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Gho asked me out of the blue, "Do you think you are ready for marriage?"

The two of us had gone to the lakeside even though we weren't supposed to be here, but it was much faster to wash clothes in the lake rather than a with small bucket. The picturesque scenery was probably what added to us being there. The lake had a color, skyline silver like a diamond flame, and it was window clear. As gratifying as the scene already was, the serene atmosphere gave one space to enjoy nature and bask in the sweet smell of the flowers that grew nearby.

I sat up on both my knees with my skirt pulled up to my thighs to have a better posture while I scrubbed at my brother's shirt, lathering up the sponge and scrubbing it against the board.

With a question of my own, "Were you ready when you were to wed my brother?" I responded to hers.

My eyes followed her movements, pausing my scrubbing for a bit, to watch as her hand caressed the small bump beneath her dress. "I was. In fact, I was afraid to marry someone much older than me. Old. Someone who was abusive, or drank too much. Or didn't care for my place under the household, but your brother was a blessing. I am blessed to have a husband who was raised right by his mother. One who makes me comfortable despite my young age and was patient with me. And knowing that I am safe with your brother, my Lǎo Gōng*, I'm not scared anymore." She looked up her me, her face breaking into a warm smile. "And you shouldn't either."

For a while, I let myself bask in her words of reassurance before asking, "But will he allow me to come home? To visit my family when I miss them most? Yiyan isn't allowed to come back home since she lives far away now and because her husband thinks we are dead weight. Li Wei values family the most and allows you to visit home and taste your mother's cooking, but what if my betrothed is just like Yiyan's husband?"

My oldest sister, Yiyan, was married to a man twice her age years back. Ever since then, all she'd sent were letters and money, but she never once visited. Frankly, we all knew she wouldn't but hope was what we had. No one knows where she is now. The last we heard was that she was moving with her husband South of Guangzou near the Imperial City, the heart of the nation where the royal family lives. And now, she barely sent letters or small jewels or fabrics, she only sent money.

"If your betrothed is a good a man, he will allow you to visit home. And if not, you should start saying your goodbyes now. For it might be the last you see of us."

Her words weren't meant to be hurtful as they were ones I understood myself, although I didn't want to think of that. The thought of not seeing my family anymore or my mother was hurtful and I tried not to dwell on it, but it was all that was on my mind. When the girl marries, she moves into her husband's home with his family, it was considered the norm.

Though, I knew, I never pictured being away from family, especially my mother. She had done so much for me that I could possibly never repay her kindness. I had nothing to give her but myself, and knowing my mother, that was more than enough.

While scrubbing the next pair of shirts and pants, there was a ghastly yell that echoed through the air. It came from the woods, on the other side of the lake from where we sat. Both Gho and I jolted up in alarm, Gho's trembling hand found the kitchen knife we had brought for protection, gripping it tightly with fear. I was sure she had never used a knife for anything besides cutting food before, so I took it from her instead. I had never used it to harm someone, but I could if it came down to it.

"Wh—" she started but I shushed her, pressing a finger to her lips.

"Anyone could be close," I whispered, "stay quiet."

She did as told. On the verge of concluding that our paranoia had led us to being delusional, another scream resounded and erased those assumptions — a woman's scream. My heart thumped against my ribcage, afraid that whatever danger was ahead would be near to harm either me or my family, or both.

Air was caught in my lungs on the sight of a woman staggering out of the woods. There were blood stains on her hands and across her naked breast, the ripped fabric of her silk dress slid down her arm, some sticking to her nipples. She was grimy as if she had been rolling around in dirt and was barefooted with her long hair messy. Only one of her hairpins were kept up.

Both Gho and I watched as the woman cried out for help, tumbling over her feet face first to the ground. Mud splattered around her. It was very obvious the woman before us was from a noble family, as anyone could tell from her silks and sweated-out makeup. My only fear and centre of my concern was why a noblewoman was in this area and why she was half naked.

Worse of all, she saw us.

She tried to stand up with her hands offering support, but still managed to fall back over. Her eyes filled with evident relief. "Help me," words soft and dry, she pleaded. I looked over to Gho who was staring at the woman with wide eyes.

"Shouldn't we help her?" Gho asked, her voice shaky from fear.

"I wish to." The woman continued to crawl towards us and I narrowed my gaze at her desperate callings. I would've done anything to help the woman regardless of her status, but I couldn't do anything that could possibly draw harm to me or Gho, not especially when Gho is pregnant and I am to marry soon. "But in her state, she might not have ran that far from trouble."

"Help me!"

Gho swallowed dryly. "But — but what if she dies?"

I said nothing; instead, I quickly gathered the wet and dry clothes into the basket, asking for Gho's help since we brought a decent amount of clothes to wash so we wouldn't have to do them day by day. The woman still called out for help, her voice gaining intensity. She had reached the lake by now and was trying to find the strength to swim across.

I noticed Gho's despairing stare, frowning at me as if I would change my mind. "We need to go now," I spoke gently then pressed my lips into a thin line.

Gho's hand grabbed tight around my wrist, stopping me from picking up the basket of clothes. "She is a woman —"

"We are women too!" Her hand unclasped from my wrist due to my tone, voice booming with icily. "You are carrying a child, and I am to wed soon. My brother will kill me if I let anything happen to his firstborn or his wife so I won't act rashly. We're not supposed to be here in the first place, so let's get back and pretend as if none of this h —"

Loud voices from the woods had shut me up within seconds. In a flash, we both sped to hide behind the large tree and out of sight from whoever owned the voices that were getting closer. Three men appeared suddenly from the woods and they were dressed in rags. One was really overweight, so overweight that his dirty shirt barely covered his large stomach, riding up above his tight pants. The other man was the opposite of the first, he was rather skinny with short black hair hidden under his worn out straw hat. And the third man was average-looking, but what immediately caught my eye was the clothing he wore, the uniform of a soldier.

"Well, well, look at what we have here," said the soldier, voice deeper than what he looked like he was going to have. He must've been the leader of other two men with how they heeded to his commands. The woman was already in fear from their voices and laughter. "I gave you a head start and this is where you end up?"

"That wasn't very far, boss." The fat one chuckled.

The noblewoman let out a pained yelp when the soldier lifted her from the water, pulling her by her hair. She cried out, wailing in fear whilst calling out to us for help. Still dragging her from out the water and onto her back, the bony man was already unbuckling his pants.

"It's been a while since I felt the warmth of a woman's lips around my cock." The woman screamed and fought as hard as she could, trying to keep those disgusting men from touching her and invading her privacy.

I tore my gaze away, not knowing where else I could look. That would never have happened if I was strong enough to help her and if I wasn't scared to stick up for her against three men who probably had more fighting experiences than me. I knew nothing more than the basic moves for protection my father and brother taught me, but it was nothing that could be efficient in taking down three men.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't block out her terrifying screams that were mixed with fearful pleasure, or their husky grunts, or even the slapping sounds as their skins touched. "C — can we leave?" The words could barely form.

Gho tugged on my arm. "Yes, we should go and come back later for the rest of the clothes we didn't grab."

Discreetly, we ran for the woods and kept running until we reached our farm. Our father who stood in the pathway of the field planting in new seeds caught sight of us running. He lifted his straw hat, making sure it wasn't the sun playing tricks on him. Although I couldn't see his face from this distant, I could tell he wore a look of disappointment.

"Were you two just at the lake when we specifically told you not to go?" When he was mad a dimple would form between his thick brows, and because of his old age, I was afraid he would pass out from anger and the heat. "And why were you outside? Your mother told you to be in the house at all times," he was now scolding me.

Just as I was about to apologize, Gho stood up for me. "I apologize, Diē*. It was my fault. I told Peizhi to come with me to the lake so that I could wash clothes," she apologized, fiddling with her fingers. "And with me being pregnant, it is a bit hard to do so alone."

Father's gaze softened at Gho's words, giving her a nod and a gentle pat on the back. He looked back at me and commanded I stayed in the house until my betrothed arrived: I was never to come out. Without a word of rebellion, I did as told. I was to stay at home and out of the sun so that I didn't get any darker than I already was naturally, and plaster a white mask on my face so that my skin could become lighter.

The mask tight and crusted on my face, I stared out the window, past my father and two brothers in the field, where Gho and I ran from, where the noblewoman was raped. Even knowing that my hands were tied in that situation, I still had doubts that I could've done something and I hated myself for putting me under that kind of pressure. My mother always told me that women must always stick together, for if men abandoned us we wouldn't have to feel alone.

My mother brushed lightly through my hair, the tangles getting caught around the thin brushes. She must've noticed the perplexed expression on my face since she stopped brushing my hair and sat next to me in front of the window. Her fingers tucked my loose tendrils behind my ear, a warm smile shaping her lips.

"Why are you lost in your thoughts, my child?" she asked, her soft voice warming up my heart. "Is there something bothering you? Are you afraid of this marriage and what it might bring you? Do you feel as if I don't love you anymore?"

I let out a chuckle at her questions that showed she was worrisome. "No, I know you love me very much." My arms wrapped around her waist, my left ear listening to the calming sound of her heartbeat. "Today, when I was by the lake with Gho —"

"I told you to not go there. It's dangerous."

"I know. Diē scolded me for it already," I told her. "But there was a woman, a noblewoman who was naked and covered in blood. She was found by bandits and they... they raped her."

My mother's muscles tensed at the word 'rape'. It was always a touching topic to any woman because it was something that was becoming more rampant men did not believe in. "Are you afraid of your first time with your betrothed? That he might rape you if you are not ready?"

With a sigh, I shook my head. "I'm afraid that when I had the chance to do something to help her, I didn't. I was too afraid to do something. I was being selfish."

My mother chuckled softly. "You sound so much like your brother. He always wants to be the hero even if there's nothing that can be done." She embraced me tightly. "These types of things happen to women nowadays and it increases as the war goes on. I pray it never happens to you or to any of my children, but not everyone can be a hero."

"But I could have helped her."

"And maybe you could have, but something stopped you for a reason." When she had put it that way, I could see where my mother was coming from. "It could have been you looking up at a man's face inside you, it could have been you who would have never come back home or you who thought you could save the day only to end up dead and floating down the river. So now how do you feel?"

"I suppose I am lucky."

After a while, I pulled away from my mothers' hold since it was time for me to rinse off the mask. She helped me up to my feet, handing me the bucket of water that was placed behind me. My mother gathered my hand into both her small hands and said, "and you always will, because you are my lucky charm," kissing my cheeks.

"Now let's get this mask off so we can finish your hair, it has to be beautiful when you meet your betrothed."

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老公 (lǎo gōng) = Husband
爹 (diē) = Father