••••••

I'm pulled from my rest at the warm feeling of someone's fingers brushing through my hair from my face and tracing it gently down my cheek to where I felt something even warmer and soft pressed lightly against my lips. It didn't take long to register that someone has broken into the room and is trying to have their way with me after finding me alone.

I try to think of what I should do. Do I fight back? Do I run? Do I give up and let them have their way with me? But I was too tired to think of some elaborate plan as the only message that rammed my brain is to run.

To push him and run for help quickly.

With a gasp, I jumped from my bed with my arms pushed out, successfully pushing the pervert from off me. Their chest is broad and hard against my hand. And it was too dark to see them especially since I've just awoken, but I can make their figure out to be a man. He's surprised by my attack and fell onto the floor.

My vision is filled with the door that I run to, only seconds from grabbing and screaming out for help, until my back is pushed against the wall and his body is pressed against mines. A hand forms around my mouth and kept me from screaming and his weight kept me from breaking free from his stronghold.

But there was something familiar about this man, his scent that comforted me. The man then rests his free hand at my waist. "Shh," he whispers. "We don't want to cause any unwanted attention, do we?"

I froze.

My eyes adjust to see the voice who spoke, my body already responding to his touch and the warmth of his breath blowing against my face. And while I refuse to believe his presence was real, who I saw and touched in front of me felt very real. And it was real. "Zian?" He removed his hand from my mouth.

"You've been away from me so long that you've forgotten about me?"

There are no words for me to speak. No words to explain how thrilled but enraged I was to finally set eyes on him. To finally be able to touch him and feel him and ....and harm him. And scream and shout at him. How dare he comes here as if he's done nothing wrong. How dare he comes here now and ruin my hatred that grew for him for lust that begs for him more.

He's reading my expression. As always. "Are you...are you not happy to see me?" The excitement upon his face grew concerned and sorrowful.

What am I doing? Why don't I say anything? What am I thinking? I should leave as he left me, but I should stay like I want him to.

His hand warm on my chin, lifting it to meet his gaze, "Peizhi....."

And when he says my name, my lips are trampled along his. It was only a small peck to test the limits of which he responds immediately by returning that peck and lets our lips brush, and build a sexually desired mist that yearned for more. I kissed him again, confused why I couldn't stop myself and why I allowed him to keep kissing me back. Our hands become touchy, me removing his shirt, and him, drawing out my body with his hands.

And while Zian's hands were rubbing up against my outer thighs under my gown, I pulled back slightly but not far. "I hate you," Zian pulls back with scrambled brows and is about to question my statement but was cut off by my lips forcefully back on his. "For leaving me alone" My hands clamped into his thick hair pulling him closer to me, much closer that I could feel him hard against my belly. I try to reframe myself from grinding on him. "For dumping me here amongst women you've fucked."

He paused. "Peizhi, There is no one here that I've 'fucked' besides you. And while I'm completely hooked under your spell, I am also very confused right now but also strangely turned on. Am I missing something?"

"I'm mad at you," I tell him honestly.

"At me?"

I nod.

"It was the only choice I had. Peizhi I — "

"I don't want to think of it now. Thinking of it makes me even angrier and I'd rather not face my reality — I just want you." He gasped at my hand gliding down his bare chest to the hard print of his cock pinching his trousers. He understood the message clearly even more when my hungry gaze flickered up. "I want you now."

My pulse raced upon forcing my lips roughly against his, allowing my hands to feel all of him, as I feared this moment would be nothing but a dream and I would wake up empty. I have never been this bold and upfront with Zian about my needs and wants and I never took charge of things in bed. It was normally him and I would follow along having very little knowledge about sex, but I knew what I wanted. And I wanted him.

My hand reached for his trousers, only able to tug at the waist when Zian stops me. It was then I noticed the healing scar of the wound he bare saving my life."There's no need to rush, you will have me forever." His hand traced gently down my neck and down my body fitting my curves along his palm.

My face fell. He's ruining my mood. "I'll have you until you leave."

He frowned. Not because he was upset but because it was true and he was smart enough to not deny it. "Not for long. I will be back as always and much sooner now. Will you wait for my return?"

"I've already been waiting ."

I begin to understand Zian a bit more, of how different yet similar we can be in some ways. He craves power and I want to be on tippets top where no one can look down on me and all they feel when they hear my name is fear. He loves to listen and observe, and I tend to keep to myself and talk less. He has no interest in creating a family or bringing a child into this horrid world, and I want as many kids as I can bear in the future after all is settled. He's well-mannered and perfect in every way, and I was naïve with many flaws that couldn't be fixed. He wants to make love and enjoy every second that comes with it, but I want to fuck.

I want as the women here speak of. Rough, hot and sweaty, hair-pulling, gut-deep fuck. I've never tried it myself and the few times that we did have sex there was never much time to explore since I was still new myself. Still nervous and self-conscious of the little things. And most of all, I did what I can to please Zian more than myself. But thinking about it, their exotic stories, hearing their moans bleeds through the walls, and pink blush amongst their cheeks when speaking, had me flustered.

"Zian," I began. "I already have to wait for your return. Must I wait longer for your touch?"

I let out a gasp when Zian instantly hoists my body against the wall, subconsciously wrapping my legs around his waist to keep up. A breath hitched in his throat and I'm lost for words at the soft touches of his penis against my folds before he slips in my warmth and penetrates my walls. I gasped upon entry, baring my nails in his shoulder blades which he didn't seem to mind the pain, and hissed lowly while his tongue glides up my neck before it's caught with my lips, enjoying our escaped moans and harsh breaths heard in between our kisses.

"Fuck," he buried his face in my sweaty neck, a drop of his tickles in between my breast. "I've missed you so much, Peizhi. I have missed all of you and the feeling of you, everything of you. You don't know how long I have suffered being away from you."

"You don't know either."

Literally speaking.

It never once crossed my mind about Zian missing me as much as I have him. I had always assumed that since he dumped me here and has the luck to blend in and stay low in various of places, he would soon forget about me. That I never once crossed his mind. That as I begin to love him more and more that his interest in me towers and plummets until there's nothing left for me to be loved by. And whether it's because of the moisture between my legs or because It was something I wanted to hear or it was the truth behind his feelings, I'm pleased to hear it coming from his lips regardless.

"Zian, I want to try something."

"Mm," he murmurs, fitting my breast in his sweaty hand and kisses them each.

It was only then he snapped out of his daze when I push against his chest to get me down. Both clearly aroused and connected by some magical force that kept us stuck like glue, we linger, we touch, we brush skins, and sharing an intimate gaze we couldn't break out of. But he showed he was still listening.

"Go to the bed."

A rush of thrill blooms amongst hearing this command. "Okaay," he giggled as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth with a smile tugging his lips. "And now what?"

"Lay down."

I climbed on him. Bouncing on my knees, I'm hovered over his hard cock standing like a tall building.

As he puts together the pieces, he questioned, "Do you know what you're doing?" Though he teased, there's a hint of genuine concern in his tone. But not in a rude, uneducated way. More in a 'this is unexpected and new' kind of way.

"Of course,"

I lied. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Well...I've been told what to do by Lienna's detailed stories and the ones I've overheard while working in the kitchens and the women would come by to eat first and socialize. How to make a man wield under your power. How to achieve the dominant position and unlock your wildest fantasies. However, I never put their words into action until now.

I played my deep breath off with a shy smile. I know what to do. Just...do whatever Lienna said to do before. Which was....

I pressed my hands stern on his chest as inched myself down, fitting himself inside while Zian gripped my thighs upon entry and threw back his head with a moan. Lienna was right about Zian loving this position and I was beginning to love it too.

This must be the same view Zian sees of me, and I can understand why he enjoys it. The control you have. How sexy and horny he makes me just by watching his reaction to every friction of motion that loses his mind by second. And I felt confident though it was too intense even with his eyes on me, though it's dark inside and out. And I understood how exhausting taking control can be, a burning feeling already circulating my inner thighs and the soreness of the muscles in my arms, but I don't stop. The quilted feeling in my lower abdomen intensifies.

Zian must've sensed the slow pace in my movement in which he sat up in a sitting position supporting my weight and guides my hips amongst the rhythm that kept him going and the rhythm that continues to build up that quilted feeling in my gut.

I don't have time to think. I don't have time to admire the carves of his body or the flex of his muscles gripping my thighs or the little details I never noticed because I don't want to. And I didn't need much of his help once gaining the support of his sitting position and found my own rhythm of pace I followed. And for a second, I could've sworn he called out my name or it was just my imagination.

Zian hisses between his moans, his chest heaving against my mines and his thighs clenching together "Peizhi, w-wait," I can finally hear his voice clearly. So it wasn't my imagination.

I pull back to meet his wary-mixed gaze. He was losing it. Every aspect of his expression conveys a face he often hidden, a face I don't get a chance to capture since the moment he pulls out his back is faced me leaving me to fill that imagination, but being able to see him now under my control boosted my confidence. He wiggles beneath me and his hips continued to grind and follow my steady motion while I wrapped my arms around him , breathing into the crook of his neck, feeling my body twitch every other second and readjusting my speed to catch my wave. Zian groaned, his vocals louder than mines.

"Peizhi — ah fuck. Honey, slow down. Slow down — "

It's not long before white heat flashes and my body's convoluting along him as all the pleasure comes together and consumes my body in harsh short breaths. A feeling of warm liquid fills my walls after Zian released a final throaty groan before he quickly pulled himself out and fell back into the bed, I followed him panting against each other

"I feel dizzy. But also very relieved." I chuckled lightly, still catching my breath.

Zian pulled me closer in his arms. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

There's a distant look in his eyes when I lift myself up. Though he appeared flustered and satisfied by my performance, it's clear he was anxious about something on his mind. Something that bothered him a lot. Even his fingers scratched at each other.

I begin to frown and peel myself completely off him. "Did you not...like it? I just wanted to try something different, and I— and I thought you would like it. But I see now that it must've been worse than I've imagined."

He noticed my frown and the lack of confidence I showed in my body language and immediately sat up to grab both my cheeks in his large hands and kissed me. I'm unsure if that was supposed to do much or distract me from the thought I feared most but it wasn't helping. At all.

"I did like it, a lot more than you think — it will be in mind for days. Actually, I'm quite surprised in you today so why are you frowning, huh?"

"Because you were frowning first! And it's making me nervous and I don't like it."

At my pout and strong force pushing his hands from my face, Zian doesn't know how to react. In fact, the only thing he could do was laugh. I found it insulting even when he brought up his hands to brush down my hair in a petting motion. "Oh, Peizhi, you don't even have to try, it just comes so naturally and I love it so damn much." He bites into his hand smiling as if he saw his crush walk pass.

My gaze averted. "What are you talking about, Zian?"

"I would love to see it again, it gets me excited."

"I don't understand. Are you making fun of me?"

He kisses my forehead. "Of course not, you know I would never. Also, what happened to the Peizhi I knew? You've become more vocal about your feelings and yourself in a way I never suspected to come so soon."

It's because I love you.

The words were dying to come out. Right there on the tip of my tongue ready to form syllables that could either turn him away or confront the feelings he was waiting for. I hear love makes people do crazy things for the sake of their lover's will, even changes them a bit. And I know I've changed, I'm still feeling that change so I'm not surprised Zian caught it quickly.

He continued. "I can't put my finger on it, but you have changed a lot. Even your accent is different and more local, I hear not even the slightest of countryside in your pronunciation. Your eyes are still bright and brown, but the way you look at me seems different. Your skin has never changed , but I can see you've gotten a tan from the lighter shade around your neck. Your body has changed a bit, more fuller and toned, and your hair has grown. The last I stretched it was mid-back, now it's almost touching your butt."

"Isn't it natural for people to change as they age? For better or worse? You have also changed a lot more too." I asked, flattered by Zian's observant skills , even of the smallest details I haven't noticed myself.

"Of course," He looks at me as if he was waiting for something to happen or change before his eyes but failed to find it and shrugged it off. "Change is often a good thing and whatever it is with you, I like it. Though I missed some of the old things, I dare to not complain."

I lay back against his warm sweaty chest after calming myself down and listened to his heartbeat instead of responding. It was calm. Still spiked from recent activities but it lowers at his own pace.

"Since we have some time to spare, why don't you catch me up on your life here? It must be something that kept your curiosities fed."

I'm too ashamed to tell Zian of all the bad that's happened to me since living here, so I tell him of the good memories I've shared and good people I've met. About Wanue and the interesting name she gave me that Zian liked as well and said it suited me well, but I don't mention the nasty name's I've been called by others. I mentioned Bai Han Zhi and Jingfei but I don't mention Mo Lian Tan nor discovering Yiyan's whereabouts recently. I kept my story short and elaborated on a few things to make it seem longer.

When I asked about him, he said less than me. It's been boring and lonely without me, he said. He's been eating well, he stated. He had met with many people and old friends that could help with the situation we're in, he informed. And Gui has to remind him endlessly to rest for a good amount of hours or he'll be walking amongst the dead one day, he laughed. I'm happy to hear he's doing well. In fact, much better than me which left a bitter taste on my tongue, but for some reason, the only thing I could think about was the matter that I feared the most.

"When do you leave?" I finally asked the question. I also just now remembered Jingfei and Bai Han Zhi after mentioning their names, and if Lady Ying Yu finds Zian here with me then it will be all over.

"Do you remember what I told you on the night we married? About that secret I mentioned? "

I remembered exactly what he told me that night. How could I ever forget something like that? I found out something recently about myself, something that could put you in danger, being around me. He said. Maybe in the near future when I am sure you are no threat to me. He added. I had always been curious of that secret he held and wondered who else knew of it too.

I perked excitedly with a nod. "You trust me now?"

"I do." He smiles to himself.

"So you will share with me your secret then?"

"I will. But," I'm no longer excited anymore since I knew where this was going. And I shouldn't be surprised, because he's done it before and he would do it again. "Not at this moment. It's too dangerous for you to know such information in a time where the world isn't where it was before I was born. And it's too much for you to handle, but soon you will know."

So why did you mention it?

"When?"

"When I know you are in a safe place where no one can harm you."

Zian stood to dress himself and hands me my gown from off the floor. I took it and was finished before he was, pulling my hair free from the snugs and sat on my sheets drenched in sweat and cold.

"Where will you go?"

"Destiny."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm serious, Zian. Where will you go when you leave here? I don't want to be apart from you this long again, and I would rather you take me with you — "

He spun just before I'm able to wrap my arms around him from behind and convince him to take me with him. "I can't. And you know that I can't so why even ask?" He sighed softly. "Peizhi, this is the safest place for you. There is nowhere else safe but here for the time being."

The look on his face has become puzzled when I scoffed at his statement. The sound gurgled up my throat before I realized the sound was coming from me and it was already too late to hide it. Everyone I have ever met believes so blindly that there is a safe place for me in their eyes without recognizing or knowingly ignoring the truth that lies in front of them. And in Zian's heart, I'm sure he strongly believed his lies and I would too if I was that same girl back then he chose to marry. But there is no place safe for me. Nowhere in this country or world will ever be safe for me.

You disappoint me again, I wished to say the moment he took my hands in his and rest his forehead against mines, telling me words I don't know if I could trust again. "I promise you we won't be away from each other any longer after I finish what needs to be done. I will come for you when it's safe and then we can live life however way you want it to be. Just me and you. Doesn't that sound perfect?"

Too perfect.

Those words were begging to come out, but I sighed heavily instead. There's nothing I can do to make him stay even if I cursed at him, he will still leave. And I'd rather us leave on a good note than last time. "Okay. I will wait for your return, but you made a promise so don't break it."

My head turned slightly at his kiss planted on my cheek. "Of course."

••••••
Men, smh. Not even Zian deserves her.

I feel like I pasted Zian's saying about her not being a threat somewhere not where it's supposed to be since I was editing at work but lmk if you find it. I keep rereading but yk your eyes get used to your writing so you skip over many mistakes n etc

Also, I can confidently say there's about 4-5 more chapters or so until she enters the palace life and it's finna be a ride. A long one chile