The wind was whistling outside. The winter sunshine beginning to set and a blue filter filling the sky.

For the first time in a few weeks, I felt excited.

It was date night.

Something Remus and I hadn't done since the beginning of the Summer. Before bad news came and disrupted lives.

Our engagement was amazing, however in my mind it wasn't classed as a date. It was a getaway, an escape. Something I absolutely appreciated and needed, something I will always look back on fondly; but relationships needed dates to survive. We had somewhere along the line of grief and familiarity fallen victim to 'being too comfortable with each other'.  Which meant there was never the absence of lovely nights, but the absence of planned nights. It was nice to feel the build up of excitement for a planned date night, again.

Remus had gone out for a moment, leaving me to get ready. Music played softly in the background as I smiled a little to myself. Staring into the mirror to see that I finally looked like myself for the first time in weeks.

I hadn't stopped bothering, still got up and got dressed and cleaned in the mornings. Still changed my clothes daily and got ready as usual; unlike Sirius, though we did share the same sullenness in our skin.  A drained look that made it hard to recognise myself, despite the fact how I looked after myself hadn't changed.

The excitement and switch up of routine when getting ready to go out on a date, seemed to bring a glow to my face once again. A glow that was increased by the sparkle of my ring in the low lighting of the bedroom.

I glanced down at it, so thrilled to have a happy memory among difficult times.

I was really going to marry the man of my dreams, huh?

I couldn't help but feel reflective. Staring at myself in the mirror with a sense of wonder.

Though I felt the weight of winter boredom, I was so lucky. Before I escaped home I was technically engaged, without a beautiful ring. Something I had never gone into deep detail with Remus about, something I was beginning to feel I wanted to share.

Feeling the excitement from our engagement made me realise how perfect he was. The idea of getting married before he asked, made me feel incredibly nervous; which I now can tell was because of my first introduction to marriage. My parents and then the idea of a forced one for myself.

I realised I hadn't shown much interest in marriage to Remus before. He knows how much he means to me, but not how much this ring symbolises.

I was going to tell him tonight, open up more. We had always lived in the moment these past two years. Every second together was healing, but in ways that meant I was finally experiencing the life I wished and not because I was discussing the past. Of course I had, Remus had too. We know more about each other than anyone else would ever guess.

Like the fact that everyone thinks Remus loves the winter, but he's a summer person.

Like how he loves the taste of coffee but hates how it keeps him up at night, even if he drank one cup at eight in the morning.

Like how he'd never tell the boys that he cries at romance movies (whilst pretending he's tired and rubbing his eyes) and that secretly it's his favourite genre. He tells everyone else his favourite film genre is sci-fi.

Like how he hates tomatoes but still eats them, believing that one day he's going to suddenly start enjoying them. He says that once he enjoys tomatoes he's finally an 'adult'.

Like how he purposely puts on odd socks because clashing patterns reminds him of his Mum, who always led out a clashing tie for his Dads work shirts.

Like how he flinches every time he washes a spoon, just in case it splashed back at him.

So many small details that only living together and loving each other for two years would uncover.

With the passing of Regulus I suddenly realised I hadn't healed all that was unspoken. All that had happened to me. I had simply healed everything that hadn't happened to me.

Remus deserved to know that the reason I never approached the conversation about marriage lovingly was because of my past, and that how my opinion on marriage had drastically changed since our night away in that cottage.

A knock at the door sounded, he must have forgotten his keys. Something he regularly does.

I jumped up from my position and down the stairs.

"Can you zip me up?" I asked as I opened the door.

"Okay?" Sirius replied, looking confused.

"Oh sorry! I thought you'd be Remus." I laughed but turned around anyway for Sirius to zip the back of my dress.

I invited him in.

"He'll be back in a little bit." I said to him.

"I actually came to speak to you." Sirius said awkwardly.

I nodded, intrigued by the tone in his voice.

"I wanted to apologise." Sirius said.

I frowned.

"For what?" I asked, adjusting the necklace around my neck.

"For saying you wouldn't understand reaching out, out of desperation. I'm just jealous. Maybe Peter is too." He sighed.

I awkwardly shuffled in my spot, looking down at the ground for a second.

"You don't need to apologise. I don't get why you're jealous though? Or why Peter would be?" I said.

Sirius laughed defeatedly.

"All I'm gonna say is...friendship is amazing, but there's nothing quite like feeling loved." Sirius sadly smiled.

"You're loved!" I said looking at him empathetically, moving in closer. Shocked by his openness when he's been so closed off.

"Not like you are." Sirius smiled.

"Sirius..." I said sadly. Not understanding why he was here or where this was going.

"I'm going away for a while." Sirius revealed.

"I don't understand." I said truthfully.

"Peter's letter did highlight something for me, I need to figure out what I want. I know what I want but it doesn't want me," he began.
"So I need to find something else. I can't do that here."

"Are you...taking up his offer?" I asked.

"No," Sirius scoffed.
"But I will say that you're entitled not to like Peter, what you tried to do though was low and it caught me off guard. I always thought Marlene liked him. It's two faced and paranoid, and that's coming from me." He added.

I nodded feeling slightly ashamed.

"I understand how it looked and I'm sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable but he's threatened me before, Sirius. People change." I said, not being able to help myself.

"I've threatened you before." Sirius said raising his eyebrows.

"It's not the same." I said.

"Is it not?" He asked and I felt struck with a newfound wisdom.

"Is it?" I asked innocently.

Sirius shrugged.

"I've got a train in an hour. So I better start going." Sirius refused to elaborate.

"You're leaving tonight?" I said shocked, reaching out and grabbing his arm to make him turn back around.
"Remus should be here soon." I added, wanting a proper goodbye.

Sirius smiled.

"you say goodbye for me, yeah?" Sirius said softly.
"you look nice by the way. He's very lucky."