I don't think anyone would disagree with me when I say that dying sucks. And I don't mean for the person inevitably doing the dying, but for the people who get left behind to deal with it. The last couple of times I died, I didn't really see the affect on anyone. The first time, I was dumped like last weeks trash and the second time, Jason was so in disbelief that I don't think it entirely registered in his brain what happened. I know it hadn't for me, anyway.

This time, though... this time was painfully different.

Because this time it was Dick who was left to deal with it. And everything he felt was plastered all over his face.

It was hazy, but I remember the few moments after I came back to life.

I remember clawing out of the ground, rising covered in dirt and for once not naked, the sun streaming bright and hot on me. I remember being confused on what happened before the panic kicked in and suddenly all I could think of was Dick and the others. I remember running, not knowing what direction I needed to go in, colliding hard with someone.

Most vivid of all, I remember the pain and fear clear on Dick's face, straining his voice as he pulled me tight to him and whispered my name over and over again, like it was the only thread keeping me with him. I could feel the hammering of his heart in his chest, through his suit, as if he was sure he'd never see me again and my presence caught him by surprise. He buried his face in my hair and then trailed it over so his forehead rested against mine, kissing me softly down my eyelid, cheek, to the corner of my lips.

Then I passed out, undoubtedly terrifying him more.

When I opened my eyes again, I was back in the Tower infirmary, lying in the bed in fresh clothes and feeling exhausted. My eyelids felt heavy as I forced myself to pull them open, looking around and immediately spotting Dick leaning against the wall, staring out the window blankly. The pain and fear was still on his face but there was anger there too, made more evident by the violent colored bruises scattered across his face. He'd changed clothes too, wearing jeans and a dark T-shirt that cut just right over his biceps which twitched every few seconds, giving away his troubled inner thoughts. With his arms crossed over his chest, hands balled into tight fists, there was something about him in that moment that made me think of an avenging angel. Like he was ready to burn down the world to make sure anyone that hurt someone he loved would pay.

I was so lost in my analysis of his still form that I didn't notice the moment his eyes drifted over and found mine.

Relief filling them, he pushed suddenly off the wall and closed the distance between us in a few long legged strides, sitting on the edge of the bed beside me. "Madds," he breathed shakily, lacing our fingers together desperately, giving them a reassuring squeeze. Something I felt was more for his peace of mind then my own. "Shit, Madds, you scared me. I thought... I thought I..."

"I know," I replied quietly, voice thick with disuse. "I don't really know what happened, but I'm here. I think." I tried to laugh and lighten the mood but the dark shadow came over his face, immediately making me feel guilty.

"You almost weren't," he snapped. "I told you I wouldn't let anything happen to you again and then... Then I let it. I'll never be able to make that up to you but that doesn't mean that I won't try, Madalyn. When I saw you collapse it was like I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. If Jason hadn't showed up and started talking sense to me, I think I would've lost it. No. I know I would've lost it."

"Jason?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah," Dick sighed. "He and the others got there just as you... When he realized what happened, he was the one that reminded me about your power. The plants hadn't come to collect you and we were a little worried about that at first, but then I grew more impatient and brought you out to them. The second I carried you outside they started reaching out from the bushes and trees for you. I never felt so relieved in my life, and even then I was terrified there wouldn't be a way for them to bring you back. That that would be the last time I saw you or held you in my arms."

Up close, I could see the red rim of his eyes, made more obvious by the dark circles under them. Between that the bruises and cuts on his face, this was the most wrecked I ever remembered seeing him. And it tore at my heart. I reached my free hand out and caressed his face gently, eyes never leaving his. "Grayson, it wasn't your fault. You were there for me like you swore you would be, so don't blame anything on yourself. If you hadn't been there then, who knows maybe I would've died and stayed that way. But you saved me, I'm here now with you and that's all that matters to me. You never gave up on me. You never gave me up. I couldn't have asked for more."

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath while we sat in silence for a moment. Even with his eyes closed, I could tell he was trying to take those words to heart, to let them work on healing him too. But we were too much alike; his stubbornness wouldn't let him off the hook that easily and nothing I said would change that.

"Look whose back from the dead. Again." I looked away from Dick to see Jason walk through the door, a small smirk crossing his face teasingly. Past it though, I was sure I could see some of the relief that I felt at knowing and seeing he was okay too. "Here's a question for you: shouldn't you have saved the naked resurrection for Dick and the clothed one for me?"

"Glad to see you're still breathing too, Jason," I replied with a roll of my eyes and a smirk of my own. "Honestly, I don't even know why it happened that way. Though I'm not going to complain, seeing as I just got that suit. Where is it anyway?"

"In your room," Dick said, his voice more even then before. I spared a glance his way as I let my hand fall to my side, noticing the look of calm now plastered on his face. The mask he wore well when he didn't want the others to know what he was really thinking or feeling. The mask I could always see through. "There was some damage to it that I got fixed, but otherwise it's intact."

"That's...wait, you got it fixed?" I doubled back, surprised. "Either it wasn't that bad that it needed to be fixed or Bruce's people have Flash moonlighting for them." I let out a laugh that died as quickly as it had started as I spotted the shared look between Bat Boys. "What?"

"Maddie, you've been in here unconscious for the past week," Jason answered, my eyes widening in disbelief. "You woke up the morning after the fight but then you passed out again and haven't woken up since. Until today, anyway."

"That's... that's insane," I said incredulously. "Why would that happen? I mean, it didn't happen before so why now? Do you think Roman did something to—" The pitch of my voice was beginning to rise, as was the temperature of my skin as I realized what that could've meant for me.

"Madds, relax okay, you're fine," Dick interrupted me before I could fall entirely into hysterics. "We ran some tests again and your blood work came back more or less the same. We think it just took a little longer for you to come back because the cause was in your brain. When we die, our brains can still be active for a few minutes after, so maybe that's when yours calls out to the plants for help. But since Roman's attack was on your brain—"

"I was essentially brain dead, right," I sighed shakily. While the words were meant to give me some kind of understanding and calm, it just made me more concerned. If it took me this long to come back this time, who's to say I'll be able to the next time?

I didn't even want to think about it.

"Speaking of the dead, what'd you guys do with Roman's body? Where's Hurricane?"

"Hurricane made a run for it while we were all preoccupied with you," Dick said grudgingly, his jaw tightening in annoyance.

"But he must've come back to take your brother's body when we weren't looking," Jason continued. "You know, using that fog travel shit. All that was left behind was this." He pulled the R dart, still wrapped in foliage though surprisingly no blood, and held it out to me. "I rinsed it off but figured you still wanted it."

"Thanks," I said, letting him drop it in my palm. Some of the plant was stained with blood and something in the far back of my mind wondered if it was my brother's or my own. "Have you guys been looking for Hurricane? Roman could still be alive and with him and we don't want to be surprised when they come at us again."

"Trust us, he's dead," Jason replied. "If he wasn't dead when you jammed the dart through his throat, he was when your sonic scream broke off a piece of the ceiling which fell and smashed his head." He said it so nonchalantly that I was sure it was a joke. But the silence and even stares of both him and Dick were enough to convince me otherwise.

"Okay, so he's dead," I allowed. "But Hurricane isn't and I think he made it pretty clear he's not going to just let me go again. He'll be back."

"Let him," Dick said coldly. "Then I'll finish what I started."

Jason and I exchanged a look this time, but said nothing.

"You know, I bet dying and resurrecting can actually make a person hungry, so I'm going to go get us all a pizza or something," Jason said quickly. "You know, whatever is going to get me out of this room quicker. I'll see you guys later." He wasted no time in turning on his heels and making his way out of the infirmary without a second glance.

Briefly, I wished that I could do the same. Left alone with him after those words just reminded me why Dick and I stayed apart to begin with. He was going down a path I didn't want for him and once again it was my own fault. All I was good for was attracting trouble that he didn't need.

"Don't you dare," he said suddenly, catching me off guard. Eyebrows drawn down, I met his gaze, unsure of what he was referring too. His hand tightened around mine slightly as he stared back. "Don't you dare think about leaving again."

"I- I wasn't," I stuttered guiltily, earning a glare. "Grayson—"

"I don't want to hear it, Madalyn," he interrupted gruffly. "I don't want to hear from you about how you'd be doing it for me. The last time we split, it was because we both agreed it was best. But I don't agree this time. We're better—no we're stronger—together and I'm not letting you go again. I've almost lost you too many times in the past week and a half. I'm not wasting anymore time running from you or trying to appease your mind on what's best for me. You're what's best for me, Madds. Whether you run away or you stay here, that fact isn't going to change. So I'm not letting you even consider wasting our time together by trying to keep us apart."

"But Grayson..."

My sentence trailed off as he suddenly leaned forward, pressing his lips roughly against mine. There was so much in that kiss; desire, desperation, anger, fear, love. There was years of history and pain that just seemed to finally explode in that moment and despite the logical reasoning on both our sides, of why we should or shouldn't be apart, I found myself falling back into the complacency of staying with him. Of spending everyday waking up and going to sleep with the love of my life, never again wondering where he was or with who. Of fighting by his side and trying to stay the good person he deserved more than anything.

Of kissing him until I was breathless and my head spun, just the way it was doing now.

When we finally broke apart, it was like we were both gasping for air yet we couldn't bring ourselves to move more than a few inches away from each other. Every breath he breathed out, I breathed in and vise versa. We existed as one being and I couldn't imagine it being any other way.

"You're not leaving me again," Dick whispered against my skin. "Even if you tried, you know I would find you."

"You always do."

"Exactly," he smiled slightly, his thumb wearing circles into the back of my hand as he spoke. "So don't waste our time. Whatever comes your way next, we'll face it together. I'm not letting you leave me."

"I'm bad for you," I said quietly, expecting him to blow up at the words. He surprised me when he laughed softly.

"I know. But I'm good for you. What kind of hero would I be if I just let you walk away? Definitely not the one you swear that I am. And I couldn't live with disappointing someone so important in my life." His free hand came up to my face this time, thumb skimming my bottom lip while his calloused fingers brushed out shapes softly on my neck. "Stay."

"I never said I was leaving," I sighed. The words did nothing to reassure him. We were too in tune with each other to know when the other was trying to hide something.

Dick leaned forward again, his thumb moving to my chin as his nose and lips just brushed over mine as he spoke. "Stay."

"You're not playing very fair."

"Probably because I'm not playing," he countered, his lips twitching into a smirk against mine. "Stay, Madds." His fingers were still tracing along my neck when I realized that they weren't shapes, but letters. More importantly, they were words; please, I love you. My eyes fluttered closed, hating how effective his actions were being. Maybe I hadn't decided entirely to leave or maybe I just didn't want to give him up again, but Dick Grayson was virtually running unopposed on his current mission. "Stay with me."

"Oh, hell," I sighed in defeat, bringing my hand to curl into the hair at the back of his neck. "I love you. I'll stay." I pulled him in for the kiss this time, almost feeling the joy and relief radiating from him as he kissed me back, his lips a full smile against mine.