••••••

We found the horses at the end of Lake Shore.

One was meant for Li Wei.

He was supposed to guide me to my designation and then we split ways for good, but not for long. Now his body floats the cold and lonesome current of the river that will one day be discovered by another who won't be me.

Unlike Niáng, we left on good terms. He gave me his blessing to be with Mo Lian Tan. He was warm when we hugged and he smiled at me as though there were no wrongs or amount of blood on my hands that could alter his judgment. He was always on my side. He came back for me. At the cost of leaving his family, he came back and protected me till his very last breath. He saved my life. He saved Mo Lian Tan. He saved us both.

Therefore, I must avenge him.

My end goal is my freedom, and it still was, but I can't leave this country without washing my hands in Zian's blood. I am tied to him, it's the truth. But after thinking it over, killing him will sever the connection between us and then I shall be free of him. Free to move on.

We found refuge. A friend of Mo Lian Tan's opened his home to us without question. We were fed warm soup and given warm clothes to change into, and it was nice hearing stories of their friendship and the kind of trouble they got themselves into times before. I sometimes found myself smirking, wanting to laugh until the pang in my heart reminds me of that privilege I don't have.

So I stood from my spot to not dull their reunion and went into the next room and sat near the blazing fire. We were lucky to survive the freezing temperature in wet clothes. I couldn't feel my arms clutched around his waist for warmth nor my tears streaming along my numbed cheeks. The universe continues to feed my torment for their entertainment yet never give me the pleasure of dying on my own terms.

My head lifted from the fire when Mo Lian Tan entered the room. I'm sure he wants to confirm I'm not holding a knife to my neck like last time. He didn't have to say so; the anxiousness in his gaze and his shoulders relaxing did.

"You didn't have to leave your friend. I came here so it wouldn't be awkward for me not speaking. And I was cold still." I told him.

"My friend is tired and wishes to drink alone. And," He sat next to me after covering my shoulders with the thick sheets his friend offered for the night. "I would rather be here with you. That is...if you wish me to stay. I can leave if you like, but I hope you change your mind because I'm cold still too."

I shook my head. "You can stay."

With a small smile, Mo Lian Tan trailed a somewhat dry strand behind my ear. This causes my cheeks to flush red though it already was due to the weather. "I'm very proud of you." He praises me.

"Why?"

"Because despite the ache in your heart and feeling as though the walls around you are crushing you flat, you weren't neglecting your needs. You kept your head up and you ate your food. You even ate something sweet." He chuckled at his famous saying. "You have truly grown since the last time we had a conversation much similar."

I remember that conversation well. He reminded me the world doesn't stop once the dead does, and that I must continue living because I'm still breathing. It was also the first time I kissed him.

I did eat and keep my head high because I wanted to be strong and continue living despite my inner voice pleading to give up. I'm living for my family. For Li Wei. For Mo Lian Tan. But for Zian too. I live because I plan to kill him. Though, I don't mention that part.

I've dealt with enough grief that I'm better at hiding it. Better at accepting it. Better at numbing that pain wishing to thaw out and spend my days locked in a room laying in bed, neglecting my needs. Withering away as I rest until there was no more. Until I felt no more.

Instead, I moved in front of him so I was now sitting between his legs. He allows space for me to fit between. "You bring out a stronger side of me and I don't credit you enough." I complimented him.

"I have a confession to make," Mo Lian Tan said, as he pushed aside my hair to allow a closer physical connection. "We were never going through with Her Majesty's plan. We are still traveling to Gold Port, but we're looking for a different person. A woman with the tattoo of a snake on her left arm. I can't say what it is, but I don't trust the empress. No matter how pure her intentions may be, I won't place our life in her hands. So, I enacted a plan of my own behind your back."

Still staring at the flames, "Where are we going then?"

"Where I was raised as a boy." By the silent air sneaking through, I knew he waited for me to protest against his plan. But when I remain quiet, not giving him what he expected, he continued. "I was told some time ago that it was no longer a battleground for war and a beautiful place to raise a family and own a farm as you wish. We can thrive there and live as we want. It's very far from the Imperial City, much warmer too. There's a beautiful lake to swim in and a mountain tall enough to climb and soak in the view of the world. But I figured before tomorrow comes, I should tell you now."

I'm not mad at Mo Lian Tan for enacting a plan behind my back. I'm touched he wishes to bring me to his home and introduce me to where he grew up as a boy, but I admit I grew nervous Hēisè Línghún, my father possibly, would be there waiting for me. I doubt he would recognize me as I would him, and there's a possibility he was long dead now...but what if he wasn't? What if he's alive? Would I want to grow a relationship with him and learn another half of my history?

Pushing out my thoughts, I nestled myself further into his warmth. "As long as we're together, I will follow you anywhere. Forever." I told him.

I could feel his smile growing then felt his lips kiss the top of my head. "I'm very happy to hear that. How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Heartbroken but warm."

"I won't have to hide any weapons, do I?" Mo Lian Tan teased but the worry was evident in his tone. After the last time, I'm sure he wishes to do anything to prevent that scenario from happening again.

"No. I promise when morning comes, I'll be here where you see me now." I promised. Finding his hand, I kissed his wrist. Then I find his lips warm from the soup. "I love you." I whispered against them.

He kisses me again. And a few more times. "I love you too."

Gold Port is compacted that people had to squeeze and brush against one another to travel through the diverse crowd. The roads were cluttered with merchants and shacks for resting or grabbing a quick bite. And there are boats and ships bigger than anything I've witnessed before, anchored to the large wooden dock of six rows busy with people docking and heading on. And surprisingly enough, there were many individuals from various backgrounds, some darker than me.

"Gold Port is a popular trading port. You find all kinds of unique people and troubles here. Food too." Mo Li Tan informed when he followed my gaze to an Asian woman with a powdered white face, blood-red lips, and every inch of her body covered in vibrant colors. "Stay close so you don't stray away and keep your eyes open for the woman with the snake tattoo." He tugged me closer.

"Is there more information than a description?" A man passing through almost ran into me, but I moved over quickly. It's my fault for searching the crowds of faces that were covered because of the cool air. "We'll be here all day searching for this woman and I need to get on that boat now."

"She should be waiting near the sixth dock which is up ahead."

We followed along the wooden plank off land, squeezing to make it to the sixth dock which felt further away than it was. Mo Lian Tan's friend was kind enough to offer another set of clothes for us to wear. I wore a dress once worn by his dead wife. The fabric's a bit loose around my frame and dragging the wet snow, but at least I can breathe and it's nothing special or outstanding compared to others. The brown cloak of fur along the edges and gloves hid me well, with no peaks of skin showing but my eyes beneath the face covering. Mo Lian Tan wore a matching color, but since he blended well with the people, he didn't have to make such an effort.

With only four docks to cover, I was stopped by a hand grabbing my shoulder. Fear spiked and I stood with my head to the ground hoping it wasn't Zian but a merchant or the woman we have been searching for. "Show me your face, ma'am." A man demanded. The clanging of his steel alarmed me it was a soldier. The sword at his side remains untouched because I wasn't made an enemy, yet.

Mo Lian Tan ripped off his grip and tugged my body so that his chest filled my view. "How dare you touch my wife with your unmarried hands! I shall cut your fingers off." He seethed all while hugging me closely so the soldier built no curiosity to unveil me himself.

"M-my apologizes. I assumed she was unaccompanied. You may continue."

Once the soldier left, Mo Lian Tan grabbed my hand and walked at a faster pace. "We must hurry and keep your head low. They're checking faces discreetly and more soldiers are profiling than usual."

"We will look suspicious if we're caught rushing to our destination when no one around us is." I told him. "Slow down and blend in."

And we do. We slow down and blend in, but our thudding pulses together might as well reveal our cover. So loud I'm sure the people around us heard it too.

An arrow shot through the sky punctures deeps into Mo Lian Tan's shoulder. His hand slipped my grip and collapsed to his knees with a deep-throated groan as pain entered his system. Blood poured from his wound like a river. A clean shot. I could see both the head and the tail with only the middle being invisible.

The action happened so fast that I had no time to react, pushed by people running to safety, and followed the direction it came from. My breath stopped when Zian met my gaze. He knew it was me even while I'm covered. A sinister look of satisfaction filled his eyes once successfully hitting Mo Lian Tan — his rightful target. High on his horse with his arrow ready for usage, It's aimed at Mo Lian Tan. He was determined to gut him down.

I kneeled quickly to help Mo Lian Tan to his feet through the mist of chaos reigning loose. "Get up! You need to get up now! Please, please stand." He was too heavy to carry him alone and prayed he was well enough to stand. "Please. We're almost there. We're so close."

Though he seemed a bit out of it, Mo Lian Tan came back to earth as my voice reeled him in. He broke the arrow instead of ripping it out, biting his lip to contain the pain and doing his best to stop the flow of blood. A flying arrow struck a man who ran behind Mo Lian Tan. He quickly fell to his death as blood gushed from his head.

Zian grabbed another arrow. He was determined to kill him at any cost even if it meant using his people as collateral damage. His sharp aim never misses.

Mo Lian Tan grabbed hold of my hand and ran through the running crowd. "No matter what happens, we must keep ahead. We must make it — we will make it." He eased out.

"Does it hurt?"

He smiled weakly. "I'm fine. It was just a scratch." He lied.

It wasn't just a scratch. Blood has drenched half of his shirt and created a scattered red trail. There was still a piece of the arrow stuck in his shoulder! He kept his injured arm as stiff as it could be, or else he would hold his breath and pray the pain surpasses. The adrenaline must've given him the extra boost he needed to keep going, or he was being strong for the both of us.

"GET HER! DON'T LET HER GET AWAY!"

Soldiers pushed through the crowds trying to reach us or corner us to a dock earlier than our stop. We kept running and used the people as shields.

Three docks left.

Then two.

"We're almost there!" I pointed out.

There was one more dock to cover until we reached our destination. We will find this woman with the snake tattoo, board her boat where she will take us to Mo Lian Tan's hometown after he's been treated, and together we will live out our lives peacefully.

Just barely reaching the entrance, a group of horses trodded in our direction up ahead. One of those riders being General Wang. They blocked the entrance, our passageway to freedom. Mo Lian Tan tensed at the sight of General Wang. He hopped off his horse waiting for Zian's command, yet his sword was visible and ready to attack. So what is he waiting for then?

Tilting his head, he kissed his teeth three times. "You have made it this far, your highness, but you may stop your fight. You have lost." He limped with his steps forward.

"Stop there!" I commanded.

He doesn't stop. He continued forward. "I do not take orders from you, a woman, the same bitch who injured me and killed my good men." He spat bitterly at a memory created because of Zian, an injury because I chose to survive at any cost. "Time has long passed, but I am not a forgiving man. I vowed to take your head for my leg and I shall die here doing so."

Mo Lian Tan pushed me behind. "Do you remember me?" He asked through his jaw clenched. He was doing everything in his power to remain calm and collected, but his trauma poured like the blood from his wound. A raw feeling, forced to relive that terror with each breath General Wang breathed. "You came into my home and slaughtered my people with your army and burned our house to the ground with my family still inside. And it still...and still it wasn't enough; you hunted us in the woods for days like animals and in each home we sheltered, you were there to take it all away, leaving us no choice but to wait and be met by your sword and hope there was peace in another life."

General Wang seemed unbothered by his past and appeared as if it was nothing new to him, or rather reminiscing the picture Mo Lian Tan painted for him. Then inhaled deeply. "The screams of men and women young and old all sound the same to me no matter where I go. And given my profession, you are not only who's home I took or left stranded like the animals you are. However," He swung his sword in his hand. The other two soldiers hopped off their horses with their weapons visible, only waiting for the signal to attack. "It is glad to meet a new face. I'm sure you have come to kill me. You certainly won't be the first. Or the last. So, let's get this over with so I can finish what I came here for." His eyes found me at the end of his sentence.

I knew then I won't be able to stop Mo Lian Tan or stand in the way of his revenge. I'd be a fool to stop him. The tight pressure of my hand squeezing his made him aware of my presence and my heart broke at his angry tears burning his cheeks when he faced me. To lose everything by the hands of a man who doesn't even remember the rocks surrounding his home or the sky which dawned upon him was heartbreaking. And I felt for him.

Then I nodded, giving approval. "Another day is today. But you better come back to me or I will kill you myself."

Mo Lian Tan unsheathed his sword and kisses me hastily. "I promise."

When the two soldiers came charging, Mo Lian Tan was already off his feet. General Wang stood back, analyzing his technique. I could see he was amused by how quickly he disabled the first soldier's weapon and sliced his head clean off. The second soldier puts up a good fight and managed to cut his arm, but Mo Lian Tan jammed the blade deep within his guts. Blood coughed from his lungs and splattered against the wooden board. Dead on impact.

Leaving only General Wang to deal with.

"You have courage, boy, I will give you that. But unlike these untrained fools, I shall not go easy on you."

"I'd expect nothing less."

Their swords clash together like the rumble of thunder. I tore away my gaze. Though my faith in Mo Lian Tan skills was profound, I don't wish to witness any fatal mistakes and live with that image embedded in my brain. Then I caught Zian hopping off his horse. With the sun hitting his blade of rare steel, he rushed for Mo Lian Tan while he was distracted.

I gasped and ran to place myself between them both. It's a bold move but I knew Zian well enough to know he would never hurt me. At least, intentionally.

Zian lowered his sword before he struck me, a look of disgust morphed his muscles. "You would save him?" He seethed. Even through his rage, he was just as beautiful as the day we met. A beauty that could make even the foolish of fools look past his mistake for love, a fool like me.

"He's mine."

"You are mine!"

The weight of the dead soldier's sword felt heavy but familiar in my hands. His blood stained my fingers tightening around the handle and parted my feet to balance myself just as Zhao Ji showed me. The fur cloak I wore makes home on the ground. And I reveal my face.

Zian notices my readying posture and gesture. "What is this?" His mocking laugh made me feel small in his gaze. He was genuinely confused but kept his distance heeding my warning. "Are we to play games now? Put down the sword before you hurt yourself, Peizhi. Now." The authority in his tone caused my heart to spike.

I don't lower my sword, instead, inhaling deeply to focus through my skills and not by my emotions. "The only way I will ever be free from you is if I kill you here. By my hands."

Zian ducks when I swung my sword to attack. I swung again. Either my skills were poor or the weighted sword caused me to move slower because he seemed to know where I was aiming before I decided my destination. But when stepping aside to avoid contact, I paused mid-way and gave him barely any time to react when I swung at a higher angle.

His muscles stiffened. Blood leaks from a small cut made below his cheekbones. Zian wiped the blood, felt it between his fingers, and cocked his head with amusement beating his eyes. Neither he nor I expected to trick him, but he was wrong to assume so. Or to assume I wouldn't be able to wield a weapon just as good as a man.

Desire coats his presence while nodding his head, licking his lips. "Okay." He accepted the fight and beckoned me forward.

We circle each other, stepping within the stained blood marking our shoe prints, waiting for an open opportunity to strike. But he was waiting for me. I finally give in and launch toward Zian, aiming to kill.

Somehow through my main focus of killing Zian, I found myself held against his chest with the sword tossed to the ground and his sword pinching my neck. When I tried to push out of his grip, the blade barely nicking my flesh kept me in place. He could kill me right now if he wanted to. He could rid himself free from me. He could live on without my weight dragging him further into misery.

"Do it." I encouraged him. "Do it now. Kill me. Free me from you."

My breath hitched when his grip in my hair exposed my neck further, his lips brushing the rim of my red ears. "I don't wish to kill you, Peizhi. I still love you. I do love you." With that, he pushed me away.

Over his shoulder, Mo Lian Tan attacked General Wang's bad leg. He stumbled to catch his breath, to control the pressure around his bleeding wound. General Wang doesn't let up and neither does he. They fought again.

Zian and I started the next round.

There's nothing in the world that I want than him bleeding out the life he took from me, and so I may be the last light of breath he carries on into darkness. While challenging one another, I realized Zian barely puts effort into his swings and would often allow me to take the lead but not too much control that it wasn't entertaining. And that angered me further to know he could best me just as easily as the next but withheld his skills so no true harm came to me. To make me believe we were fighting equally.

And we weren't.

Finally growing bored, Zian disabled my sword. He grabbed my arm tight and tugged my body into his heat, but I refuse to give up no matter how strong or skilled he was.

"Who told you I wanted to stop? Who told you to stop? Fight me so I can kill you! Fight me!" I pounced my fist against his hard armor with every strength I have, and even harder when he stood there taking my hits. I screamed at him...but my screams became sobs...and my strength weakened.

"I let you have your fun and get all your anger out. Now, I've grown tired, and frankly, I'm impatient." Zian's warm fingers stroked my cheek. Reaching my chin, he lifted my head and forced me to meet his patient gaze. Of course, I look elsewhere. "Come back with me, Peizhi." The softest kiss just at the edge of my lips. "Hmm? Can you come home? I miss you. I was torn when you left me. I thought I was never to see you again. Never to touch you again." Another kiss closer than before. "To kiss you again."

I turned from his grip when my skin tingled beneath his gentle touch. He doesn't allow the tears blurring my vision to escape freely, caught by his lips brushing me, and coercing me back into his gracious arms. Into a trap.

Tempted by his affections, I angled my head allowing our lips to connect.

He brushes through my curls, holding my neck and kisses me passionately. And I allowed him to. I allowed him to kiss me. I allowed myself to miss him and feed into his words I so badly craved to hear. I can't just forget our memories together or the first man I have loved. I miss him too. Despite it all, I still love him. I do love him. I will always love him.

I must be insane for feeling this way. A heart indeed is a very complex organism. But, I knew myself and I know what I deserve isn't what I can have with him. At least, not anymore.

I pushed him away. "I hate you." ...though I linger for your touch, and I struggle to convince myself to feel a way about you than all, which can't coexist without tearing away my insides.

"I know."

"And I hate myself for ever loving you."

"I know."

Tears blurred my vision. "You killed Li Wei. You murdered my brother."

"I'm sorry." Was all he said. All he could say.

A low groan escaped his lips at the feeling of my dagger puncturing his left side, under his ribcage. Only so few areas were exposed but only one within his blindspot. I took the opportunity. I stabbed him. It wasn't deep enough to kill him, but deep enough to scar.

Zian accepted the pain, not surprised by my actions. And instead of tending to his wound, he wiped my tears. "Your tears are more painful. Nevertheless, I'm glad it was you to remind me I'm not indestructible. That I still bleed. That I still feel pain." He chuckled weakly. "I plan to carry this scar with pride and with me into my next life. You shall find me this way. My Beautiful Pearl, is its' name." The dagger still buried in his flesh, his warm blood pools into my palm. "So, remember it well because you gave it to me. But I will not allow you to move on with him."

"I don't need your per — "

"And I won't allow you to be happy with any other man who is not me. Your husband." Zian interrupted my words with his own. He pulled out the dagger with a low sigh and tossed it to the ground. "I want you to be happy with yourself, Peizhi, but only if I'm there in the background of your story. At your side. And only me. So, remember him well too because after today, no traces of his existence shall be uncovered."

I smacked his hand from my face. "You call this love, but you only wish to control me!" I cried out. Even now that he's shown his true face to me, it still surprises me. The words spurring out of his mouth surprises me. "This isn't love, Zian! It's never been love if I can't have you to myself without having to share you with everyone else. With your Empress who has been carrying your child through a time I truly needed you — and you weren't there."

He doesn't hide the fact that his Empress is pregnant with his child, although, it surprises him I found out. He was never going to tell me. At least, not soon enough.

"I know what love is because I found it with you. And it's something I cherish more than anything I possess. More than anyone I know." Zian said. "I don't love her. I never will. With her — "

"Don't you tell me it was your duty, for your people? For the crown? Because if you truly wish to uphold your duty, your devotion to me, you would have beheaded the bitch's mother for murdering our child. Instead, you left me. You moved on. And you shame me for doing the same? You're a hypocrite."

Zian's expression hardened and he dropped his hand from my chin. I rolled my eyes. Who knew after everything I've said, calling him a hypocrite would make his cold heart feel something. "Who?" It wasn't a question, but more so confirming his longest suspicion or narrowing it down.

I stared at him as if he were joking, but I realized he doesn't know. He doesn't know it was Empress Xiuying's mother who illustrated the plan to kill me and my unborn child.

I chuckled dryly though it pained my heart. "And you didn't care to investigate further? You must have been impatient for a true heir."

"Peizhi, you must believe me. I had no idea it was her — " His words were shoved down his throat when Mo Lian Tan tackled him to the ground.

My head snapped to General Wang unresponsive. He suffered a deep wound, as though Mo Lian Tan gutted his sword deep within his intestines burning the wood and jamming it up to his neck. His insides were spilled. His ribs were exposed and broken, red meat flapping, his armor cut through like cake. Just the sight of it was enough to make me dizzy.

But I was relieved to know Mo Lian Tan kept his promise and made it back to me alive and well. He won his fight and got his revenge.

But now his fight was with Zian. They shuffled back and forth on the ground until Zian has the higher ground. He bares his sword. Raising his arms to strike, he's determined to finish him off for good. Mo Lian Tan attempted to rise but the pain in his shoulder kept him grounded.

I gasped. "NO!" I rushed off my feet and pushed Zian before he touched one hair on Mo Lian Tan's head. We somehow tripped over his legs —  or Zian wasn't expecting my sudden involvement and it scared him — and I landed flat on his chest.

Something felt off when I landed.

A burning sensation filled my chest, a sticky and wet substance connects us together. Then I noticed the hand which last held his sword was nowhere in sight, and I felt the pressure of his hand pressed against my chest. It was inside me. His sword. Just inches from my heart, thoroughly thrusted, deeper than when I stabbed him. I fell against his chest.

Zian's eyes widen with fear and panic was evident in his voice. "No. No, no, no, no."

"P-Peizhi!" My name screeched at the top of Mo Lian Tan's lungs. Judging by his shouting and his begs to be released, Zian's soldiers were holding him back from reaching me.

My lips parted. Only blood escaped. I tried again. "What's this funny feeling?" I mumbled.

Zian maneuvered himself from beneath my weight. He held me carefully in his arms despite them shaking. The sword still remained. And a look of fear touched his face. "I'm so sorry, Peizhi. Why did you — " No longer able to control his breathing, he choked out frustratingly. "Why did you get in the way you...you foolish woman. It was you who were supposed to cut out my heart so I may never love again, not — " He stopped himself, a silent sob filled his tight lungs.

His tears were confusing. Where we lay was confusing. His shouting for one of his soldiers or people to find a healer was confusing. Is it cold? Or am I cold?

The dark puddle of never-ending blood caused me to panic. Even more when I could feel his blade tormenting my insides and screamed. It so close to my heart, I felt it poking it's thudding edge. Zian held me down from moving, but there was a sword inside of me — his sword! How can I remain calm or stay still?

"Am I going to die? Am I dying?"

"N-no." It wasn't enough to convince me otherwise. "The healer has been summoned. He should be here any moment now. You will be fine."

"Then why are you crying? If I will, then why — " Blood pools in my mouth. It trailed to my neck, wiped by Zian's trembling fingers.

I wanted nothing but to free myself from him, from this world. Even at my own hands I was determined to pass on...but why am I afraid to die? Now that it's come, why am I hesitant to give in? Why am I determined to fight to live?

"I don't want to die. Don't let me die, Zian." I grabbed his arm. "Don't...please..."

He closed his eyes, pained by my desperation. "I promise. Don't speak. Just remain calm."

But just like many of his promises, they were broken.

"Release me! Let me see her! Let me see what you've done!" Mo Lian Tan continued to break himself free. "This is your fault! You don't get to see her like this — please! Don't torture me this way."

Zian ignored his pleads.

I calmed myself for a faith I could no longer avoid. I will die this time. There are no miracles for a wound this deep. "I'm filled with agony that you are in my heart, Zian. Tortured by memories we shared and the empty place I keep open waiting for you to refill it. Even now, I still wait for you." I tell him for the last time if my feelings weren't clear before.

I tried to search for Mo Lian Tan, but Zian's body blocked his view. I won't get to see him during my final moments nor share it with him because Zian wanted it for himself.

"Don't speak, Peizhi." Zian demanded. Even through his tears he found authority.

I ignored him. "I wonder what it'll feel like. To be on the other side, free from your grasp."

"Don't speak like that."

"Accept it." My voice weakened, and blood coughing up. "I will die today. I will die because you failed to let me go."

"No...no you won't. If you had just stayed put, none of this would have happened. I needed you to stay put."

"I've accepted it, Zian. You must too."

Zian grew quiet. He was fighting his reality with an illusion of hope that wasn't available to exchange. Maybe he was thinking of the outcome if he had let me go when I asked. Or he truly saw no wrong in his actions, until fate shifted his desired future. Until I got hurt by his greed.

"It will be peaceful and warm. Not one spec of grey clouds because it'll forever be sunny." It took me a moment to realize he was answering my blabbering. Trailing back my hair, a forced smile tugged his lips. His eyes were redder than a blood moon. "Lots of laughter and a lake just for you to swim in all day until your limbs grow tired. You would love that."

"I would. And it would be funny if in my next life, the water would no longer be my friend. Although I respected it, it took Li Wei and refused to give him up." When I laughed, it hurts. When I cried, it was tormenting. When I breathed, I'm forced to hold my breath. "I can't feel my legs, Zian. And I'm cold. And I'm scared." I told him, another rise of panic ceases.

Zian inhaled deeply. It was only a matter of time.

He kissed me. Soft and tender like the first kiss we shared. He pulled away with blood on his lips and smiled through his pain. "I love you, Peizhi. I will forever love no one else but you, nor am I capable of sharing what with have with another." He whispered. "My heart is torn. This is all my fault. I allowed my greed to blind my judgment. And I — I don't think I can go on without you in my world. And if I do, if I try, I will suffer every day. Even if the sun has risen and the air is warm, I refuse to give myself a moment of happiness."

"PLEASE! LET ME SEE HER!" Mo Lian Tan's voice could wake the whole world if he had that power. "PEIZHI, I'M SO SORRY! I LOVE YOU!"

I offered a weak smile, more of a grimace. Felt like something he would wish to see one last time. "I know," I told him. "I wish nothing more than to see you suffer the pain you've caused me. You deserve and worse. But I ..." I breathed. It hurts to speak. "Give me your word." I push again to speak. "Spare him, for me."

Zian said nothing. I knew just by his silence alone and the burn shifting beneath his gaze that I would think of Mo Lian Tan while I lay with him, he wasn't going to spare his life. At least he knew saying nothing was better than making a promise he can't keep.

My smile fell as darkness craved my vision. The world is still and unmoving. In these last moments, the figure of my mother stands next to Zian. She lowered herself, smiling at me as though I was the only in her world. Like before. Her precious daughter who deserves everything she couldn't give her. Her touch is warm. Real. Intertwining our fingers, she squeezed tighter. A chilled scorned at her fingers brushing along my cheeks.  You can come home, my child. You can come with me. You have done enough.

The smell of the farm hits my nose. Grassy and dry. Familiar. The animals running around, laughter from Fen echoes somewhere nearby. She climbs a tree, our favorite tree we'd play in and sit all day ignoring our daily chores. She waves me over. Come and play with me, sister!

And there is Li Wei. Standing on the porch, waiting for me to run into his open arms. Like the day he arrived from service. He knew I was waiting all day and night for his safe return, just for him to be waiting for me. Well, what are you waiting for? Will you hug me or just stand there gawking all day?

I closed my eyes and return home.

THE END