Sirius eventually left and I could finally take myself to bed. The weight of his feelings not making my body feel any lighter.

Why couldn't we have all just left? All of us cut the ties we were being controlled by? What led Bellatrix and Regulus down a destructive path and what led Sirius, Andromeda and I down ours? Where was Narcissa's?

What made us different from each other?

These thoughts clouded and dominated the thoughts that preoccupied my mind beforehand; how to show Remus I was falling in love with him.

Part of me wishes I never went to collect the chocolate to hand to him. Then I wouldn't have been responsible for seeing what I had. For worrying about Regulus.

I could have remained in peaceful ignorance. Not being taught about the Knights of whatever they were called; the death eaters. Especially because I was learning my family had connections within it. I had no idea and wish it stayed that way.

-

Friday finally came along and I had received a phone call to invite me to the pub, just like Remus had said. I knew he wasn't coming, not quite sure what he was up to but not wanting to be incredibly nosey. He promised me we would have our date next weekend and I will hold him to it.

I didn't know whether I wanted to go without him. I didn't want to feel as if I was taking his place, like an understudy. Though I felt like Sirius would appreciate me being there.

And for that reason I began to get ready.

Once I was I went up and over to knock on Sonny and Dorcas' flat.

"Hiya!" Dorcas said as she opened the door.

"Are you guys coming to the pub tonight?" I asked.

"Oh I'm not sure? Sonny!" She called for him.

"Yeah?" I heard him call back.

"Are we going to the pub tonight?"

"Can do if you want?"

Dorcas nodded.

"We'll meet you there, how about that? We're having dinner late." She laughed and pointed at her polka dot apron.

At least I can be around more people I'm comfortable around. Not quite yet comfortable around the old group and with more people joining, the less I'll feel like Remus' replacement.

I arrived at the hogshead by floo. The choice of pub for the night.

The sky was clear and still light, it being a warm august evening. A light breeze graced the air, which was fresher than the air in the city. I much preferred it. It reminded me of being outside at Hogwarts within that first month of September.

I lingered outside for a little bit, gaining the courage to go inside on my own. I wish Sonny and Dorcas could have walked in with me.

"Hi Art." Suddenly James pushed open the door.
"Window." He gestured to the window next to me, meaning they've seen me waiting here aimlessly.

An embarrassed redness flushed my face.

"Don't be embarrassed. I'll stand out here with you for a bit if you want, it's quite nice." He said and lightly pushed me over, creating a space for him away from the door. Both of us now leaning against the wall.

"Rem told me you asked him out on a date." James spoke up again.

"He did?" I was a little shocked. I had wondered whether he would keep us secret. People knew there was tension between us, but that was the same with Lily and James and as far as I was aware that was a reoccurring joke.

"He told all of us actually, he's excited." James smiled at me, giving me a playful nudge. I laughed.

"I wish he was here." I sighed with a smile.

"I'm sure he's proud you came alone." James said honestly.

"Where is he by the way?" I asked curiously, it getting the best of me.

"Uh, bike trip. Mountain bike, rocks and shit." James said awkwardly.

"He doesn't seem like he'd be into that." I said surprised.

"Let's go in. Come on, you've got this." James said suddenly and held out his hand for me to grab. I held it automatically. Our hands didn't fit together as perfectly as when Remus held my hand and it wasn't the same, James was holding mine out of a supportive friendly nature.

We walked in and I noticed the group in the corner at the back. James' glasses must be pretty clear to have noticed me outside from the back.

"How long have you guys been here for?" I mumbled.

"About an hour." James replied. I nodded.

There were four glasses empty in from of Sirius already. He looked tired. His Father used to drink like that.

A chorus of hellos sounded as we approached the table. I pulled my hand away from James' to wave. Lily's eyes lingered on James' now empty hand for a second too long, her smile seemed frozen in place until she looked James in the eye and it fell.

He walked over to her and gave her a hug from behind. I felt instantly awkward.

I took a seat next to Sirius. Pushing his empty glasses into the middle of the table.

"You alright?" I whispered. He simply nodded but didn't say anything.

"It's nice to see you again!" I heard and I looked towards the voice. The nice bartender who sent me to Sonny's flat to view.

"Oh hi! Mary isn't it?" I asked hopefully, I wasn't the best at remembering names.

"And you're the famous Artemis!" She did a little head bow.

"Arty." I laughed a little.

She raised her glass to me.

"I've never seen Remus so into someone before." She said. Receiving glares from around the table.

"Oh come on, she knows he likes her. We all do. It's nice to hear it!" She laughed.

I couldn't help but smile and she gave me a little wink.

"He's a good one. The best guy around this table anyway, whole group maybe." She said finally.

"I won't accept that." James said.
"We all know once Sonny comes, he's the best." He added. Obviously having a boy crush on him. Swooning.

"He's an idiot, you just like that he's a quidditch player." Peter piped up.

I frowned in his direction. Feeling suddenly protective over Sonny, who has been nothing but generous to me.

"You're just jealous no one's saying you're the best. Someone needs to come last, don't cry about it." I said.

Peters eyes shot in my direction giving me a deathly look. Everyone else roared with laughter, interpreting my comment as banter. It wasn't and Peter knew it from the look he gave me.
-

The night was going surprisingly well. Peter kept his distance after I insulted him and after I did, most of the group felt comfortable including me in their jokes. Which made me feel like I was finally fitting in, not being treated so delicately or awkwardly.

I was really getting along with Mary; who was encouraging Marlene and Lily to open up to me. Which they were. Even going as far as forcing me to switch seats with James, so that I could join their side of the table.

I felt seen and one of the girls for one of the first times. Included in gossip, in jokes and affectionate behaviour.

Mary had braided by hair after I said it felt too short to do anything with anymore. Which she proved me wrong about.

Marlene had revealed she was beginning to date. Saying she didn't want to sleep with someone but admitting to feeling jealous that she wasn't experiencing what love could feel like. She explained to me the difference between sexual and emotional attraction, which I thought was fascinating.

Lily wanted to know everything I planned to do with my freedom, and everything about me and Remus. Which I didn't have much to say about. She was so excited for him as his friend, about our date.

Dorcas eventually joined us and pulled a seat up next to me, I found out Mary and her had been long term friends and Mary had been the one to encourage Sonny to speak to Dorcas in the first place.

I looked around the table, pulling my attention away from the feminine energy that sucked you in.

Sirius was beyond drunk, his head resting on Peter's shoulder.

Sonny was talking quidditch strategy with James, both deep in conversation and using empty cups to lay out the pitch for visualisation.

Sirius noticed I was looking in their direction.

"Hi." He hiccuped.

"Hi." I repeated, laughing a little at his drunken smile.

"I bet you miss Remus, huh?" He slurred.

I nodded at him, almost childishly.

"He's busy." Sirius said rolling his eyes.

"I know, that's okay though." I laughed at him being dramatic.

Peter just sat listening to us. His face deadpan. Just taking a slow sip of his beer every now and then. Making sure to remain still as Sirius' head threatened to slip off his shoulder.

"He's gone to cat sit. Boring and they scratch!" Sirius laughed.

Cat sit? James told me he was on a bike trip?

Something wasn't adding up. My gut told me both of them were lying, but why would I be lied to?

A few minutes passed as I zoned out trying to come up with a logical explanation for where Remus was and why didn't he tell me what his plans were first hand?

As I was thinking, Dorcas grabbed my attention.

"I'm so warm, do you want to step outside with me? Sonny is...busy." She laughed at her boyfriend who was still hunched over the table with James, as if they were playing a board game with the empty glasses.

I agreed and we both wandered outside.

"You alright? I noticed you started to zone out." She said as we were alone.

"Oh yeah. Getting tired I think." I said. It wasn't a lie but I did have a few more hours left in me if people were up for it.

"I'm an early night person, truthfully. Sonny is a night owl. I'm gonna struggle tomorrow." She said pulling a face.

"Me too probably, I haven't been sleeping too well." I revealed.

"Oh bless you! Bad sleep is the worst." She said sympathetically.

We stood in silence for a little bit, not awkwardly though. Just taking in our outdoors surroundings. Enjoying a bit of quiet in comparison to how loud the pub was inside.

"The moon is so bright tonight, isn't it?" She said in awe, looking up.

I looked up too, it was full.

It clicked. It all added up.

Why Remus said he'd be away for the weekend. Why both Sirius and James came up with their own excuse for him.

I felt suddenly sick.

"You okay?" Dorcas reached out but it was too late.

I threw up. Bringing up the drinks I had and my dinner.

"Oh Merlin! Stay here let me get you some water." Dorcas rushed off.

A waited a while. There was such a queue inside for the bar I knew she wouldn't be rushing back immediately.

I wiped a dribble of sick off from my chin. I just wanted to go home. I couldn't stand to be out, drinking, almost celebrating the fact I was fitting into the group knowing that Remus was probably in seething pain or not currently himself.

I wandered back inside, not caring to wait outside alone- under that harsh moonlight.

My face was beginning to burn with threatening tears. I had such an emotional week, with those letters and with the understanding Regulus was becoming a dangerous person. The undeniable confirmation that he was a werewolf, really felt heavy.

I almost stumbled back to the table.

"I'm gonna go guys. The alcohol isn't sitting right." I revealed.

"Oh no don't go!" Lily said.

"Dorcas is getting you some water." Sonny said.

"Come on, sit back down. You'll be okay." James said.

"Peter will take ya home, right Pete? Don't go alone." Marlene said.

"Yeah, don't go alone hun." Mary agreed.

Sirius was asleep. He should be the one escorted home.

"He's the most sober to be honest. Pete?" James confirmed.

Peter shoved Sirius head off of him and stood up.

"No it's fine. I can go alone." I said, not wanting to be alone with him.

"I'll just walk you to the floo station." He said bluntly and waited for me to say my goodbyes.

We walked in silence half of the way.

"Mary is nice isn't she. You both got along well." He said, his voice sounding flat.

I was surprised he was starting conversation.

"Yeah, she's really nice. Easy to talk to." I agreed.

"I presume she didn't tell you. Can't imagine you both getting along if you knew." He said simply.

"Knew what?" I asked.

"That she used to fuck Remus." He said, a glint in his cold eyes.

That sick feeling came up again.

"What is your problem with me? Seriously?" I snapped. The alcohol threatening to see the moonlight again, bubbling inside me like lava.

"I just don't think you belong here or with him." He said.

"Do they know you're a creep? Your friends? Or is that why you don't like me or Sonny? Because we can tell you're weird." I spat at him.

"Listen here," he began. Pushing me against a wall.
"You have done nothing but cause problems for us. You were better off dead to us." His face contorted into nothing but pure anger.

His finger pointed hard onto my chest as he spoke. Digging in just like my Mothers used to do when she would intimidate me in exactly the same way.

The letters. Regulus. The full moon. Mary was before me. I was better off dead. It was all too much. I wanted to go home, I wanted him to get away from me.

"So don't give me attitude. Leave before people get hurt again." He prodded me one last time, hard.

I threw up all over him.

"Shit! You're disgusting!" He hissed. Instantly backing away from me and running off.

Leaving me in Hogsmeade alone in the pale moonlight.

I needed to go home.