warmth of the yellowish sun against our skin, though I sat in the shade so that my color wouldn't darker anymore than it is.

Lady Xiaomeng's sneering gaze was made clear that my unwanted presence outside my home made her anxious and uncomfortable, but it was Wàipó who invited me so I couldn't turn down her offer for anyone else's discomfort.

Zian left early as he always did to his academy. He informed me he wouldn't be back till dark since he would be practicing with his fellow comrades, which left me alone, spending majority of my time with Lady Xiaomeng and Wàipó as they both gossiped about a noblewoman who went against our womanly morals to cancel her engagement to a rich man and began to raise a child that's not of her blood as her blood. I thought nothing much of the situation and didn't dare to state my opinion, so I sat still and drifted within my train of thought.

"And so what of you, Peizhi?" My attention was brought back to reality once hearing Wàipó's call for my attention. Both Wàipó and Lady Xiaomeng were both staring at me, probably curious of why I haven't answered yet, though the look in Lady Xiaomeng's eyes was different. More...disgusted that she forced herself to look at me.

I sat up straight, riling my shoulders back and lifting up my head, hiding any peek of boredom or inattentive from my eyes. "Me?" I questioned.

Wàipó's eyes matched her cheery laughter. "Yes, you. You and Zian consummated your marriage already, correct?"

Lady Xiaomeng's deadly coughs squeezed its way between the conversation. She had choked on her tea, claiming it had gone down the wrong pipe.

"Am I correct?" Wàipó continued, ignoring her daughter's well-being after seeing she was fine. Her wide, pearl-eye beamed with interest, prying if I had done my job as I was supposed to. The only job that's been keeping me in this family and married to Zian.

I froze.

What should I say? Do I tell the truth? Do I lie?

Of course, I couldn't tell them the truth. Lying to my husband was one thing, but lying to my husband's mother and his grandmother — an elder — felt like an even bigger sin, I had no choice but to cover up in order to not bring shame amongst my family or a terrible living condition while living under their roof.

Having sex with my husband on the first night of our marriage was a traditional custom that started long ago that my brain isn't big enough to contain the number of years it has been continued. Sharing the bed with your significant other not only attains your marriage, but proves the woman's virginity is still in contact and proves she is able to bare children once being inseminated by the husband.

"Of course," I took small sips of the tea to help relax my nerves though my hands were a bit shaky.

"And how was it?" My smile was stone-set, not even a fly could make me react. "Tell me all of what happened!"

Lady Xiaomeng huffed. "Please don't."

"Don't listen to her; I want to hear it all. Tell me now, hurry child. I'm not getting any younger."

And if the pain is too much to bare once you both consummate your marriage, close your eyes and think of good things. The pain will be over as soon as you open them.

"It was..." I thought of my mother's words, of what Gho also said to me once, piecing both their stories together. "...painful," I replied. "And a bit weird," I added.

My hand rests above Wàipó's, resting along my arm in a comforting way. "It happens, but now that pain is long gone and you both have shared the bed together, you will be able to find pleasure the next time you lie with your husband, and then hopefully," Body tensed beneath her hand on my lower stomach. "Sooner or later your body will transition in order to carry life! Which is also one of the other main reasons I accepted you to marry my grandson." She leaned over with her brows raised. "I want to be alive to see my first grandchild born. Make it happen soon, do not let me down, okay?"

"Yes," Unable to break her contact, a pressing feeling in my heart that made me impel to do whatever that must be done to give Wàipó what she wanted grew deep. "I will. I will make it happen."

"Good."

I sat quietly as they continued into another conversation I excluded myself from. I knew it was a custom and that my sole purpose in life was to marry, have children and take care of my children and my husband until death takes me away, but I couldn't help yearning more in life than just baring children and taking care of them my whole life. Maybe it was selfish of me to think that way, knowing it was something I must do in order to live well under this roof, but somewhere ingrained in my soul I felt as if there was much more for me than just a simple life.

My thoughts surfaced back once Wàipó noticed someone entering our compound. She stood to her feet to greet whoever that came, though she felt disturbed someone had the nerve to enter without announcing themselves, and Lady Xiaomeng was quick to her feet. She stood in front of me to hide my appearance from the unnamed stranger.

"Lienna, what a pleasure for you to come visit us this time of day!" Wàipó greeted.

My head perked at the sound of Lienna's name being called. I wanted to peek around to see her for myself, but I didn't dare to as Lady Xiaomeng kept making sure my existent was invisible to Lienna's eyes.

"I apologize if I am intruding your time or if I came unexpectedly than normal."

"No, no, you are always welcome to come by whenever it is needed when needed to be." I couldn't see much behind Lady Xiaomeng, but I could see Wàipó's shadow locking arms with Lienna as she walked her over to where we sat.  A spike of pain shot through my foot as Lady Xiaomeng took a step back to keep me hidden. "Why don't you join us for a bit? Come have some tea and cool off with us women. The day grows hotter than before."

Their shadows suddenly stopped. "Oh no, I shouldn't interfere. It will only be quick."

Despite Lady Xiaomeng's nervousness with me being out in the open while guest was present, she kept her head high and spoke with such grace. It was almost enough to fool me into thinking Lady Xiaomeng was a decent woman to think of as a mother. "Then what brings you here if not to join us? Are you here to sell any new fabrics that have been imported from somewhere?"

"Unfortunately not today, but when I do, you will be the first I come to," Said Lienna. "I am here to see a girl named Peizhi. Is she here?"

Lady Xiaomeng had choked on her own spit, her body suddenly frozen, and I was sure she was now more scared than anything. "P-Peizhi?" Even the fear in her tone was noticeable. Or she was just confused? Or maybe both? "What business do you have with her that brings you here today?"

"Xiaomeng Zian, her husband and your son, sent me here to gather her measurements."

"Her measurements? Why?"

A light laughter was found from Lienna's lips. "I don't ask questions, I just do as I am paid to do, which is to record her measurements. Is she here?"

"Well, can't this be done another day?" Lady Xiaomeng offered. "Perhaps I might record them for you and send them later — " Her eyes grew wide with shock as Wàipó personally came over to grab me herself and pulled me from behind her daughter's shadow until I was visible from head to toe. Lady Xiaomeng spun around to grasp my arm, the same hold her mother had on me. "Niáng!" She gasped. "Think of our family's reputation."

Wàipó yanked her grip from off mines with a strong tug. "Don't you mother me and don't you ever grab me like that again!"

Lady Xiaomeng immediately apologized followed by a bow.

"I don't understand why you must be so hostile and difficult when she is here to do her job. If Zian sent her, then it must be for a reason and we both will not interfere with his request. Now go, child. Greet the guest and take her to your quarters."

As told, I greeted Lienna properly and led her the way to my quarters and Lienna followed behind quietly until we were both guarded from the outside.

"Did Zian truly send you here?" I asked Lienna softly. A part of me wished she came to visit because she thought of me as a friend. The first genuine friend I have ever made in my life, but maybe I mixed up 'becoming a friend' with 'being nice' too loosely.

"I sent myself," Did she see the relief flushing from my shoulders as she measured my breast? "I figured you'd be lonely without anything to do as most women are, giving the condition of your situation, and decided to come visit you. Do you feel less lonely now?"

I smiled with a nod. "I enjoy your company."

Lienna chuckled at my bubbly nod. "I'm sure you do as do I." Her arm stretched around my waist with the thin string, tightening it until there was no longer any room and marked it with her fingernail to jot down in her book. "What's the matter? You look as if there is something on your mind bothering you."

Because there was. "It's nothing."

Lienna stopped herself from measuring me and sat on the bed I shared with Zian. She patted the spot next to her, beckoning me to fill that spot. "Come, share with your big sister of your troubles. Maybe my wise mind can be of help."

Once sitting down, my hands buried itself In between my thighs which sucked in the fabric of my gown. "Is it unusual to not want a child...at the moment at least?" I dared to not look up, afraid of Lienna's expression if her mindset was set like Wàipó's and my mother.

"I believe everyone has a different path that leads them into different futures. Not everyone is meant for something and that's okay," Lienna continued. "It might be unusual for others to understand the way you are feeling, but it's not for them to understand or your job to make them understand. If you are not ready for a child now, then you should have a say of when, when you are ready. But the world isn't like that and there are many things you will have to do whether you feel ready or not. Good thing your husband is a simple man when it comes to this situation."

I stared in admiration. Lienna was literally a shining star in my eyes and it grew brighter in such a short amount of time. The way she spoke her words, the way she carried herself, and the way she's experienced in many different forms inspired me to look up to her a lot more. And in honesty, I wanted to be very much like her or a piece of her that I would love to carry with me.

"Do you have any children?"

"No, I do not."

"Why not, if I can ask?"

Lienna was quiet for a short moment."I chose a path that is not safe for a child to walk on. Both me and my husband agreed now isn't the time, but hopefully, sometime later in the future the time will come. But just not now." As if Lienna could read my mind or my obvious expression, her laugh had tried to lighten the tone. "I'm sensing someone is under a lot of pressure, correct?"

"Is it that obvious?"

Lienna shrugged. "Eh, I suppose your body language speaks a bit louder and your questions brought together the assumption."

"I feel exhausted," I openly admitted. "Wàipó wants to see me pregnant soon while she is still breathing, but I don't feel ready for a child. I feel there is more for me out there somewhere then spending my life caring for a child who will soon grow old and abandon me to find their own purpose in life. Adding on, Zian and I haven't touched yet, which I suppose is a bit odd for a married couple, but if the cost of touching each other brings a child then I'm afraid for my future as his wife when he has his needs and for this family, when it shows my stomach has stayed the same."

I hadn't realized I had been holding in this much until I told Lienna almost everything that has been bothering me, and I felt a lot more relieved. Even more now that I have a friend I can share my thoughts with.

Lienna sat up tall, her shoulders pulled back into a lovely pose that showed her mature figure. Nodding in a way that showed she was listening but also understanding where I was coming from as a woman, she informed me, "There are many ways to make love to your husband without getting pregnant." Lienna then stood from the bed after her gaze swept me down.

I scooted on the bed. "There is?"

The cheery look in Lienna's eyes was followed by an even more colorful laughter. "You are too cute for your own good my heart sometimes cannot take it. You and Zian have such similar mindsets I'm beginning to believe you both are truly meant for each other." I lowered my head to hide my inching smile. 'truly meant for each other,'? It did seem nice but a part of me felt as if I was weighing him down.

As Lienna explained the ways I could avoid pregnancy, it came to my attention that these few explanations were much simpler than I thought. She ended up teaching me a lot more than my own mother has taught me in 19years, but I knew it was because she was just not as educated as Lienna or, because her mindset was just as the same and wanted nothing more for me but to bare children the instant I marry. But the more Lienna advised me the more I realized there was a way both Zian and I could get what we want without the impact of what I didn't.

And once Lienna was done , she fetched my clothes so that I could dress myself. For a moment I saw myself in the mirror and paused. "I hope I don't cause you any trouble but do you by any chance know where Zian would be later on?"

••••••