•••••••

It's believed my baby shall breathe their first breath of air late next month to another month depending solely on my body and the actions I choose to proceed out my days, which was a very crucial time for any pregnant woman. With only my thoughts fulfilling my imagination since I was to stay home until I conceive this annoying, active child, I decided I could no longer be a prisoner in my own home and went out for a short walk around the courtyard.

Wearing an altered attire that doesn't snag at my skin with my hair worn in a half updo, I trailed around my garden to keep tabs on its progress. To also keep watch on Wanue who's a delighted company to always have. Since she was only a child, all she had to worry about was being one. I envy the lightness of struggles she has faced or will face in the future compared to mine. I would do anything to be a child again, might even change my fate from the one I currently chose.

Yan Ran kept to my side like nails in wood. "Your Highness, I don't think it is safe for you to walk any more than 20 steps as the Royal Physician proscribed. It is known the more a mother relaxes and allows her hired servants to do all the work for her, the more intelligent her child shall be. The more it's prone to be a son, which we are fighting for." She mentioned.

"I'm not old, Yan Ran. Why give me legs if I can't use them? It's better than sitting around anticipating this birth." I find my belly again, movements could be seen as the baby kicked at my stomach. I dread the day this baby will be born. "Besides, my child will have the best teachers in the world and will be the most intelligent child in this nation."

"I can feel it." She smiled.

Circling around the garden, my gaze locked on Mo Lian Tan who walked beside Zhao Ji ready to turn the corner as they followed behind me. We agreed that I should focus on my pregnancy first and then worry about everything else afterward. As Zian once said, Mo Lian Tan mentioned there being too much on my plate that he will take care of those problems while I relax. Those problems include Xu Donghai, General Wang, a marriage that's not in his right to fix, and more problems that keep piling up.

As for his master plan to run away together, I will simply pretend as if it never came up during the conversation. And as for meeting my father, if he is who he says he is, and if he is still alive today, maybe I will consider meeting him someday. Just not soon. He deserves to know the woman he once loved is nowhere for him to find.

His face blurred into Zhao Ji's who blocked my view of him, around the same time she asked if something was wrong. I shook my head, wishing to change the subject as she followed my longing gaze to Mo Lian Tan and back at me. Luckily, Mo Lian Tan wasn't aware I was staring as his attention was elsewhere until Zhao Ji mentioned it. Now both of them were looking at me. Great.

"Your Highness," Laoliu grasped my attention at such perfect timing. "Your brother, Li Wei is here to see you."

Excitement grew within as I faced his tall figure entering behind Laoliu, which forced me off my feet and into his arms.

He stumbled at my impact but he was always strong on his feet, so nothing could knock him easily down. Even at my weight. With his hands gripped tight on my arms to keep me in place, he pulled back to get a good look at me. "Peizhi, my dear sister, what are you doing walking around when you should be resting? You could give birth at any day." He nagged.

I released my arms. "Not you too."

"Me too especially. You deserve to relax with a clear mind. Now, let's find somewhere to sit down."

I sit on the couch once entering the sitting area of my home. Li Wei chose to sit in the chair next to me. Yan Ran left to bring in some tea to pour us.

"How are you able to see me? Aren't you always so busy with your new job?"

"His Majesty was kind enough to relieve my duties for the day so that I could spend time with my family — with you. And as you know, I would never refuse an opportunity to come see you."

I smiled. "The way you talk, others might believe you are in love with me."

He chuckled, "It's no secret that I have always adored you Peizhi, but if it keeps unworthy people away, then so be it. I have done my job as your brother to keep you from heartaches and I would defy my own country or give my life to ensure you are kept safe and happy."

My smile stiffened. Of course, Li Wei was unaware of what was truly happening in my marriage behind closed doors. He kept Zian in a good light, identifying him as a provider. Tough-skinned and a husband any woman would dream of having. I wish I could bear my troubles out on his shoulders, but he already has enough matters weighing him down. I'll only add more.

Yan Ran rejoined us with warm tea to pour into our cups. Just as she was about to take her place next at my side against the wall, I motioned for her and the others within the room to leave us be and grant us our privacy. Bowing, they all left.

"I believe I'm confused." The second everyone has left the room, I couldn't help but say.

"Confused about what?"

For starters, everything. I don't know what's going on anymore and I have no solution for either of my problems. But I know Li Wei is the only person who'd take a secret to his grave, and because he shared the same views as mother, he'd always understand my side first. Yet again, I wish to not be seen any differently by my brother nor placed in a difficult spot. "What would you do if your heart wants apples but your body wants grapes?" I asked after a short pause.

He made a face at my question. I would've guessed he figured out I was metaphorically speaking about Zian and Mo Lian Tan, but he couldn't believe I'd be talking about food out of all the many topics in the little timing we had with each other. "Easy. I would eat apples." He took my question seriously. "It's what my heart wants."

"Let me rephrase, what if your heart desires both fruits?"

"Are you asking me to decide what you will eat for a late snack, Peizhi? I imagined our time together would be a much different discussion than food, but you are my sister, and like a fool, I will answer your silly questions. So why not have both? Why choose one when you desire both? There is no harm in eating more and you'll satisfy my nephew or niece, and calm your head from overthinking matters such as fruits."

I nibbled anxiously on my bottom lip. "I know it is just a simple matter to you, but to me, it's everything." Not even allowing a second to pass as I gained more of his sympathy upon my silly questions. "And what if mixing these two flavors creates a dangerous outcome?"

Li Wei sighed. "It will be in your belly. Your belly cannot taste the two flavors and I doubt it would care enough to differentiate the outcome when it will come out of one end. And frankly speaking, I don't know if this is about food anymore." Because it wasn't. It never was. Caught in my lies, I narrowed my head to hide my shame only to find Li Wei's hand warm on mine, smiling warmly to show no judgment toward my questions.  "Whatever it's about, and whether I will regret saying this without context or not, do what you want. If you want apples, eat it. If you want grapes, eat that too. There is always space to enjoy both and more time to decide which you will eat when you feel like eating it. Don't overeat yourself over matters that will upset your stomach in the long run ."

He's right. I don't have to decide now and I shouldn't be forced to as it should be my call to make with whatever choice I have. I don't know why I just can't give my focus to my pregnancy and worry about men later, but it's a lot harder to do when you see one's face every day and another every other day. And both at the same time. The answer to my solution is clear, yet I don't want to follow the clear path. I don't even know what I want! I never do!

"Besides," The squeezing of my hand tugged me from my thoughts. "You should worry about next week instead."

Blank stare. "Next week?"

"Don't tell me I'm the only who remembered your birthday? This will be your first birthday as Guìfēi, and another birthday together after spending your last away from home."

"That's next week? Where has my brain been?"

Actually, I knew where it's been.

"It seems your brain has been everywhere but here." Said Li Wei. "What do you plan on doing for your birthday?"

I took a second to myself to think of a plan but nothing came to mind. When I was a child, my birthday used to be the most exciting day I couldn't wait for. I would never shut up about the many activities I could do out in the world if I had just left to venture out in the city, making up imaginative stories with Fen of a rich woman I inserted myself as. But now that I'm older, my birthday only reminds me of the time I'm wasting. A ticking clock before my youth runs out and my worth rains dry. And after spending my last birthday in that hell with Wanue, I'm not ready to become twenty-one.

I plopped the small treat Yan Ran had brought out earlier into my mouth and leaned comfortably in my couch. "I'm pregnant. There isn't much for me to do unless you are planning something?"

"Maybe I might send you something nice." He proposed. "With my new position, I can provide more and give you what I couldn't before."

"You don't have to Li Wei. Your presence is en — "

"Let me." His pleading eyes reached for approval. Those same pitiful eyes that saw me as that fragile, little girl whom no one wanted to be around. And when that look came about, I knew refusing him was out of the question as he always felt guilty I had been born in a world where no one looks like me, where there are no opportunities for me to excel in. And made it his duty that I know what love and a family is, and that there will be a path for me to follow. "Just...allow me to be a man that can provide for my sister. The first man in your life who will always be there to catch your tears, remind you of your beauty; a person you can always run to when you have no one else or anywhere to go. Please, let me give you something nice while I can."

After a short sigh, I agreed. There's no point in denying my brother of something I was secretly looking forward to. Maybe my birthday won't be all that bad after all or as lonely as it was last year. I'll be a different age, but I will still be the same as yesterday as I will be tomorrow, and as I was last week.

Next Week

It never came to mind how many would care for my birthday as it was a common celebration, and no one has ever made a big deal about it outside of my family until today. The day I woke up to a table coated in a variety style of dishes and fresh fruits, and most importantly, steamy birthday noodles.

Brushing my fingers along the decorative table cloth, I glanced back at Yan Ran failing to hide her excitement which told me she knew of this plan as she was in on it. "Who prepared all of this? My brother?" A smile formed my lips. Of course, he'd make sure I'd eat on my special day.

"No, Your Highness. The consorts of the Inner City came together to surprise you." My smile faltered. It's a nice gesture I guess. "This is from your brother, Your Highness." I waste no time in opening the box Yan Ran revealed sitting on a nearby table. Inside I found a light purple dress made of silk folded neatly and on top, a beautiful gem hair ornament my eyes have yet laid upon. "The dress was given to wear after you have given birth. While wearing it, you will know just how beautiful he sees you as. He as well prepared the noodles alone — I've been keeping it warm all morning."

By the looks of it, the dress did appear a tad smaller than my actual size, but I could care less. It was beautiful and I love it, and I will wear this dress as soon as my baby is born.

Right on cue while I was still admiring my brother's gift, footsteps were heard approaching the room and assumed it was Li Wei until I met her big, round eyes and flushed cheeks. Défēi Wang Xu. "Why are you standing there and not at the table, Guìfēi Pearl? This is all for you so come sit and eat. We can start before the others since no pregnant woman waits for her guest." She helped her attendant place down a container of delighted sweets and took her seat at the table waiting for me to join.

With the help of Yan Ran, I take my seat before the warm noodles blowing against my face. "We are expecting more?" I taste the noodles after carefully blowing away the steam, though it was still quite warm in my mouth. Warm but filling. And reminds me much of home.

"Shūfēi Yiyi was here just moments ago but there was something she had to take care of, but she will come soon. Here try this, I made honey tarts with my attendant. I want your honest opinion."

I do taste the sweet dessert as her eyes watched my every expression and gave her my honest opinion — it was good. Very sweet and gooey in the center but a good treat to have during spring. Taking that as a good sign, she offers we share the treat but save some for Shūfēi Yiyi to try herself. She had also gifted me an abundance of baby clothing and big sizes for my child to wear as they get older.

Laoliu informed me of Shūfēi Yiyi's presence before she entered with another dish to add to the table. However, she wasn't alone. Empress Xiuying staggered behind Shūfēi Yiyi causing the room to grow silent. I was as close to choking on my food at the sight of her pale face and extravagant wardrobe which flaunted her new elevated title. And I'd rather stay sitting then greet her, but because of her higher rank, It would be seen as disrespectful no matter what I feel about her.

"Please sit everyone. You too. You are with child, I could not make you stand." She waved her hand stopping my action as I was about to stand to greet her properly. Her early involvement saved me time and sat picking my fingers under the table. "I hope my presence is allowed as I wanted to celebrate your birthday too. I heard the consorts were gathering here and met Shūfēi Yiyi on the way."

Défēi Wang Xu jumped to her feet, gesturing toward the empty seat. "Your presence is always welcomed, Your Majesty."

"Yes, please sit where you feel most comfortable." Said Shūfēi Yiyi, smiling as she took her seat and allowed her attendant to prepare her plate. The intricate designs of her long sleeves pulled slightly back as she plopped the honey tart Défēi Wang Xu offered into her mouth.

Empress Xiuying took her seat and I couldn't help but lightly push away my food, already losing my appetite by the second. Awkwardness spreads like a plague. It was the first time meeting each other since the wedding. After then, we made no attempt to visit one another since there was no point and we weren't friends to begin with though Empress Xiuying has been trying.

Clearing her throat first, Empress Xiuying thanked Défēi Wang Xu for the treats she offered. "How has the pregnancy been holding up?" She asked me. It was her attempt at starting a conversation to ease the tension.

Of course, she'd want to know. "Fine. Better when I see their face in a month or two."

She smiled warmly. As if it was a wish she longed for too.

Défēi Wang Xu smiled with a thought in mind. "Soon you will end up with child too, Your majesty. And with His Majesty visiting you all the time — " We exchanged looks immediately. " — I'm sure it will take no time to produce an heir."

What did she just say?

Zian has been meeting with her more than once? I wasn't made aware of this. Of course, I knew what had to be done as they are now an official married couple, but it being told by anyone else and not from Zian was painful to bear. And the only way that I could keep myself calm is by resuming my dish.

A nervous laughter trailed from Empress Xiuying's lips, patting her hair softly to not ruin the style. "His Majesty is a busy man. And we are at war. Our duties outside of marriage can wait while we plan for our people's future." It felt like she was trying to believe her own words. And though she could be telling the truth, avoiding contact doesn't help either.

"No need of acting shy, Your Majesty. There is no shame in laying with your husband especially as newlyweds.." Shūfēi Yiyi added.

"I'm not shamed, but we are here for an important celebration. We should focus on that instead."

Their focus was back on me — eating still. A new dish one of them brought in has satisfied my cravings.

"I'm sure His Majesty will pay you a visit soon," Speaking in the air, there was no telling whom Shūfēi Yiyi referred to as she was fixing her dress around the time. I had no interest in playing her guess who games and if I were to guess, the odds were pointing at me. The smallest glance confirmed it. "Since I hear his day has been packed with studies and meetings, once he is finished, I know he shall come visit you. After all, you are the most favorable consort."

"And has His Majesty paid you a visit recently?" Her frowned eyes followed the soft snicker of Défēi Wang Xu who covered her face with her sleeve, glaring silently like a raging wolf. I could feel her cursing me under her breath, yet my higher status held her tongue. "I fear your bed will grow too cold to keep you warm as winter arrives. I care for your health — every one of you. So when His Majesty comes, I shall put in a good word for you."

Her smile stiffened. "How kind of you, Guìfēi Pearl."

"Please, don't give me the credit. You gave me the idea."

Empress Xiuying standing to her feet captured our immediate attention. Her palms pressed against the table as she stood, almost as if there were something wrong with her until her lifted hand signaled her attendant. A box of jewels appeared from nowhere. "These are rare jewels from my country I wish to give you. Let us continue our feast on a positive note and spend current time allowing me to know everyone since I am new here. And I wish to serve us well." She stated sitting down after I've accepted her gift.

•••••

This chapter was originally 6k+ but I split it to leave it on a decent note before the next chapter which is why it probably feels incomplete. I'll have it out next week since I'll be busy practicing and preparing for a competition over the weekend

I do want to mention some of y'all being way to hard on Peizhi. She's still young so of course she's gonna make immature choices and she's not gonna know everything right away and act petty and whatever. Yea, she might have no time for it but that girl is 21 now. Most of events that happened was when she was 19 and obviously 20. That's scary to experience the moment you're able to leave home and see the world and realize it's not what you imagined. Though in her time being 21 was considered old, she's still pretty young with much to learn even if she hasn't learned it yet.