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Both Zian and I were given our own house within the same compound as Zian's family. The place was beautiful and completely furnished, as expected from people so prestigious. Inside our kitchen was a pantry filled with variety of foods and ingredients I had neither seen nor tasted before.

The bed that was placed at the center of the bedroom was a decent size for us both and there was another room for our future children, both well-furnished with warm sheets and really comfy pillows. There was so much in the house that I never owned before or had to luxury to have. It was replenishing as it was frightening. There were many books on the shelves up against the wall in the gathering room, since I heard Zian enjoyed reading – two blackwood chairs faced each other and a small wooden table rest in between with a cloth covering its surface.

While I made myself at home, Zian went out to chop some wood to burn in our fireplace since it sometimes became cold at night, although farming season was beginning to arrive. I could see him through the square window from where I sat. His sleeves were rolled up as he gripped the axe tight in his hands before swinging the axe back and cutting the wood down from its center. The sun was beginning to set, its orange hue reflecting against Zian's slightly tanned skin. My ears perked up at the sound of the gates to the city being closed, indicating that curfew was about to start.

I watched Zian's biceps flex beneath his shirt as he was cutting through another stock of wood. After some time, he rested on the axe pointing face down to the ground, tired from using too much of his strength. His hand wiped across his sweaty forehead and draped his arm across it to block the setting sun. Fringe parted away from his eyes, as if Zian felt my presence, his head suddenly lifted and met my stalking gaze catching me off guard like a deer in the pathway of a chariot.

With a gasp, I snapped out of the gaze and turned away from the window as fast as I could, tugging on the soft curtains to close any bit of opening where he could see me again. I sighed with relief and walked away.

Albeit it was an unhygienic habit, I bit down on my finger nails, not able to help the titter in my belly. Tonight was a very important night. Wàipó's words replayed back in my head as if she was still right before me, when she had asked to meet me privately. "Tonight is the night you and Zian will complete the consummation.This will be the night you shall become pregnant with his baby. I have high hopes for you, child. Do not let me down."

Evidently, I was nervous. Having never slept with a man before, nor did I know how to sleep with one. I knew how it worked, of course, but things were always easier said than done.

What should I do to turn him on? Touch him somewhere he might like? Is there a way sex should be done? Thoughts like that rang through my mind as I paced around the room, fingernails still clamped between my teeth.

I sat at the dresser in our room and let down my hair, taking a breath as I did so. I brushed through my curls while staring at myself, making sure all the tangles were out and my hair felt free from all the pins and cheap hairclips. Since it was an high quality item and because I never felt beautiful with makeup, I never wore it, but my mother added a little tint to my lips and my cheeks. She thought it would add a little color to my dark skin — it did.

After wiping my lips with a cloth, I dressed myself down to my night gown. Zian wasn't inside yet, so I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My fingers ran along my waist, up towards my hard nipples perked beneath my gown from the coolness of the air. For my young age, my figure was nice and for my husband to enjoy. My breasts were a decent size — not too voluptuous nor too small. My hips were a tad bit wide, following the curves along my stomach area that also gave me a little roundness of my bottom. I had always thought my neck was a little long or my cheeks were too squishy, or that my looks appeared mature while at the same time portraying something innocent and pure. But it was in human nature to do so, and I knew I was beautiful either way. I think so.

I heard a woman's body was never to be the same after childbirth. Also, that it is the most painful thing a woman could ever physically go through and that some women had even died from it. I was afraid of dying generally. The readiness to bear children, having just wedded, I wanted to live a little, getting to know my husband and exploring life a bit before that. Unfortunately, it wasn't the way of our world to wait for so long, and I can't bear to bring any shame to myself for not bearing Zian's child. Neither was I going to let Wàipó and Lady Xiaomeng regret ever marrying me to their last living son and grandson under their name.

My attention diverted from the mirror when I heard the front door open and the sound of footsteps from inside the front porch of the house. It was Zian carrying wood to the fire place.

I stood by the doorway of our room, watching him crouch to the floor as he stacked up the wood. "This should keep us warm through the night since the temperatures tends to drop. If you feel any colder, we can sleep by the fire." He saw me at the doorway, staring off, after lighting the fire. Zian must've noticed there was something on my mind because of the fact that I was poor at hiding my expressions. "What's wrong? Is something bothering you?"

I shook my head. "I'm nervous," I told him honestly.

"Nervous about what?"

The way he stared up at me as if he genuinely cared made my agitation grow more intense. My palms were starting to sweat, even more now that they were clamped together. Even my heartrate felt increasingly high, my heart palpitating against my ribcage.

When I didn't give an answer, Zian beckoned me over with a nod of his head. "Why are you over there? Come over here," he suggested, patting the free spot next to him. "Sit next to me and let's talk."

With slight hesitation, I sat next to Zian on the floor and fixed my gaze on the flames burning before us. I was peeking at Zian a few times from the corner of my eyes, nervously nibbling on my bottom lip.

Do I make a move? Should I make the first move? I tried to reach out my hand and touch him, but he was looking right at me, so I pretended to trace my fingers along the lines on the wooden floor.

"What — " I paused to clear my throat. "What would you like to talk about?"

"Anything," Zian answered, a small smile settling on his lips. "Let's talk about you."

"Me?" He nodded. "There's not much to talk about."

He let out a long hum before saying, "I don't believe that. I believe there are many things about you that you won't simply say or mention because we don't know each other well enough. Or maybe you are just watching what you say in order to not provoke me, am I right?" He didn't need my answer to know that what he said was the truth. All of it. "How about this, I share something of myself and you share yours after? It can be anything. A memory, a dream, a passion, something funny, whichever you like. Does that sound fair?"

"Yes, I suppose so."

I was beginning to feel a bit comfortable now that we were actually talking without being forced to do so. We were without extra company, meaning we were free to speak to whatever content and get to know each other without being bothered or watched.

Zian tucked a loose tendril behind his ear. "I will be completely honest with you." The flames from the fire reflected on his eyes, making them appear more golden than brown. "I found out something recently about myself, something that could put you in danger, being around me."

His words scared me a bit, but also intrigued me — I wanted to know more. "Did you do something wrong . . .to someone?" was the first thought to come to mind, so I said it out loud. I was curious to know if the man I married was a bad man or a good one.

I relaxed my shoulders after he shook his head no, but it only did so little in simmering my curiosity.

He continued, "but I feel as if I did. Or at least towards you, I do." There was a glimmer of guilt in his eyes before he lowered his gaze. "What I discovered is something bigger than us both, which was one of the reasons I kept putting off marriage because I'm frightened to bring my future wife into this mess that was created long before my birth. I feel in the wrong, that I failed to tell you before you married me, which is why I will give you the choice to walk away at any moment or while you still have the chance now. I will hold no grudges towards you or your family, and I will give you more than enough money to support you and your family as an apology for being a disappointing man and husband. And for wasting your time."

My head tilted to the side at his words. Was he really giving me the choice to leave? To get out this marriage and go back home just like that? Taking in his serious expression, I knew he wasn't joking around — he was being true to his words.

I thought about it. I actually did think of getting up and leaving to go back home, but I knew it would only disappoint my mother. It would've put all her hard work to waste, knowing she would have to look for another match again. And if I was lucky to be married once more, I was afraid they would be even worse and older than what I have now. At least Zian was young, and he didn't seem ill-tempered or problematic. He seemed nice, and open-minded, and genuinely interested in getting to know me. Also, he was the first man to not look at me as if I was a beast or from an unknown species.

"Is what you discovered something I can know now?" I inquired further.

"Maybe in the near future when I am sure you are no threat to me." When he noticed my frown at his choice of words, he added, "not saying you are, but I like my circle small and with people I can trust."

A threat? I had never been a threat to anyone and always kept my head down. If what he found out about himself was truly important enough that I couldn't know until I was seen as his actual wife, then it must be something really big or perhaps implicating.

"Then I hope in time you will be able to trust me." His hand jerked a little from my touch, taken off gaurd from my sudden action. I smiled hoping he would too, but his expression remained unreadable, though his eyes were soft with comfort. "As your wife, I will stay. Whatever it is, we shall face it together, not alone."

He held my comforting gaze before abruptly looking away and at the flames, but his hand remained in my hold.

"But now it's your turn." I was sort of expecting something a bit different after what I said, but at least I knew he was somewhat pleased from my words. He cleared his throat. "We made a deal. Now you tell me something about yourself, or anything you like."

I didn't expect it to be my turn so soon and I was still unsure of what to say about myself, or what I could say at all. I didn't want to say anything wrong or anything way too high above my position as his wife, but he made it clear that I was free to say whatever I want without any consequences coming my way.

"I'm grateful you decided to marry me," I told him. "Whether it was for sick intentions, curiousity, because someone told you to, or you genuinely found me suitable as your wife, I am grateful. It has been a struggle for my mother, trying to find someone who wouldn't walk away once they saw me or cursed at me and called me names. I know my mother loves me, but sometimes I feel she has felt some type of regret having me and raising me under her wing. For having to explain multiple times that she was my biological mother and I wasn't a slave nor a whore, or anything but just her daughter. And then your family came along."

I paused to make sure what I was saying wasn't boring him or making it seem as if everything was about me, but he was quiet. He was looking at only me and he was listening to my every word.

"Your mother doesn't approve of me and she never had from the beginning, but your grandmother, Wàipó, saw something in me and accepted it. I don't know what she saw because I am nothing nor do I have anything to my name to offer, but she saw it. And whatever she saw, I do hope you see it too."

We stared at the flames burning down the wood, reflecting against my brown skin and giving it a golden hue. It felt good after saying what I said. Either if it was to myself or to Zian, it still felt good. I felt a bit relieved and a lot more relaxed and comfortable being around him.

"Curiousity," Zian said out of the blue, snapping my gaze back to him.

"Huh?"

"Curiousity," he repeated once more. "Curiousity and genuine interest is what brought me to agree to this marriage. I agree, you might not have nothing nor do you have anything to your name to offer, but that's not what matters. You don't know what you will gain on your own or with me by your side. And you should have high hopes for yourself because you are not ugly, truthfully speaking, neither are you stupid from what I see, and between you and me both, you might even be the luckiest woman in the nation to marry me."

His comment made me smile. A warmth spreading to my cheeks. "Why do you say that?" I asked, really curious. Maybe he was just confident enough to feel that way, or he wanted me to feel a bit better after what I had told him.

"Maybe soon you will know why, but soon is not now." He stood up to his feet, brushing his hands off on his pants. He then held out his hand towards me, offering me to take it. "Let's get some sleep. We had a long day today and I'm tired."

I took his hand and he helped me up to my feet, and we both went to bed and slept peacefully. I didn't try to touch him nor did I offer him to touch me either since we both were tired and just wanted to sleep. But also, I enjoyed talking with Zian rather than just sleeping with him. It gave me a chance to learn something about him and to get myself comfortable as well. Especially for when the time comes and we will officially consummate our marriage.

The next morning, I awoke to the sun shining bright on my face. It was displeasingly hot, and hurting my eyes. I turned over, away from the sun blazing through the window to find Zian not in bed. His side was neatly made up with a tray of food resting on top: a bowl of rice, fruits, and bread. There was also a cup of water on the side.

A wife who doesn't cook for her husband isn't a wife at all. She is a mistress eating off his back.

With a gasp, I shot up from bed. The same time I rose up was the same time Zian had entered our bedroom. He was wearing a red tunic outlined with black that matched his bottoms. His beautiful, black hair was tied up with only a few tendrils loose. He was definitely someone pleasing to look at and it was sometimes impossible to think this man chose me to marry.

"You're awake?" Zian went over to pick up his sword that rested against his side of the bed. He had noticed my surprised expression, so he came by my side and sat down. "Did you have a bad dream or something?"

This was unexpected. His actions were unexpected. I had prepared myself for a husband who didn't care, for a husband who would want me most at night and would neglect me during the day. Maybe Zian was just a weird guy, but a good kind of weird. A really good kind.

"No, but you don't have to do that anymore." He followed my gesture towards the breakfast he had left for me. "Or yourself. You shouldn't have to, which is why I am here. I apologize for not waking up any earlier that you had to do it yourself. I hope you can forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive, Peizhi. I didn't marry you to serve me, I married to you become my other half. We should do things for ourselves and because we want to not because we have to," he said in a reassuring tone, but I was stunned by how my name sounded from his lips. "You should eat and make yourself feel more at home while I'm out."

I perked up. "Where are you going?"

"To the academy. It's a school where noble children attend for educational purposes. It is also where they train the men from boys to protect themselves and their country before enlistment," he explained, smoothening out the creases on his tunic. "Women attend as well, but their teachings are quite different from men. I don't like going, but I don't have much of a choice due to certain circumstances. If you want, you can come along?"

His offer had took me off guard. "I — I'm not a noble."

"Well, no one knows that. And you are not just anyone, you are my wife. You can come if you want to."

I had always wondered what it was like to attend an actual school with other students. How it would feel wearing a uniform just the same as others and learn something valuable for once. Both my brothers had very limited education based off how much we had to send them to school but it didn't last long so I couldn't learn anything from them.

Actually, I wanted to agree to his offer to see what it was like to attend school, but I then realized I wasn't like any of them. I wasn't a noble, I wasn't fair-skinned or rich, and I didn't want to embarrass Zian for being married to me. Men tended to have a lot of pride when it came to their status and wouldn't be able to handle a few negative remarks, so I probably shouldn't go just to jeopardize that.

I declined his offer more and he didn't pry or ask me again, he only said alright and that he would be home after noon.

There was not much to do in the house alone by myself since I couldn't read any of the books in the gathering room. I didn't know how to write either, so I couldn't write my family a letter that only Le Wei and my mother could read, a bit. Staying in the house sleeping all day didn't appear to be an interesting choice either, so I decided to go outside, within our family's compoud.

The heat felt the same as it did back at home but the air smelt different. My mother use to always say the heat was different because it was in the city and the air was mixed with food and ass. I couldn't smell much of the 'ass' part from where I stood but maybe because I wasn't deep in the city where things happened. I was in an area where nobles lived and carried out their lives. It was calm and quiet.

As I was sitting under the tree, watching the small ants crawl into a hole, I noticed a figure from the corner of my eyes — a man. It was an older man dressed in black within the walls of our residence. He was much older, standing near the front of our place with his arms below his back and was staring at me before I caught him.

I stood quickly to my feet but wasn't scared since it could have been someone looking for Zian or Lady Xiaomeng, but I wasn't comfortable either. He had a sword at his waist and his look at me wasn't laced with surprise or any sexual intention. It was a look of curiousity.

"Do you need something, sir?" I asked him. "Are you looking for someone in particular?"

The man was quiet. He didn't say anything as he turned back around and went out the entrance to our residence.

Maybe I scared him away. Or what if he had no business being here and came in without an invitation?

"Wait — ." I picked up my dress to go after the man, but as I was reaching the entrance, a hand halted me in my place with force. With a gasp, I looked back to see Lady Xiaomeng standing tall, towering over me and looking down at me as if I was a bug. "Niáng," I greeted with a bow.

Her nose wrinkled at the word Niáng, looking at the entrance and then back down to me. "What are you doing? Were you trying to leave without letting anyone know? Do you think you can just go wherever you please and we would let you?"

"No, Niáng. I apologize for not informing anyone. There was a man here just now but he ran off — "

I was unable to finish my sentence before Lady Xiaomeng took me by my arm and dragged me back to the house. I could see the fear in her eyes, looking around for any unexpected guest, her chest heaving as if she was running out of breath. I cried out in pain. Her nails were digging into my flesh, pricking the top layer of my skin.

She threw open the front door and with force, shoved me to the ground. "Stay in the house and never come out!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. "It's shameful enough my son is stuck with an African, and now word is getting out and people are starting to come see for themselves? From now on, you do not come outside of this house unless it is burning to the ground or we call for you. Keep yourself covered and make sure no one sees you. I do not care if the city is falling and our enemies are dragging each woman and child out their houses, fucking them raw and bloody, you do not leave this house without my permission. I better not hear a sound from you, a problem from you, a cry from you, or even hear you breathe. You will live as a ghost or you will live amongst the dead. Do I make myself clear?"

With my breath held, I nodded my hand as I wiped my tears with the back of my hand. "Yes, Niáng."

"Call me Lady Xiaomeng." She scrutinized me with a look of disgust. "Only my children call me mother."

I waited until she slammed the door shut to run to my bed and bury myself underneath the covers, crying. I missed my home, my mother and my old life. I was free to walk the fields and to feel the sun, to smell the grass. I was free to be who I was and didn't have to worry about people seeing me and gossiping. I was happy there.

My tears continued to fall down my face like an endless waterfall, the want to go back home getting stronger.

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