Wednesday.

It had been a slow week.

Remus had booked the Monday off of work because the numbing curse made him feel nauseous. Which was better than having to feel the whole healing process he said but he also claimed standing up for too long made him feel as if he was going to be sick. I went round his to deliver some chocolate ice cream and company for only about an hour before Remus wanted to have an early night.

Other than that the week has been uneventful.

Except a dream I had on that Sunday night. Which has consistently played on my mind in quiet moments, when I've been alone.

I dreamt Remus came round my flat, opening up the door and walking in with purpose. He didn't speak, entirely too concentrated. He lifted me up from the armchair, my legs wrapping around his strong torso and he started to kiss me deeply and manically. All over, never stopping.

I dreamt of his body as he eventually put me down to take off his clothes. His skin seemingly glistening like it did whilst it was wet under the shower, but in the dream he wasn't wrapped up in any bandages or struggling to move, all that were left were scars where stitches once were and a golden hue from a dreamy haze radiating off of him.

The dream felt so real I swore I could have felt his naked body press against mine, like it did when we shared a shower...this time less gently and not as relaxed.

I had to fight the urge and my brain out of zoning into the dream throughout each day that passed. A simple kiss and conversation from and with him, not seeming to overcome or beat the fantasy.

After our conversation when I spoke about the difference between how passion can be aggressive or gentle, I hadn't stopped obsessing over a side to Remus I hadn't experienced myself.

A side that I wanted to explore.

He had always held me so delicately, spoken to me with such understanding and patience. Maybe he felt as if I deserved to be handled with care, as if I was too precious to handle without softness.

And it was something that I admired and found comfort in, his gentle behaviour is what makes me feel so safe around him. So accepted and it's not something I'd ever want him to change about himself.

However, I knew he could be aggressive. I had seen it. I saw the way he treated Sirius when he was a confused teenager within that kiss, and I knew he didn't see Sirius as someone who was delicate.

Maybe that was the difference. I wanted him to be that rough with me because I was beginning to see myself as strong.

Just because I was feminine, am a girl, didn't mean I needed to be handled like a porcelain doll.

I felt ridiculous feeling this way because I will forever enjoy how respectful he is towards me...but there was something inside me that wanted him to be the opposite and I didn't quite know what that feeling was.

Maybe I was experiencing so much joy in my life recently that I was seeking something sinister? Something darker? Like how some recovering addicts never stop wanting to abuse their substance, even though they are happy without it.

It didn't make sense why I wanted him to be...mean to me? But in a way I couldn't comprehend. Not mean? But not too kind?

I cringed at myself every time I wondered what it would feel like to have that behaviour directed towards me. An aggressive passion.

I didn't know why him being kind and gentle, sharing sweet kisses and laughter now felt...extremely nice but not enough?

How dare I want more? Especially of something I don't entirely understand the intention behind craving.

I wondered whether he'd be as intense as the night he made me repeat that I was his. The night he told me he didn't want to just be friends. I wanted him to treat me that way again, I wanted more of that side to him but I didn't want him to take his time with me.

Maybe I just wanted to feel experienced for once, not as if I'm being a girl coaxed through love. I wanted to be a woman consumed by it.

I wanted him to treat me as if I was sexy, instead of cute.

But how could I ever be treated like I'm sexy if I don't see myself that way.

I was being stupid.

The sound of the phone ringing snapped me out of thought.

I picked it up with a hello.

"Arty, hi. It's Lily." Lily said softly.

"Oh, hi. Is everything alright?" I asked. Never having a phone call off of her before.

"Yeah, everything's great. I'm actually calling to see what you're up to this weekend?" She asked.

Mine and Remus' date had been postponed to this weekend, planning to cook dinner together- though we hadn't figured out what yet.

"Other than Saturday, nothing?" I said in a questioning tone.

"Ah so you're the reason Remus has said no, too." She lightly laughed down the phone.
"Rearrange whatever you two were doing and both of you come to the lake house, please." She pleaded.

"The lake house?" I asked.

"Every summer we all go to Alice's lake house. There's going to be a heatwave this weekend and before summer ends, we all have to go! It'll be fun!" She said sounding very happy.

"And Remus knows about the plan?" I asked.

"He usually comes every year too. So yeah!" She replied.

"I'll talk to him." I said, mimicking her happiness.

"Oh yay! Hopefully we'll see you guys there." She said before saying her goodbyes and hanging up.

I waited an hour or two to call up Remus, when I knew he'd be home from work. I felt like I couldn't see him today, for fear that I'd embarrass myself and reveal my obsessive thoughts. So I made sure to wait and phone instead, to discuss the weekend and our plans.

That was until I heard a knock on my door.

"Remus, hey?" I answered, trying to contain the feeling I felt when I saw his smile and ... height towering above me. Honestly quite shocked that he was now at my door, as I was finding the right moment to call him.

"For you." He grinned, revealing a beautiful small bouquet of flowers from behind his back.

"Oh wow! Really?" I asked in wonder.

I hadn't seen this gesture coming.

"I've never been given flowers before!" I revealed, taking them from him and holding them close to my chest.

Yep. I was definitely being ridiculous. His sweetness was still a surprise to me, making me smile and feel important. That was the most important thing. That he was so kind. My confusion around the sudden urge to feel sexy, didn't matter. I had to force the desire away and accept the truth.

We were cute people.
We are slow and gentle people.
That's okay.

Slow and gentle could be sexy too though especially-

"Do you want to put those in water?" Remus tilted his head to the side at my daydreaming face.

Merlin. Snap. Out. Of. It.

"Yeah! Sorry, I'm a bit daydreamy today." I awkwardly laughed and quickly walked to the kitchen to find a glass big enough for some flowers; not yet owning a vase.

"What you dreaming about?" He asked innocently.

"Just..." I trailed. I searched my brain for anything, literally anything and not a single word was coming to mind.

"Just life?" He laughed.

"Exactly." I relaxed, laughing too. Hopefully not too suspiciously.

"I was actually going to call you. Lily asked if we want to go to the lake house?" I asked, making sure the flowers were propped up nicely and not dropping.

"You wanted to go? I thought we were gonna have a date night? It's for the whole weekend, that trip?" He said.

"I've never been on a friends holiday before." I said honestly.
"Maybe we could push back the date, again? Unless you absolutely want to do it this weekend then that's fine!" I reassured.

"We can cook anytime. Let's go on the trip. It is pretty there." He said, unphased.

"We'll definitely have that date when we get back. I promise." I said.

"Good." He smiled.

"So, why the flowers?" I asked curiously.

He paused and bit his bottom lip in a funny way.

"I was gonna ask if you wanted to go to the lake house and push the date back." He revealed.

"I get what I want and flowers? I'm so lucky." I laughed at him and the fact that actually they were to butter me up.

"We're obviously just a good match." He shrugged comically.

(Do I hear the sound of me adjusting the story settings to mature soon or? Is that just the heat of June whispering in my ear? Also the chapter name lmaoooo I'm sorry)