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"Is there something you passion?" The voice came from Zian's you lips as he sat up in bed, propping himself on his elbow and peering down at me while patiently waiting for an answer.

I could see the moon from the angle I laid in; its milky white, round shape sitting high up in the dark sky, illuminating its soft aura of light against the both of us. We were completely bare, Zian's top half exposed while my body lies hidden beneath the blankets. I was a bit cold after the bathhouse, and I was a bit sore in my lower area after losing my virtue.

I met Zian's patient gaze hovering over my small frame. "Passion?" I questioned.

It was an unexpected question I wasn't prepared for, but it was a common question that felt familiar to his lips.

"There must be something you want to do with your life rather than being a mother?" He continued. "Something that makes you happy doing or brings your mind at peace. Is there not something you desire the most to become or do that will satisfy your living?"

While narrowing my gaze, my words as small as a whisper to not make myself appear abnormal from a wife's usual role in life. "I never actually thought that far in life," I lied. I've thought further than my own grave, even further into the future. I've always had all sorts of thoughts spiraling through my mind; life and death, about the past, present and future.

Where did my father go? Is my father still alive? Am I not a burden to my family? To my mother? Why did Wàipó accept me to marry Zian? Was there a true reason than the one she gave? Will Zian ever abandon me for another woman because of how I was born? Would one day he'd stop loving me once he chooses to love me sincerely? Who will I be in the future? Will there be someone who'll remember me? Do I want to be someone everyone will remember? Will there be more people like me even after my death?

These kinds of thoughts were ones that bothered me the most. A lot more because I couldn't act on them, nor did I have any power or proper rights to act on these thoughts, so they continue to manipulate my mind and slowly start to eat me alive until I am left with nothing but doubts, regrets, and soon death.

My narrowed gaze somehow found Zian's unique sword resting by the door rather than at his side as he always had it each night. And during the day when he was home, it'd always be at his side unless he was resting. For some reason, I imagined myself holding that sword in my hands, swinging its weight with grace to its every content. I shook my head to flush that thought out. That's not the way a woman, a wife should live or think, I try to convince myself. Thoughts as these won't be pretty in the long-run.

My gaze trailed back to Zian, forgetting he was lying here next to me. "I'm not good at a lot of things, so maybe I need a bit time to figure it out before I know." I told him.

But Zian wasn't looking at me as I was talking; he had followed my longing gaze towards his resting sword. I lightly held my breath. Was I that obvious? Did I look desperate enough that it became unusual? And I waited for him to say anything related to what had just happened, but he didn't. He said something completely different.

"Is that so?" Lingering a bit longer before finding my flustered expression, too ashamed to look at him, he said, "Well when you do find something you passion, let me know and I will make it happen. Whatever you grow fond of, I will give it to you. If you want to learn like the others with proper education, I will let you attend any academy. If you want to ride a horse, I will teach you. If you want to open your own shop, I will have it built. You can do anything you dream of within this country as my wife, so don't let the color of your skin or my mother be the reason why you refuse to reach higher."

"Do you have that kind of power to give me what I want?"

"Not even God can give you what you want, but with enough of it, it can get you far."

I thought on his words silently before asking, "You have a way with words that brings a light comfort to my heart, but what of you? Do you have something you are passionate about? A dream you are trying to reach?"

At my question, the expression on Zian's face abruptly grew distant. I don't know if it was something I said that triggered something I wasn't, but whatever it was, must've been bothering him a lot. "My dream..." Seeing the concerned look on my face, Zian then smiled to cover up the complex expression he wore before. The smile was obviously forced to not worry me, but I wasn't worried; I was just curious to know. "I'm still figuring out my dream as well. I'm unsure if it's the path I'm willing to take, and I know that once I take that first step there is no going back. But this is something I must do. That I am destined to do, and it won't be easy to grasp. Even now, I don't understand much of it myself, but I am willing to try."

"Is it something I can help you reach? If so, I will do what I can to help you reach your dream if you promise to help me with mines when I find one."

"Would you?" He continued once I nodded. "I'll see what task I shall give you to help out. Don't back out when I give you one."

"I won't, I promise."

He saw my pinky being held out to him. He hesitated before locking his pinky with mines. "Then I promise too. I take promises very seriously so don't break it." Though he was joking, there was a slight hint of seriousness in his tone.

"I won't"

"Good. We should get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Men are different when it comes to sex; some like it rough, some like it soft and tender, some like it weird, and some like it...different. But one thing all men can never resist — or I at least hope so — is a woman who knows what she is doing."

Just as many other days, when the night crept along the sky, I would go out to visit Lienna. Either Zian would accompany me on his way to meet with his comrades, or he'd allow me to alone as quietly and quickly I can without attracting any unknown attention.

As soon as I'd arrive, Lienna and I would talk over warm tea and small snacks to comfort our bellies. And when she wasn't busy running her store, she'd tell various of stories to the streets of women desperate to fill their holes with her stories. And after she was done, we'd head back to her home where she would — as now — share her knowledge to my penny-sized brain.

"Do you think Zian likes a woman who knows what she is doing?"

Lienna was shifting through the fabrics. Not too long ago a woman came to put in a special request for an elaborate dress to attend a party she had been recently invited to. "Zian is a man of steel. It is difficult for me to even read through that cold expression of his, but giving from his masculine personality, I don't think he would mind someone taking control for once. Hell, he'd probably be pleased with the idea."

I thought it was weird hearing how Zian was from his friends compared to what I've personally experienced with him. I don't think I've ever seen his expression 'cold' or 'lifeless' around me unless he was in deep thought, angry about something or it was naturally how he appeared, but it was never an expression he'd intentionally use towards me. I admit his personality was very masculine but I found it highly attractive. It made me feel safe and secure. But I also admit, as his friends also mentioned, he's very vague when it came to his feelings or sharing stories about his childhood. But I have noticed Zian was the kind of man who shared his feelings through his actions rather than words, and as for his childhood or anything else about his life, I strangely felt as if it was I who was the only one who knew nothing about him besides what he tells me to know. I feel his friends knew more than I did.

If reading my blanked expression was obvious, Lienna placed the fabrics down and sat next to me. "You know what, now that it's came to my mind, my husband is far much closer to Zian than I could ever be and he would tell me things, but you must promise to tell not one soul."

"I promise,"

"I believe he has mentioned once that Zian has said before that enjoys a woman who knows how to make him crave her. He has also mentioned that he enjoys a woman who knows how to get on top, if you catch my meaning."

I beamed. "He really said all of that?"

"I swear." She placed her hand at her heart. "Zian's an articulate but optimistic man with a sharp-witted mind and tough soul, but he is still a man, so any speck of confidence will surely turn him on. Especially as shy as you are."

I was excited to know more of Zian's likings until I came to realize something. "He must've been with many women before me..." The thought trailed far to where it was almost close to bringing me down, but I was better than that. "But I'm not mad. I have no reason to be bothered. Zian is a grown man and I'm sure he will find countless of beautiful women to fuck once he grows bored of me if not now."

"No, no, no. You should never think that way or too little of Zian." Lienna continued. "Sure, Zian is a man with needs, and sure, he will find many women beautiful, but Zian is loyal to those who are loyal to him. I swear by that too."

Around the end of Lienna's sentence, there was a knock at the door. Once she welcomed in the stranger, a young boy entered the room. Bin was around 10 years old and was abandoned by his family at such a young age. He had been fending for himself until Lienna decided to take the boy in after she found him hiding from the soldiers after stealing food without pay. And to repay her kindness, he worked in her shop for meals and a bed to sleep on.

I remembered Lienna mentioning once that having a child wasn't for the path she chose, but I found it funny how she subconsciously became a mother once taking Bin under her wing. She even went as far as to name him, granting her family name as his, which was Bin Kai.

"Sorry," Seeing Lienna had guest, Bin apologized. He would sometimes stare at me with curiosity, but never made the move to talk to me directly. And when I tried, he'd respond but shyly.

Sighing calmly, Lienna flashed Bin a warm smile. "It's alright. Tell me what you came here for? Has someone caused you trouble?" Even the way she spoke gave off a motherly vibe and it was warming. It reminded me of my mother.

The boy shook his head. "There's a group of women seeking you out. They say they're friends of yours from Guangzou."

Lienna jumped to her feet with excitement. "They must've just arrived!" She ordered Bin to bring over some tea to a different room for the unexpected guest, and came over to pull me to my feet. "Come with me, you must meet them all!"

"Meet who?"

By the looks of it, Lienna was over the moon hearing her guest had arrived. She looked as a little girl, happy her father and brothers returned from war.

"My friends." She smiled. "They've traveled from such a far distance to be here today."

I stopped mid-way in the hallway we stood in. Lienna looked back with a questionable look asking me what was wrong. "I'm fine, but will they be okay with me? You know...a bit...different?" I nervously asked.

"Of course, I wouldn't let you meet someone who knows nothing of you beforehand."

She continued to lead the way until we were looking over the second floor towards three women dressed in silks. The closer we got to them, the more I could see how beautiful they were, and the more I felt out of place. Or not as beautiful compared to their natural beauty.

Elaborate jewels, blood-red lips, smooth pale skin, expensive ornaments, and beautiful feminine figures. They were all dressed in money and titles too far for me to reach. I guess I didn't look as bad myself, but compared to them who were born in health, I was a fake.

"Madam Xuan," The women greeted in unison once noticing Lienna.

Madam Xuan?

Lienna greeted back her guest with a bow. "These are my ladies, my dear friends who work under my wing. LuYi, Geifei, ShengHua, and Zhao Ji..." She trailed off her sentence once noticing one of the girl's names she had mentioned was not present. A tint of sadness lowered her gaze before she continued. "And this is my dear friend, Jiang Peizhi who is like a little sister to me. Who is as well the wife of Zian. Xiaomeng Zian, so I hope you all treat her with kindness." She emphasized on wife, which the women then reacted by looking at each other and then at me.

While the other two, LuYi and ShengHua bowed to return my greeting, Geifei sort of stood there. When meeting her blank expression, sizing me fully, she then bowed, but it felt forced rather than genuine.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Peizhi," ShengHua greeted. Her breast was full and round beneath her stylish dress.

"Yes, and unusual to see Zian married already...to you." It was Geifei who spoke. The look in her slightly round eyes and the tone of her voice was something I was familiar with. Hatred. Even when she tried to turn her words into a laughing effect, I was familiar with it all. Her paper-thin nose lifted with her laughter.

I only smiled, since smiling was the only action to prove I wasn't bothered by Geifei's words, though her remark bothered me a lot. When you feel you are hated, you smile. My mother once told me. When you are used against your will, lost beyond your grave, and put in difficult situations, or even in pain, you smile. For smiling lets your enemy know you are untouchable, and it's the only muscle that copes with a woman's feeling when our feelings can't be heard.

But quickly after, the awkward tension was captured by Lienna's and the other two women's laughter.

LuYi laughed. "Please don't mind Geifei." I saw she had squeezed on her arm before stepping in front of her. "She's a bit jealous she's not the one married to Zian so her fragile heart is broken."

"I guess I am." Said Geifei. She smiled though her smile didn't feel welcoming and the way she peered at me felt hostile. I guess I shouldn't feel as hurt since it was expected, but I did anyway.

I had been confined back home on the farm for years with little views of the world and no care of other's opinions since I was surrounded by family, but now that I'm married, my world has grown and what people thought of me began to matter. It was all that I could rely on to better myself so I wouldn't make that same mistake again and be like everyone around me to fit in.

"They are from south of here so their manners are a bit different and straightforward. Please forgive my friends." Lienna then told the girls where she would meet them and told them to wait patiently until she arrives.

Once they left and were out of sight, I noticed a person standing by the window, peering out from the side in an alarming way. They were dressed differently than other people, than any other person I've come across before, in much less-expensive and colorless clothing. Their long black hair was pulled into a high ponytail held with a thick brown clip. Through the person's ponytail, a few strands of hair were wrapped tightly in small, skinny dreads with a red string intertwined. I was unsure if this person was female or a male, but given the side of the person's face looked very feminine, but their aura gave off a masculine appeal. A definition of a beautiful man.

"That's Zhao Ji," Lienna continued. "She's the one I've talked to you about all the time. The one who reminds me so much of you."

"So she's a woman?" I didn't say this out loud or in a questioning way, but rather in a whisper and in a confirming way. "She seems a bit intimidating." I tell Lienna.

Inspecting the woman, Zhao Ji, I noticed something unusual pointing through her hanging hair — a pouch full of arrows. And resting in her left hand was a bow.

Seeing this confused me a lot. I had never seen a woman carry a man's weapon freely in her possession and I never thought a woman could actually carry one. Was this common south from here?

Lienna chuckled lightly. "Yes, she can be a bit distant to those she doesn't know, but she is one of the most loyal friends with great knowledge and skills any could ever meet."

The way Lienna spoke of Zhao Ji was the same way my mother spoke of father. The way she beamed at her, the way it felt as if her heart skipped a slight beat was enough to convince me she was in fact in love with Zhao Ji, or she was just fond her of her that it gave off that sort of energy. It sounded crazy as the thought came to mind, a thought as abnormal as that and something I've never witnessed. But then again, I was in no place to judge anyone. But yet, the curiosity was killing me inside.

Silently watching Lienna leave by side to greet Zhao Ji, I watched as she smiled before they continued into a long conversation. Lienna then took the woman's hand in hers, her thumb visibly rubbing across the back surface as Zhao Ji trailed her finger behind Lienna's ear. She grinned like a child, face flushed.

I spun around.

Was this something I was supposed to see? What of her husband? Was he aware of this sort of relationship his wife was having behind his back when he's not around? Was something even as this possible?

Retraining myself from peeking back, I simply walked away. Back into the room I was told to wait in until Lienna was finished settling in her friends. Whatever relationship Lienna had with Zhao Ji was none of my concern and it was to stay that way.

While waiting, I caught sight of the black crate that stood in front of me across the room. It was the same crate I witnessed Lienna hiding the sword inside, and no matter how many times I would mind my business or pour myself tea or looked through the many unfinished clothes to keep myself occupied, I would somehow end up finding my gaze leeching on that same crate. I placed down the warm kettle.

Maybe if I take a glance—

"No," I told myself, snatching away my gaze and turning my back faced the crate that called out to me. "It would be invading her privacy and any minute from now she will be back. I must not tempt myself." But even when I tried to convince my own self, I knew it was inefficient.

But it wouldn't hurt to look, would it?

And it wouldn't. It would only be a glance, and glancing never hurts anyone from what I know of. Glancing isn't a bad thing. Biting on the nail of my left thumb as I stared at the door patiently waiting for Lienna or anyone to enter to content myself from the crate. And soon enough, I was on my feet heading towards the crate.

Inside laid multiple piles and rolls of fabrics upon opening its lid and placing it on the side, rested against the wall. Careful to not cut myself unexpectedly or unravel the expensive fabrics, I took them out. On the table beside is where I placed them. There were many fabrics all clumped together then from the last time I saw her place them in that I was beginning to think the sword wasn't present, and I wasted my time touching things I wasn't supposed to.

But that was until I noticed a black narrow handle beneath another stack of vibrant color fabrics that I moved onto the table with the rest of them. Excitement powered my system as I uncovered the handle, coming face-to-face with the same sword Lienna once held in her hand. I could still vividly remember the way this sword was used and the stained blood against the pavement that made my stomach churn just by thinking of it. My finger traced along its steel length, seeing no trace of blood from the last time I witnessed its use, a soft silver glint comes and goes as I continued to trace the sword.

It was a bit heavy in my hands, around the same weight as Zian's sword but a bit lighter to hold if I clenched my muscles. As if Zian's hands were guiding me as the first time we've met, I parted my legs to its correct position based off my poor memory. My elbows lifted for a comfortable hold, making sure the sword was diagonal from my frame and pointing upwards, as told once. Now that this was my second time holding such a weapon, it felt as if I had been holding it all my life. And though I struggled a bit with keeping it up and my elbows from dropping and my wrist from aching, I grew somewhat familiar with its feeling.

I swung the sword. Like a child whose been introduced to a whole new world, I swung the sword with childish enjoyment, a light laughter filling my lungs. But the weight of its swing had taken me off guard, causing my body to stumble along its direction before catching a tighter grip. I held it back up.

"You will hurt yourself holding it like that."

Out of fright from the sudden voice I heard, I jumped back in fear with a gasp. At my jump, the sword somehow slipped itself from my fingertips. It was a split second that I anticipated the fall of the sword aiming at my feet, my brain unable to register the fact I dropped the sword while trying to play innocent towards the person who noticed me. And it was the same split second I found myself being pushed back as the figure jumped in front of me, strands of their hair grazed my cheek in the process. A slight feminine scent wavered.

I caught myself from falling back, able to see the person in front of me—Zhao Ji. She was slightly bent at the knees with the grip of the sword held in her hand. The hard look in her eyes as she peered up told me I was in deep trouble and I knew I was. This was something I shouldn't have done, and what if she tells Lienna? I will be in even more big trouble! And if she then tells Zian! I don't even want to imagine that far ahead.

"Sorry," With a bow of my head, I rushed around her to the door, to only be stopped as Zhao Ji grabbed a hold of my arm. Upon grabbing my arm, a span of air horsed out my throat when the sword is pressed against my stomach, the round pommel jabbing under my ribcage.

"Hold it," She insisted, nudging the sword into me. "Hold it properly if you're going to touch it."

And I do hold it. Out of fear she would snitch on me to Zian or Lienna, I took the sword and held it in my jellylike hands as Zian did before, she does it too; guiding my legs and my arms to its rightful position until I could hold it properly. My stance felt weird and uncomfortable. But I was a bit confused. Why was she teaching me this? How would she know how to properly hold a sword? Was this a trick for someone to walk in and catch me like this? Also, wasn't she just with Lienna?

"Why do you have that bow around your shoulder?" I asked without thinking, immediately feeling guilt prying into her private life.

Her cold gaze found mines, of which I looked away to not connect our contact. "Because I know how to use it." She stated as cold as her character found to be. "Why were you touching something you shouldn't be?" She reversed the question, raising her brow.

From the tone of her voice, it was obvious she didn't like me so it made me uncomfortable being next to her. But it was confusing as well, seeing how she properly taught me how to hold a sword, yet she spoke as if I was irritating her or she was forced to be nice. Did she like me or not?

With my head lowered, I gave her back the sword. "I should leave since I sense my presence isn't wanted..."

"You know, playing the sheep is a bit annoying." Zhao Ji spoke out of nowhere.

I halted, turning myself to face her. "What?"

"This person you are pretending to be isn't the person you want to become and I see that now. Each woman has their own destiny that guides them into their future, and yours will be a cruel one. A bloody one." I spoke of nothing, utterly stumped and unable to understand the words leaving her lips. I don't even know where she was going with this but I was intrigued to listen further. Especially after Lienna mentioned Zhao Ji was a wise person. Maybe there was some wisdom for me that I needed to hear, or something I wasn't ready to listen to. "What I see in your eyes is no mother of a family or a plain wife to her husband, but an imminent conqueror of many sorts. A true born warrior who plays the role of an innocent soul, who will eventually discover that deep down you are far from innocent. You're a sin riding next to a devil."

"Excuse me?"

She went to place the sword back into the crate and covered it the way it was before. Shortly after, Zhao Ji leaned on the crate with her arms crossed, sizing me down. "You must feel as if I've offended you, right? As if I am just another against you as others may be? And I'm not, in particular. What I share with you is not a threat, nor do I dare lie of the words I speak to you, but it is more of a warning depending on how you perceive this warning. Everyone's future is inevitable and there's no telling what will happen and how it does days from now, and most times we can never prevent its happening, but we can prepare ourselves before it comes." Zhao Ji then waved her hand in an attempt to shoot me away. "You can go now. Your husband is waiting for you at the stairs."

I stood there unable to move a muscle. I was sure I wasn't breathing either. The dent between my brows relaxed and my mouth fell downwards, as the shift of my mood rapidly faltered into a melancholic hole. I wanted to ask questions, to be able to move my lips and make sense of what I heard, but the words couldn't form. I began to head to the door.

"Oh, and Peizhi," Called Zhao Ji. I didn't turn around. "Kai's aware of our relationship, as well as your husband, so no need to go running your mouth. If the wrong people hear of this, you might wake up without a tongue attached. Do you understand?"

I only nodded my head with a soft 'okay' before leaving and never looking back.

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