Roxana

I always liked the feeling of the light spring wind on my skin, or of water at the perfect temperature under the shower, the cold softness of silk on my bare shoulders, and the way Bogdan used to touch me when we made love almost a lifetime ago.

I am touch starved, and I understand it only now, the heaviness of this sudden discovery crashing down on me when I feel this man's fingertips on my bare back. The first tunes of the music resonate through the ballroom and reverberate in me. It feels like my heartbeats are responding to the rhythm.

Tango basic consists of five steps taken to eight counts of music. The rhythm is slow, slow, quick, quick, slow. Tap, tap, tap-tap, tap. I can hear it, feel it, and my body answers to it, and apparently so does his. I move along, hypnotized by how natural everything feels. Our bodies seem to be in perfect harmony with each other.

I have felt this before. With Bogdan, this feeling came after years of dancing together, but here I am dumbfounded by how easy everything feels with a perfect stranger. A perfect stranger who is a hell of a dancer.

I look up at his face. His expression is hard to read. He seems to be a damn marble statue. Yes, this is a perfect comparison. The stern yet beautiful features remind me of the Italian Renaissance. Is that you David? Did you step down from your pedestal to dance with me?

Dark eyes shadowed by long black lashes, plump lips that finally curve into a weak smile, and the movement, the music, and his goddamn touch make me lose my composure for half a heartbeat. 

"You are good at this," he says finally. I shake my head, slightly startled.

"I am. So are you. Surprisingly good."

"Where did you learn it?"

"Four years of ballroom dancing classes. With my ex a long time ago," I answer, smiling with a hint of bitterness traceable only to me.

"Only four?"

"Yes. Why only?"

"Because you move like a pro. If you look around, you will see on people's faces that we are quite an attraction."

My goodness, he is right, and he is also right that I had no clue. At this point, we are the only people left on the dance floor. Everybody else withdrew into a circle and is now watching us.

"You are right. Damn'."

"Should we give them something worth watching?" he says, smirking. Somehow, in this brief moment, he seems much younger than his actual age, whichever that might be. I am not sure why, maybe it is because of the light of the dusk behind him but damn he is beautiful and I can't figure out why I didn't notice that before.

He does not wait for my answer, just gives a subtle sign to the quartet, and the rhythm changes into a more alert one. Our movements get faster, more aggressive, and gosh, the word is indeed passionate, everything ending in a pirouette where our faces are so close to each other that our noses almost touch.

Would this have been a movie, it would have been the moment where the boy kissed the girl, but we are only two strangers so it's only the exchange of a fleeting gaze, that is however, burning. Deep dark eyes and the smell of bergamot will make me remember this evening for quite a while.

Abruptly, he bows his head eighteen hundred style and exits the room, just like that, like a ghost, as if everything was just a dream or an illusion.

I make my way back to Lisa and Christian.

"Was war das?/ What was that?" says Lisa looking at me ambiguously.

"Was war was?/ What was what?" I am trying to play whatever this was down in front of everyone, starting with myself. 

"Das war eins der sinnlichsten Anblicke die ich in der letzten, langen Zeit, gesehen habe. Und wenn ich das schon sage.../ This was one of the most sensual things I withnessed in a very long time. And if I am saying this it must be true."

"Aah... danke... denke ich./ Aah... thanks... I guess."

Understandably, I need quite some time to regain my composure. Luckily he is gone. Fucking shit, now it's overdue for me to ask him what his name is.

Stefano seems to not have returned and I am glad about that. Christian isn't. He walks back from the garden a few minutes later and tells us that Stefano left for Catania urgently and it's hard to tell when he will be back.

Then he takes Lisa's arm and they go to mingle with the crowd while I am left alone. It's a bit shady of them, but then again they might just want to pitch some clients and that is certainly something I am not good at, as per my reputation.

After half an hour, Tomaso makes his way through the crowd holding two champagne flutes. He hands me one, smiling.

"Thank you," I say, smiling back.

"Signor Richter e signorina Lange left you alone here at a party where you know nobody?"

"Well they are doing networking, I suppose."

"Un cazzo. Ah mi scusa. Did you eat anything?"

"No, not really. I have to take care that the dress still looks good on me," I answer truthfully.

"Some food will not make a dress look better or worse than usual. Food gives happiness and a glow to the face. Come with me," he says and leads me outside, along the house, to the kitchen.

I gulp down the appetizers that are brought to me and wash them down with champagne while chatting with Tomaso.

It's a strangely happy moment and the champagne gives me a nice buzz.

It is already past midnight and Christian and Lisa are not back, so I decide to call it a night. Saying goodbye and genuinely thanking Tomaso for the food and company I exit to the garden and walk towards my trailer.

Just before closing the door, Stefano exits the villa, looking and walking towards my location. But he doesn't seem to notice me. I have successfully avoided the encounter. Great, because my head is a bit fuzzy from the booze and who knows what might have happened.

I take off the heels and the dress and lay down on the bed over the covers. They are pleasantly cool. The air in this early March week is quite warm and so is my skin. It must be the alcohol or the fact that this strange evening was the most fun I have had in a long while.

God how I missed dancing. And that one dance...

Still in a funny mood, I take out my phone and dial Kary's number.

"Shut up! Really?" she blurs out excitedly after I tell her briefly what happened.

"Interesting, right? So you were right about Stefano. He seems quite a skirt chaser and I think if he hasn't slept with Lisa yet, it will happen soon."

"Yeah and then you are next."

"I am not concerned about that. He is gone most of the time and I sparked his interest because I was wearing a dress, which I usually don't."

"No offense, but he does not seem to mind or be very picky; he seems to like a wide array of women."

"None taken. Not sure what's wrong with him. Probably too much cash."

"I guess."

"I think I might have developed a slight crush though."

"On him?"

"No, some other guy. We danced a bit and it was nice."

"A guest? Nice."

"No. Remember the guy with the coffee? That one. Turns out he is witty and funny when he is not cranky and can dance really well. And well, he is kind of handsome, now that I had a better look at him."

"Yey. Way to go, Roxi. Finally, it's not the m... Christian anymore. So what's his name?"

"I actually don't know. I have to find out tomorrow. But I have a picture; I will send it to you. One second." I giggle like a schoolgirl and send Kary the picture I took, without him knowing, a few days ago.

"Oh..."

"Oh, what?"

"It took you time to notice this guy?" Like seriously?"

"Well, I generally have only eyes for Christian."

"Bitch, I never considered guys but right now I am. The guy is super hot."

"You think?" I mean I do find him cute but I wouldn't exaggerate.

"Come on, seriously?" I hear Kary laugh and laugh too. "Please tell me he has a sister."

"I just told you I don't even know his name."

"Nevermind. I will make it my mission to find out."

After some further laughs, I fall asleep and wake up on Sunday around noon. Irresponsible me.

I eat cereals with the milk I have left. For the next week, till the end of the month, this will be my food because my bank account is on zero.

As I don't hear anything from Christian and Lisa, I start working for a few hours till the sun sets. A few guests have stayed the night and are leaving just now hungover and certainly not as fresh as they arrived. I can see them out the window of the container and wonder a little bit about their lives and how it must be to have been born with a silver spoon in the mouth. 

Darkness sets over the place and at some point, there is an unexpected knock on the door. I open and am blown away by Christian's most brilliant smile.

"Aah... Hi," I greet him nervously.

"Hey there. I uh, came to talk to you. Can I come in?"

At nine in the evening. This is strange. And Christian is flustered. This is even stranger.

"Yes, have a seat. Do you want coffee?"

"No thanks. Hmm, look."

Christian stands up from the chair he just sat on and walks nervously towards me. He really is good-looking. I almost forgot. His handsomeness strikes me once again when he looks at me, steering up something that I barely managed to put to sleep.

"Yes, tell me," I say, smiling encouragingly.

His face becomes stern all of a sudden.

"Mr. Messina wants to talk to you. In his office. About the project."

Huh? Was that so hard to say?

"Sure. When does he prefer to meet? Tomorrow in the morning? I can be there at eight or earlier if want to, but he isn't a morning person. He usually wakes up around noon from what I saw."

"Hmm well, tonight. And... uh... you should wear a dress again."

"Oh..." I answer, my mouth falling open. The realization strikes me like a wrecking ball. 

He is indeed trying to pimp me out. I can't help wondering if it's worth it. I only have eight thousand euros left to pay Ivan. If Christian fires me, he can't do it till the end of April which makes it six thousand. The sum is not big and I can take a loan from a bank for it.

"Respectfully, Christian. I don't think I will do that. I can discuss the project with the customer tomorrow in daylight, wearing pants."

"Roxi. Please," he says, grabbing my shoulders. I feel his fingernails pressing aggressively into my skin. God, what is happening to him? Why does he act like this?

But there is something. The heavy memory of a love that I carried with me for years.

"We are in debt. Severely."

That makes two of us... I try to be nonchalant and not care but it just doesn't work. I have been in love with him for too long and as I see his beautiful eyes frightened and red, I can't help feeling for him. It's a strange feeling when someone you used to see in power looks weak and is asking you for help.

I have been weak too and alone, crying for help. Nobody had been there for me and that was a crushing feeling. It's awful to not have anybody to help you, to be alone in despair. 

Christian has been nice to me, hired me and paid me well, joked and laughed with me, and made me happy. Sure the last months have been rocky but all the other times he was just enchanting. And his eyes still sparkle and are beautiful to look at.

"Is it that bad?" I ask him timidly.

Would it be that bad if I did it? I would probably have to sleep with the guy once and then he would get bored and we could get on with our lives.

"Roxi, please. I beg you. I will lose the company if we lose this project. All the employees will lose their jobs and my children will lose their home. Please," he says, moving his palms to the back of my head, and ultimately crashing his lips on mine.

Jesus Christ in heaven, how much I desired for this to happen. I would have bargained my soul for it.

However, now when I feel his wet lips on mine and his tongue in my mouth the only thing I feel is confusion, no magic or sparkles, just confusion.

Why is he doing that? He is married. And then it hits me; maybe precisely because he is married and loves his family and does not want any harm to come to them. He is giving me what he thinks I want so that Stefano gets his way and his family and the company do not have to suffer.

My eyes fill with tears and I mutter

"Sure... I... will see what I can do."