•••••••

His throne parted the room where two groups of older men stood on both sides dressed in three shaded colors of robes, most dressed with specific pins on their robes or dangling from their hats. All turned to see the long-lost Princess who has finally returned to the court. One of those pairs of eyes being Zian, who had the nerve to look surprised to see me as if I were a stranger to him or he was too high for me to be amongst his deify presence.

I should be the one who's surprised to see him. Not him. Is he ashamed I am here amongst others on the tallest mountain reaching divine heaven? As their eyes shifted from Jingfei, dissecting me of the flaws that ranked me as low as a common maid. The filth of my clothes. My dirty hair. Dirt caught under my nails. My black skin — despite being born with — proving to them that I was not on their level.

I feel insulted.

Has Zian been living such a well divine life then as he explained while I have lived my months in hell fixing meals for others to eat before I can? Cleaning piles of human feces until I can rest my head for a few hours before I have to awaken again? Dealing with so much stress and fear that has formed into unhealthy habits and scars, all while he probably kept me as a secret in the name of 'staying low so that General Wang doesn't have my head'? What have I been truly hiding from this whole time?

I feel betrayed.

What has he been doing since we've parted? Because a title as grand as this doesn't just happen overnight, and with a secret even greater it's easy to believe he is not the only one who has shared his burden. The only people he 'trusts' to share it with, all but his wife. Who was supposed to be me, but the clear difference in our clothing — his red/yellow-blazed robe and a red crown with gold dangles hanging in the view of his eyes — and the fact that while he sat on his throne looking down on me who stood beneath him signified our true placement in this world. Even worse, I looked like his slave rather than his wife.

Is that the reason for his shock? The embarrassment I give him?

A pssting sound came from Jingfei. She gestured for me to come forward and bow as she does. There were many people present eyeing me down with their clear judgment , and I don't want to lose my head by the second biggest threat after General Wang. I quickly rushed down the aisle to Jingfei's side where I dropped to my knees bowing with my head to the ground, imitating exactly what she did.

But before my pressed hands to my forehead could touch the ground, Zian's command surged the air. "Rise," He was on his feet when I stood face him. The look in his eyes shared discomfort. On the right of Zian, higher than all the subjects, stood an older man in a royal blue robe. He appeared quiet with a calculating appearance as opposed to the young man around my age biting the inside of his mouth watching the scene unfold. "My dear sister, come. Let me look at you properly."

She left me to meet Zian up the grand stairs.

"You were just an infant on the night we were taken from each other, and now you have grown into such a beautiful young lady. You resemble our mother well"

"Thank you, Li Jun Xu." She quickly adds to save herself when others began to judge her for the way she chose to address Zian, "You must forgive me, I was not raised in the palace so my manners are not up to date. But if I have offended you, please forgive me."

"I understand from a personal experience. Take your time to adjust."

Jingfei traveled back to me following Zian's lingered stare. He was smart enough to figure out my current feelings and he should know that his smooth talking will not fix this situation. Physically and mentally, I'm just tired of everything and everyone in it. And I wish to sit rather than stand.

"I hope you're not displeased I brought her along." Jingfei started. "She has been a great Jiĕjie to me and took care of me as her own. She is sincere and honest and one of a kind, you have great taste."

I don't understand why Jingfei would speak so highly of me when none of it was true — at least the taking care of her part. Was she trying to soften the daggers in my back I received? Or did she truly think that way of me?

"You did nothing wrong; I was going to send for her myself in person but you beat me to it."

I bit my tongue and forced myself to not roll my eyes in front of the audience, nevertheless, the Emperor of this nation where my feet stood deep in its soils. I could feel the plead in his eyes wishing to express sincerity. Wanting to dig in my brain and gain my full attention to force his side of the story to be explained, but I give him the benefit of the doubt. The young man at his side was far more interesting to look at than him.

He finally stops trying.

"Spread my decree, I give this woman before me the title of Guìfēi,*" The color has drained from the faces of all who lie within the room, including mines. And gathered gasp and mutters filled the room. "I give you the name zhēnzhū* and you will resign in the Fortune of Youth Palace."

珍珠贵妃。*

Pearl. He gave me the name Wanue had given me. Imperial Noble Consort Pearl. An elevated title — one of the highest and most difficult rank to acquire — I don't deserve given my low background. I was just a farmer's girl, a bastard at that, and now I have become an Imperial Consort within a day. There are no proper words to express the way I currently felt. Whether I'm happy he'd even remember that name months after or be displeased by his decree he didn't warn me about beforehand. However, something was missing. Something I couldn't put my finger on with all eyes being on me.

I don't know how to respond, my legs could barely stand on their own. Just as Jingfei, I was not born in the palace nor wealthy so I don't know how to act appropriately without offending anyone and the rules that lie within. But I had to act quickly. "Thank you," he allows me this time to thank him properly with a bow, but it doesn't change anything else.

I still feel insulted. I still feel betrayed. I still am angry with him.

A man wastes no time to interject after Zian asked me to rise, the older man right of him with the calculating stare rubbed the side of his face as if he was trying to make sense of the situation or found an opening to an unanswered opportunity.

"Bìxià,*" The older man bowed behind me. Despite his shock and somehow being out of breath, he remained professional when asking. "What of your Empress? Would it not appear rude of you to grant a girl of such title before you have married your Empress? Does she come from a rich bloodline that has given her this title without thought?"

My eyes burned a hole through his head. That was exactly what I forgot about. I might not know of the palace rules and all its titles and so forth, but I know that when there is an Emperor there is bound to be an Empress. His other half, a woman who will be equal to him and the only true one who can call him her true husband. A woman, that wasn't me since clearly my title has been granted.

Zian glanced uncomfortably in my direction, he can no longer hide his shamefaced expression or win me over with words of love. I try to contain myself as best as I could but my thoughts were running all over the place. He's lucky how calm I've remained, biting down on my tongue to conceal the person I truly wanted him to see.

"Do you question my state of mind?"

"I do not, Your Majesty. Forgive me for offending you upon this glorious day. I am only concerned about the backlash you might receive from the people. That is all."

"I have already given my decree, so do not question my judgment. As for my duty to this country and to the people, I shall do what needs to be done."

With another bow, he backs into his place.

"What of the treaties that have kept the nation running, your uncle, Xu Donghai, has placed before you? Will you alter his plans or decide to leave them be?" Another stepped forward to ask.

"Zi Fan send my wife and Princess Jing home to prepare for tonight's feast. We should bore them no longer of politics and long meeting."

My head cocked with a light snort. Now he refuses to spare his attention after mentions of his Empress he will soon have to marry. Fucking joke. He honestly disgusts me.

Zi Fan rushed down the steps at my side beckoning us to the exit. "Your Highnesses, please follow me this way."

I take one last glance toward Zian before I'm pushed out the doors and they continue the conversation the man brought up about the palace before Zian ascended the throne and caught him up.

"Welcome Your Highness, Imperial Noble Consort Pearl to the Fortune of Youth Palace,"

Upon entering another set of gates opposite from the gates Jingfei and I passed through, met with another maze of even more stylish homes, I am greeted by a handful of maids and eunuchs. The women wore a simple uniform consisting of brown and a light color of pink similar to what I wore back at MeiHua but more vibrant and of a slightly different style, and the eunuchs wore the same as the ones I met earlier. However, their colors were a tad darker beside one who wore a blazing red uniform and a maid whose clothing consisted of lime green and light blue.

The palace caught my attention standing tall and brown behind the bowed group of people. The palace was huge and so spacious, the open courtyard could fit my family's home inside and there would still be more space. Shed petals from many blossom trees planted within the palace coated its grounds and blew on the dragon cut roofs creating a peaceful scenery of peace.

"This is Yan Ran, your personal attendant. She served the late Empress and received high comments upon working under her care and anyone she has worked for. She will attend to your needs and teach you the proper adequate and way of the palace."

Zi Fan pointed out the young woman dressed differently from others, who stepped out of line to greet me personally. "I am honored to serve Her Highness, thank you for choosing me. I will not disappoint you."

Behind her, a few eyes were peaking. They were likely judging and their stares made me uncomfortable.

"And this is LaoLiu, your personal eunuch. He will keep this place running and serve you well."

He stepped out of line near Yan Ran. "I will serve Her Highness well."

Zi Fan was about to leave until a memory retraced back, a sung 'Ah' gained our immediate attention. "His Majesty bestows a message upon those within and out the Fortune of Youth Palace; if anyone dares to gossip nonsense about Her Highness, Imperial Consort Pearl, or treat her unfairly or even look at her with poisoned eyes, shall be flogged to death with no chance of mercy."

A silent breeze filled the air. Installed with instant fear, the eyes that stared found their way to the ground where they were supposed to be, and a man who whispered to another sealed his lips shut.

"Imperial Noble Consort Pearl," Zi Fan then faced me. "If you feel someone has treated you as such or plan to do so, do not hesitate to inform me or His Majesty. Justice will be given to you at any cost."

"Thank you,"

The introduction was soon over and Zi Fan left me to prepare for tonight's feast and celebration for Zian's upcoming and my new title. LaoLiu quickly dismissed everyone to their jobs and Yan Ran came by my side taking my arm without warning.

She sensed my unfamiliarity with her action even before I pulled away from her. She chuckled lightly. "Wherever you go I must accompany you as it is part of my job being your personal attendant. But when doing so, you will lift your arm like this," She lifted my arm at a 90-degree angle and then places her hand underneath and a hand on my elbow. "And I will do this. See ?"

"Is this normal?"

"Very, Your Highness."

"Do we have to walk like this everywhere because it makes me a bit uncomfortable?"

She dropped her hand immediately. "I would never want to make Her Highness uncomfortable. However, it is a proper custom that should be practiced in the eyes of the inner city and out. But if you prefer, we don't have to walk this way in the comfort of your home."

Home, she said.

This place didn't feel like home to me. I felt like a stranger invading a place where I don't belong. Because I don't. I don't even think I deserve any of this, despite knowing I deserve more than anyone else here. Maybe I should cherish what I have now and play my role until it runs dry, but it's hard to do so with a husband who has lied about his very identity since we've married.

I was led into a well-decorated room. The first room we entered consisted of five wooden chairs, the biggest built like a bed with blue paddings and gold detailed designs sewn in. A lot of the walls were painted red and natural brown wood mixed, and stitched into the walls behind the couch were peacocks eating at the grass near a field of bamboo trees. Teal-colored vases. Porcelain plates. Odd-shaped candle holders and much more which all belonged to me. Imperial Consort Pearl.

Yan Ran brushed my arm with her shoulder as she stood at my side to take in the view that's to be mines. "Beautiful isn't it? We prepared the palace on such short notice, so I hope it fits your taste. If not, we can always change it around." She responded and then walked away from me. "This way, Your Highness."

I followed Yan Ran into a private room beyond my bedroom I wish I could admire more if my thoughts didn't trace back to Zian and his annoying face, where there lies a bathtub filled with oils and beautiful petals being tossed into the water by two other servants greeting me upon my arrival, it's majestic scent travels the air.

Yan Ran is the first to reach for my gown to take off, her brows furrowed when I tug the fabric from her fingers once remembering the small baby bump. " I will wash myself," I stated.

The servants looked between one another. Yan Ran spoke first.

"Your Highness, this is how it goes. It will also help speed up the process. Are you shy?"

"No," I then thought about it. "Yes, very."

"We are all women with the same parts. No one is here to judge you. If you like, we can turn around as you undress but we will still see you once the washing process begins."

"Then...then I want you, everyone else can leave."

They looked to Yan Ran for confirmation and left upon being told, questioning my demands no more. Once they leave , I then allow Yan Ran to undress me. There is no reason for me to hide my pregnancy, however, there were more than a few reasons to hide it even more. I wasn't ashamed of being pregnant, it's a natural process and I was bound to be pregnant one day or another. I am afraid of the outcome. Zian's knowledge. The forbidden city's knowledge. Embarrassed even. And I couldn't have made it even more obvious by holding my stomach as Yan Ran pulled my skirt down to my feet. She glanced up to hold my arm upon stepping out of the skirt when her eyes caught sight of what I failed to hide.

She gasped, on her feet within seconds. "Y-you're with child?" It wasn't a question.

"I know."

"His Majesty's?"

My long stare portrayed my clear offense. She fell quickly to her knees with her head pressed to the ground as the eunuch did before.

"Forgive me for offending Her Highness. I deserve to die"

I sighed. "I won't punish you, get up."

She got up and led me to the bath to bathe without another word. The water wasn't hot nor cold, it was a perfect temperature.

While Yan Ran is undoing my braids and soaking my hair in water, she continued the previous conversation careful of her words this time. "This is a blessing from above, the first child of His Majesty's harem. If a son, he can claim his rights to the throne after his father. And if a daughter, she will be a beauty too."

It was weird to hear Yan Ran complement the child's— if a girl — beauty, relating it to both I and Zian's genes. Maybe she was sweet-talking and being overly kind and obedient because she feared being flogged to death upon Zian's orders. Or it was her job which she was good at. Or because of this title. Or she didn't mind our clear differences. Or maybe it was all. Judging from the meaning of a 'personal attendant' she will be at my side 24/7, so I guess it's smart for her to play well now to not be on my bad side or replaced by another.

"Zian must not know," if not for her puzzled expression, I would've forgotten. He isn't Zian here. No one knows him of that name but me. "Li Jun Xu....the Emperor."

"But why? It is his child too, and you won't be able to hide it much longer."

"I know. I just...I need some time to process this."

She gave a final nod and continued to wash my hair clean of any traces from MeiHua. Yan Ran helped me dry when I finished my bath. My skin felt soft and smooth from a handmade cream she rubbed into my skin and it smelt mouthwatering sweet. She then helped me into a light blue yāo lán* after I placed on my bottoms and tied a beautiful embroidery blue dress with hints of green above my bump with a green scarf wrapped on my arms. The fabric is soft, made of silk, and rich colors that have never touched my skin before. I couldn't wait to see myself in the mirror.

Yan Ran and I agreed to leave my hair wet. It would take forever to dry and it was much manageable and easy to style while wet. While she worked on my hair, another powdered my face with makeup. I look at the woman in the mirror when they have finished. My brows were colored in. It wasn't dramatic as those I've seen, but it wasn't simple either, more fitting and calm for my features. My cheeks were red the same as my lips but the flower crushed blush met my eyes shading the corners and lightly upwards where a red lotus has been drawn in the center of my forehead, and a black filling that was used for my brows was drawn along my eyelids shaping my eyes more fierce than they were. Half my hair squeezed up from off my shoulders , held by multiple beautiful hair pins and a long braid from the hair that was out wrapped around a hair piece giving my hair a voluminous look.

This was Imperial Noble Consort Pearl.

Not Jiang Peizhi.

I have never worn so much makeup all at once, nor have I ever wore much to begin with but it was different now. Now that Zian is the Emperor who has granted me such a title — 1 rank below the Empress — that comes with so much pampering and care that I never had before, and it was weird. It was all weird and it made me uncomfortable.

A carriage is waiting outside the Fortune of Youth palace and carried me to a decked-out building somewhere within or outside the gates with lights lit everywhere that it could be seen from over the multiple large gates by a child curious to see what lies beyond. Yan Ran helped me out the carriage and once I was announced as Imperial Noble Consort Pearl, I am met with a gathered of eyes in vibrant wear and thick hairpieces, watching me walk down the red floor circled from biggest to smallest in gold details the same as the ceiling that felt it was moving in closer and closer to smash me flat.

I felt my body sway and if Yan Ran wasn't at my side holding my arm as a custom, I probably would've fainted. It was too quiet besides the light music being played in the background and there were too many eyes on me, one of those being Zian's. He sat in the biggest chair above all with both elbows on the table with his hands locked under his chin regarding my every step. Even beyond all that has happened, he still has time to admire the amount of effort it took for me to look like this, allowing his eyes to drape down my body as he paints his picture of me. It was also then that I remembered his lies and his Empress he is to marry that forced me to not feed into his silent compliments. The softness in my eyes drained into solemn darkness and I continued my entrance giving none of my attention to him.

Yan Ran tugged on my arm since we stood before Zian and bowed. "Your Majesty, thank you for inviting me." It was what Yan Ran told me to say, what I had been practicing on my way here so that it came out natural and genuine to my ears, but Zian could easily sense the sham and agitation hidden in my tone as I met his gaze. My lips stiffened as I smile up at him. "May you live for centuries healthy and young."

Even despite the bitterness, he smiled. People were watching. "Thank you, you may seat and join me. And please, continue the show." He wasn't speaking to me then.

Yan Ran then took my hand and led me to the table right next to his. It was a bit lower but close enough that I could smell him — the new him — and feel his eyes burn the back of my neck. I pay him no mind and sat with my back straighten watching the gathering of young women dance to impress their Emperor with their youth and charms.

It was only then I peered at him when his laughter roared as he took another sip of his drink pleasing the young women to do more to gain his affection. I bit the inside of my lip sinking further into my temper. Does he have to laugh out loud where I can hear him? I hated how much he was enjoying himself, agitated at the sprightful sound of his laughter deafening my ears. Of how much of this life he was beginning to look a part of while tearing further away from me and the unforgettable past and intimate connection we shared before this new life, and it made me insecure. Worrisome. And jealous.

Zian has made a fool of me, and so while I sit in fine clothing and in an expressive face of makeup treated better than I had ever been, bits of pieces of my pride sheds refusing to believe I won't be the only one. And that bothered me most alongside everything he's lied about.

In the mid of drinking his cup, Zian found my staring gaze. His laughter immediately stopped and his eyes were suddenly soft as if he were trying to send a telepathic message. He doesn't appear happy nor pleased with the performance anymore — it felt pitiful as if he pitied me. I rolled my eyes and reached for my cup of wine to drink, inches from tasting my tongue until Yan Ran was at my side whispering in my ear.

"Your Highness, you cannot sip the wine. You are with child."

My eyes stayed on the cup strained in my hand before I placed it down with a loud thud catching the attention of a few near me. "Then bring me something I can drink." I snapped. Seconds later, I felt bad. Yan Ran has done nothing for me to act that way and I shouldn't have let my anger out on her. "Please," I added, much softer this time.

Yan Ran replaces the wine with tea instead. I drunk it down in one as it burned my tongue and ate silently at my food. Wild duck with butter with polished rice and potato soup, sweet pastries, and fruits. The duck made me a bit nauseous but I was very hungry and forced myself to eat majority of it.

"Grand Empress Dowager, I thought you wouldn't make it in time since I heard you weren't feeling well."

Everyone stood when Zian did to greet an older woman who entered from aside the building and not center as I had. I stood and bowed as well so I wasn't left out.

"I might be old but my legs haven't given out yet. I refuse to miss the grand feast upon my grandson's coronation. There is so much of your father in you; handsome and almost identical. Hopefully, you will rule better than he did. I can see the fire in your eyes the same as his."

Zian helped the Grand Empress Dowager to her seat at my level on the other side of him. She appeared a cheerful woman with a kind heart just by her smile alone, and she reminded me of Wàipó in her manners and age. Grand Empress Dowager is finally able to catch my eye. There's a hesitant look and she sat as if she were waiting for something to happen. Something I waited for too.

Heat builds my backside. "She is waiting for you to greet her," Yan Ran whispered.

More rules and customs. Great.

With the help of Yan Ran, I stood from my seat and walked over to greet the Grand Empress Dowager with the same line I learned from Yan Ran. "Grand Empress Dowager, I am humbled to be upon your presence. May your youth..." Yan Ran is shaking her head from the corner of my eyes. "...and beauty live on...good health...and.." my voice slowly drained into silence.

She laughed into her sleeve, her eyes appeared smaller. Zian smirked as well. Was that not what I was supposed to say? I lowered my face to hide my embarrassment.

Grand Empress Dowager turned to Zian. "Well isn't she cute and funny, I might enjoy her presence. Stand, please. No need to butter me, I know where my beauty relies upon." I believe she is talking to me now so I stand. "And you must be..."

"My wife," Zian answered before me. Ignoring my glare and continued, "Imperial Noble Consort Pearl, Jiang Peizhi"

She opened her mouth with an "Ah" and asked me to come closer so that she may get a better look at me. "Beautiful, she is. Gentle brown eyes, a perfectly angled nose, a healthy shape, and different all around. Your skin is a bit dark dear, are you always outside?"

"Uh," I am hesitant. Do I tell her the real me, a dirt poor farmer's girl who was born out of an affair? Or do I make up a story and start my new life here?

Zian opened his mouth first, "I believe — "

"As a child, I enjoyed playing outside as much as I do now since she has never left me," I interrupted him. "But this is the way I was born and I can't change it, nor do I wish to, Grand Empress Dowager. I hope it causes you no discomfort for something I like."

Yan Ran was on her knees on my behalf. I'm confused. I don't think I said anything wrong.

There's a long stare until Grand Empress Dowager opened her mouth. "I can see why you have married her, Li Jun Xu. Not only is she funny in a peculiar way with a beauty outside the common standards, but she is firm with who she is within and what she wants without. Her tongue tainted in sweet poison but eyes of a soft gentle breeze. A great match for His Majesty, and most likely the only company within the inner city I might have join me someday for some fun. What do you say, would you like to let your inner child out sometime?"

I couldn't hide my smile from aching my cheeks. The first genuine smile I have shown since arriving at the palace. Grand Empress Dowager reminded me so much of Wàipó in a sense that made me feel this was another chance to make up for what I have done before. Whether she genuinely thought I was worthy of a man I loved, or just being kind upon my given title despite her rank heavens ahead of me, I took her compliment with grace and held her words closely.

"Thank you, Grand Empress Dowager. I would love to accompany you."

She only smiles and motions her hand for me to stand and tells me I should enjoy the feast and to eat well. Zian was watching me as I returned to my seat and I don't dare give him the satisfaction to give him any more of my attention. The young group of women left and another set of women joins the floor to entertain their Emperor.

"You look tired, Your Highness." Yan Ran said out of nowhere.

I had been eating so much and close to emptying many of my plates given my new appetite. I have met way too many people to remember and drowned my ears with the music being played so that I don't have to focus on Zian when he was on my mind the entire time. And yes, yes I am very tired and I can't stand being here any longer.

"Do you wish to retire?"

I only nodded my head.

"Let's get you back so that you may rest," coming closer to me she said, "you must say your goodbyes to His Majesty and Her Royal Grand Majesty before you leave."

As if Zian heard what Yan Ran told me or saw what I was about to do, he raised his hand and simply said, "It's fine. She is tired so please take her back safely." And to me. "You rest. I will find you after and then we can talk." There's a clear message behind his last sentence.

We shared a long, hard stare before his attention was pulled by someone greeting to grab their attention and I allowed Yan Ran to take me back to rest for a bit.

••••••

贵妃 [ Guìfēi ] = Noble/ Imperial Consort

珍珠 [ Zhēnzhū ] = Pearl

珍珠贵妃 [ Zhēnzhū Guìfēi ] = Imperial Consort Pearl

陛下 [ Bìxià ] = Your Majesty

腰欄 [ Yāo Lán ] = A scooped neck shirt with a connecting waist piece

This was something. Took me longer than I thought to edit cause I just write and write until i feel like going back to edit. But I know we catch wait for that visit Zian talking about or what's to happen during then cause he do got Peizhi fucked up a bit