(Double update tonight to celebrate the weekend and you guys! So expect another notification later.)

Sonny took us to a muggle restaurant that specialised in serving burgers. The walls were painted black and covered in illustrations and they played music that involved electric guitars. It was very casual which made me feel comfortable, only ever experiencing restaurants where multiple sets of cutlery were encouraged to be used and tiny portions lined your stomach with the expectation of keeping you full and if there was music it was strictly classical or barely heard acoustic.

"This place does the best Korean chicken burger." He said as he took a seat, that we just walked up to. Not having to wait and be called for a reservation.

I enjoyed the simplicity of life outside of high society. It felt richer, ironically.

"So tell me," he began as the food we had ordered finally was delivered to our table and we had already laughed a number of times about his experiences throughout the years and little moments we briefly shared.
"I hate to bring it up but it obviously needs to be spoken about."

Oh merlin. I was enjoying living in the moment instead of the past. It was so easy to pretend like I had never left Hogwarts and just had grown up alongside Sonny all these years, that we weren't just old friends that accidentally were meeting up but as if this was a regular thing. I enjoyed being able to pretend my life had been as normal as the ones I had observed around me.

"So, when you left..." he elongated the introduction to the subject, sussing out my reaction. To which I obviously cringed at, he decided to pursist anyway.

"I wrote. Only a few times...But Narcissa told me you went to rehab, cause obviously I asked if you were pissed with me and if that's why you never replied. But that wasn't true was it?" He asked.

I hesitated. I didnt want to get into the whole conversation about my punishment. Rehab was one way of looking at it. Conversion therapy probably making more sense. Attempting to traumatise me in behaving a certain way, which worked until I was provided an opportunity to escape.

"What are you asking?" I said.

I just needed to know what he wanted from the conversation. Was it reassurance that I wasn't upset with him? Was it curiosity to where I had been? Was it to have a go at me for leaving him in such a horrible situation? Was it to check I was alright? Was it all of the above?

I just needed to know, if I was to approach why I never replied to the letters, what details did he need me to focus on.

"Well I contacted the rehab she said you were at. They said you had never been a patient. So where have you been all this time? Why show your face now?" He asked, taking a long sip of his drink.

I anxiously played with my food and I feel he sensed my aversion to the conversation.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you. I'm thrilled! But it was still an accident. How come you didn't write?"

I took a long sip of my drink too, trying to formulate a coherent sentence in my head before speaking out loud. He allowed me the time to think before speaking.

"Truthfully, I was never allowed to reply. My parents didn't think it was fair that I had to take full blame. Which I don't regret. I was the one who spoke the curse, no one else did. You were innocent but not to them. I'm sorry." I said carefully.

He nodded and I felt he already knew what I had told him. He just wanted to hear it from me instead of coming to the conclusion himself.

"I'm sorry too." He smiled sympathetically to me.

"What for?" I asked, a little taken back by an apology I feel I never was entitled to receive.

"Well I started speaking highly about you in the Slytherin common room and it attracted the wrong attention. I said you couldn't be provoked and were better than those who wanted to provoke you. Which...obviously lead to Goyle targeting you. He targeted you because I said you wouldn't bite."

"You don't have to apologise for speaking highly about me. You were kind to me and that doesn't require an apology, to me anyway." I said a sad smile coming onto my face.

I wonder if he had believed he caused the whole situation to unfold. Speaking it into existence. I hoped that he knew I never once blamed him, or anyone else for the consequences to my own actions. For a while I wanted to blame someone but knew it had been my own lack of self control that resulted in me experiencing the worst years of my life. Sonny had always been a fond memory, not a tainted one.

"Yanno, I was never upset you didn't reply. I kind of gathered you weren't being allowed to and that sucked but I didn't take it personally. But here you are, not being watched by anyone and so I'm just curious if you were ever gonna reach out at all?" He wondered.

This week had been my only week of freedom, though he didn't know that and truthfully the only person I had considered reaching out to was Narcissa about the flat viewing. I hadn't considered if I was going to reach out to anyone I once knew. Things didn't end lightly. I didn't just disappear after a wonderful summer. I left after possibly traumatising people. And those people were ignored. Lives have moved on and Sonny is the proof of it. He has a partner and a new flat and a job and new friends. He's still the same person but lives a completely different life. I don't want to force myself onto someone who has built a life without me. I was the one that left. Not them. It was still so early on for me to consider rebuilding the relationships I had lost. It was only earlier this week I had to be snuck out of a house and taught to handle my own finances. I wasn't at the same life stage as those around my age and I worried it showed. What would I bring to their lives other than a reminder of the past?

"Maybe at some point." I said.
"It's been so many years, I would have guessed things would be better left in the past." I admitted.

"If you knew we were never going to accidentally meet unless you reached out, and no one was telling you that you couldn't anymore, would you? And this is an ideal world hypothetical thing." He asked and I could tell he wasn't searching for an ego boost.

I could tell his questioning and the serious conversation that had crept up on us was running off of pure curiosity and desire to understand my side to a conclusion he had formed around our past. He just was seeking confirmations and I didn't feel as if I was being interrogated at all, just trying to be understood in the process.

"If I knew I'd be wanted, without a doubt." I said, fully meaning it.

If I knew that everyone I once spoke to would welcome me unconditionally, I would not hesitate to reach out to them. I would be extremely nervous because of how long it has been but I'd want to talk to them, even if it was just one more time and then never again.

I haven't considered it because I left knowing I was at a point where they didn't hate me. I didn't want to experience a reality where that memory is altered and changed. I didn't want my last memory of each of them to be disregarded instead of supported.

"It isn't your choice on who accepts you back into their life but if that's what you want, it's your choice to give the people the chance to decide." He said.

I took a moment. It made sense but it felt so scary having the power to decide who I wanted to create bonds with. Freedom was fantastic, but daunting and I couldn't rely on someone to tell me what to do and who to pay attention to anymore. Which although I was enjoying it, it still didn't feel natural. I never could just pick the people in my life, they were always chosen for me. I never had a choice when Marlene and Lily shoved themselves into my carriage on that first train ride. I never had a choice when he volunteered to be my herbology partner. I never had a choice on who I was to even marry.

Reaching out with the possibility of being rejected felt and seems humiliating, I didn't even know if I wanted the same life as I did when I was at Hogwarts. Including the people. I wanted something different and how was I to know if my something different was what their lives looked like now?

"I'm just saying. If after all this time I got a letter from you to say you wanted to meet me, I would have said yes and I know I wouldn't be the only one." He said.

Something about the way he looked at me shifted something inside my stomach. I just knew he was talking about him being the other person. The thought that Sonny was suggesting he would be willing to see me made me feel...sick with nerves but in the same way I felt leaving to go to Hogwarts. So afraid, vulnerable but laced with a feeling that's difficult to explain, full of hope being the closest description.

"He didn't send just a few letters that were ignored..." I almost whispered.

I felt an extreme amount of guilt that clouded my vision when I attempted to think about him. I couldn't even say his name. I haven't been able to say it for years because the guilt starts invading my bloodstream. I felt poisonous whenever he crossed my mind.

It didn't matter how isolated I was, every letter that came through the door was written for me and I knew that...I felt my heart break for him every time I heard the sound of the letterbox and there was nothing I could do about it. It was weekly for a while. A letter would be posted and I'd watch on the staircase as it burnt in front of me, or if I was locked up in my room, I'd hear them be posted and instantly stop anything I was doing...only to hear paper being torn.

I felt such extreme guilt that he never got a letter back and I received one every week for months. Then once a month, until it had been a year...and then none at all.

I started to know what times a letter would be delivered for me, it being part of my routine and all I could imagine was how antagonising it must have been to never know if you were going to get one back but never giving up regardless.

For all I knew the letters were about how much he hated me and maybe they were towards the end but...no one writes for that long if they don't need or gain something from it and he wasn't gaining anything.

As much as it hurt seeing or hearing each letter be disregarded and knowing I'll never be able to read what he wrote to me, it hurt even more when it stopped. Because then I knew I was actually alone, I wasn't even living in his thoughts anymore.

I couldn't acknowledge any thoughts that focused around him after the letters stopped and looking at Sonny and how much he's grown and developed his own life and is happy in it...I almost didn't want to interrupt his life but it also hurt to think about how I could never know how he's changed.

We continued speaking about things deeply for a while, establishing the ending to an old friendship and little crush that never came to its natural end. Beginning a new one with new found maturity.

"I'm staying at Dorcas' tonight. We move into the new flat on Wednesday. How do you feel about just crashing at my old flat and almost giving it a test run? I know you said yes but see how it feels for the night and let me know tomorrow. Then we'll get some paperwork signed." He suggested.

I didn't have my things but he assured me he still kept bedding and towels in the storage cupboard and that I'd be alone and only he'd know and judge that I wouldn't be changing my underwear the next morning. Which made me laugh.

I agreed and we walked back to the flat together. Somewhere that could be my first ever real home.

Being around Sonny made me feel like I had received some closure myself, closure I didn't even feel I felt I needed from him.

Reinvigorated as well as comforted. Reminiscent as well as current. Being around him felt as if we had picked up from where we left it.

Time was a funny thing, nothing seemed to change but suddenly everything was different.

Remus' POV

I waited until close again.

"I'm sorry. I thought she'd be here." Mary came and sympathetically rubbed my shoulder.