•••••

I woke up to an empty bed, and the first person I saw wasn't Zian but Yan Ran carefully unfolding a beautiful embroidery dress a servant delivered on a tray. As Yan Ran inspected the dress and gave her input on whether it would fit me or not, a servant lighting a strong incense is the first to notice my zombie-like body rise from bed and quickly bowed to greet me.

Yan Ran followed the girl's bow and quickly rushed to my side after placing down the dress. "Your Highness, you are finally awake. You must be hungry. Ming Yue, send word to prepare Her Highness's food."

Zian wasn't next to me either. I frowned. He's the Emperor now so I shouldn't expect too much from him. The window is still open. The sky doesn't look like a morning sky nor night.

"How long have I slept?"

"Over a day I believe, Your Highness." Yan Ran helped me from the bed and sat me down where servants were already decorating the table with delicious meals.

My eyes bulged out my head. "A day? Is that possible?"

"It is when you are with child. His Majesty made it clear that no one is to wake you."

Yan Ran began to explain the multiple dishes that were placed down in front of me. I heard only the first five names and was already shoving my mouth full. I was very hungry, and I know I looked like a woman who hasn't eaten before.

"Has he visit me?"

"About 4 or 5 times," She replied, calculating the time. "He came to visit after his meetings or any chance he had, but he never stepped foot inside the Fortune of Youth Palace. It was almost as if he was afraid to step over the threshold. He'd ask how you were, if you were still asleep, what you ate, and would then leave peacefully. I hope he is not angry with you, Your Highness, but I know he will be pleased to know you're awake."

I smiled while chugging down water. At least he was keeping his word.

But sleeping for that long?

Sleeping for an entire day, almost 2, was hard to believe. But when thinking about it, it began to make sense, understanding why it would happen. I feel much energetic and relieved.  Besides being with child, it was also my first day not having to wake up after a long day of labor to another long day of body aches and pain. Finally being able to sleep without a shout in my ears or barely any rest at all, feels so damn good.

My eyes shot up in a panic, squeezing my thighs shut at a tight pressure pang my lower abdomen."I need to pee. Very badly. " A sheepish grin paint my face.

"Oh, this way, Your Highness!"

After relieving myself, I was not surprised to meet Zian making himself comfortable at my table, eating at my food. Zi Fan stood behind him at his side with a bow to greet me.

"His Majesty heard you had awakened and came to see you as soon as he could. He is very thoughtful." Zi Fan spoke for him.

"I waited a day, but if you need another, I can leave now." A servant of mines poured him some warm tea.

I have mixed feelings about Zian. Though I can't look at him without being reminded of everything, my love for him overpowered and  I don't want to hold this grudge for too long when I know he's trying.

"Another day is preferred but since you're here, you might as well stay." I go to sit across him but the stares from others have stopped me. Is there something I'm missing? Yan Ran hasn't taught me much dining rules or what to do when the Emperor is present besides bow. At least not yet.

When Zian sensed my hesitation, he rolled his eyes playfully before saying, "Sit Peizhi. Why are you standing? Eat." He beckoned me to sit, stuffing a filled dumpling in his mouth. "This is good food." He complements.

A filled dumpling has filled my view when I sat down. I followed the dumpling to Zian leaned over the table with his mouth shaped in a 'ah' shape inching the dumpling closer.

Blush crept along my cheeks as a nervous laughter filled the air. "What are you doing?"

"Feeding you, say Ah," He's not going to let this go until he feeds me, and told me to not worry about Yan Ran and Zi Fan when I glanced at them, and to open my mouth quickly before it gets cold.  I do. "It's important that you and our child eats everything that is set in front of you. He will need to grow into a healthy, intelligent young prince. I also need his stubborn mother strong and comfortable and at peace."

Stubborn. I am not.

"He? What makes you think it's a boy?"

"A feeling," he smirked. Zian glanced around after asking everyone to leave so it was just him and I, but my heart picked up speed as he sat next to me. Heat rushed at his hand placed on my inner thigh. "Do you think it's safe to have sex while pregnant? It won't hurt the baby, will it?"

"Zian!" I exclaimed.

A servant entered the room with a dish to replace. She kept her head down seeing how close Zian was to me. When I threw off his hand, it found its way back. I threw it off again, his hand plopped right back. Much closer than before. And to make it worse, he teases by rubbing his hand around my inner thigh. Close and closer to my opening. With a gasped, I glared at him until the servant left.

I pushed him as far as away from me. At least, I tried to.

"I'm sorry, sorry! You are just so beautiful. And maybe there is something in the air in which I can't keep my hands off you, but if you saw what I'm looking at, you would understand." I ignored him to drink my water, until his lips were brushing up my neck, almost as if he was smelling my skin. Then, he kisses up my neck. Slowly. "But do you think so? Has your mother not told you? We should ask the Royal Physician or a midwife?"

It took a lot within me to venture away from his wild fantasies, or the ones I have dreamed of many times. It's not that I don't want to have sex with him, because I would love to take off my clothes and fuck him now, but because it wasn't common for a pregnant woman to indulge in sexual activities including inner course. I also don't want to hurt the baby. My mother also never told me any of this, and I haven't heard any stories in MeiHua, but if she was here then she would know.

"Zian, I am not having sex with you. It's forbidden."

A moan escaped my lips when he continued upwards and threw my hand at my mouth to stop it. His hand at my waist to help prop my body as he continued toward the corners of my lips — my eyes shot open when he pulled away abruptly. I pouted, glaring at him eating at the food that was set for me. My cheeks were warm when I sat up, picking at the fruit before I ate it.

"L-look at what happened now!" I emphasized my stomach.

"That was..." He then smiles and took my hand in his. "If by you, I will have many more."

"That's too much you are asking from me. I still don't know anything about being pregnant and you don't either. I wish I had someone here to help me."

"You have that attendant of yours. She was around when Princess Jing was born."

I sighed. "Family, I mean. My mother."

He pulled back with a hum. "I forgot. You have been asleep for so long that you haven't checked the west wing."

I stare at him confused.

"So you haven't? Would you like to check now?"

He helped me to my feet and together we visit the west wing of the Fortune of Youth Palace. I have yet to explore the palace and its many rooms since the moment I arrived, my body was stuffed in a dress and my face powdered in makeup, occupied by everything to appreciate what has been gifted to me.

The moment Zian opened the door, my body has shuffled a few steps back by the weight of small arms wrapping around my waist. It took me a moment to adjust the person hugging me before I hug her back.

"I have missed you a lot, Huang Fei."

Wanue.

I looked to Zian with a smile too big to fit my face. "You brought her here?" I beamed.

"It may not be your mother, but for now, I can give you someone to fill that lonesome hole you bear. Hopefully, with the child around, you could feel at ease and more comfortable while adjusting."

I was unable to say something until Zi Fan's nervy character rushed to Zian's side immediately with a bow. "Bìxià, forgive me for interrupting but I come with an important message from General YiFu and the attack on Guangzou's borders."

Zian huffed. "What is it?"

He lifted his long sleeve to whisper the news into Zian's ear so that I or any listening ears near wouldn't hear. The message must've been crucial because the gleeful expression on his face devoured into a blaring deadpan. His lips retract to its original set and his tongue runs along his teeth as his eyes of pure fire and daggers look to Zi Fan for confirmation. Once confirming, his jaw clenched. It was a different version of Zian that I never saw, I almost felt afraid of him.

As if he sensed my fear and genuine concern, his eyes are bright and his lips pulled into a side smirk as if he was a new person though I could see behind his facade. He pressed a kiss against my forehead. "I'm sorry, my Pearl, but I have an important matter to attend to. I will have to spend another time with you."

"Go. I understand."

He sent me a look of regret before he quickly left, almost running out the door.

I was tugged by Wanue pulling me into her room to give me a tour. It's much smaller than my room but her room has lovely decorations that I don't have and I think it fits her well since she is still a child.

"This is cute," I compliment her dress, tugging the fabric lightly between my fingers. Her hair gathered in a braid, skin pure white after bathing but her light tan remain. "Looks very much you."

I sit on her bed after a servant made it and Yan Ran stood silently at my side with a look of grace.

"I like to believe my mother had heard about my arrival to the forbidden city, that she is pleased I will eat well and dress in pretty dresses with a life of opportunities she couldn't provide me."

My eyes narrowed as I thought of my mother. She must've fainted when the word got to her, if it has reached home yet. She would be in disbelief, contradicting herself until she asks Li Wei to confirm what she has read is correct. Maybe the first thing she would do is pray to heaven, thanking them her daughter, who she assumed would have less hope In life, has stumbled upon a great blessing in disguise.

Wanue reached out her hand to feel my dress in admiration. I almost forgot she was here and where exactly I resigned. "But have you seen yourself? You look like a princess! The details!"

"Even better, she is an Imperial Noble Consort," Yan Ran added in. Judging by the way Wanue listened told me they made acquaintance already. "a rank below the Empress. Only one can hold that title and to obtain it you must be very special to His Majesty, which Her Highness very much is."

Mentions of the Empress had me feeling bitter.

Wanue eyes grew big with shock. "Woah, how do you find such a man?"

I like to think I'm lucky. Cocky enough, I like to think I saved a grand leader in my past life. But the real answer lies in dust.

"He found me." That was all I could say.

"I hear you go by another name that was given by your mother and not Huang Fei. Disappointed you lied to me but I can understand why. Which do I use?"

"Jiang Peizhi is my given name. I would love for you to address me by it."

She smiled. "I also hear the Emperor gave you the name I gifted? Your name will be remembered in history and I was the one who gave it to you first. My life is completed."

While Wanue begins to talk off my ear, I make myself comfortable on her bed when she joins me and I listen. With all the time we finally have, we don't have to exchange a quick word or two. She spoke of many subjects including the reaction back at MeiHua upon hearing the rise of my status. Head Feng almost fainted, she said. Su Tan cried. And many others who have kept a far distance from me wished to turn back that time and make acquaintance.

"You know, I have yet to explore the Palace. Why don't we do that now?"

Wanue jumped off the bed with a bounce. "We should! Since we will be living here now, we should know the place well."

"Yan Ran, can you be our guide? I know nothing of this place."

"Yes, Your Highness, I would be glad to. But after we must summon the Royal Physician to check on your health since you've finally awakened."

I give her a vague response and followed behind.

It has been a few days since I have been living in the Fortune of Youth Palace as Imperial Noble Consort Pearl and life has been calm for the most part. When I wake up, I'm met with a variety of dishes and fed until I can no longer storage anymore. I am always ready for the day, but since I chose to stay home while I adjust, I don't wear makeup and I don't wear anything too grand, but because of my title, my attire is never simple unless I chose to rest or bathe. Zian has yet to visit since his time has been occupied with the important matter, and since I asked for more days, he gave them to me. And For many hours of the days, I would hang with Wanue and we would play the games I used to play as a child before I'm stuck with learning the proper mannerisms of a consort and the rules within the inner city.

However, there was no way for Wanue and I to learn and memorize another set of rules while it was scorching hot outside. It was so hot that I had to drink a cup of water every few seconds or my throat would dry up. Even my hair was sweating. LaoLiu sent for frozen grapes and the servants sat near to fan us dry, but there are other ways to spend on a hot day.

"Do you know how to swim?" I asked Wanue out of nowhere. She shook her head lazily and so I scooted closer with a mischievous grin. "Would you want to learn how to?"

"What if I drown?"

"Water isn't to be feared if you respect it," I repeated Li Wei's words. "Besides, I can teach you. We'll be able to cool off in the heat much quicker."

Her brows furrowed in thought. "There is a lake here?"

I shrugged. I haven't been anywhere else besides within the palace, so I don't know what lies outside these gates.

Laoliu standing near,  overheard our previous conversation and greeted us with a bow. I will never get used to being bowed to unless it was my enemies. "Your Highness, there is a lake in the Royal Garden." He replied.

"Royal Garden?"

"It is a beautiful garden which lies within the inner city. Only His Majesty, his wives, and children may visit and enjoy the eye-catching scenery or gather for family social events."

"Ah," I plopped a frozen grape into my mouth. "And how far of a walk is this Royal Garden?"

"Not far, I believe. Would Her Highness care to visit?" 

I glanced over Laoliu's shoulder where Yan Ran has left to refill the frozen grapes again before we move on to our next lesson about proper table manners, and merely shared my attention with Zhao Jì who stood within the room far off the corner blended with the other maids. When she caught my gaze, I tore away my eyes and stared down at my fingers brushing the painted plate.

"What are you doing here?" There, Zhao Ji stood in the sitting area of my quarters when I came back from saying my goodnights to Wanue. I tell Yan Ran to leave us be and continued once she left. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again."

"I'm sorry,"

"Sorry?" I scoffed. "I think it's too late for you to apologize. You should leave."

"Upon His Majesty's orders, I am here to protect you."

"Then I will tell him to send you back. You failed to do your job before, what makes you think you won't fail again? Goodbye."

"Peizhi — "

"You don't have the privilege to speak my name anymore. Address me as everyone does." I demanded.

I felt like a different person. Far different than that innocent naive girl who catered the needs of others to keep them close. Not different in a bad way, but with all this power in my hands and my husband as the Emperor, it surely did help and will be of use in the long run. Though there is much to accept and a lifestyle for me to be molded into, a small piece of me felt satisfied with where I was today.

As that lingered thought came back to me on the night I stayed up, I remembered the words I once told Li Wei. If I become someone people fear, would you still support me?

To be feared, I must gain power. To gain power, I must be feared.

I am a hypocrite, yes. But who is to judge me for no longer wanting to be seen as weak and fragile? Different from Zian, I am a woman. And being a woman in my skin isn't easy at all. Zian wants power for revenge and to control. I need power to survive.

Upon my dim demand, I was taken aback when Zhao Ji bowed respectfully to me. "Your Highness," No mock hinted in her tone when correcting herself. That's something new. "I know I have made many mistakes and I know my faults, but no one is perfect. We all do what needs to be done to survive and you know better than anyone what it feels like to hang on a cliff, being pulled by the strings of those attached. You may never forgive me and that's alright But you were wrong, our friendship was real. To me, at least. Every bit of it was real since the beginning."

"And what? I am your gateway to survival?"

"Yes." She answered without hesitation.

I scoffed into a silent chuckle and lifted a flower pot to place elsewhere in the room. Zhao Ji felt no shame upon her answer. And Maybe I admire her selfishness to put herself first before others, so I can't be mad at her.

I heard shuffling from behind and when I turn to face her she was already on her knees with her head pressed to the ground at my feet. I shifted uncomfortably. "What are you doing? Get up."

"I, Zhao Ji, swear to serve and protect no other but Her Highness, Imperial Noble Consort Pearl , Jiang Peizhi until the last of my breath. I will serve no one but you. My loyalties will lie nowhere but with you. My life has been placed in the palm of your hands so do with me what you must, but give me a chance to make up for my faults. To be real with you."

It didn't take long for me to agree. As there are many aspects I admire about Zhao Ji, her loyalty was another. It was what Lienna loved the most about her, and what Zhao Ji heavily advocated. She was also still a friend I didn't want to lose. And someone I needed.

Laoliu studied my face awaiting my answer patiently. "Yes," I jumped to my feet with a bounce, alerting Yan Ran who rushed over quickly. "Lead the way please."

Yan Ran asked if I preferred a carriage rather than walk the full journey for many reasons including me being pregnant with the Emperor's child, but I politely decline her offer. I don't mind the walk even while the sun burned layers into our skin, and just because I'm pregnant or a consort doesn't mean I'm inaccessible to my daily routine.

But I felt a bit suffocated even after limiting those who followed behind my path. Maids and Imperial guards greeting us along our path as I took in the foreign area. I have been trying for both Zian and I, but it didn't feel like home.

I took a look back at Zhao Ji, who was concentrating on her steps, and then turned back to the front of me. "How much longer until we reach the Royal Garden?" I asked.

Yan Ran spoke up instead. "Not long, Your Highness. Up this path, we will take two lefts and a right until we see its opening." Her words were soft and factual.

"Two lefts and a right...I see." The words repeated back to me until I have embedded the map of her words in my brain, where I then took Wanue's hand and rushed in front of Laoliu, pushing past him.

Yan Ran shrieked in utter shock as we began to create a bigger gap in the distance. "Your Highness! Do not run! You are with child!"

We could hear her faintly as we kept running without any worries in the world. I lost a slipper on the way but the ground below me never felt so comforting. I felt alive. I felt like I could run for the rest of my life. The pressure of having a royal child, of projecting the perfect woman, of losing Zian to another woman was soon weightless on my shoulders. I soon let go of Wanue's hand and ran at my own speed, causing Wanue to linger behind. The heat of the sun melted against my skin and the captured winds that blew in my hair felt like a dream. A dream that was interrupted by a sudden pant along my side.

I looked over to check on Wanue, only to discover that she trailed even further behind. And that now who ran next to me was no other than Zhao Ji. Even though she was a fitted woman, she struggled to keep with me. Wanue became second. I can still hear Yan Ran pleases, Laoliu at her side so that she doesn't trip.

"Your Highness, wait up! Slow down please!"

When I finally reached the Royal Garden, I paused and studied the entrance. There were flowers neatly around the bush which led into a mazed path. Each flower had its own vibrant color and shape. It felt as if spring had come early. Wanue took me out of my daze by reaching for my hand and together, we continued inside.

I was the first to start undressing down to my yāo lán once we faced the lake reflecting off the blue sky. Wanue followed suit though what she wore wasn't as heavy as mine.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to swim in the lake." Zhao Ji protest. She was the first to reach us, hands tight on her knees as she caught her breath.

"It's a blessing I didn't ask, unless you will get in as well?" She gave me a stare, a stare I recognized, and then added to calm her nerves. "I won't drown. I have been swimming since I was a child, the water is not my enemy. Relax."

Taking in a deep breath, she backed down.

My feet submerge into the cool water. I can see Wanue is a bit hesitant, scuffling her toes into the rocks so it would take her a lifetime to reach the water. A smile forms my face. "Are you scared?"

She nodded. "Very."

"What did I tell you before?"

"The water isn't to be feared if I respect it."

"Exactly," I then reached my hand out for her to grab upon her own command. "Then there is nothing to fear. Besides, I will never let you go. And I would hurry before the sun burns you alive."

She giggled at my warning and took my hand.

The others had finally caught up to us, struggling to catch their breath. Yan Ran peered out at the lake to spot us and began to panic. "Your Highness please, this is against the law and I will pay heavily for it." She is now kneeling in the grass. "Guards! Someone save Her Highness before she drowns!" She looked over to Zhao Ji with pleading eyes, but Zhao Ji doesn't bother to meet her gaze. She knew I was in no danger and trust my judgment.

For at least 15 minutes, we were practicing Wanue's technique before she got the hang of it. "Like this?" She kicked her feet in excitement.

The water splashed onto my face and I wiped my eyes laughing at the sudden gesture. "Yes! You're even better than me." I praised.

We were too busy having fun, our laughters being heard even outside of the Royal Garden to notice the area was beginning to crowd and a familiar voice was heard questioning the chaos Yan Ran brought along. "What is all this ruckus that is disturbing His Majesty and his peace?" it was Zi Fan.

Immediately at the sight of Zian exiting between the guards he kept at his side, everyone has bowed to greet him. Wanue clung to my side so that she doesn't drown. This was my first time seeing Zian after the important matter he had left to fix. He look tired, much agitated, but still handsome as ever.

His head cocked down at Yan Ran as he remembered her face. "Why are you not with your lady?" The tone in his voice was threatening, almost as if he was giving Yan Ran barely a choice to answer.

Yan Ran kept her head to the ground. "I-well-Her Highness-she — "

"Because I went for a swim," Their gaze followed my voice as I got out the water, Wanue trailed behind. Zian trailed down the thin fabric sticking to my skin, the brown color of my nipples visible to the naked eye. His neck snapped around, making sure there was no man fucking my body with their eyes, and cleared his throat to hide the light in his eyes. Yan Ran rushed over to dry and dress me again. "It was hot outside and since the water is nice, we came to cool off."

Zi Fan, made his presence known. "Your Highness, you must always greet His Majesty when he is in your presence." His head remained down.

Another rule to learn, one I forgot.

"There is no need." Zian Interrupted but of course, Zi Fan wasn't to let it go.

"Your Majesty, it is the law that you must be greeted upon, even by your wife — " He flinched at Zian's burning gaze.

"Do you not see she is with my child?" He doesn't dare to look since I wasn't dressed yet. "I'd be damned to allow my wife to bow to me while she is already going through many changes of her body. And if something was to happen to her or my child, you will pay for the sins."

Sensing his anger, Zi Fan dropped to his knees for forgiveness. "I deserve to die, Bìxià."

Yan Ran fell too. "I too deserve to die, Bìxià. I should have watched Her Highness well and allowed her to not swim in the lake."

"She did nothing wrong, it was my decision," I told him. "It was hot. Was I to die in the heat?"

Zian doesn't give a second to think before he commanded Yan Ran to dry Wanue off and for everyone to give us both a minute to be alone. He stood quiet, intensely burning a hole through my face, and I stared back anxious to figure out what he was thinking and what he felt. It was hard to analyze the emotions he often kept hidden, and it made me nervous.

Pushing my wet hair behind my ear, I then asked, "Did I do something wrong, again?" My heart thudded softly.

He sighed, a softer look has coven his eyes but the disappointment remained. "The rules here are a lot different than how it was when you were home back in Laoxing." He was careful with how he delivered his words to not offend me. Which wasn't working well in his favor, at all. "It's not proper for you to swim, especially while pregnant, out in the public. You should be home relaxing in peace, and not exhausting your body."

"Proper?" The offense was evident in my tone. "Then what else am I supposed to do, Zian? Stay in the palace, look pretty, and read all day until I conceive our child? It was hot and I wanted to swim. Swimming isn't bad; it's healthy, and it's part of who I am. I am not proper. I was not born into this life, and I don't like these rules. I have changed so much of my life for you, must I keep changing until I become someone more compatible for you?"

He knew I was about to cry when I face my back towards him because he wrapped his arms around my body to comfort my feelings, or it was to keep me warm since I shivered in between my words. His lips felt warm along my shoulder. "Peizhi, you are perfect the way you are and have it so much easy. No one is allowed to talk to me the way you do , and no one can ever call me by my name beside you. And I don't want to change you, I want you as you are, but — "

"But you don't want to be embarrassed and ashamed by others who nag in your ear all day?" His silence answered for me. "you used to not care what others think, and you promised me I could live the life I wanted, which you already broken since I can't have you to myself. But I guess I will never have what I want. You made sure of that."

"Peizhi," He called in a stern voice.

"I'm tired and cold now I've been out the water for too long. I won't embarrass you anymore, Bìxià." He made a face when I addressed him as I should, leaving him after I bowed according to the rules.

I frowned. This is the payment for marrying a man who wasn't meant for me. What do I do now?

••••••