Class was quickly dismissed after the whole book disaster with Severus and so I huffed out of the room, wearing a deep frown.

I heard footsteps patter quickly behind me and I was already preparing to express my desire to stay away from Sirius and all his friends- Including Remus. 

I knew that Remus had been lovely to come and comfort me that night and all I saw were nothing but good intentions, but for my own peace of mind and stress levels I had to stay away from him- it was for the best. 

If I stuck around Remus, that meant I stuck around Sirius and honestly, I feel like I'm only going to find a place for me at Hogwarts if I make it on my own...make new friends who I don't have to create a peace contract with to start a friendship, or no friends at all. 

Also for Remus' sake, he seemed like a really decent guy and I didn't want to put him through all the drama between me and my family feud, it just wasn't worth it.

Much to my surprise I turned around to see Snape about to tap on my shoulder.

"Oh" I sounded surprised "I thought you were someone else" I shook my head and began walking again. He caught up by my side.

"I realise I was snappy with you in class-" he sounded, clearing his throat beside me "I apologise, I figured because you've been hanging around them-" He sneered, talking about the boys I had planned to ditch "you had something to do with it- I mean to say I didn't realise you were helping me at first so, thank you" He hid an awkward smile that didn't fit comfortably on his face.

I was surprised by his apology and just nodded my head at him in a sort of you're welcome motion. He didn't leave my side as we walked over to the great hall.

"I'm just here to see if I have any mail" I mumbled "I'm not eating here" I said to him as I realised he was following me around like a lost puppy. He slightly pouted.

"I doubt you'll have mail, didn't you receive some yesterday?" He asked honestly and I stopped in my tracks, just entering the hall.

"oh yeah...of course- silly of me" I rushed feeling embarrassed over the fact that from the Slytherin table people could see the scene that I had caused. It's as if he read my mind when he spoke up.

"Thankfully not many people were paying attention to your anger- there were other things occupying the Slytherin table" He said dully "You haven't opened it, have you?" he cocked one eyebrow up at me.

The picture of the unopened letter, beside my bed, flashed in my mind and my heart began to thumb heavier.

"I have a pretty good idea what it may say" I trailed as I started heading towards a dining table.

"I thought you weren't eating?" he questioned, dropping the topic of the letter. The sad cloud from my mind cleared and was replaced with realisation that I was having an honest conversation with Severus Snape.

"Oh yeah, zoned out for a bit- I've got to go, see you around" I smiled cautiously and started walking out of the great hall.

Before I could quickly escape the Hall, I could see Remus and Co. heading towards me like a pack of wolves and I panicked not knowing which way to go (still not knowing my way fully around the castle yet). 

Snape caught up once again and I could see in front of me the boys tensing at his presence beside mine.

"What do you say to the idea of me showing you the great lake?" He croaked, seeming slightly nervous. I was taken back and a little flustered because of my panicked situation.

Remus and the rest were closer now, in hearing range, all a little too silent for comfort. I turned and smiled at Snape who seemed to be hovering around for an answer.

"Actually, I'd love to see the lake" I smiled and a croaky huff of laughter escaped his pressed together lips.

"Great, this way" He couldn't hide a small smug smile that lingered on his face. 

I knew the boys had overheard, and I wanted nothing more than to make Sirius angry at me showing attention to someone he so obviously deeply disliked. They all seemed stunned but mainly disgusted.

"Slippery Snivellus, out to destroy another Gryffindor friendship I see" James spat and gave him evil eyes, gaining a teary looking Lily to hold tightly onto his hands and drag him away...causing James' hard expression to turn to jelly. I furrowed my brows.

 "Another Gryffindor friendship?" I asked, my voice sounding lower than usual. He dug his hands deeper into his robe pockets, looking hunchbacked.

"You know you made a wise decision staying clear of that group" He started "I was friends- I suppose- with Lily. She never stood up for me though when it came to James and his antics" He rolled his eyes angrily "who knows what kind of tales she's spreading about me to her boyfriend" His sullen looking face seemed to flash pink with anger before he calmed himself.  I almost spluttered out laughing.

"James and Lily? Boyfriend and Girlfriend? I've known them both for approximately forty four hours and there is no chance" I giggled lightly. Snape whipped round on his feet.

"What do you mean?" He said seriously, his eyes slightly wide with frantically reading my facial expression.

"I mean there's more chance with her passionately falling in love with an owl with only one wing" I snorted as we trudged through a beautifully green field "She thinks James is irritating and useless, by the looks of things" I furrowed my eyebrows wondering why she even stuck around him at all if she really believed that. 

Snape seemed to stand straighter and taller at my comments. Pride interfering with his usual slumped walk.

"Is that so? At least she knows she deserves better" He said boldly "Although, I don't see why she is still so glued closely to him then if she truly believes that" He sighed, sinking back into his hunched over position.

"We're here" He mumbled and I took in my surroundings and I sighed peacefully, sitting next to a large, ancient looking tree that grew moss around its trunk like a coat.

"It's beautiful" I hummed, looking out at the sparkling water in the sun; Snape nodded agreeing in response.

I took in his expression, it was mainly neutral but I knew the conversation of Lily was still playing on his mind.

"Perhaps she only stays close to him as a form of comfort. I mean she's best friends with Marlene, right? And Marlene seems pretty close to the rest of the boys. Sometimes you have to put up with someone you don't practically find enjoyable to be around the people that you do" I said so surly that he looked as if he really absorbed my theory.

All of a sudden what I had said really sunk in with me as well...I really enjoyed the company of Remus and I found Lily sweet and Marlene funny, James and Peter seemed cool in their own ways but hadn't really bothered with me yet. 

Maybe I just had to put up with Sirius in order to spend time with the people that I naturally gravitated towards. It seemed so simple and so clear and yet something just didn't feel right, I'd only be staying for Remus. 

Sure, the girls that I shared a dorm with were nice, but they never seemed to worry when I wasn't around, like I hadn't made that much of an impression on them yet...like I wasn't important. They hadn't shown me anything that was clear evidence that they wanted me around permanently, they were just being nice, there wasn't enough for me to stick around Sirius, for them. Right?

Remus had shown me reasons to stick around though. Making sure I didn't work alone on my first day, making sure I ate when he felt like I wasn't, making sure I felt alright after the big fight with Sirius but still I'm too much drama for him. 

I can't hang around a bunch of people who I feel semi-isolated from, just for one person to reassure me constantly that it's alright for me to be sitting with them. 

That isn't finding peace by compromising, that's constantly being on edge just to experience some rare moments of calm. That's too much pressure on Remus and too much anxiety put on my shoulders- it just wasn't worth it no matter how good my own advice was.

I was caught up in my own dilemma that I hadn't noticed Snape was talking to me.

"Sorry what?" I asked him blankly, still staring at the small ripples in the lake.

"What made you split apart from them?" he asked again with a tone that seemed like he didn't really care, perhaps just being nosy; although his facial expression seemed sincere.

"I guess they made me feel slightly on edge...kind of isolated in a weird suffocating way" I shook my head at the stupid description and he nodded slowly, pulling a strand of greasy hair away from his face.

"Do you ever feel stuck...like you're experiencing things behind a wall of unbreakable glass? ... I don't know why I'm being so open with you, I'm sorry, it's embarrassing" I awkwardly laughed and began to stand up. He coughed clearing his throat and stumbled over slightly over a tree root.

"Next time you see Lily, will you tell her to please come and see me?" He said, awkwardly greasing his hair out of his face more. 

My heart kind of sunk a little at the fact he so easily brushed off me silently asking for advice/comfort that I so much needed.

"um, I'm not sure what I would say?" I said honestly, thinking it would be slightly rude bringing up Snape when they so obviously have bad blood.

"I don't want to make things awkward, I share a dorm with her" I said shrugging my shoulders. Snape returned to his famous frowned expression.

 "I dragged you out here with pity since you didn't have any friends to sit with, and you can't even reward me with one simple favour?" He rolled his eyes at me like I was some annoying child. My mouth slightly parted with shock.

"You mean you were hanging out with me because you felt bad for me?" I whispered.

"I think that's what everyone's been doing" He shrugged.

"You were using me to get to Lily?" I asked my voice slightly cracking, feeling incredibly stupid too many times in one week for my own good.

"Not using you" He seemed frustrated "I thought you looked like you needed someone to hang out with, the you being around Lily part was just convenient for me" He said as if it was the smallest thing in the world.

"Well, in that case I'll tell you what's convenient for me...you telling her you want to talk yourself." I said trying to sound strong but just coming across as disappointed.

I was truly alone and all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and stare at a blank wall numbly all day. So that's what I planned to do, I rushed back into the castle and past the many students making their way to their next lesson. I hurried into the common room and up the stairs to the silent dorms, I kicked my shoes off and climbed into bed in my uniform. 

Skipping classes was the last thing on my mind worrying me, right now.

I never thought I'd want to go home as much as I did right now...but I knew that wasn't an option...not now, maybe not at all.