HURTS LIKE HELL
Truthfully, I was surprised my room was still vacant after all these years. With the number of people always coming in and out of this place, I was sure it had to have been reclaimed several times over. Instead, as I turned the cool metal of the knob and pushed the door open, I found it exactly the same as when I last left it three years ago.
The bed was an unmade mess left over from my hasty exit that night. The curtains at the window were wide open, overlooking the late afternoon landscape. Sitting in front of that window were three potted plants I'd put there when I first moved in; a sunflower, black roses and a Dahlia.
I dropped my duffel on the desk by the door and just stood there in the middle of the room, remembering that day.
I'd just finished watering them and was taking a minute to admire them and the feeling of comfortable peace they filled me with. I'd gotten so lost in my own head that I didn't realize Donna stood in the doorway watching me.
"That's an interesting trio combination," she said and I turned to look at her. She leaned against the doorway with her arms casually crossed over her chest, loose braid on her shoulder and smile on her lips. "Any reasoning behind the choices?"
"Not really, no," I answered, glancing back at the flowers briefly. "I just sort of saw them and suddenly I was bringing them home."
Donna let out a soft laugh, for a reason I didn't understand, and her smile widened across her face. "It's crazy what your subconscious can reveal without even knowing it," she said. "Do you know what those flowers commonly represent?"
"No..."
"You have the ability to manipulate plants but you don't know what some of them mean?" Donna said with a mocking raise of her eyebrows.
"Excuse me if it's not very high on my priority list," I shrugged. "And I didn't realize it was so high on yours."
"It's called a hobby, you pain in my ass. Fridah Kahlo used a lot of flowers in her art so I made a point of looking up there different meanings. Now, are you going to shut up and let me tell you the irony of your selection, or what?" I waved my hands in surrender and she shook her head. "Those three plants? Kind of represent us; you, me and Dick."
"Um, what?"
Donna sighed, straightening up. "Black Roses usually represent the feelings of loss and acknowledgment of mortality; that's Dick. All these years that have passed since his parents and he still carries that pain with him like a second skin. Dahlia's symbolize inner strength and staying strong and true to your values; which is very much your stubborn little ass. And sunflowers, to some, can be a symbol of loyalty—"
"Which is you," I cut her off with some amusement. "That's an interesting theory and all, but why would I subconsciously pick up plants that represent us, when we already exist together?"
"Hey, maybe you didn't and I'm just reading into this, or..."
"Or...?"
"Or that's exactly what happened because whether you want to admit it or not, we've become your family and you love us," she smiled brilliantly. I laughed in surprise but couldn't bring myself to say anything about it.
Whether my subconscious was at fault or not, whether that really was why I was drawn to buying those particular plants, Donna was right about one thing. She and Dick had truly become my family and I loved them.
Looking at the bright yellow spot that was the sunflower staring back at me, my eyes started to sting with oncoming tears.
"You know, I never thought I'd see you standing in this room again, let alone under these circumstances."
I stiffened at the sound of his voice, blinking back the water in my eyes without turning to look back at him. I swallowed the lump in my throat and hoped my voice would stay even as I spoke. "I never thought I'd have this room to come back to. I mean, this place is like a hotel for sidekicks, no one ever stays for long or is expected to be here permanently."
"You know I hate that word," Dick said, making me pause to think for a moment.
When I realized which one he meant, I stifled a little smile. "Right, sorry," I apologized. "Not sidekicks; you know what I meant though. As much as this place changes, how is this room so untouched? Why did you replace the plants if you were never expecting me back?"
"Truthfully, I didn't."
"What?" I said incredulously, turning to him finally. I saw a leather pouch the size of a book in his hand, but had no idea what it was. "What do you mean you didn't? If you didn't replace them, then you've kept up with taking care of them..." My words faded out slowly as he shook his head. "Grayson, it's been three years. If you didn't take care of them, someone did."
"No ones been here since us. Before that was just after everything that happened with Deathstroke," he said. "There's been no one here to take care of them."
I looked back at the flowers in their pots, as healthy and bloomed as the day I bought them. Hearing that they'd somehow done that on their own, was mind blowing. "Huh," was all I could manage in reference to it before looking back at him. "Well, the impossible self imposed longevity of my plants aside, what did you need? Because I'm sure thats not welcome back chocolates in your hand."
Dick looked down at what he held before looking back at me with a guilty twist of his lips. "I thought it would be a good idea to take some blood and run some tests again. With what you guys said happened, maybe we'll be able to see something there."
"Something like..."
"I don't know yet, but hopefully we'll find something," Dick replies. "If that's okay with you."
"Wow, you're actually asking me before taking my blood this time?" I said with a smirk as I sat on the edge of the bed. "Now that's what I call growth." I pulled my sweater sleeves down and shimmied out of it to offer a bare arm.
Dick wordlessly grabbed the chair from the desk across from me and started preparing. I stared at the wall behind him, pretending not to notice his eyes fliting to me sporadically. When his calloused fingers grazed the soft skin of my inner forearm I had to bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep from reacting otherwise. There was a quick prick of the needle and then I was watching my blood flow into the tube.
Distantly, I wondered if I'd had enough to spare.
"I'm sorry for not being the one to tell you about Donna." My breath caught in my chest at his words and I looked up to see him focused intently on the job at hand. Keeping himself distracted to keep his emotions from getting out of control. "I can't say that I wanted to be, for obvious reasons, but you shouldn't have had to hear it from a stranger."
"No, I shouldn't have," I agreed a little bitterly. "And I shouldn't have had to hear about it weeks after it happened. She's—she was my best friend, Dick. You should've called me the night it happened. I should've been there for her funeral!" My emotions got the best of me, my voice breaking at the end and causing him to flinch.
He cleaned up my arm and took out the needle, still careful not to look at me. "It wasn't much of a funeral, at least not here," he said. "The Amazons came to bring her home to Themyscira. You know they have their own rites for warriors like her."
"Then I should've at least been there to see her off. I don't get why I wasn't and I hope to everything it wasn't because of things between us—"
"I wouldn't do that," Dick said gruffly, fierce gaze finally fixing on mine. "I didn't keep this from you because of us or what we decided on together. I just didn't know how to tell you. It's hard for me to even wrap my head around and accept it; I couldn't imagine what it'd be like for you. I didn't want to have to see it either. Deep down, I guess part of me was holding on to this hope that somehow we could get her back. And if we'd managed that, I'd never have to put you through what I feel."
"And what made you think she would be coming back somehow? Please tell me you weren't considering using the Lazarus Pit. We've both heard the stories—"
"I wasn't," Dick interrupted with a shake of his head and the smallest smile. "Donna would've kicked my ass if I had. Besides that, Bruce swears up and down that that thing only works for Rhas. But there's this girl—" I couldn't help the flare of my nose at his words and looked away when he sighed. "This fifteen year old girl that I took in a few months ago," he continued, making me feel idiotic. "She has these powers, these abilities like I've never seen before and she thinks she can bring Donna back. She went to Themyscira, hoping that she could do something for her and she's been there ever since. I told her from the start that we aren't gods, we can't be expected to save everyone and if she can't do it then none of us would think any different of her. I meant every word but I guess part of me started to believe she could do it too."
"I don't know about you, but right about now I'm thinking the wrong person got that resurrection gift," I couldn't help but say. Donna was better than me in every way, a true hero from the start. I was just the girl who couldn't decide if she wanted to be a criminal or a good guy from week to week.
"Don't ever say that," Dick snapped and I looked back at him in surprise. He looked genuinely pissed but beneath that I could see a bit of pain in his eyes. Forever carrying the weight of those he lost. "I don't care if you think Donna deserves to be alive more than you do or not, don't ever fucking say that again. Whatever brought you back is a blessing and you know I don't use that word lightly. It's been hell trying to stay strong for everyone since Donna. If I'd lost you too..." His words trailed off as his hands balled into fists so tightly that I saw the veins popping up in his forearm.
My body didn't give my brain time to think about it before I was leaning forward, tiny hand encircling his wrist while the other pried his fingers out from their furl. He resisted for a few seconds as he looked down at ours hands and then slowly let me open his. Even after I'd straightened them for him, I found myself holding on, as entranced as he was by the familiar feeling.
"I'm sorry, okay," I said softly, forcing myself to meet his eyes. "You're right and I'm sorry. But I'm here and okay and you don't have to worry about me. I'm just—I'm upset. Donna was family and...I wasn't there. One of the only people in the world who actually cared enough to put her life on the line for me and I wasn't there to do the same for her."
"There was nothing you could've done," Dick said, voice thick with emotion. "There was nothing any of us could've done."
There was a beat of silence before I asked, "How did it happen? I didn't really give Jason the chance to explain before I nearly killed him."
Dick quirked a brow curiously but didn't inquire on the comment. "There was a power tower that went down and was going to hit Dawn and some innocents. Donna ran over and stopped it before it could hit them but I guess the electricity was too much—"
"Hold on," I interrupted, incredulous. "You expect me to believe that Donna Troy, half Amazon protégé of the worlds baddest bad ass female hero, was taken out by an electrical tower?" That was the biggest bullshit I'd ever heard.
"She was in a fight with Conner before that while he was being controlled by CADMUS," he said as if an explanation. "Maybe the fight weakened her and that's why she couldn't stand the shock."
"Yeah, maybe," I said half heartedly. He was going through enough without me voicing my opinion on how idiotic a death it was.
"Listen," he started quietly enough that I found myself scooting forward towards him a bit to hear. "I need you to know that whether it's CADMUS or not, I won't let anything happen to you again. We don't know how you were able to come back to life or if it's something that can be repeated and honestly I don't want to have to find out again. I couldn't do anything for Donna but I'll be damned if I just stand by and lose you too. I won't— I can't do it."
"Believe me, if I didn't think so I wouldn't have come," I said with a small smile that seemed to ease his tension a bit.
We just stared at each other in the silence, hands still clutching one another, and suddenly I was flooded with heat as I realized how close his face had gotten to mine. Close enough that I felt his uneven breath fan across my face; that if I tilted my head just to the right angle our lips might actually touch briefly.
And then it struck me that we were alone in my room, me already sitting on the bed and just one swift movement away from having him pressed above me. Memories of the last time I was here, the very reasoning for the unkempt sheets still tangled on the bed, flooded my mind and set my body on fire with want. I felt the heat rush to my face as I wondered if he was thinking about it too and my senses sharpened to the barest movement.
Dick's eyes scanned my face and I watched him tilt just a little towards me and...
...I pulled my hands free, shooting to my feet and putting as much distance between us as I could.
"How long do you think it'll take between the tests and looking into CADMUS?"
"Off the top of my head? No idea," he answered. "Why?"
"Just curious," I shrugged. "Don't want to impose more than necessary."
"You're not—"
"Thanks, Grayson," I interrupted. "I appreciate the help. If you don't mind, though, I'm actually really tired and just need to sleep. Sorry."
"Yeah, no problem," he replied, getting up slowly and reluctantly. He headed towards the door before pausing to look back at me. His mouth opened as if to say something but shut it a few seconds later. With a sigh, he pulled the door closed behind him, leaving me alone again.
Watching him go hit harder than any punch I'd ever experienced and I found myself bent forward trying to regulate my breathing. My hands still buzzed with the sensation of having touched his and the images in my mind almost seemed burned into the back of my eyelids, offering no reprieve.
I knew it was going to be hard being near him again without letting us fall back into old habits, but I didn't expect it to hurt this much. Being so close to him, confiding in him the way I never did with anyone else with so much history around us...it was like my own personal hell.
But what was worse? I would deal with it everyday of my life, ten times over, as long as it meant I could keep him close by.
You all will never know how close I was to just letting this duo get back together here. But there's still so much that needs to happen before that can!
For instance, some flashbacks to what finally brought them together, etc. ;)
What did you guys think of this chapter? Would you have made it more emotional or was this just right? Would you do the same as Madalyn in this situation? Let me know in the comments! ^.^
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: Truyen247.Pro