We traveled back home quickly. We rode our horses as long as we could bear, until the sun was kissing the horizon, then tents would be erected and we would sleep until the light came back. Riding like this made the trek in seem like child's play. 

I struggled with staying asleep during the nights. Most times the pure exhaustion would be enough to get me into a doze at first, but a few hours or even minutes later, I would be sitting up in my tent, breathing hard. Immediately, the thick canvas would feel like it was strangling me. In the dark, I would feel the phantom burns of the rope and I would scramble out of the blankets as if they had burned me and yank apart the flaps of fabric keeping me separate from the rest of the world.

The first night Jacob was still stoking a small fire, cooking something on a misshapen stick. He offered a kind smile but said nothing. The second night it was dark, but I could see Leo's silhouette in the moonlight as he gazed up at the stars. Each time I was able to take a deep breath, feel the cold air in my lung, then scoot back beneath the mass of blankets and fall back into a more peaceful slumber.

The days that we spent passing over the mountains were a burden now. I no longer felt like I was on some grand excursion that I would remember forever. Following the carved out riverbed, the mountain tops loomed over head, imposing and unrelenting beneath a perfectly blue sky. They were so massive they changed weather patterns, dictated streams and forests. They controlled the fertile land for farmers, the wind.

Beside them, I was insignificant. Completely forgettable. I could have been carried off by those thugs, tied to a cart and sold to the highest bidder. The world would have moved on without me. A single face lost in the masses. How many women had gone through that without a savoir coming at the last second? How many girls were never seen again, no one but their family mourning the lost soul? In that moment, I wished I could know them. I wished that they hadn't had to die nameless. 

I didn't realize how much of my old trauma resurfaced until we were back in Leo's kingdom, moving through the farms. I had been surrounded by men since I boarded the ship bringing me to the humans. And I had found comfort in the royal guards on the sleepless nights. 

But seeing men in the distance, unbothered and working, twisted something inside me. Pirate's ear swiveled back, sensing my fear, but we  pushed on as a pair.

Once we passed the city walls, the men began complaining that they were sore, that they couldn't bear sitting in a saddle for another moment. Leo laughed out loud, but agreed and all of the men swung off their horses in the middle of a busy street full of vendors and merchants. 

Full of abrasive masculine energy.

"I'll take Pirate for you," Jacob offered pointedly when he noticed I was still perched on the horse.

I swallowed hard and slid out of the saddle. I landed on the stone streets hard. Leo materialized right beside me. I had his body guarding me from all of the on lookers on one side and Jacob kept Pirate on my other side, surrounding me with what I had grown comfortable with.

"Are you alright?" Leo asked.

"I want to go home," I blurted.

"We are almost there. Just a few more minutes."

"Not your home, " I snapped. "I want to go to my home. I never want to see another man again."

Silence fell over us after that. I should have felt bad. I should have told him that I hadn't meant it and apologized. Hadn't it been men that saved me? Hadn't Leo stayed up several nights to make sure that I slept well, unbothered and protected? And wasn't I the one who demanded I go on this great adventure, even when he protested?

But I didn't care. I wanted to go home. I wanted to touch the leaky stone walls that I knew so well. I wanted to laugh with my sisters and wake up to one of them snoring, not terror gripping my chest. I wanted to hear Oceana's kindness and feel River glaring at me for no reason at all. For God's sake, I even wanted cooked fish and potatoes. 

I wanted to be anywhere but here.

The circular palace came into view, but it offered no relief.

"Jacob, would you mind taking care of Pirate? I'm going to walk Princess Ember to her room. I think she's quite done for the day," Leo murmured

"Of course. Marcus can take care of your horse too."

"Thank you."

We fell away from the group a few steps later, slipping down a less traveled back alley. There was no one else in sight, just one couple arguing. The man was red in the face, leaning over the woman, screaming. She was crying, her chin trembling, but was meeting his gaze, replying in even tones.

I sidestepped, knowing I can't intervene and fearing the man's wrath. I bumped into Leo.

I expected him to say something, anything. Instead, I felt the edge of his palm trace the outside of my hand. Ever so gently, he wrapped his smallest finger around my pinky.

It was a tiny gesture, but something untethered in me suddenly felt calmer, quieter.

But that didn't stop me from keeping my lips sealed the rest of the way to the palace, even through the expansive halls.  When we reached my bedroom, I thought that I should say something, anything really. 

But all I could think was that I wanted to have the world swallow me whole. I didn't want to return to my sisters with bad news, telling them that I had failed at every chance to be a siren and now I had failed at every chance to bring something fruitful to my community. In the same breath, I didn't want to stay here either. I never wanted another vulgar man to lay eyes on me. 

Before Leo could say anything, I closed my door in his face. 

~~~Distraction Section~~~

Hey everyone, I have decided on weekly Monday updates from here on out. If you have read my other stories, you know I like to toss out random updates as well, so check back often for surprise updates!

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