•••••••

Alone. I wasn't alone because I was here with my husband. I stayed to watch the show and he left to buy sweets when I should've gone with him or forced him to stay with me. And then....and then...

I peered up with dry tears in my eyes as I made out the clothes Mo Lian Tan was wearing. He wasn't dressed as a common eunuch working in the Inner City, he was dressed as he always had before our departure. Like him.

I didn't realize that as I was taking in his change of new clothing, he took in mines. And since the cloak I wore didn't cover much of my 'common-looking' dress which didn't look so common, Mo Lian Tan knew right off the batch.

"You are not dressed as how I left you," He pointed out. Even despite all, he managed to smile as if he knew something I didn't. "Has MeiHua decided to give you an upgrade? No worries, I still see you the same and I can live with it."

I don't know how I would react if I wasn't on the edge of hyperventilating once this calm wave has passed and I remember Zian was currently still missing. Would I crack a smile and playfully push him away until he has stumbled over? Would I be offended and march out the room until he has grabbed my arm and apologized for offending me? Would I go along with his joke and tell him I had, until he believes it enough to try and see for himself?

But none of it happens. I don't push him away. I don't show offense — much. And I don't play along. I don't even crack a smile. Instead, I sized him down with a look of judgment. "I could say the same about you," His brows furrowed at my statement. So much for a man who claimed to be honest. "Has someone given you an upgrade to work in the Inner City? Please worry, I do see you differently, but I'm debating whether I can live with it or not."

His playful smile faltered. "How do you know of that place? You work there now?"

"I live there."

The crease between his brows deepened.

"I told you I was married. And my husband happens to be the — "

My head jerked at his finger pressed against my lips. He closed his eyes for a mere second until his gaze coven a sad look. "Don't say it. Don't tell me you are Guìfēi Pearl?" What is this pain in his voice? This doubt of hope he was searching for?

I pushed his finger from my lips as I came to my senses. "Why does it matter? Why were you there? I thought you were on a mission for No Name...unless that was your mission for him?"

"So you are Guìfēi Pearl, are you not?"

"Yes!" I shouted. "Yes. I am. Why?"

Mo Lian Tan stumbled back as his face devoured into an expression unexplained. It was almost as the world which surrounded him had crumbled, paralyzed without realizing the stressful hand that has combed roughly through his short hair and down his sweaty neck to his chest that heaves. I have never seen Mo Lian Tian act out of his playful, blabby character.

It was then, I knew the reality of our worlds had come forward as the fantasy we projected between another hid in darkness.

Cautiously, I took a step forward towards him. "W-what is it? What are you not telling me? Why does my title matter to you?" I continued to bombard him with questions until one of them was answered.

"Because it changes everything." His shoulders fell in gloom and the look in his eyes had softened before it narrowed. "It has placed me into a difficult situation where I cannot escape the consequences no matter where my future lies."

What is he talking about? I don't understand the words he's using.

"I don't understand what you're saying, speak clearly."

Before he had opened his mouth to translate the meaning behind his words I failed to interpret, my ears perked at his voice. His honey-like voice which instantly flourish a calm but anxious wave throughout my body — Zian was alive. He was alive, and he was safe from the stern sound of his voice. And he was looking for me — I paused. He can't find me with Mo Lian Tan or him with me. God knows what he would do to either of us.

Mo Lian Tan as well heard his voice — a voice he clearly recognized. The heavy stomps of guardsmen could be heard passing by as they searched every corner looking for me. "We don't have much time." He said.

"No, we don't. I must get back — don't you come any closer to me!" I jumped back at his figure rushing at my side. Respectfully, he stepped away even despite me pushing at his chest. "I am sick and tired of constantly being lied to by everyone I know! I hate that even despite being lied to, I must be the one to forgive and forget so that I can survive and hold amends, but no one can reflect on their actions and grow from their mistakes because they will do it again as long as I keep forgiving. Maybe I don't know you well enough — maybe not at all — but from what I do know, I thought you would be someone I could finally trust. Someone who would never lie to me but ...you are just like everyone else. And I will not continue this anymore." I don't know what it is about Mo Lian Tan that has me spilling everything to him on a silver platter when I tried to hold it in.

"Then I will tell you the truth. All of it," I stopped myself from reaching the door and faced him. "I will and have always been my true authentic self since the very moment we met. Sure, there have been certain details I hadn't mentioned because we had just met, but everything about me has been real for the most part."

I said nothing but only stared which forced him to continue.

"And I — and I promise I will tell you everything, but I need to get through this first. And to do that, I need you."

I shivered at his words. I've trusted way too many people who have turned their backs on me, and I wasn't only protecting myself but my child and the world they will live in. But as I kept searching for a fault in his words, in his eyes, and his loose promise, I could find nothing. He was telling the truth.

I sighed heavily with my gaze narrowed, mentally slapping my head to the wall because here I go again, willing to give out my trust in hopes it'd benefit my future. "He will kill you," I warned.

I gasped at the sight of a dagger being pulled from somewhere hidden in his clothes. "Do you trust me?" He asked.

"If you're deciding to cut me, then no."

He smiled. "Then you have nothing to worry about." Upon his reply, Mo Lian Tan gritted his teeth at the sharp blade slicing down his forearm. Blood poured. Down his fingers, filled in his palm, touched at the ground, his blood paints a rainfall.

I gasped. "What are you doing?" I jumped in action when the blade met above his eyebrows. Only able to slit beneath a small layer of skin before my hands pulled back on the blade to stop him. No thought came to mind and it was already too late to stop my blood from mixing with his. "Ouch," I dropped my hands with a hiss.

Mo Lian Tan snatched my hands to be viewed under his wary gaze once he realized what I've done."Don't ever do that again. You could've lost your fingers!" He snapped.

The blade didn't cut deep, but it left a red line of blood across my left palm and the tips of my right hand.

We both let out a short sigh of relief, though for different reasonings. He was glad my fingers were still attached, and I was glad I stopped him from doing something stupid. Or at least, I thought I did. "Are you alright? Does it hurt? What were you thinking?" Somehow my hands have been wrapped with a ripped cloth matching the same fabric of his shirt.

"I'm fine," I said with no emotion. "But you — "

"You said you trusted me,"

"I do — "

"Then let me do what I must," His harsh tone in voice barked, and I immediately heeded. Am I at fault for caring? Scared out of mind as the blood gushed from his wound, losing a large amount of blood within seconds. When he finally made eye contact with me, he noticed the deep frown that lay upon my lips. His sharp eyes began to soften as he spoke and his head reverted downwards in an apologetic way. He was unable to look at me.

"I'm sorry."

He took in a deep breath and continued with his words.

"I understand your concern and I know nothing makes sense at the moment, but you have to trust me." Still sensing the anxious look in my eyes, he replied, "I'm fine. This is not the first time I have experienced pain and I'm sure it isn't the last."

I watched painfully as he slit above his eyebrow and used his blood — and mines — left on the dagger to smear on his clothes and regions of his neck and chest. My heart picked up its speed.

Somehow, as my mind had been elsewhere focused on everyone else but me, Mo Lian Tan was standing tall in front of me with his hands reached outwards as if he was gesturing to pick me up. "May I?" He gestured.

I thought he was joking as always, until I realized he wasn't and took a step back.

"Is this necessary?"

I was uncomfortable for multiple reasons. One, he has no idea I'm pregnant with a royal child. I never got a chance to tell him since I as well discovered the situation weeks to months after he left, and I felt hesitant to let him know now. Luckily, because of the dim lighting and my black cloak, my bump was hidden well. Two, I was nervous being carried in his arms. It was a lot different than him taking my hand as we ran for safety or the small touches here and there, but to be so close within each other's space? My stomach twisted at the thought.

He gave a small nod. "It is if we want to sell an act. I was being polite to ask respectfully for your permission."

"You never asked for it before." I scoffed, in a way giving him my permission without clear words.

Amusement filled his eyes. He had taken my hand into his and draped it over his shoulder. I watched as he swiftly scooped me up into his arms and by instinct, I securely wrapped my other arm around his neck. He showed a small discomfort from my weight now being pressed against his wounds. I ignored his pesky comment about me being a lot heavier than I appeared.

So silently, I watched as he tried his best to not show that I was hurting him. Our bodies began to touch and my heart instantly began to pound out of my chest. I was so close to him, closer than I had ever been that I could as well hear the thump of his heart matching mines. He held me close, just as I remembered my belly and shifted uncomfortably.

As he approached the doubled doors, I pressed my hand against his chest to pause his movement. He refocused his attention towards me making me feel small under his gaze. Blood from his wounded face dropped heavily onto my fingers. "I will help you this time, but you promise to tell me everything?" By my tone, he understood this was the last chance of my trust I will give him.

He nodded in response. It wasn't enough. I continued to stare at him, searching for an answer with words.

"I promise." Were the last words before he pushed open the doors to the outside.

No longer the jokester of a man. The one that teased me the most was now holding the impression of a frantic hopeless man. His strong steps were now unsteady and he sucked in more air, causing his breathing to become irregular. He was so focused on grabbing the attention of others that he didn't notice he was practically panting like a dog in the sun.

Blood leaked in his eyes and blinking excessively didn't stop but gathered more blood to paint his eye blood red. He screamed excruciatingly outward towards the many bystanders watching the fire burn. The scream felt real. Everything felt real. Yet I was also playing a part in this fake scenario. I looked out in the crowd and noticed water buckets being dispersed onto the fire, the discolored smoke from the blazes caused the worker-men and guards to cough while in action. Dead bodies surrounded the area, of grievous families and friends stood close and those searching for missing parts of their loved ones only to be left empty. A great depression had filled the heavy air and it felt like a growing nightmare.

In the smoke of the fire, Zian stood with his back turned from us examining the horrific scene and making sure the fire was being put out properly. Some of the guards have stopped assisting the fire and began to carry out the bodies of the beloved. There were guards that stood close by watching intently at their surroundings. They had formed a tight barricade around Zian.

The watchful guards noticed our close distance and began to close in on us, pushing us further backend, barricading my view of Zian. But Mo Lian Tan showed no mercy towards the guards. He used the side of my body to brush against them as he screamed at the top of his lungs like a madman. "Your Majesty! Your Majesty!"

"His Majesty will not be answering any questions further about the incident! Please wait inside your homes for further announcements or be met with violence!" The guard barked at us while finally using force, pushing my body away from him, causing Mo Lian Tan to fall backward.

He caught himself quickly before he lost his stance and began to raise his voice towards Zian.

"Your Majesty! I have found your consort and came to return her back to you safely!"

Zian roughly pushed through his guardsmen causing one of them to kneel and caught himself on the ground asking for forgiveness for his poor judgment to recognize me. It was the same guard that had pushed us earlier. Serves him right.

"Peizhi!?" His movements were rushed and the worried look on his face made me feel guilty as I found my way to my feet. He studied the scene that displayed before him, staring directly at my blood-stained clothing. The blood has nearly soaked through the material where my belly was and my hands and neck had dark spots of dried-up blood.

But none of it was mine.

Not wanting to think about the unthinkable, Zian took me by my arms as if he couldn't believe I was real and standing visible to the eye. He searched my face to check for bruising, slowly receiving a moment of relief. He leaned into my face and spoke in a whisper. "I thought I lost you." His warm hand caressed my cheeks. "Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere? You're bleeding."

I gave him an awkward smile as Mo Lian Tan watched intensely. "I'm fine. I only have small cuts that don't need to be treated immediately and most of the blood isn't mine. I thought I was going to lose you."

He smiled through his worry. "I was far from the explosion, I am fine. You know I can't die easily."

I shared his smile. "Thanks to him, I am safe. He saved my life."

Zian followed my gaze towards Mo Lian Tan. Sized him while Mo Lian Tan greeted him with a bow of respect. "And you are?" Zian's tone was of authority as he spoke out to him.

As Mo Lian Tan began to stand to his feet, I could tell he wasn't as nervous to be in front of Zian. He also stood in a very authoritative and strident way, causing his tone to become more professional.

"I am a low guard. My shifts are in the morning through day and decided to drink with my comrade until we heard the explosion nearby. We rushed to see what was happening and saved as many as we could, until I saw Her Highness being dragged away by suspicious men calling out for help. I did what I must to save her life and suffered a few wounds myself."

He was just a eunuch. Now he is a low guard?

Within the barricade, I noticed Zhao Ji heading in our direction, but her footsteps paused when the sight of Mo Lian Tan came into her view. She heard the words that were exchanged between the two and instantly, I knew she saw through his facade. This isn't her first time dealing with Mo Lian Tan. I remembered her words about staying away from him, but here I was. With him. In front of Zian. She noticed the look on my face and kept her silence. If she was working for Zian I'm sure she would've spoken up by now, and I knew I was in for an ear-full later.

Zian doesn't take the moment to analyze Mo Lian Tan's words or to look at me for confirmation. He turned towards his guards and began to give out orders. "Search the perimeter and send word to the Royal Physician," he then looked down at my condition and continued. "You're going home immediately. There is a carriage waiting for you, Zhao Ji will lead you to it."

Zhao Ji stood by waiting for me. I sent Mo Lian Tan an apologetic look. "What of the guard?" I asked Zian.

Zian almost forgot about his presence already dealing with the chaos around him, he simply didn't want to deal with another problem on hand.

"Send him to a chamber in the Attending Office to be further questioned." His cold stare shot daggers as he simply brushed off his command. "This attack wasn't a coincidence and anyone within and near will be fairly interrogated until I get to the bottom of everything."

Two guards left from the barricade and stood on either side of Mo Lian Tan, grabbing his arms and wrist, holding him ever so tightly. He was now about to be carried away and I had to do something.

"But this man saved my life! Zian, he saved me and — " I briefly kept Mo Lian Tan in view as I took in a deep breath to let out my nervousness, suddenly empty of words. Zian lifted his brow failing to put together my words and waited patiently for me to finish my sentence. " — and our prince, your son. He saved us both." My voice croaked at the sound of the words finally leaving my mouth.

I could feel Mo Lian Tan's stare burning a hole on the side of my face.

I refuse to see his expression because I knew how it would make me feel, but I knew how my words would persuade Zian. I never gendered our child because I didn't want everyone to be disappointed in the outcome if my child's birth wasn't what they expected. I am fine with whatever gender and will love my child effortlessly, but Zian believed it was a boy. For his sake, I knew reminding him of the son he believed I bore would allow him to reason.

Zian's silence lingered in the air before he slowly raised his hand towards the guards. The guards took their hands off of Mo Lian Tan and I watched as he fell to the ground. His eyes traveled from my face, down towards my pregnant belly. It never left.

Zian's gaze was now on my stomach as he thought about the situation before him. "What shall I do then? He must be interrogated for the kingdom and our sake, there is no way around this request."

"Can I ask you for another favor?" His foot halfway from kicking open the door, Mo Lian Tan had asked me.

I sighed, sensing it wasn't much of a question he was asking but implying I will do this favor for him or else.  "What do you want me to do?"

"Do you think you can try to make him grant me a wish?"

"A wish?" I questioned.

"Whatever you do, even if you make it his idea, he must grant me a wish. After all, I brought his beloved wife safely back in his arms."

"For the cost of saving both our lives, he deserves to be well praised." Zian's face was full of thought, he agreed with me in his head. He then faced Mo Lian Tan who was still on his knees.

"I shall grant you a wish for your very desire for risking your life to bring back my wife and our unborn child safely. There are no limits, anything you desire shall be yours when you ask if it."

Mo Lian Tan listened closely and hearing upon Zian's request to grant him a wish, he properly got on his hands and knees to show his appreciation. "Thank you, Your Majesty. I shall grant my wish in these moments." He bowed.

Zian nodded, acknowledging his respect, and awaited his wish.

Mo Lian Tan leaned forward from his bow and directed his gaze at me. His bloodstained eyes were filled with sincere expressions and he spoke in a soft but official way.

"My desire is to serve and protect Her Highness, Imperial Noble Consort Pearl until the day I die. Please grant me my wish."

There were small gasps by those who were watching, including me. Guardsmen came forward close to Mo Lian Tan for requesting something so ridiculous. But Zian halted them.

"Please rise low guard."

Zian was quiet as Mo Lian Tan rose to his feet. We all were. It wasn't uncommon to have a personal male guard since Shūfēi Yiyi and Grand Empress Dowager had one too, but it was uncommon for me. Was this his plan all along? To get close to me or something? What was his plan to begin with? Nothing made sense and the longer I thought of it, the more my head grew a headache. I already have Zhao Ji and it's bad enough I deal with her, and now I must deal with him too? Zian would never agree to this, to allow any man if not him within 3 feet of my presence...but it was clear Zian thought otherwise. It was the first time I could read him clearly and understand why he couldn't refuse Mo Lian Tan's wish. Because there was a gathering of witnesses and Zian said there were no limits to his desires he may ask of.

Zian clasped together his hands offering Mo Lian Tan a still smile. "Very well. But you will still be interrogated. I will have someone to attend to your wounds or you won't be able to protect my wife properly if your wounds were to catch an infection." He faced me. "Home, you go."

Before Zian could get a word in with me, I went quietly with Zhao Ji. Of course, she wasn't going to wait any longer.

"You told me you didn't know him Peizhi, yet you were in his arms like some helpless woman? I — " She sighed heavily. " — I don't understand. And you are well aware of my dislike of this man."

I already have enough to deal with and I don't want to deal with her shit added on too.  I instantly snapped in her direction. "Well I'm not you, and it's not up to you who I choose to be around. Why should I care who you like and dislike? You don't even know him."

She soon opened the carriage door for me, helping me up by my hand into it. "I know him well enough. I know he is not good for you and all he will bring you is troubles."

As I sat down I laughed to myself. "I have been through so much today and my feet are killing me. I have cuts and I'm covered in fish blood, and I thought I lost my husband! And it wasn't because of him. You've been around long enough to know I attract more trouble than anyone, yet you are still here when you know I am no good for you." I told her honestly. "I don't need to tell you everything that goes on in my life or everyone I meet. It's none of your business. And frankly speaking, I would like to go back quietly. So please, for now at least, shh."

She watched me for a moment before she respects my wish and firmly shut her mouth, biting back on her tongue. She sat back and said nothing as the horses' trot , which was the only thing that met the silence.

••••••••

* Smiles *
I get nervous seconds before I update. Idk why but I do