Chapter Thirty - Discovering The Tower.
REMUS' POV
I hobbled over to the large round table at the back of the three broomsticks.
James was playing with Lily's hair, she ignored him for a conversation with Marlene and Sirius. Peter was dozing off on Sirius' shoulder.
I slammed myself down on the empty seat beside Peter, waking him up in an instant.
"Oi alright, calm down!" Peter jumped. I rolled my eyes at him.
"What's wrong Moony?" Sirius spoke up, shoving Peters head back so he could see me properly. I looked angrily at Lily and Marlene. Both their faces giving each other nervous unknowing glances.
"Bitching about Arty? Bold move considering you share a dorm with her. Always a risk of her overhearing! Or hadn't you thought?" I questioned them both, they sank with shame in their seats.
"Remus it wasn't quite like that-" Lily begun. I raised my eyebrows at her for her to continue explaining.
James had dropped her red hair from his fingers and looked uncomfortable , knowing I wouldn't be confrontational if I didn't feel it was necessary but also wanting to reassure Lily who was going bright pink in the face. Sense told him to keep his mouth shut, for once.
Peter and Sirius were both also staring at the sinking Marlene and Lily. Sirius' arm snaked around Marlene and gave her a reassuring squeeze, making her sit back up properly.
"You have to admit she acts weird. Hot one second and cold the next. We don't know how to take her, Remus!" Marlene spoke up with Sirius' encouragement.
"What has she done to make you guys feel this way?" I asked.
"She hasn't done much, that's the problem. It feels like she doesn't try. She's willing to joke around and be a part of things and then the next moment she's distant, literally nowhere to be seen in some cases- hanging out with Severus! Giggling with us in the next moment! Missing from meals and then sitting down the next day without explanation!" Lily nervously explained.
"It's confusing." the girls said at the same time.
"Here's the deal..." I started, whilst frowning. My eyes landing thoughtfully on the wooden table. Clasping my hands firmly on the table.
"He has a plan." the boys smirked at each other. The girls laughed nervously.
"You two are going to be the girls we all know you are-" I pointed at Lily and Marlene.
"There's a sisterhood there, an obvious one and not to be involved in that clearly must feel unwelcoming. Lily, you're sweet, charming but not to be underestimated, you know what you have to do. Marlene, you're funny and a bit of a bitch but we love you for it, don't stop that because you think Arty is sensitive. She'll pick up you're holding back!" Marlene and Sirius laughed at my comment about her.
"Peter, she likes you, I can tell so stop avoiding conversation just because she's a she-"
"James, involve her. I've not seen you once take any interest. She's going to be involved more from now on so get used to it-"
"Sirius, I thought you were going to make up to her?" I finally questioned.
"I did, don't you remember?" He whined.
"Getting her high, apologising that night and then when sobering up, holding back insults in exchange for rolled eyes, isn't changed behaviour it's just a change of behaviour" I warned.
"I'll figure something out" he huffed.
"I know you will, you're brilliant Sirius! Intelligent, great sense of humour, resilient and loyal. There's no room for pettiness right now, she deserves to see what we see about you and you deserve to have her respect!" I said as Sirius started burning up in the face.
"If she's acting weird it means she's struggling and she might not even know. Let's all just keep that in mind, yeah?" I said, finally relaxing seeing them all come to their senses.
"Yes, Professor Lupin." they all said harmoniously, bursting out into laughter at my serious tone.
*
ARTY'S POV
I wandered around the castle, almost empty from students. I needed to find somewhere to think. Somewhere I wouldn't be interrupted by the sound of chattering voices or familiar faces.
My found safety in the school kitchens was written off. I needed to find somewhere quiet, somewhere without questions thrown in my direction.
I aimlessly climbed five minutes up spiral stairs, wondering where the tower was leading to. The urge to get higher and distance myself further and further from where anyone would go, growing.
I came to a halt at a small wooden door, the handle and lock rusted and hard to move. I shoved it open aggressively, suddenly feeling claustrophobic by the small space and hard to budge door.
The door opened up to a sturdy stone balcony that wrapped all the way around the small tower. It overlooked the grounds inside and outside of the castle. Tall and intimidating to anyone afraid of heights, the drop guaranteed to give anyone an early death. Meaning less likely to be intruded on.
I walked over to the ledge, taking a deep breath as I leant over to assess the drop. Was Remus right?
My mind instantly went back to the moment in the train, sitting alone and waiting in the station to be on my way to hogwarts. That short plump woman that stood on the platform with her son. I remember vividly the way she embraced him, squeezing him tight and pink in the face with emotion. The unfamiliarity of it; a mother's love.
Remus was right, it wasn't normal. Nothing I had experienced at home was normal. Popular sayings like "A mother's love" wouldn't exist if it wasn't the truth. A truth I didn't know.
I remember how that boy pulled back from his mother, unappreciative over something I was watching in awe. Affection. He was numb to it, the same way I brushed off my own mothers coldness.
I thought back to Vivian Skeeter, the funny looking overbearing woman I had met today. How she spoke about her daughter with such pride. Whereas my own would prefer to talk about me as if I didn't exist. Regularly pushing me behind her, warning me to be silent when bumping into someone she knew whilst in public.
My parents made me linger away from their lives, both through verbal and physical communication. Vivian kept her daughter, Rita, vibrantly with her through her words. Keeping her close in conversation at all times, even when her daughter was nowhere to be seen.
I thought back to the summer Sirius left home. Back to the fact he left home to live with James; it hadn't clicked until now that James wasn't the one I should have been fascinated with- it should have been his parents.
Allowing a boy that wasn't their own child to move in, eat their food and sleep safely under their roof was a bizarre thought. There was a respect there, a warmth within the gesture of welcoming a stranger to become accepted as another son. They trusted James with his word. His word that Sirius was to be given a chance and to be trusted.
There was never any trust between my parents and I, even in the simplest of moments. I could never suggest someone moving into the house, I couldn't even keep my own place secure.
Remus was right, they weren't normal. What else wasnt I seeing clearly? How do I know that what I feel is normal, in any sense?
The questions I asked myself terrified me.
I backed away from the ledge feeling queasy, letting out a deep sigh of held in breath.
Remus' scars, they were normal to me. Our house elves had similar markings. I had only presumed.
Was it not normal to not feel fear when seeing the faint, healed lines across his face and hands? Was it normal to jump in shock and cower away when he revealed his fresh one this afternoon? Had he expected that and was confused to why I did not?
His scars weren't what bothered me about him. They, I had seen before elsewhere.
What bothered me was the feeling he made me feel. Hot in the face, throat running dry and a crawling sensation in the pit of my stomach. All signs of fear...but different. A laugh always seemed to escape my lips when he smiled at me, without him having to say anything funny, or anything at all.
I felt I needed to impress him but not in the same way I felt I needed to impress Mother and Father. I wanted to impress him. The small panic to fix my hair when I see him walking closer. To catch his eye for him to smile and make me laugh like he does.
Is that what normal people feel around friends? It must be. I got a similar feeling whenever I was invited somewhere by the girls in the dorm. An excitement. Remus just made me feel like that more often.
*
I spent hours up in the tower, running through every thought that sprung to mind. Before returning to the Gryffindor common room, when the sun started to go down.
I walked in, keeping my eyes down low. Kicking at the carpeted rugs and watching my feet, still trying to pull myself away from my thoughts.
Someone coughed making me look up quickly over to the sofas.
"Hey Art!" James smiled at me, looking up from a book. An unfamiliar sight. Peter was asleep on the floor by the fire, sprawled out wide.
"Art?" I questioned, a small smile finding itself on my face at James talking to me without any prompting.
"Don't like the nickname?" He pouted and I nodded my head whilst laughing unsure.
"A nickname? Sure! Arty kind of already is but, I guess you can shorten it further if you want!" I said awkwardly. He patted the chair beside him and I reluctantly sat down obeying him.
"I want to ask you a question-" James said, pushing up the glasses on his nose. I prepared myself for discomfort.
"What the fuck does this say? And what the hell does that mean?" He said loudly and pointed in the book he was holding, shoving it in my direction.
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