Through acres of land and clusters of primeval trees, light from the progress city shines the brightest at night and gives me a flash of the most rememberable times back home in the city. I missed the music, the stories, the chatter of people, the delicious street foods and so much more. It was a time where the rich and poor could be together at peace — most times. It was quite a walk to reach but if I ran or kept a steady pace then I would get there faster. I could then find Yiyan and leave this place to live with her knowing she'd possibly take me in out of good faith.

Maybe I should leave?

There's nothing but bushes and a small tree when I glanced slightly over the thin wall before pulling back to not fall looking too hard. There was nothing here for me anyways and no one will have my back as I will, so why not? Anticipation grew and that intuition thought increases more than ever that I'm willing to jump the wall, even getting far enough to as setting my foot on the edge of the wall to push my weight to the wall's surface — until a voice abrupt behind me.

"You're not thinking of running away are you?" My foot retracts itself from the wall at the voice scaring me back and causing me to be unbalanced by how fast everything happened. I quickly grabbed a hold of the tree and held myself steady and followed the familiar voice now showing themselves from darkness. Zhao Ji. "I won't stop you if you will, but I certainly won't let you go alone. But if don't want General Wang and his men finding you then I'd stay within the walls."

Her voice trailed from its humorous ways when I don't feed into them. I took this moment to calm my throat and release the anger that blinded my train of thought, yet it all comes back once Zhao Ji's ugly face is in view. I climb down the tree, focusing on getting down first or I'd slip and injury myself from the amount of rage that consumes me whole. The smirk that was on her face dialed and she became serious upon reading my mood. Concerned and worrisome.

"What — "

I pushed her from me.

The force of my impact didn't do as much as I wanted since she was too strong  about withhold it but since I caught her off guard, it only caused her to trace back a few steps. And she had the nerve to look at like as if I was crazy?

" — what the hell is your problem?"

"YOU are my problem!" I pushed her again. This time she saw it and moved from my direction, my feet staggering forward before I caught myself and faced her with clenched knuckles. My chest heaves. "Where are you that I can't find you when I need you? What is your purpose being here if you don't do your job properly and leave it for me to do?"

Her eyes narrowed. "I've been busy. I told you this."

"Busy?" I questioned which told Zhao Ji she has answered wrong but was quiet to see the reaction I give her before she proceeds. And when she opened her mouth to continue, I talked over her. She will hear me today out of all days. "You said this was the safest place yet I haven't been safe the moment I stepped inside this horrid place! Do you know what happened today?"

"No. But — "

Under my breath, I snorted with the roll of my eyes. "Yet you know everything that happens within these walls?" I mocked.

Zhao Ji is visually in discomfort. The last time I acted this way was the night we fought each other physically with swords that I was praised for at the end. I wished to fight her again, to beat her to the ground with the skills Zian possessed so she knew how serious I was right now. And so she knew to never to it again.

She releases her lips from being pulled between her teeth after a long silence of thought. "You're safe from General Wang wanting to behead you. I never said you were safe from a few bullies — I'd rather be bullied than killed." Just like Zian, she's careful with her words but not careful enough. I still found fault in her words.

"I don't think you get a say in something you have never experienced. What's easy for you isn't for me." I try to tell her without seeming rude, but who cares anymore? Haven't I held back enough and look where it's gotten me? I believe it's time for something different. "I almost lost my fingers today by a blucher's knife being dropped purposely into the water my hands were in. I was set up and locked into an inhabitable room with no water to drink and no food to eat but rotten apples that were already bad after minutes. I couldn't breathe for however long I was stuck in there and feared death was soon coming if a gentleman didn't hear my cries for help. A gentleman I believed it to be you, only to disappoint me in the end. You say you'd rather be bullied than killed, but doesn't a bully kill too?"

My question caught her in a trap. She had nothing to say. Nothing to fight back with. Nothing smart-assed to get away with. And it made me feel better. I liked the feeling of using one's words against them and I enjoyed the silence afterward because it told me I was right. And it told me I was winning.

But what I didn't like was the look in her eyes when they lifted. A look I wasn't familiar with, a look that didn't make me feel all high and mighty but guilted with empathy. Zhao Ji sighed calmly. "I'm sorry." She cleared her throat to play it off but her apology was loud and clear.

My breath hitched. This was the first time hearing Zhao Ji apologize and it being genuine and filled with guilt. It was weird. A side from her I had never seen, but I won't fall for it. Not again.

"I think it's too late to be sorry. If you're not going to do your job right then I don't' need you anymore. I never did."

"I've had a lot on my plate these few days — "

"I'm sure you've had a rough time but I need your excuses too."

Rubbing her neck, she chuckled. "I was being genuine yet you take it as an insult? You're right, I shouldn't speak on something I've never experienced in your shoes, but who are you to say what I've been through when you don't even know me?"

"You don't know me either."

"Yes, I do." She confidently said offensively. "You're a scared little girl who thinks she's finally free from that little farm your family owns." My face felt flushed with heat and my nerves vibrating. I gave no moment to spare as I picked my feet and ran to attack her, but it doesn't go as planned when I find myself on the ground wheezing for air in a matter of seconds. Both Zhao Ji's knees are at my side while she hovered over my chest to keep me restricted. "A hot head who acts on feelings which is easy for others to take advantage of..."

I try to wiggle my body from beneath her but she's too strong. "Get off me! Get off — "

"...married by luck to a man you don't even know — "

"Ah Ah Ah, I'm not listening! I won't listen to this! Move!"

I keep fighting her. I even dig my nails into her thighs and applied as much pressure, but she barely reacts, and when I try to reach for her healing wound, she leaned back so that I don't touch anywhere near her face or her arms.

Zhao Ji continued. "You bitch of problems you can control and believe the world spins only around you. And I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me to be, but I told you before that when I'm not around you must fend for yourself. So it's not only my fault, but it's yours too. And maybe if you weren't a pushover then people wouldn't push you over."

I stopped fighting and looked at her in disbelief. "What?" I breathed. Hearing her say it in words left a distasteful taste in my mouth.

"No one fears you, Peizhi. Sure, they may fear your physical differences but that's not why they only pick on you. You make yourself an easy target by playing nice, by not standing up for yourself, by not doing anything and letting it happen to you — it's all on you."

The weight of her body lifts from my chest allowing me to move. What did she mean by 'an easy target'? I may coward at times or resort to being the bigger person but I also wasn't the only one who had a say in that role and I didn't like how it was being placed on my shoulders.

I point at her after standing to my feet. "Both you and Madam Xuan told me I mustn't cause any more attention than I have now to stay here and now you're telling me to be the show?" I brushed the dirt from my hands while Zhao Ji placed a good amount of space between us so that I don't catch her off guard.

"I'm not telling you to be the show; I'm telling you to work behind the curtains." Given my confound expression, she explains more. "The girls here play dirty and many of them are good at it, you can never tell who left their print. You want Su Tan and others to stop messing with you? Then you play dirty as well. Know your enemy and use that against them."

My head threw back with a groan. "Just teach me how to fight like you and I'll be good."

She gave me a long stare as if what I said was foolish, but it's true. If she taught me how to fight then I can fight back and no one will ever mess with me again including General Wang. So instead of this long, complex wording that's giving me a headache, she can give me what I really want. What I've always wanted — to fight like a warrior.

She crossed her arm and leaned back into the trunk of the tree I climbed. "Learning how to fight isn't always the answer. What will you do? Hit her?"

I'm not sure if this was a real question or not but I answered it anyway. "Yes." My head fell in oblivious. What else do you do with fighting skills? Play?

My answer must've been wrong since Zhao Ji shook her head in disappointment followed by the clicking of her tongue against the root of her mouth 5 times. "Give a child a sword and they return with a missing limb. Give a child knowledge and they return with power." She quoted. It was probably an saying from some old poet with elaborate ways to explain simple wording, but I wouldn't be surprised if she made it up just then.

"I don't understand."

"Play dirty without getting your hands covered in dirt," She quickly then adds while messing in her hair. "If you succeed then I'll reconsider teaching you."

My eyes perked at the last sentence, looking for a sign of lies in her expression. The longer we stared at each other is the longer I knew she wasn't kidding; she was going to teach me how to fight for real this time if I succeed in getting Su Tan off my back!

A thought came to mind in the midst of exciting my inner child with dreams that were finally coming true, and smiled foolishly to myself before Zhao Ji caught me and remained calm and cool. "You bargain a deal for the job you're meant to do?" I asked. "I almost died because when I needed you here you where off doing god knows what, so why would I allow myself in that position again?"

I expected more from her but she only shrugged and gave no excuse for her true intentions. "Everything I do is for a reason so I hope you push aside this petty rage to see that." I rolled my eyes. What I expressed wasn't petty rage, it was real and caused by the actions of others including Zhao Ji. "I know what I'm supposed to do but I can't do everything for you. You're not a child. Some things you have to learn for yourself and figure it out. I have plans of my own and I don't need a grown baby crying at my leg every second we separate, it's shameful. Grow up."

A wet water-like substance rolled down my cheeks, my hand swiftly wiped it away but it doesn't stop the blurriness from gathered tears refusing to fall. "Fuck you." My throat thick with emotions. "I don't need you anyways, you're just a liability. And Lienna's wrong, you and I are nothing alike and we will never be. She has too much faith in someone like you who stands with a stick in their ass. At least I can be seen with my husband in public without being condemned to death — "

Smack

My hand clasped around my burning cheek, glaring back at Zhao Ji who had just slapped me. She was stunned by this as I was too never seeing her this way, holding back herself and the tears that glossed her eyes and her brows that furrowed to appear as if she's contemplating or fighting something amongst herself.

"Don't you speak of Lienna that way, you have no rights to."

I slapped her back.

She was quiet and only touched her cheek lightly. There was nothing for us to say to one another. We were both frustrated and consumed by our own personal problems we resulted to beating each other down with words that did more harm than good. We both said  horrible things that was tough to hear but was the truth we had to bare with, but neither of us made an attempt to apologize until Zhao Ji decided to speak first.

Her eyes narrowed to the hand that slapped me, closing it to feel it's aftermath sting and drops it to her side with guilt. "I'm sorry." She apologized.

"I'm sorry too." Seconds after, I added. "But you don't know me. The girl you described me as isn't the girl I really am beneath all of this. Or at least, isn't the girl I want to be. She's scarier, more ruthless and she makes people afraid of her."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"Nothing," I told her. "Nothing anymore."

Zhao Ji leaves me behind after telling me she was going to get some rest and that I should too. Knowing I'd be in great trouble with Head Feng, she promised to see what she can do to excuse the reasoning I was gone for the whole day — Zhao Ji confirmed since she was only gone for a day. I had much to think on after what just happened between us and out of all, the only one that circled back was Su Tan. I must deal with her first and on my own without Zhao Ji's help, but the only fault I could use against her was the love everyone had for her, but even if then, I don't know what to do. If someone is loved by everyone and I wanted to change that, how do I dismantle that bond?

How do you hate someone you used to love?

•••••••

Peizhi and Zhao Ji has an interesting relationship I like. Bromance type relationship and it's fun to explore

I'm sure there's some mistakes especially towards the end , but I'll re read it through later on