ARTY'S POV
I didn't hate James, but I kind of did. I wasn't ready to speak to Remus and I could sense (though I didn't look at him once) that he didn't know what to say. He probably didn't even know why he was dragged up here which made things feel worse. Made me feel stupider than I already did.

We kept silent for a long time. Neither one of us even attempting to let a struggled sound of broken speech escape our mouths. Even if the words we spoke didn't come out right or even formed a real word at all, there was just silence, nothing but sound of shuffling feet against the stone occasionally.

The night was dark and still. There were clouds hanging low in the sky, giving the illusion that I could reach up on the tip of my toes and be able to graze them with my fingers. No stars littered the darkness like they usually did. The sky was abandoned from its glittering friends. An empty, black sky was all that existed above the patches of heavy rain clouds.

The smell of rain was in the air. Cold and damp reacting off of the stones of the castle. The ledge I had my hands glued upon was freezing to the touch.

I finally turned my head to face Remus, ever so slightly and barely moving my body along with it. My eyes sadly looking him up and down.

He wasn't facing in my direction or  noticed I had ever so discreetly moved from my frozen position. He was in the same position as I was...hands stuck to the side of the balcony, looking out into the grounds. Watching nothing but the light breeze rustle the grass below, or perhaps just absentmindedly staring at the tiles of the roofing in front. Counting one by one to pass the time.

His fingers twitched as if he was moving in his head and it was translating to his body in a small way. He had his lip sucked up between his teeth, relentlessly chewing and chewing. His brows were furrowed and curved up lightly, creating a crease in the middle of his forehead. The wind had blown back his hair, removing the style that I had admired. He had rubbed his Halloween makeup off, a black smudge here and there and the sleeve of his jumper covered with the pale browns and black paint.

Suddenly a tear rolled down the side of his face, lingering and rolling slower past his scar (that strangely he hadn't gone to madam Pomfrey to fade yet). His hand instantly came up and wiped it away but it was too late, I had seen it. The moment of weakness.

"Why are you crying?" I whispered. Forgetting how to project my voice normally. He looked at me slightly shocked that he had been caught, but quickly replaced it with a smile and a small shake of his head.

That's when I saw it, the same smile he gave to me whenever I fell out with Sirius or had disagreements with the girls.

The same smile he gave to me when he showed me his new scar for the first time.

The same smile he gave when he admitted he had heard me laugh about the fact I didn't find him attractive, when I shoved my way past him in his dorm room. When I had told him I had felt nothing about him.

It no longer felt warm and shy. That's not what it was, it was pain. Something I had appreciated had come from Remus hurting and covering it up.

"Moony..." I sighed and took a step closer though it felt like I was wearing shoes of steel. The tiny step feeling almost impossible at first.

His eyes shot up at me like tiny little daggers and his fingers gripped onto the ledge.

"Where have you heard that name?" He mumbled sharply.

"James just said it before leaving. Lily said it a while ago and I thought I miss heard her, she supposedly didn't know what I was on about when I questioned her about it." I had explained. I took a deep breath in.

"Your friends call you Moony, Remus...and I don't. Why is that? Am I not a friend?" I asked him, my bottom lip wobbling but I kept myself controlled and calm.

"You are my friend, Arty." He said surely.

"Then tell me why you're crying."

"Why am I here?" He avoided the question and asked me one instead. I took a deep breath out, the breath I didn't know I was holding escaping my lungs and turned back around to start that aimlessly counting roof tiles thing.

All of a sudden I heard movement behind me and I could sense Remus was close.

"Why am I here...Artemis?" He whispered my full name. I hesitantly turned around, the feeling of his breath tickling my ear.

He was real close. Close enough to see the pores in his skin. The way the black paint that was left over and smudged, clogged a few. Yet almost non existent and perfect. Perfect.

He looked perfect, even with his messy reddy brown hair and slowly purple bruising lip (because of how violently he was sucking at it).

He looked perfect, even with his raised pink scar that interrupted the soft orange freckles across his face and bloodshot eyes that reflected the little light there was. Hazel green, with a chocolate brown pooling around his iris'. Annoyingly beautiful.

"If you don't know, I'd rather not say" I avoided his eyes that stared desperately sad at me.

He reached for my face and forced me to look up at him. It was gentle but I couldn't stop the memory of my mother doing exactly the same thing to me when I avoided her gaze. Grabbing my face with her long nails and squeezing my cheeks to make me look her in the eye. Remus hadn't been violent like that at all but I shoved him away, a reaction of fear rushing through me.

"I need to hear you say it..." His voice cracked slightly, as he kept his distance. Not closing the gap that I had just created.

"Please, Arty...I need to know how the words make me feel!" He begged, his eyes glossing over. Looking as if he wasn't just going to let a single tear slip, but many.

I paused. My breath hitched in my throat. The dare hadn't only just affected me, jealousy hadn't been the only emotion the kiss had caused. Remus enjoyed it.

"It felt right didn't it? Kissing him?" He seemed to wince at my words but slowly nodded his head. Tears suddenly pouring from his eyes.

I hesitantly grabbed him and embraced him in a hug to attempt to comfort the confused boy. I was hurting and everything was telling me not to hold him, but I couldn't just watch as he cried.

He burrowed his head between my neck and held me close with a weak grip. His hair tickled my neck and he smelt warm of roasted almonds and...Sirius' cologne.

I gently removed myself from his arms. I couldn't hold him, not like this for the first time.

I was ready to leave, I was right. I couldn't do this right now. The weeks of ignoring how I felt about him, confused about how I felt...suddenly was stabbing me in the chest.

"I want to be alone, Remus. You need to tell me, out loud, what's going on in your head. It's the only way to let us leave the tower. Please I'm cold and I want to go." I felt my emotions spiking up too and didn't want to cry in front of him, I looked him dead in the eye.

Ready for what he had to say. I had to be brave.

He took a minute to compose himself, his mouth opening and closing. Struggling for the words to leave his lips.

"I liked- I wanted to kiss Sirius." He said as bravely as he could. His voice sounding struggled, though strong.

"And I wanted you to kiss me the way you kissed him."

The door clicked open and before I allowed myself to take in his reaction, I turned my back against him to leave.

I halted at the door once opening it with ease, stopping in my tracks and grabbing onto the frame for a little support. I felt light headed and too tired to walk down all of the dreaded steps. Emotionally exhausted.

"Kiss me."

My heart plummeted into my guts. He didn't want to kiss me, he just wanted to reassure himself that he hadn't enjoyed kissing a boy as much as he had thought.

"Arty, kiss me."

A strength I hadn't felt before took over my body. As much as I wanted to give in and let him kiss me, let him hold me close and make me forget everything. For him to cup my face and kiss my jaw like he did with Sirius. I wanted to tangle my fingers in his chestnut coloured hair and feel his eyelashes flutter against my skin but...it was too late, in that moment I knew I had to respect myself enough to walk away.

I left him there motionless and alone, he needed that balcony more than I did and I needed to grow up.