There needed to be someone on the other side to let me out but it didn't matter how long I banged my fist against the doors until my hands were red and covered in tiny splinters, no one was coming to save me. Not for at least a few days — if I can make it through then. And I doubt anyone would notice I'm gone for a while since it was close to our mealtime and if anyone did, no one would care to what happens to me besides Wanue and occasionally Zhao Ji, but where was she now? She said this was the safest place to be yet I'm beginning to feel as if she was referring to herself.

I've done everything right; I kept my head down, I followed the given orders, I come on time, I don't put up much of a fuss, I'm cautious with my words and I try to live calmly yet here I am again as I was back home. Left off to die while those who preach their well-being about me are nowhere to be found. Zian? He's probably in a whole other city far from here having to not worry about how long he needs to sleep in order to preserve his energy for countless hours putting up with people and doing the work no one wants or doing nothing at all but useless things to kill time, alongside with Gui who could care less if I breathed or not. Lienna? I'm sure fabric and pretty people has tangled her mind. Madam Xuan? She only notices me when she needs to. Other than that, I'm dead to her. Zhao Ji? Who knows where the fuck she's at.

Why do I keep putting my life in the hands of people who'd drink wine to sounds of my struggles as their music? While they live with freedom, their mouths around their mother's breast within her solemn warmth of tenderness and wealth and guiltless troubles, I pay for the price as the source of that warmth that comforts them most. Yet I don't get anything in return. Why is that? I'm the first to be thrown over but the last to be given chances.

This needs to change. I need to change.

I tried to be different when coming here, yet I crawled right back to my roots and I can't do it anymore. I truly can't and I'm tired.

I don't know long it's been or the time of day but I grew thirsty and my throat is tightened due to the dusty room. All there was left were the apples I brought with me — some already rotting away — so I decided to eat the few good ones and hoped the rest would stay fresh long enough for someone to rescue me. It grew colder where I sat and hugging myself wasn't doing the job either so I lie in the old bed seeking warmth, coughing up a mess to clear my throat.

I think of memories during this time. If this is to be my last day living, then only good thoughts can help make this painless. My mother's soft hand detangling the knots in my hair, the sweet tune of a song she hummed that I begin to hum softly. Fen's cheerful laughter as we run together through the fields. Jiei's hard-headed views mother tries to get him out of, Diē's odd way of care. Gho's chatter mouth and the first day Li Wei allowed me to hold his sword.

I'm thankful for Zian though I hated him so much, yet I still loved him dearly. Without a man like him, who's saved my life countless times and gave me the space to explore myself, I don't know where I'd end up. So warm and kind and easy to love. Yet with a man like him, I'd probably still end up here. Locked in a room to die.

My eyes followed the quiet footsteps I heard creaking around the door before my head follows and my body then lifts at the heavy sound of the wooden lock being removed. My shoulders let out a big sigh of relief as I realized my cries for help has finally reached someone in time. By then, a tremendous amount of time has passed that I was forced to breathe into my clothes in order to control my coughs that grew dangerously harsh.

I crawled to my feet when the door begins to open. Could it be Zhao Ji doing her job for once? Or Wanue figuring it out over time? Or even a prostitute who returned from the city?

"Thank you for recusing me," I head for the door. My throat is dry that my voice sounded a bit horsed. "I'm not sure how long I've been stuck here but I'm grateful for now. And I — " but stopped when I noticed a tall figure with short wavy hair and broad shoulders is standing at the door, coughing into their hand as dust circles around. I took a step back. I knew them familiar brown eyes, them squishy cheeks, and talkative lips — it's the man from the woods.

He smiles upon seeing my face. "So I've finally found you."

"What are you doing here?" I took a cautious step back. He stood still. I was expecting someone I knew or someone who lives here to come find me, not a man whom I met cities ago that's weeks' worth of travels to reach here. How is he here? "Have you been following me here since we last met?"

"No," He shot down quickly. Since he appeared genuine with his answer, I decided to believe him for now. I'm just happy someone found me regardless. "I'm not a stalker. Well, I did come here to find you, but I'm not here for you — in Changqiu. I'm here for business. But while being here I saw you in the city..."

"So you stalked me here?"

His mouth gaped open to say something but closes it and accepts the statement, rubbing his fuzzed beard. "I would use a word more of 'following' than stalking, yes."

"How did you find me?"

"I saw women at the door afraid to enter as what they thought was a ghost banging on doors, it was you. I found you by luck and I'm glad I did. I have many answers I want to gather from you."

I rub my hands together in thought. So I was heard after all? I don't know how this makes me feel knowing that since others were too afraid, all but him, to come check out the noise in an empty building that I would've been left for dead as Su Tan wished for. Yet because of his curiosity and bravery, it gave me another chance in life. Another chance to be Peizhi in the name of Huang Fei.

I should pay him back as gratitude for rescuing me. A meal or a gift maybe. However, I can't do it now as the insufficient of clean air was causing my vocal cords to tighten more which caused a small wheeze in my breath. As if the man heard it himself, he moves from in front of me to allow me to leave.

"It might sound weird as I'm a man and you're a woman but I have good intentions for finding you. I wanted to see you."

Judging by the difference in lighting and the dark corners I'm faced with, it's good to say at least a day or some hours has passed. Good enough it was dark through the windows I passed by. I am definitely in big trouble. I can feel a good beating or consequence coming my way.

"I'm married." I'm currently walking down the stairs. And like a dog, he follows behind. He's careful to not get too close with legs long as his, waiting until I'm two steps ahead before he continues.

"To a woman?" The unexpected reply caused me to halt in my steps. I can feel the grin burning his face and my fingers — now sweating — rubbing together. "It's quite common for the women to dress as men to sneak out or avoid rape in my hometown. I do admit it can be very difficult to differentiate, and it was with your so-called husband, but I had a feeling and I was right when I saw her again."

"You saw her today?" I asked, changing the subject.

Since he knew, it was no use of me hiding it. However, I was married. Just not to Zhao Ji. But my priorities were more fixated on Zhao Ji's whereabouts than my marriage.

His eyes sort of drifted when I faced him. Mines did too for a much different reason than he had. Just as I thought before, he was handsome. But he's a man. I should be afraid of him especially while being alone with a man in an empty building with no one around to come save me if he tried something, yet I felt no fear towards him. Annoyance, yes. But fear? Not at all. Maybe it was his light presence or his talkative mouth that gave off that feeling as it did when we first met, but I wasn't letting my guard down too easily — he could be sent here to kill me. I'm sure our meeting could be coincidental and his reasoning for being in Changqiu is true, but it still felt weird to me. Uncomfortable even.

While scratching the back of his head, "Yes — "

"What was she doing? Who did she meet?"

"I — "

"You know what, never mind. I shouldn't corner you with questions that's none of your business, I need to go. Thank you again for recusing me, I will pay you back." I turn my back to him with a sigh and continue down the stairs. Still no sign of life.

When I leave the building of the West Wing, I'm met with two ladies standing in arms gazing at the door I exited who were both stunned by my presence. One even asked if I saw a ghost inside, her painted hand pressed against her chest with fearful eyes a sweet scent illuming from her skin. I tell her no and continue straight.

"If the ghost is still there then I will not enter. Could be the spirit of someone taking revenge on another. Let's go, we should pray for ourselves and our future line."

They leave and I stay behind as they passed, letting the fresh air of the night's breeze loosen the walls of my throat with each deep breath I take. In and out. In and out. It's still tightened but I can feel the small improvements.

"Will I see you again?" The voice came from the man, again. He's a few steps behind me but the wind carried his voice at the back of my neck, a cold chill vibrating the top layer of my skin. "And be able to hold a decent conversation?"

I don't know what his obsession is with wanting to see me and talk to me and I wish it waited much longer so I can enjoy the air. I'm married! I will always be faithful to my husband which means I shouldn't give him the wrong impression. "No, sorry. I can't."

I don't wait for his reply and leave.

Somehow during my walk, my feet stopped themselves before my brain was able to send the message. The Laborer building is what stands before me and when I try to lift my foot again to enter and navigate my back to my room my foot is glued. I don't want to enter, I tell myself. I don't feel like dealing with everyone or hearing Head Feng's nagging voice or even facing Su Tan. It's not a coward I am, but someone who's just doesn't have the energy right now.

Instead, I walk along the wall until I found a tree as tall as the wall. I begin to lift my dress so that my foot has a stern hold on the trunk before I lock both my hands on both v-shaped branches at my sides and pulled myself up with all my strength. Climbing trees was something I was always good at since I was a child so this was nothing but a nostalgic memory my brain engraved. I continue to climb and pull myself up until the branches thin out and there's no higher to go. I then sit down with my legs dangling and my toes grabbing the wind, holding along the trees' branch while I look over the wall.

"Wow," a bug could fly in my mouth.

•••••
Yes, it's 5am and I haven't slept yet. I'm a night owl but I hate sleeping this late. 2-3am is better.

Also the man is back! He's important ofc. If you forgot cause it's been some chapters he's introduced at the end of chap 17