••••••••

This was the second time I grasped a chance to dress-up nicely — much nicer than before when Lienna changed out my wardrobe with new, richer dresses — but this time it was for an event. The day a Grand War General who went by the name General Wang, was coming home. Deployed from war to eat his wife's cooking and spend time between a younger woman's legs, and monitor the progress of upcoming soldiers and his children's growth in both wealth and physically.

As a woman, I knew nothing about this 'Grand General', and I knew less than anyone in this city having not being from here and involving myself in other matters such as war and politics. I don't even know what it means to be a War General without knowing the basics of it having to do with war, but at least I knew General Wang or his title was quite important to have a grand feast upon his arrival.

"Is she ready yet?" Zian's voice was heard, impatiently outside our bedroom.

Since morning, I had been barricaded in my room since Lienna came to help me get ready with a dress she prepared without my knowledge. It was a beautiful dress with rich colors made of fine silks, which felt soft between my fingers and a bit tight around my waist, but the suffocated feeling was worth it if I looked good enough to fit in.

We would have been done if it wasn't for my hair. Its unique texture was too much to handle and it was too difficult to style like other Chinese women. My mother as well found it a hassle to deal with to the point she had wished to cut it off, but continued to tell me, 'A woman's beauty comes from their hair and it tells people everything about them, so if I cut yours then no one will know who you are'. Despite my curly roots, we managed to braid two braids along the curve of my head and twisted into a tight bun with the rest of my hair hanging down. It was a different style then from what I wore or what my mother did — which were two braids or wearing it tied all up or just down, if my hair would comply.

Rolling her eyes, Lienna added a red-tinted color to my lips. "If you ask once more then we will take our time. Please don't rush beauty." She told Zian. A joke she made about men being impatient made me smile, causing Lienna's finger to brush my teeth. Luckily there was nothing on the finger she touched. After doing so, she removed herself from in front of me and stood near. "Do you like it?"

I looked at myself in the mirror, knowing the woman I was looking at was me, but for some reason, it didn't feel as so. Maybe it was the dress? My hair? The makeup? Everything? I was never born with wealth nor did I ever wish wealth desperately upon my family or my future in my husband. I was a simple child who cherished the moments now and never thought of such lavish things as my sister and mother did, because I knew that if I was with my family then nothing else mattered. Especially with my dark skin, I doubted I would live that kind of lifestyle only to be married soon after by luck. And by this marriage, everything began to matter.

Looking the prettiest and younger, mattered. Having tons of wealth and fancy titles, mattered. Having the best education and being well-spoken, mattered. Obtaining the highest rank and title to be as close to any power near the royal family, mattered. Everything within this lifestyle mattered, so it didn't matter if I wasn't like myself. All that mattered was that I fit in.

I smiled with a nod, answering her question. "Will you attend as well?"

"Of course," She chuckled, her polished fingers ran through her hair to fix. "I don't dress myself up for nothing."

While fixing herself, I silently watched Lienna. I took note of the way she spoke, the way she carried herself, and everything about her that everyone seemed to like. Qualities that she had that I didn't. But the longer I stared, the more I was reminded of Zhao Ji and her haunting words.

You're a sin riding next to the devil.

I snatched my gaze away and quickly headed for the door where Zian stood on the other side after asking once more if we were finished. He took a step back in an attempt to not crash into my body, holding out his arms to stop me from going any further and sized me down. My thoughts were more focused on his touch brushing my skin rather than his compliment upon my dress and the way I looked in it.

"Are you nervous?" His voice finally heard through my ears. By then, we were standing at the front of two large gates keeping me exposed to the majority of the city. Two men dressed in armor stood on watch, checking the noble people and ranked officials before letting them past through.

The sun was beginning to set, an orange pinkish color filling the sky as birds flew their way back home and the city filled its air with different scents from the streets of merchants and cookers. But most of that scent was coming from beyond the gates, the gates where I stood hesitantly next to Zian who stood tall with his hands clasped below his lower back. He was dressed differently than the other men; not too flashy but with calm colors, something he'd normally wear daily. His hair was pulled into his usual ponytail, the sight of his knowing sword at his waist, but he was still handsome. He always was, but I was beginning to notice it a lot more day by day.

"Are you not?" I asked him.

The question wasn't referring to entering a place full of obnoxious, rich people with ignorant thoughts and flashy ideas, while at the same time being surrounded and monitored by soldiers with swords at their waist; it was referring to me. As his wife and the only woman — person — to be present at this feast with such dark skin as mine. I would be the only one to stand out and with Zian by my side, he would have to endure their stares and backhanded remarks. Was it something he was strong enough to endure? Or was he forcing himself to endure it for my sake?

Taking a deep breath, Zian said, "I'm nervous about many things tonight but if you're thinking it's about you, then I'm afraid it's not."

"You should be."

He looked down at me raising his brows. "Why is that?"

"Because," My shoulders lifted into a shrug. Did I truly have to explain it to him in words or did he just not care enough to notice? "I'm different."

"I am too." He stated blatantly.

My shoulders then fell with a pout at his statement. A dent created in between my brows from pulling them together and my bottom lip puffed out, of which stunned Zian. I had even stunned myself acting this way towards him. "That's not what I mean at all, I mean — "

"I'm well aware of what you mean, Peizhi." He interrupted. "Just because I chose to ignore the fact that your skin is black and your hair is curly doesn't mean I'm blind. I'm not stupid. I can see everything about you."

"I didn't mean it in that way," I mumbled.

I regretted acting out in the way I did. It was an emotion, another side of me that I've never shared with Zian before that I've shared between my siblings and my mother. It was an emotion that I should've kept to myself, seeing how it wasn't the obedient and self-preserved role of a wife I was to play. And Zian didn't know how to react as fast as he normally did.

Zian straightened his figure then stood tall in front of me. "Lift your head." He commanded in a soft tone.

And I did.

He held onto my gaze before trailing down to reach for the waist of my tunic to tighten. After doing so, his finger then ran along the curve of my ear in an attempt to push back any strands that weren't where it was supposed to be. "We are about to enter a feast full of many important people and those who are from generations of wealth who feel all are entitled to those who don't fit their ranks. You wanted a taste of reality, well here it is. It doesn't matter who you are, where you are from, or how you look; as long as you be the person people want to be then anyone will believe it. If you're worried about your appearance then all you will ever worry about is looking pretty enough to fit it. The world doesn't revolve around looks, it revolves around power and how long that power can be obtained. Looks can get you far, but power can get you further. You want to not be a shame to my name and yourself then lift your head and be whoever you want to be. Just don't show your true self and no one will ever know."

The look in Zian's eyes as he talked of power lit a fuel that sparkled. And just by that fueled sparkle, I was made aware that Zian craved power a lot more than I thought, and a lot more than he let on. And he was going to acquire that power in any way that's available to reach. The only question that came to mind at that moment; was what kind of power Zian was seeking? And what kind of man he'd become when that power comes into his hands?

As told, I lifted my head and shammed my personality with another as we entered the gates.

Upon entering, the lights beyond the gates that hung above caught my attention. It left a soft glow among the trees and lit a large opening area of 6 beautiful women dressed in thin, vibrant dresses sharing traditional dances to the audience that sat around. Amongst the audience, I noticed General Wang. I only made the assumption because he was the only man sitting with his family with a better view than everyone else. He sat unbothered in his chair; his hair knotted up, wine filled in his cup, and comfortable in his status robe while eye-fucking the dancing women. His pregnant wife sat next to him chatting with her daughter who appeared younger than Fen while their eldest son stood next to his father in armor with a hard look on his face.

Those who weren't enjoying the performance or enchanted by the beautiful dancing women chose to eat at their tables that were shown or to expand their connections by socializing with as many people that could be found — or who fit their demand. Pastries and wine-filled to the top were being served by the servants, a sweet scent whiffed under my nose as a tray passed. One of the servants who noticed us came to show us to our seats until their eyes caught mines and their words then gobbled up. The servant took a step back and quickly walked away.

I bite the insides of my cheeks.

This was something to expect, something I had to prepare myself for, but I didn't imagine it to be as unbearable as this. It was almost as if I was the only person here, the only person everyone's eyes couldn't keep off of, and the only person who grasped all attention whether it was good or bad. I fought myself to keep my head up. To keep a smile on my face and greet those who saw me and remain with good manners to those Zian spoke with. But It was hard. I didn't feel like myself ignoring my concerns to put on a good face, and it was even harder when facing startled expressions that looked as I rose from the dead.

Zian didn't seem to notice their stares when looking at him, but he was a man that noticed even the smallest details. It was probably in his best nature to ignore them and continued to lead the way.

Ahead of us, lady Xiaomemg was spotted next to Mr.Xiaomeng both chatting with another married couple. Wàipó stood next to her daughter, in arms as they laughed at a light joke that was being shared. As if lady Xiaomemg felt our presence, her head turned in our direction and the look that flashed on her pre-aging face was as if she saw a ghost. Wàipó must've felt her still body especially after trying to follow along the couple for a walk. She turned her head and gasped.

Lady Xiaomeng and Waipo quickly came walking towards us at a fast pace. Pulling on her son's arm while dragging me along in his arms to a wall of a building, far from other's eyes, she snapped. "What are you doing here?" She was mainly asking that question towards me, peeling her eyes off me to her son. "Son, we've discussed this yesterday — of who was allowed to come and who is not allowed to come. Directly to your face, we spoke of this, so why have you ignored me and brought her anyways? This is not some simple feast where god knows whoever can just come invited and prance around scaring people with their peculiar features and title-less names, there are important people here, Zian! Do you not care for our family's reputation? Or your fathers?"

"The invitation invited our household and grandly enough, Peizhi is a part of this family by marriage as she is my wife. So, I saw no problem by bringing her."

"You saw no problem?" A few people nearby glanced over as Lady Xiaomeng's tone filled with anguish. She simply smiled, greeting them with a bow as if all was well and lowered her voice to continue. "Son have you seen her skin? Her face? Her hair? The problem is visually in front of you and you still cannot see the problem? Oh, Niàng, please speak with your grandson. He has turned too much like my father and it was you who blessed this marriage, not me."

Like many other times, I was confident as I knew Wàipó would take my side and remind her daughter that I was still a part of this family as much as she was. That I was human too and I deserved a breath of new air and new faces to meet, but that confidence I bottled up inside was beginning to drain out by the look on her old face which told me otherwise — she was not on my side today.

"I hate to be the burden of both sayings, but Zian is correct. Peizhi is a part of this household and is legally invited and able to attend the feast — "

Lady Xiaomeng gasped. "Niàng!"

" — However, your mother is correct as well and I will have to side with her today." Wàipó continued. "These people aren't as open as we are, so the problem you can't see is what they see. Anything different or unordinary can deem our family with rumors and can ruin your father's reputation upon his new school. You might not care for those things as your future is far from your father's but we do, and I will do anything to keep those rumors from getting to your father and harming my daughter and your face."

"Why should my decision pertaining what I allow my wife to do interfere with my father's reputation when we are two different men?" Asked Zian.

"Because he is still your father and you are still his son no matter who you marry or where you run off too. You are still a part of this family and you share our family's name, meaning anything you do will come back to us and tarnish our household and upset our ancestors. Zian, my son, please please be reasonable and take her home before your father hears of this. For me, your mother."

If I dared to speak, I couldn't. There was nothing more I could say without adding more fuel to the problem that was caused by me. And besides, they both made valid points, of which I wish didn't affect me as much as it did. The conversation Lady Xiaomeng had with her son wasn't shared with me, and Zian told me of nothing so I unaware that my presence wasn't allowed. And when waking up to Lienna's help getting me dressed, I assumed it was okay for me to be here whether I had a hunch or not, but I was obviously wrong. I shouldn't have come here in the first place no matter how apart of this family I was or how good Zian was with his words, I should've known better.

Zian's sudden grip on my arm as he pulled me closer to his warmth caused my body to feel instantly relaxed and I felt comfortable. Was this also the feeling of liking someone?

Still with my arm in his, Zian bowed respectfully towards his mother and Wàipó . "As you wish." He simply replied before turning us around and walked away.

My gaze lingered a bit longer as Lady Xiameng relieved her breath full of stress and spoke with her mother before the two caught up with Mr.Xiaomeng and the married couple.

"Are we really leaving?" I asked. Though I wished to myself to leave and cause no more trouble, a part of me didn't want to. Or I at least believed Zian wouldn't be able to take their stares and slight remarks before deciding to leave first.

Zian turned to me with a smile. "Of course not."

I smiled, hiding it by biting my bottom lip.

"And what if we get caught? You would disobey your mother?"

"I respect my mother and her concerns, but her choices aren't mines to follow. Meaning you won't follow them either if her words didn't come out my mouth. Besides," I followed his gaze towards one of the guards dressed in armor monitoring his assigned area. The man was as well looking at Zian, exchanging some sort of look they both understood. "I have things to do before we leave."

"Lienna?" Through the beautiful women still dancing to entertain the crowd, I spotted Lienna standing next to her husband, Heng Kai, both conversating with General Wang and his wife. One of the women danced their way into my view — Zhao Ji?

What was she doing here? And why was she dressed that way, dancing in that way? She was dressed a lot differently than she normally was and it was odd to witness. She looked...feminine? Like an actual woman and not mixed in between both genders, and the way she danced to the drums and the soft sound of the Pipa, I was amused. But she wasn't the only face I recognized, GeiFei was there too. ShengHua and LuYi was dancing together as well as a few faces I didn't recognize.

Zian followed my gaze. "Did you not know they were coming?"

"I did. I just wasn't aware they were dancers?" Especially Zhao Ji. She felt too masculine for this type of dancing, though she moved in a very feminine way. Just looking at her reminded me of her frightening words.

Obviously aware of who I was talking about, Zian then told me. "Ah, really? I thought Lienna or one of the girls shared that detail with you seeing how close you all are?" His brows furrowed together.

Obviously not. But then again there were many things about them and Zian and everyone that I didn't know of. It seems I learn more about people and their lives as the days go by.

As we were walking, now far from Lady Xiaomemg and Wàipó, on the other side of the feast, we took our seats at a table furthest from many people since all they would do is stare, whisper into another's ear, and point away. Our food was soon served and I was the only one eating, consuming too much wine that I could handle. Zian wasn't hungry when I asked; he just sat there gracefully looking around with a stern look on his face. It was enough to keep people away if my looks didn't do the job. He looked as if he was waiting anxiously for something or someone, and I sat there on my 4th refill as if I didn't notice.

"You both look as if you're in need  of company?"

We looked up — my head slightly dangled — to see Lienna and her husband both standing in front of us. Heng greeted me with a bow, a smile plastered on his face. "We meet again, Peizhi. Zian." He greeted Zian.

"Nice to see you again." I stood to greet them properly, but as I ready myself to stand, my legs struggling to catch its balance, Heng quickly told me to sit back down. Zian's hands gripped my waist.

"There's no need to stand, you can sit and greet me." Said Heng.

I looked between him and Zian, who's hands were still around me to keep me up. He apologized for my behavior that was caused from drinking too much, a nervous laughter filling my ears. "But it would be rude of me to not greet you properly, wouldn't it?"

A hesitant laughter filled his throat as he gestured his hand towards me. "As you wish then." He shared a look between his wife.

After I stood to greet them both, I noticed Zian didn't stand with me although he felt my stares waiting patiently for his movement. He began to mess with his cup of wine, pretending I was invisible as if I would continue without him. He peeked from the corner of his eyes and dropped his head. Answering with a sigh, he finally stood and we greeted them together. And then altogether, we sat down.

Zian was the first to open his mouth as soon as we sat down, but he wasn't talking to us all. He was talking directly to Heng. "Is it here? The d — " if it wasn't for Lienna's voice pulling me from out Zian's mouth, I would've heard what was being said.

"Peizhi, you seem to be the talk of everyone's conversation? Do you feel popular now that everyone's focus is on you?" Asked Lienna.

"Yes, it's right where you said. But I..." Heng started.

I gave a small shrug while cupping my fingers around my cup to drink, a drop of wine glide down the base, meeting my thumb and continues towards the table. The puddle made me giggle.

Someone's weight pulled the cup from my touching my lips and placed it back on the table. "I think it's best you don't drink anymore. Lienna, if you don't mind, please take Peizhi home safely. She might do something she'll regret, and I don't think it's safe for her presence anymore." Zian stood to his feet bringing me up with him. I tried to reach for the wine, but he pulled my arm away.

"Of course." I felt someone's hand around my waist, shifting my body onto theirs, my head resting on their shoulder. A familiar feminine scent came from the person holding me, which matched Lienna's. I smelled her again.

Lienna was in the process of peeling me from Zian, but my hand somehow couldn't let go of Zian's arm. "I don't want to go. I'm safe when you're around." I pulled closer to him, or it was me pulling him closer? While doing so, I tighten both my arms around his waist and nestled my head in his chest then pressed my ear against his chest. I loved the way his heart sounded. Fast beating, hitting my cheek. And he was warm.

Like many other times, I was unable to make out a direct expression upon his face. Most of that reasoning was because my eyes felt strained. Little parts of his face were too blurry for me to make out, only able to clearly see the bottom of his lips that was pulled into a slight smile before dropping. A hand was felt amongst my cheek. "The furthest you stay away from me, the more safer you will ever be." His breath warm as he hummed into a calming sigh. "Lienna,"

"Yes," The rest of my body was shifted onto Lienna. "Come on, Peizhi. Let's get you home."

Though my legs felt heavy enough to be dragged down, I was still able to walk without giving Lienna much of a hard time. My head gradually felt heavy, my fingers felt tingly, my eyes felt strained looking around, and I was feeling a bit sleepy. I'm sure I was even mumbling words that made no sense, and so much was spiraling around me and clouded my head that I was unaware of what was happening. Even as we were stopped by two figures dressed vibrant colored clothing came into our path.

"GeiFei, LuYi, what are you two doing here when you should be entertaining the crowd?" Concerned, Lienna asked.

"T-there's been a slight problem Madam — Lady Lienna."

There's a small hesitation before Lienna spoke. "What problem and do speak carefully. Our little sister here has had too much to drink, but not enough to forget as far as I can tell." By the sound of Lienna's tone it was obvious she was agitated, and whatever this small problem was didn't seem as small as they let on.

"Yes," LiYu started. "Well, you see, it seems General Wang has received a letter that requires his attention elsewhere and not where he should be."

"What?" Lienna's voice raised slightly, quickly lowering her tone as she remembered her surroundings. "What letter?"

"Unsure, but it's stamped with a seal."

I couldn't understand why they were all quiet after GeiFei's answer, but I couldn't understand much of anything as to what's going on anyways, and was more focused on the sky spinning at a moderate pace. One of the girl's pointed in the direction of General Wang after Lienna asked his current position. I would've looked to see as well, but my head felt too heavy to move, so I left it on Lienna's shoulder and closed my eyes to keep from throwing up.

Being held much closer into Lienna's arms after letting the weight of my head fall back to follow the motion, she spoke with concern. "I need to get Peizhi home, she's as drunk as a fat man but I can't let General Wang out of sight. I don't see Zhao Ji anywhere to take my place —"

"I can do it," Volunteered GeiFei. I believe that was her voice speaking. "I can take her home while you two do what you have too."

•••••••••

I'm not sure why I thought today was Friday and not Sunday 😂