It was dark outside when I finally unlocked the toilet door, trying to nudge my way into the stream of students flooding out of each train compartment and onto the Hogwarts train station platform.

My hands were beyond freezing and I mentally cursed myself for not taking a jacket out of my trunk before it was taken away. Everyone had changed into their Hogwarts robes, including the first years that were being showed around by some prefects. I felt terribly out of place considering I hadn't changed yet as I locked myself in the toilet for so long...way to stand out. Something that I didn't want.

I sucked up some courage and tapped on a Ravenclaw girls shoulder, she whirled around quickly, eyebrows raised and chest puffed out.

"I'm new" I awkwardly laughed "Don't suppose you can you be my own version of a private prefect?" I laughed and pointed over to a bunch of small eleven year olds following a Hufflepuff prefect boy.

"I am a prefect!" She winked pointing to her badge "wasn't meant to be on duty but I suppose I can help" she sarcastically rolled her eyes, jokingly and started ushering me to follow everyone else.

"I'm Lola Lucksworth" she introduced herself to me. She reached her hand out to me.

I stuck out a stiff hand and she shook it lightly "Arty." I simply replied and followed her through the crowd like a lost puppy.

"Home schooled?" she questioned and my eyes flashed with slight happiness like she had waved a lollypop in the face of a five year old.

"Is this common then? P-people being new, c-coming from home?" I stuttered with hope.

"Unfortunately not, I just presumed since you didn't seem like a transfer student...and even that's rare. Don't suppose you come from Ilvermorny or Beauxbatons?" She questioned.

"No you're quite right" I shook my head feeling stupid that I let myself be hopeful that my current situation wasn't as bizarre as it felt.

We mainly stayed in silence after that other than her checking on me every now and then to check that I was still following through the crowd. We finally reached a point where wizard traffic started to form, everyone coming to a halt.

"Hop into one of the carriages and it'll take you the rest of the way, good luck! Nice meeting you!" she smiled and parted with her friends to a Ravenclaw filled carriage.

I awkwardly glanced around to find an empty carriage but couldn't find one that didn't already have pairs or groups in.

"Can I take the last seat?" I asked a couple of kind looking Hufflepuff girls, who looked like they were in their third year.

"Yeah sure!" They all chorused together, giving me a slight glance before returning to their huddled positions.

The trip on the carriage was short lived, thankfully, considering I didn't manage to speak to any of the kind faced girls once the carriages started moving, all gossiping frantically about their holidays away.

Friendship seemed to scream at me from every corner I ended up in, but none of it had found itself to me yet...maybe I'm expecting something dreamlike too soon.

*

Before we all went into the great hall for the sorting ceremony I was allowed to quickly change into the robes I had forgotten about prior to our arrival. Like Slughorn said, I waited at the back of the first years line- almost blending in with the prefects until they all took their seats as we walked into the great hall. Unfortunately then I was a little more noticeable due to the height difference between me and the other students.

It was incredible- like nothing I had ever seen before. I was so used to the dull, lifeless, cold colours of my own house I had almost forgotten what a warm looking room looked and felt like. Although the Hall was beautiful and welcoming...the long tables packed full of students of all ages, was not. Intimidated, I felt my cheeks boil a deep red with embarrassment, the reality of being watched truly kicking in.

"Welcome, welcome first years!" Dumbledore's voice boomed around the hall, making the nattering from students quieten "I'm very excited to meet you all and help you discover the houses that will quickly become a family away from your own" he smiled "I hope Hogwarts brings you the greatest of memories that you will always treat fondly and I hope even after you grow with us and leave- Hogwarts will always feel like a home you can return to-" His voice was soothing, almost easing my nerves whilst listening to it vibrate around the large hall "These next few years will be full of joy and at times perhaps struggle" He lowered his voice "But there's always someone to turn to when times get tough and I know you'll find someone to which you can talk when you need assistance, for instance your heads of house." He quickly introduced each head of house earning a small clap and cheer from the students of the house they were assigned to "and your teachers-" he introduced the teachers one by one with their job title "and more importantly, each other. Great friendships will be formed within these walls, but don't let them get in the way of your studies!" he laughed.

I wanted to believe his kind words, but I had never felt more out of place in my entire life and thought perhaps great friendships wouldn't be formed with me in them? Was I the exception to that rule? What if the sorting hat couldn't place me in a house that would feel like the dream family?

*

The sorting ceremony begun and the sorting hat was moving its way through students much quicker than I had anticipated. With each child sorted a cheer would irrupt from the house they were assigned, each table charmed to elongate to adapt to their growing house in the hall.

I was starting to lose interest, like professor Slughorn had said until...

"Black, Regulus" The hall went silent with murmurs from the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables. The first Black to be assigned a house since Sirius, obviously a big deal, similar to how family would react about the same situation.

The sorting hat was placed gently on his mop of black curls, his eyes widening as if he was having a conversation mentally with it.

"Of course" the hat started "Another Black! SLYTHERIN" The hat roared and chaos broke out on the Slytherin table. I glanced over seeing Bellatrix jump up onto the table with happiness, stomping so hard that peoples pumpkin juice started to spill. Quickly she was dragged down by another student. Narcissa got up and raced over to Regulus, making him sit with the older kids instead of the first years, smothering him in a big hug of pride. I then glanced over to my right to the Gryffindor table...That's when I saw him.

Sirius.

Sirius looked different since I last saw him, his hair was long enough to tie up behind his head. He no longer looked tired and pale, instead had a nice warm glow about him. He seemed taller, although slouched sat down, and his jaw was more defined than the young boy with puppy fat. He looked disappointed but he still smiled, clapping for his little brother and watching him obsessively from across the room- almost glazed over as if he was trying to see a ghost in colour.

I was obviously distracted by observing the boy who no longer seemed familiar to me, when my thoughts were interrupted.

"Black, Artemis" Dumbledore called softer than the other names.

Slughorn lied. Where before the attention span was becoming shorter and shorter by each name, as soon as another Black was mentioned everyone snapped their heads towards me with confused or shocked expressions. I didn't dare to look anyone in the eye or to even observe my surroundings, almost tripping over the step up to the hat with denial that I was in this situation. Trying hard not to dissociate entirely but everything in me was trying to in an act of survival.

I sat down on the stool with an echoed creak, the only noise in the hall being heard and I swallowed so loudly that I thought perhaps you could hear it from the other side of the room echoing. The hat left a tingly cloud on my brain, not helping with the feeling of trying to disconnect from reality and I suddenly heard it speak up.

"Another Black in the same ceremony? Am I cursed or blessed?" it joked, not gaining a single snigger out of any student. All too fixated on what the hell was going on.

"I don't want to be like them all" I whispered to it, my hands fumbling in my lap.

"But why?" the hat didn't control the volume of its voice "The Black family is one of the most powerful, why wouldn't you want to follow in their footsteps?" It questioned, finally gaining a reaction from the audience with a couple of whispered gasps.

"I don't want to be feared." I mumble, my cheeks tingling with nerves and my pulse thumping even through my fingertips.

"Then what do you want to be?" It questioned sounding amused. Enjoying the show.

"I want to be..." I paused racking my brain for the right word. Loved? Inspirational? Bold? Strong?

Suddenly I thought about how cold everyone in the Black family acted, how cold our house was, a cold presence scared everyone who was not of pure-blood descent.

"I want to be warm" I mumbled a heat rising to my cheeks, physically granting my request.

"Interesting, very interesting" It dragged out its thinking process to embarrass me further "I suppose I'll have to put you in" He paused, I finally looked up from my nervous trance seeing everyone on the edge of their seat with anticipation.

"GRYFFINDOR!" The sorting house bellowed.

I never knew one word could cause such a frenzy. Every house, other than Slytherin, were on their feet cheering and clapping as if they had just watched the greatest performance of a lifetime.

The cheers were drowned out by a ringing in my ears as I looked over to my sister Narcissa almost hiding with embarrassment, keeping an arm tightly around Regulus. I knew I had disappointed her. The ringing continued the way it always had down when I felt fear of something erupting at home.

It seemed like I had been walking in slow motion over to the Gryffindor table gaining a glare from a different Slytherin member with each breath I inhaled.

"YOU TRAITOR! I'M GOING TO BURN YOU ALIVE YOU PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE! YOU FILTHY BITCH! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU" Bellatrix screeched over the silence of the Slytherin house, lunging over the table before she was restrained by three teachers being dragged out of the hall by her arms that she looked like she'd willingly rip apart from to attack me.

My heart felt heavy in my chest as if weights were threatening to drag it down into the pit of my stomach. My palms poured with sweat as I sat cautiously at the end of the Gryffindor table, ignoring the celebratory back slaps and "Well done, welcome" from random Gryffindor's.

What have I done? I practically just wished for my own death sentence in my own family? Tears began to form heavy in my eyes and I didn't stick around for the feast that was appearing in front of me. Without a word, not even settling down into my seated position - I left almost immediately.