Roxana

Three deaths.

It is normal that they are on my mind; all of them. They are if not my fault at least part of my doing.

I went to the police and my father died. I went to the police and the police died. Is somebody going to die everywhere I go from now on?

It's impossible to shake off the images of Alexandru and his wife. They had two twin daughters, who are not dead at least, but orphaned now, and believe their father was a criminal when in truth he had been a hero. My hero. What a big mistake had that proven to be.

Since yesterday the only thing I can do is google the incident and look at the images, google Ivan, and everything there is to know about him.

Strangely, he is still in prison, which opens the question of who is performing his vendetta. Probably an underling, which maybe can be swayed to leave me alone for enough money.

Not that I have any; I still survive on instant noodles and cereals. What are the odds of them finding me? Nobody in Moldova knows where I am, nor where Dani is.

If they followed me by any chance to Italy they have to enter my severely guarded workplace. Good luck with that, suckers.

I smile a bit to myself when I and Damian enter the driveway of the villa.

"Danke dass du mich wieder fährst, Mann./Thanks for picking me up again, man. I feel bad."

"Nichts zu danken, aber wenn du möchtest kannst du am Freitag mit mir und den Jungs was trinken gehen und mir ein Bier spendieren./ No need for that, but if you want you can come with me and the boys to town on Friday and buy me a beer."

"Ihr geht aus? Ihr wisst aber dass wir am Samstag arbeiten müssen damit wir den Termin schaffen?/ Are you going out? You do remember we need to work this Saturday to meet the deadline, right?"

"Ich weiß. Scheiß Christian, als ob jemand sterben würde wenn wir den Termin um eine Woche verschieben. Trotzdem, ein bisschen Spaß muss sein. Also, kommst du mit? / I do. Damn Christian, as if anyone died if we pushed the deadline for one week. But nah, we need some fun regardless. So, wanna come?"

"Es ist nicht seine Schuld. Der Besitzer hat wieder ein Treffen mit anderen Geschäftsleuten geplant und meint dass wir bis dahin fertig sein müssen./ It ain't his fault. The owner wants to have another gathering, or so, the week after and we need to be done and gone again."

"Ja aber sie können sich treffen egal ob das Dach über den Westflügel fertig ist oder nicht. Hör auf ihn im Schutz zu nehmen, er ist zwar unser Chef aber er ist nicht ein sehr guter Mann./ Yeah, but they can gather just the same regardless of the state of the roof of the west wing. Stop defending him; he is our boss but he is not a particularly considerate person."

I sigh.

"Er ist ok, aber du hast auch recht. Ok, also Bier am Freitag? /He is okay but you have a point. Ok so, beer on Friday evening?" I ask smiling.

"Kann es kaum erwarten. Vielleicht kannst du einige Sätze auf Italienisch lernen und uns helfen mit Mädchen zu quatschen. Alles was ich lerne, vergessen ich innerhalb von Sekunden./ Can't wait. Maybe you can learn some Italian pickup lines to wingwoman us. Everything I read is forgotten in a few minutes."

I can't help laughing.

"Ok gut. Ich werde mein bestes tun./ Okay, fine. I'll do my best."

The whole damn week all of us work like crazy to meet that stupid deadline. Besides that, I can't take my mind off the things that happened in Moldova. I dream a lot of dreadful dreams and call Dani a few times a day just to make sure he is alive.

He and Kary seem to get along just great. She enrolled him in school and confessed she liked having him around and that he reminded her of her own little brother who isn't that little anymore.

Her mother is indeed in Switzerland but she still didn't manage to see her. She didn't want to risk her father finding out and making her go away.

I am sad for her. Some people are just horrible.

Despite the hard work, we still didn't manage to finish everything. So I decided that on Saturday I would climb on the roof with the guys and Bernardo to help exchange the broken tiles.

"Bist du soweit?/ Are you ready?" asks Damian entering my office at half-past five on Friday afternoon.

"Für?/ For what?"

"Bier in der Stadt. Echt jetzt, Rox, du hast ein furchteinflößendes Gedächtnis wenn es um ein Haufe Zeugs geht, vergisst aber dass wir ausgemacht haben auszugehen./ Beer in town. Come on Rox, you have a frightening memory when it comes to a hell lot of stuff but can't remember we agreed to go out." He smiles while scolding me but still means every word. In truth, I did forget.

"Ich habe es wirklich vergessen. Tut mir leid./I forgot. Sorry."

"Ok, aber jetzt weißt du es wieder, also geh duschen, ich werde auf dich warten. Du schuldest mir jetzt zwei Bier weil du die italienischen Sätze vergessen hast, es sei den du bist so gut dass du mir trotzdem zu einem Date verhilfst./ But now you remembered, so go shower and let's go. I will wait for you. But you owe me two beers for the pick up lines, unless you wingwoman so well I get a date regardless."

"Damian. Du bist blond, groß und voller Muskeln. Ich muss schauen was du falsch machst, denn du musst etwas sehr falsch machen wenn du single bist obwohl du es nicht möchtest./ Damian. You are a blond, hunky, mountain of a man. I need to observe what you do wrong because you clearly do something extremely wrong if you are unwillingly still single."

He just raises an eyebrow and I signal him to go away so I can shower.

My wardrobe is still as pitiful as before because money for clothes shopping is something I only look forward to in a few months so I dress in my best pair of blue jeans, a black fitted T-shirt, and black sneakers. It's not quite Italian elegance. 

Lisa didn't claim her make-up bag back.  I rejoice and look through it. Thank you for the donation to the Rox foundation, though I find it a bit offensive. Was she grossed out to take back stuff I touched? Is her dislike that deep?

Well, who cares; she can choke on her condescending attitude. I apply foundation, mascara, and expensive eyeliner to compensate for my underdressed look.

Heading to the door I notice I only have one jacket with the company logo on it. It's... well, a site jacket, meaning not elegant at all. Looking for any other options, my eyes fall on the now two black shirts I haven't returned. Can't help thinking about the owner that I didn't see at all this week. He said he has to travel but I kind of had the impression it was only for a few days. Should I be concerned?
No, what you should do is hurry. I grab the site jacket. It will have to do.

"Gehnma'/ Let's go," I tell Damian.

He smiles and we head to town where I have to wait for him to shower and get ready. Afterward, we go meet the other guys at a bar.

"Rox, zieh dir Jacke aus. Ich weiß jetzt nicht viel über Mode, aber es schaut nicht wie etwas aus daß man zum Ausgehen trägt. Nimm das./ Rox, take that jacket off. It's not like I know much about fashion but it is not something you go out in. Here, take this," he said, handing me a jeans jacket."Es ist groß aber du kannst son' oversized look haben, oder so./ It's big but you can go for that oversized look or whatever."

I chuckle when I hear him, being amazed he knows at least something about such things.

"Ja gut. Schlechter kann es nicht werden. / Ya' right. Cannot be worse than this," I say and put it on.

We enter a little bar that my twenty crew members occupy almost fully and as promised I pay for the first round.

To yet another week of instant noodles and cereals. But this time it's worth it; it's at least for people I like.

After the third beer, I feel the stress and anxiety slowly washing off me. We talk and laugh and I feel light for the first time in quite some time.

After that, we move to a dance bar where the beers keep coming and the atmosphere is great.

I see Damian eyeing a cute brunette girl with curly hair who looks a bit like Kary. This seems to be his type.

"Geh und rede mit ihr, Mann./ Go talk to her, man."

"Kann ich nicht. Mein Englisch ist schlecht um es mild auszudrücken, Italienisch kann ich gar nicht und was sind die Chancen dass sie Polnisch oder Deutsch spricht./ I can't. My English is bad to say the least, Italian is inexistent and what are the odds for her to speak German or Polish."

"Dicker, wir sind in einer Tanzbar. Geh dahin, lächele, tanz ein bisschen und flüstere ihr mein Lieblingssatzung ins Ohr 'ich spreche nicht Italienisch'./ Dude, we are in a dance bar. Go there, smile, dance a bit and whisper into her ear my most used line in this country 'Io non parlo italiano'."

After two other sips of his beer, he gathers the courage and I notice surprised by how shy he actually is when it comes to girls. Cute.

"Kein Glück. Sie hat einen Freund./ No luck. She has a boyfriend," he says disappointed.

"Tut mir leid. Ich denke ich gehe jetzt. Ich muss noch den letzten Bus kriegen. Ihr solltet auch nicht mehr lange bleiben, morgen müssen wir arbeiten./ Sorry man. I think I am heading home; I need to catch the last bus. You also shouldn't stay much longer; we need to work tomorrow."

"Ja, hast recht. Warte ich fahre dich. Ich hatte nur zwei Bier, bin enttäuscht, und wann ich zurückkomme kann ich die Jungs einsammeln um sicher zu gehen dass sie keinen Scheiß machen./ Yes, you are right. Wait I will drive you; I only had two beers, am disappointed, and when I come back I can gather the other guys and make sure they sleep."

I accept happily and walk with him to the car.

"Es ist schon Zeit mit dir zu verbringen, Rox./ You are fun to be around, Rox."

"Ja, ich finde es auch schön mit euch Zeit zu verbringen. Es ist nicht so als ob ich davor nicht mit euch ausgehen wollte, es ist nur dass.../ Yeah you guys too. You know, it's not that I didn't want to go out with you before it was just..."

"Mach dir nichts draus, ich verstehe es, das Leben ist nicht immer einfach./ Don't worry. I get it. Life is hard."

"Ich habe überlegt nächsten Monat zu kündigen, sodass in die Schweiz zurück gehen kann um mich um meinen Bruder zu kümmern./ I was thinking about quitting next month so I can go to Switzerland and stay with my brother," I confess.

After a short moment of silence, he answers.

"Ich... werde traurig sein und dich vermissen, und die Jungs auch, aber du musst die beste Entscheidung für dich und deine Familie treffen. Außerdem ist Bern keine so große Stadt, wir werden uns wiedersehen./ I... would be really sorry if you do and so would the boys but you have to choose what's best for you and your brother. And Bern is not such a big city. We will meet again."

"Danke, alter./ Thanks, man," I answer hugging him while he turns off the engine in front of my container.

"Warte ich gebe dir die Jacke damit ich es nicht vergesse. Bring mir bitte meine morgen, ok?/ Wait, I will give you the jacket so I don't forget, just bring me mine tomorrow, ok?"

"Es ist windig, ich begleite dich zur Tür und du kannst mir die Jacke dann geben./ It's windy. I'll walk you to the door and take it there, ok?"

"Ok, komm./ Kay... common'."

He opens the car door for me and I stumble over a rock into his right shoulder.

"Hast ein bisschen zu viel getrunken, gel? Had a bit too much to drink, huh?"

"Denk' schon.../ I suppose..." And that is correct. Four beers did make me quite dizzy and jolly.

His hand is clenching on my shoulder as we both watch startled, how Marco lands in front of us from the roof of my container.

I look at him, then at Damian and feel the tension in the air. Even quite drunk as I am, I can see that if looks could kill we would have carnage here.

"Hi... Marco, I didn't expect you..."

"Yeah, I can see that," he says smirking and raising an eyebrow, but the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Was will der hier um diese Uhrzeit?/ What does this guy want here at this time?" asks Damian frowning.

"Weiß nicht. Kannst aber gehen, ich komm zurecht./ I don't know. But you can go, it's okay."

"Marco, this is Damian my..." I pause because I need to think a bit about how to call Damian. Friend? Coworker? My tipsy brain is quite foggy and I can't help blushing while looking at Marco. What is he doing here at night?

"Date?" he continues with the same amused but not quite genuine expression.

"No. It's not what you think. Wait, don't go, okay?" I catch myself saying.

What are you doing Roxi? He is not your boyfriend; you don't owe him any explanation. But you would want him to be, don't you?

"Damian, wir sehen uns morgen, ok?/ Damian, see you tomorrow, ok?" I tell Damian hoping he will get the message.

"Rox, ich will dich nicht hier mit diesem Typen allein lassen. Es it mitten in der Nacht und es riecht nach Ärger./ Rox, I don't want to leave you alone with this guy. It's the middle of the night and he smells like trouble."

"Damian ich erkläre es dir morgen. Geh jetzt ok? Wir wollen den Auftraggeber nicht verärgern. Wenn er jemanden hierher geschickt hat, wird es wissen warum, und außerdem wer weiß wie lang er hier wartet. Ich und Marco wir sind... Freunde... Irgendwie./ Damian, I will explain it tomorrow. Now go, ok? We don't want to upset the owner. If he sends someone to talk to me he must know why and besides, who knows how long he has been waiting here. And me and Marco, we are... friends of sorts."

A bit confused and reluctant he nods. I take the jacket off and hand it to him.

He gets into the car and drives away not taking his eyes off us.

Once gone I walk confidently toward Marco and look up at him smiling.

"So Marco, what can I do for you?"