Tyler squeezed his eyes shut tightly, holding his breath for as long as he could in an attempt to pass out.

Yelling and screaming didn't do much anymore, it didn't make him feel any better... or any worse- so this was all he had left.

Later he'd feel guilty about it, but right now he didn't give a fuck.

Everything was pushing down on him, to the point where Tyler was almost suffocating and nobody else seemed to notice.

Rather, nobody else seemed to care.

Just a few more minutes, he told himself, just a few more moments and then he could just fall into the darkness.

Unfortunately, the darkness didn't mean death- rather, it just let Wildcat sink into something of a black hole.

Something cold, lonely and empty that he hated waking up from.

Tyler was actually just growing sick of waking up in general, since lately he couldn't even be bothered climbing out of bed each day to then have to act like everything was normal.

Wanting to disappear was starting to feel selfish, almost like he didn't deserve an ending to something that was so 'trivial'.

And so instead he just practised, just let his mind rest in that black hole without any permanent consequences and then ignored everything while he was awake.

Nobody called him out on it... not Evan, or Nogla... or even Mini.

To them, he was fine and that's how Tyler needed it to stay, because the ground beneath him was barely stable and the slightest amount of change would send him tumbling.

Everything he'd built was temporary and yet it was what held all of his pieces together.

Didn't matter that those pieces were sharp and cut anyone that got too close to him.

Ever since Craig had left, Tyler realised that he wasn't someone who deserved good things- or even just a happy ending.

Vowing to stay friends made things worse, because whenever he looked at his best friend his mind just reminded him about all the things he missed.

Every laugh, every touch, all of the late nights they spent together in each others arms, the way Mini would kiss Tyler's jaw to get his attention and most of all that feeling he got.

Right at the moment whenever he used to see Craig, it was always that rush of elation- the knowledge that someone actually cared whether Tyler was alive... or dead.

Yet lately, whenever Tyler caught Mini's eyes or talked to him on Skype that feeling is replaced with something that's entirely different.

The overwhelming feeling of emptiness.

He's smart enough to know that it's because Craig's moved on and he hasn't.

In the end it all adds up, but Tyler's stopped paying attention to the reasons why he feels like this.

Now, he just sits there at night, counting down the seconds until the black hole swallows him whole and gives him a break from how much of a pain breathing has become.

Gasping into the darkness, hating himself for pushing away the only thing that was good in his life.

Tomorrow they've planned to Skype each other, so that they can record footage for their videos.

Only, that footage is just going to sit in Tyler's computer, left untouched because it's been months since his last upload and he has no motivation to fix it.

Every second that passed reminded Tyler that sooner or later, falling into the black hole temporarily- wouldn't satisfy him forever.

Nothing in his life was permanent, he'd made sure of that, but there were times where he needed something that would stay- something that was different from Craig.

Death might just be what he was looking for.

.