Just a reminder: This book is 1st draft. There are many cringeworthy things especially in the beginning, but I promise if you can look past that, this book will be a perfect journey for you💗

●●●●●●

"Do you think less of me? Of my Son?"

I was as close as I could be to the room behind me without being caught or heard. My little sister, Fen, was right next to me, her black and thick strands braided back to keep out from her face. From helping our father plant seeds, her fingernails were chipped with dirt, as farming season was approaching. Just like mine, her small eyes lit with excitement to hear the conversation ensuing. That was until I realized the conversation was about me and it wasn't a friendly one.

"Lihua, of course, I don't think any less of you. I never have." My mother's voice was soft with emotion. "You know I would never think that way. Lihua, you are a true friend of mine and I am glad to see you again after all these years. Both you and your beautiful mother."

There's a slight laughter from a woman, who by the tone of her voice, I could tell was older. "Don't flatter me too much, or I would think I have become as young as you."

The other voice — that of an obviously displeased woman — sighed heavily. "Because you are my long, childhood friend, I came to you. Out of all the things you have done for me, I wanted to repay back that kindness by letting one of your daughters humbly marry the only son I have left, to give them the noble life you cannot provide for your children anymore." There was a silent pause before the voice continued, "but what I did not ask for or expect was some African to marry my son."

Both Fen and I flinched at the sudden sound of something being slammed against another, hard. A hand, perhaps. "She is just as Chinese as you are!" my mother raised her voice.

"Chinese?" the woman scoffed. "Have you not seen her skin? She has been out in the sun way too long if she is of 'Chinese blood'. Are you blind to not see her hair? all the Chinese women I know were born with naturally straight, black hair, long to their butt. Not whatever that is on her head. What she is, is far from what a Chinese woman is. And do not get me started on..."

My eyes narrowed down to the beautiful silk hanfu that my mother had given for me to wear today. She had to alter it a little to fit my body, but it was still beautiful. A beautiful rich color that shone when in the sun. I never had nice clothes to wear since we were simple farmers and this wasn't something farmers were able to wear, but I finally had the chance to.

If I am fit enough to be the wife of Lady Xiaomeng's — my mother's childhood friend — only son, who I have heard is a soldier and was currently deployed in war with our enemies, was going to be determined today. The words my mother spoke to me, as she was braiding back my hair, still lingered in my memory.

"I know it will be a bit different and difficult being away from home, considering you may never get the chance to visit again," she had said with a quaint smile on her face. "And being born as you are, it was and still is very hard to finally let you go. But you are a woman now, one that is of age to marry. It is every girl's dream, we want to find a rich man to marry and create a family of our own, and I know you have dreamt it once. As your mother, I want only what is best for you so I chose the best. A childhood friend of mine, who is almost like a sister, has a son she wants to see married. Humbly, she has picked our family to marry one of you off and I chose you. Better than us, they have money and they live in the city. You never had the chance to see the city before and now you will."

Ever since my eldest sister, Yiyan married her husband after his first campaign. My oldest brother, Li Wei, was recently married to his wife — Gho — who now lives with us, I had always wanted to know how it feels to be bonded and loved by another other than my family, but I always knew it wasn't going to be as easy as it was for others since they were fair-skinned and more 'Chinese-looking' than I was.

My real father was a slave from Africa who was immigrated here in Liaoxing, working for a noble family in the city. One fateful day, my real father saved my mother from bandits on her way home from selling the crops we grow on our farm. She was scared at first, but soon began seeing him behind her husband's back, which led to me being born.

It was the biggest secret my mother ever kept because it was one that could get both her and my real father killed. Even worse since the region we live in was highly uncommon to have mix-raced children between another man or woman, especially outside a marriage. But my real father was sold away before he knew of me, and my mother's husband — my father now — soon found out and didn't take it lightly. He wanted me dead at first. Right after I was born, he wanted to leave me outside until I was no more or to sell me away so that I was far from them, but whatever my mother did had made him change his mind. He allowed me to stay and raised me as his own, even if the little hate was still there in his heart.

The child who lived as a secret, that I was. One who never went out to the city, met the guests that came over or neighbors near us, except for the Sung family who came over every now and then: and one who never met a man, at least not one who didn't stare as if I was a carrying a plague or kept his distance.

Fen's little hand brushed lightly over mine. She smiled warmly enough to comfort me before speaking, "We don't have to stay and eavesdrop if you don't want. We can go down to the main lake and climb the trees like we usually do?"

With a smile of my own, I shook my head. "No, I want to listen," I tell her firmly. "I'm sure it will be much worse if this marriage pulls through. I might as well see what I'm in for."

Hopefully, she couldn't see the worry in my eyes. Fen has always looked up to me since I was the only sister, besides Gho, still under the roof. Now that it was my turn to be married off, I knew that her feeling as if she had no one by her side anymore was impending.

"You are judging based on appearances! My daughter — my daughter, Peizhi is the most caring woman you will ever meet. If you look at her, past her skin color, you will see she is so beautiful and one of a kind. And the fact that you are judging my daughter under my roof, in my home, off what you see besides who she is just shows the kind of woman you are. Don't you forget who helped you marry the man you sleep beside every night. Without my help, you would have been just as dirty and poor as me, on the same little farm, wishing a man with money would come and save you."

A sigh could be heard. "And I am thankful for that, but —"

Mother continued, "You asked of me to choose a daughter of age, a daughter who has bled for at least a year or two: who is skilled in cleaning and cooking, and is smart and well-mannered. One with a beautiful heart and can bear children." Despite her previous tone which showed anger, her voice softened as she said the last words, "and Peizhi is the only choice who fits the description perfectly."

"I know she is not the only daughter you bore, what about the eldest? I hear she is just as nice. Probably old since she is in her twenty's but we can work with —"

"She is already married and far gone from here," my mother quickly interjected.

"What of Fen?" A small gasp came from Fen's lips, her eyes widening by a fraction. This was something she wasn't ready for, but would have to be prepared for when her time came. "She is what, ten now? Perfect age."

"Fen is off limits. She hasn't bled yet and she's too young."

"There are girls younger than her getting married, surely my mother and I can wait for Fen to become a woman and guide her from there."

Fen tugged on my hand. "I don't want to marry into their family. She is a mean woman."

My soft lips pressing against her forehead, I ruffle her hair gently. "And you won't have too. Don't panic now, Fen. Mother has always looked out for us."

As I was still calming down my sister from her sudden fears of being married and having to go through hell to birth children, the older voice of Lady Xiaomeng's mother spoke. Her words giving both Fen and I hope. "I refuse to wait once more," her monotonous addition indicated that she was getting tired of traveling to look for wives.

Lady Xiaomeng gasped. "Niáng!"*

"Don't you niáng me, child. I have listened to you two bicker like children and now it is time for the adult to speak." Silence followed after her demand to have her voice heard. "For years, you have been trying to find a wife for my grandson even if he was never ready for one. And now that he has finally agreed, we have seen countless of women who were far from the image Zian said would seem fit. Now, you say your daughter is kind, beautiful, smart and well-mannered? Is she young physically and mature mentally? Is she humbled and not spoiled to the bone? Is she carefree and enjoys to laugh? Is she able to obey her husband and his family without any giving problems?"

I peeked behind the wall, only seeing the back of my mother's tunic. Her long, beautiful hair fell lushly down her back. Her slightly chubby frame from birthing 5 children is shown bowing respectfully towards Lady Xiaomeng's mother.

"Yes, ma'am." Lady Xiaomeng's mother signaled for her to raise her head. "She is the most humble daughter I have. Very young and healthy, her laughter will fill your halls. And she can obey."

"Then what is the problem, Lihua?" the elderly woman was now talking directly to her daughter, Lady Xiaomeng.

I could only see a little of Lady Xiaomeng's figure, moving closer to her mother. The silks along her body were a color richer than mine, looking much more new and expensive. "Niáng, this is a different case; the child is of African origin. Her mother, my dear friend, no offense, has shamed her family and you would want to shame ours as well?"

"It is not shaming we should be worrying about, it is of what my grandson wants. Of what your only living son wants. I have lived a long adventurous life with my husband and have seen the world by his side before his passing. I have seen men grow crazy to the point they kill themselves, I have seen mothers forcing their son's to succeed in their father's shoes to the point of desperation. Shall I take Kueng as an example? You pushed him to the edge and gave him someone who was as weak as the emperor on the throne, and now look where he is at; dining with our ancestors waiting for us. I am too old for this and just want to see my grandson happy and married at this point. Even if it is with some girl of African origin."

She turned to look at my mother, her voice softening, "Now, let me see the young girl. Bring her in at once. I want to see what the fuss is all about."

My mother bows. "Yes, ma'am."

It took my mind a second to register that my mother was actually coming out of the room to get me. Quickly, I stood to my feet with Fen following right behind me. She wrapped her hand around mine, but as I was standing to my feet to run off, my foot had stepped under the silk skirt which caused my body to flop back down onto the floor with an oomph.

"Peizhi." My mother's shadow hovers over my fallen frame. She whispers for me to stand quickly and ordered Fen to run off and find some work around the house. My mother swiftly fixed my hanfu and made sure my hair was as perfect as it could be. Before we entered the room, the warmth of my mother's hands touched both my cheeks, a thin smile tugging hard to cover her weary expression. "Just be who you are and everyone will love you."

My only response was a smile. I have always been who I was, but people still found a reason to hate me. Albeit knowing that there was not much to do about such, I learned to live with it.

"This is my daughter, Jiang Peizhi." I follow in after my mother announced my presence.

The first person I saw was Lady Xiaomeng. She was definitely beautiful from what my mother had described, looking younger than she actually was. Lady Xiaomeng's skin was fair, red full lips with beautifully pinned up hair that was decorated with elegant ornaments. Her hanfu hugged tight around her body, a soft color of olive green that brought out the youth in her face and frame, beyond the disgusted look in her eyes.

"Come here, child." My eyes followed off Lady Xiaomeng to her mother, who sat as flawlessly as a graceful bird. I stood where she could see me clearly, greeting her properly. Lady Xiaomeng tried to help her mother to her feet, but her mother stopped her and stood on her own. "She is beautiful indeed. Young physically —" a light gasp left my dry lips when her hands inspected my body; my breast, my hair, my face, and my lower areas. "— very young. Only tanned just a bit."

"Just a bit?" Lady Xiaomeng commented.

The cold look in her mother's eyes shut Lady Xiaomeng up in seconds. I was told to never disrespect my elders, not even my mother, that they are wise with the truth and wise with the time of life. It was a bit shocking to see with my own eyes someone talking back to their elder, nevertheless their mother, the woman who gave her life.

"Something that's easily fixed with cream and staying indoors." She gestured her head towards the small wooden table where the hot kettle steamed with tea sat. My mother followed her eyes towards the teacup when I glanced over to her, unsure if I was to pour her tea now or something else. Quickly but firmly, I reached over for the hot kettle, grabbing it gently with a cloth, its steam burned against my hand while pouring some of the herbal tea into the small teacup. I stood straight to show off my features and handed her the teacup on the ceramic saucer.

She smiled. "Very well-mannered. Keep your shoulders back or you grow deformed. Allow your beauty to be shown. Not too obvious but naturally."

With a nod, I did as told.

She chuckled just a little. "I think something different will give Zian a new meaning. He's always been an open-minded young man."

"Niáng!" Lady Xiaomeng's neck could possibly have snapped with how fast and sharp she turned her head to face me. Her gaze on me was ever so menacing before she turned to look at her mother with a look of pure bewilderment. "You are bringing shame into our household! What will my husband say? He will surely not approve of this, I do not approve of this! Everyone will talk badly of us. You can not —"

"I can and I will. And just because I am as old as the gods does not mean you can step all over me, child. So mind your mouth and watch who you are talking to. I will not act kindly the next time you speak over me or against me." Lady Xiaomeng immediately apologized upon hearing her mother's stern voice and was quiet, for real this time. "When was the last time you bled, dear?"

"Last week."

"Have you been with any other man before?" Her brow rose. "Honestly."

"No, ma'am,"

Her gaze on me was scrutinizing under her long lashes, the wrinkles forming under her eyes. She looked as if she knew I was telling the truth but wanted to make sure I was not lying to her. "Can you bear children?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Child," she smiled warmly at me and I was a bit taken aback when her hand encased mine, "call me Wàipó*. Ma'am makes me feel just as old as I do not want to feel."

"Yes, m—" I paused. "Yes,Wàipó."

I met my mother's gaze, she was smiling and I couldn't help but do so too, biting down on my bottom lip to remain mature and well-mannered. Wàipó meant grandmother, which had to mean she was going to accept me to marry her grandson. To be honest, I didn't know how to feel about that or if I should've held onto that thought.

"Will you cause me trouble?"

"No." I shook my head. It wasn't something I could guarantee, but I could try my best.

"Well, then it is settled." My mother sighed in relief. She was already on her knees, thanking Wàipó, me following suit. "Please be ready in three days, which is when we will come for you. And when you will meet your betrothed. Walk me out, child." My arm instantly wrapped around hers, leading her to the door. "Your betrothed, my grandson is a fine young man. A very skilled soldier and is passionate about his work. Well-educated and I am sure you both will have fun times when night falls, meaning more children."

Her comment made me blush. I had never slept with a man before and I knew well enough that I would have to on the night of our wedding. My stepsister, Gho, told me it won't be as bad as imagined. That though it might hurt a little and feel very uncomfortable and odd, it was later going to feel much better and then I will grow to enjoy it, if I was lucky enough that is.

The sun scorched bright over my small house and even brighter over the expanse of green fields. From where I was, I could see the barn where both my brothers, Li Wei and Jiei were helping father rinse off the potatoes in the bucket of water that was pumped from the wells. Normally, we'd use the water from the lake, but nowadays there are more bandits who camped around the lakesides and sought out villagers who come for water or to bathe. We were told to never go alone and to always tell when going, especially women.

Wàipó stopped at the edge of the two stairs. She stared out into the land before opening her beautiful parasol, the colors matching those of her hanfu. "Surely you will be an obedient wife and cause little to no trouble." She turned to me and my mother. With a gracious bow, Wàipó said, "see you in three days."

"Thank you." My mother returned her gesture, bowing. She quickly ran to her side to help her down the stairs, happiness written all over her face. She was proud of herself and proud of me, but that smile she wore on her face lowered as Lady Xiaomeng came into view.

"See you soon, my dear friend, Bai." They exchanged bows. When she lifted her, she merely glanced at me before turning around. I knew she was not happy with the engagement, and I understood that as her being a mother and wanting nothing but the best for her child, her only child. My only wish was that I was going to be given a chance to prove my worth, against all her odds.

●●●●●●

娘(niáng) = mother

外婆 (wàipó) = Grandma on mother's side