Roxana

(Trigger warning: violence and gore.)

Dani hugs me in silence. He is frightened. It makes only sense. 

After all, I entered the house while the cuts on my shoulder were still oozing blood, barely able to speak, shaking from fear and anger.

I sink on the kitchen floor and just sit there with my back against the wall. After a while, probably not knowing what else to do, he sits by my side and leans his head against the shoulder that is not injured.

"What happened? Where is Dad?" he asks eventually.

"W... with Ivan."

"Roxi, you are hurt. You need a doctor."

"It's not that bad, only some cuts. Don't worry."

I wish the right words to calm him down would come to me but nothing does. That's because I am desperate too, lost, and have no idea what to do. Even if I get a second job I doubt I can make the amount needed to pay him and survive. The math just doesn't add up. What will he do if I don't pay? He will hurt Dad and worst of all, probably Dani.

One million euros is too much for a bank to give me as a loan. That would never work and I don't know anybody rich enough to just ask for it. Sure Christian is well off, but I just screamed at him on the phone and asked him to fire me so I guess that's not an option, and probably never was.

Dad looked very injured. I need to do something fast. I just, in the name of God, don't know what...

Tears run down my cheeks again, hot and heavy while I whimper in the darkness of our kitchen.

"I don't know what to do, Dani. I just don't. Dad gambled away a lot of money again and I don't know how to pay it back. I am sorry..." The words become unintelligible under frenetic sighs.

"I think you should go to the police, Roxi."

The fucking police... It is not that I didn't think about it... three years ago. But Ivan told me preemptively that they were in his pocket. In a small, poor country at the margins of Europe, it's quite likely. 

However, in the desperate situation I am in it's worth trying to maybe find someone that is not corrupt, somebody that is willing to help me.

"Dani go pack your things. Not many, only the most important. They have to fit in a backpack. Take all the money you can find in the house if there is any and wait for me."

"Where are you going?"

"I have to arrange some things but I will be back in a few hours. Make sure you are ready till then."

Dani is a minor. Unfortunately, he cannot get out of the country without the permission of his legal guardian, which is our father, and without being accompanied by someone over eighteen who was legally given permission to do so.

Eastern Europe is pretty corrupt. This is generally bad, but today I will try to use that to my advantage.

On the morning of the next day, I take care that nobody sees us exit the house. He is only carrying a backpack as if he is going to school.

"So tell me again what you have to do."

"Get on the bus and take care that nobody follows me. In Ungheni I will meet the girl that you showed me in the photo, give her the papers you gave me, and go with her."

"Good. One more thing: take care and I love you, most of all," I say hugging him one more time, not sure if I will ever see him again.

"You take care of yourself too, OK Rox? I love you, and if I have to choose between you and Dad I choose you."

"Don't say that. I don't want you to have to make such a choice. Ever."

After he walks away, I take a pill in the hope I will be able to sleep and lay down on the bed of my childhood.

It works. Not sure if that or the fact that I didn't sleep at all for forty-eight hours. I wake up to the sound of my phone vibrating.

It's a text from Kary. A selfie of her and Dani.

K: The little fucker is a lot like you. Love him already.

R: Bitch, I owe you big time.

K: You do. Now don't let anything happen to you; I want to collect my debt.

Carefully, I delete the texts and the photo because I don't know how things are going to go down today, eat the only food I can find in the house, some crackers and cheese, and drink two shots of vodka before I make my way to the police station.

The building is quite old, an image of the glorious communist building style, and not in a particularly good shape. I walk in and look around. Which of these people looks less corruptible? Hard to tell; they all look cranky and bored.

In the corner of my eye, I see a woman trying to give an envelope to a young policeman. He seems only a few years older than me, has intelligent blue eyes, and a pleasant figure.

He pushes the envelope back. After exchanging a few words the woman stands up and leaves slightly irritated.

I seem to have found one of the few officers that at least seems to not take bribes here. Can't say the same thing about the notary who agreed to forge the papers that give Kary the right to get Dani out of the country. I had to give her almost all the money I had left from Damian but that was that.

Carefully, I enter the office the young man walked in a few minutes ago. I close the door and lean with my back against it.

"Sir, I need your help. You are my last hope."

"Are you ok, miss? You don't look so well."

"Yes. Well no. I want to press charges against someone. Ivan Ivanovici is his name."

He raises his eyebrows in shock and stands up, walks over, and locks the door.

I shudder. This can't be good.

"Come closer. You know Ivan is a very dangerous man, right?"

"Yes. Too well. That's why I really need your help. He has my father kidnapped and I just don't know what else to do. You seem like a good person; I saw you didn't want to take money from that woman. I beg you, help me."

He looks at me for a few minutes in silence while I hear the beats of my own heart.

"I tried in the past, but I never found enough proof to arrest him. We know he is involved in many things: blackmailing, traffic of many kinds. It's just..."

"That you are afraid? Now imagine how I feel. What sort of proof do you need? Why did you become a policeman? For the cash and the benefits? Pretty bad deal because there aren't many. You are all useless," I blur out and think how stupid I am for having even thought this was a good idea.

"Miss, I understand you more than you think. I uh, have my personal issues with Ivan. But I need something hands-on to be able to do something."

"Are these hands-on enough?" I say while moving my t-shirt away to show the fresh cut wounds on my shoulder.

I didn't have time to tend to them at all and they look quite... Bloody.

His mouth gapes open. He just looks at me and at the hideous painting on my skin.

"I... I think so. We have other people who displayed these. Dead people. I guess I can work with that," he says while his eyes are still fixed on the injuries and he is staring at them without blinking.

After two hours I walk home. On the way, I buy a Happy Meal and another bottle of vodka. I don't like drinking, I swear to God, but I need something to distract me.

In these two hours, I have learned that the policeman's name is Alexandru, that he seems to be a fairly decent guy, and that his father 'disappeared' when he was seventeen. He said that I should go home and lock the doors. Sensible advice.

The bottle is half empty and I feel drowsy. My phone is beeping.

K: Made it. How are things there?

R: Not sure, but I am still alive so I guess it can be worse.

Nauseous I open the television.

White Russian businessman Ivan Ivanovici was arrested today. The charges pressed against him are not clear yet.

The rest of the speech of the woman on TV is just a blur. I am looking at the images of Alexandru taking Ivan away handcuffed and feel the need to thank a God I haven't believed in lately.

Dad? Where is Dad? I have to get to the police station. I should shower and wash the dried blood off my shoulder and the smell of vodka from my breath first.

The only clean clothes I can find are from the time I was in high school. I used to be way more fun back then, I conclude while sliding a t-shirt with a big pony head over my aching shoulder. The cuts still hurt like fuck and the shower gel that got into them didn't really help. I am in dire need of proper medical care but don't have time for that.

At the police station, I just barge into Alexandru's office.

"You arrested him! You actually did! Thank you, so so much. Where is my father?" I assault the poor guy with questions. I hope he can see how genuinely grateful I am. The look of adoration on my face is shamelessly undisguised.

"Yes, we actually got a warrant, and when we entered he was 'questioning' someone. We caught him in the act so there were enough grounds to arrest him and all his men. But I don't know where your father is; he was not in his residence. We will continue searching. I will call you when we find him. Now go home and rest; you look very tired."

"Sir. You are a hero. I can't do anything right now to express my gratitude but believe me, I owe you big time and I always pay my debts."

On my walk home, all my thoughts are directed towards my father. I hope he is well. I need to actually go to a hospital today. After that, I will be back at the station to participate in the search.

The officer said that he was most probably brought to one of the warehouses Ivan owns. He is pretty confident they will find him soon and I believe that. I am full of hope; today was an unexpectedly good day.

In front of the door of our apartment, I see a little box, the size of a hat or a cake, not sure how to describe it, tied with a pretty red ribbon. A present? This is strange, nobody that I know would give me presents at this point in my life.

My name and address are written neatly on the box. Hmm. Maybe it's from Christian as an apology or from the other guys from the office. Let's see. Dear Lord, make it be some cash.

I untie the ribbon and lift the lid carefully, then everything turns black for an instant.

I just stare at the cursed box and cannot move, cannot breathe, cannot fucking blink. I feel paralyzed staring until I vomit on the floor and over myself.

It cannot be, it cannot fucking be but it is. It's a human hand wearing two gold bands, one on the ring finger and the other on the pinkie. After my mother died, my father wore her wedding ring on his pinkie. I am staring at his hand and still cannot move, or breathe, or blink. I even wish I could scream but I can't; I just stand there drenched in my own vomit until the phone rings and takes me out of whatever trance that is.

I see Alexandru's number on the screen.

"Yes."

"We found him."

"I know."

"He is, unfortunately..."

"Dead. I know."