Song that helped inspire this chapter:
Video Games by Lana Del Rey

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3.1k words

"Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something- and it is only such love that can know freedom."

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I laid in bed and gazed at the ceiling with wide eyes that burned with a desire for the relief brought by a blink.

Images of my sins flooded my mind, and I was envisioning him down there, praising my body with every kiss and gentle touch. I clutched the blanket in my hands before bringing it over my face, "This is not gonna end well," I whined to myself and held back from screaming into the fabric, only because I didn't want anyone to hear me.

I didn't regret what I allowed to happen, and I think that's what I feel the worst about. I've tired countless time to convince myself that I wasn't feeling anything real towards him, that it was all in my head or that I was only grieving — but I can't ignore the way he's been making me feel, even before things went downhill with Connor.

So the begging question is — what am I going to do about it?

And at the moment, my answer is — I have no fucking idea.

I know I should continue to do my job and expose him for all of his lies and corruption. That's what my honor and loyalty were telling me to do at least. But my heart has never been against anything more than that. It involuntarily aches whenever I think about him being shoved behind bars, his gaze glossing over with pain, loathing, and betrayal—a gaze that would be directed straight at me when he learns the truth. He's just not who I walked in here thinking he was, he's so kind, compassionate—a little moody with a hint of anger issues—but he was also caring, considerate, and loyal to his family.

I expected the complete opposite, so that makes it hard to detest him like I should.

It's a lose-lose situation for me, and I have never been more lost than I am right now. And what made it all the more frustrating, was that there wasn't a single person I could turn to for advice.

I had to figure all of this out on my own.

My harrowing thoughts were interrupted by a light tapping on the bedroom door. I sat up in the bed, "Who is it?" I asked, thinking it might be Ahsoka checking on me or possibly coming to embarrass me by telling me she heard everything. But when I was lost in the moment, I hardly thought about anything else except him. So remembering that Ahsoka and Piett could possibly hear me was at the back of my mind.

"Me," A smooth voice responded from the other side of the door, and I nearly began to panic when I realized it wasn't her — but him, "Can I come in? I promise to keep my hands to myself." Anakin said with a bit of humor to his tone.

I'm positive the reason he's here is becausel not long after I crossed a line. I may have ran away from him. I didn't know what to say or what to do — so I fixed my clothes and ran inside and up the stairs.

"Yeah, come in," I answered awkwardly after taking a deep breath to calm my nerves.

What was I supposed to do? Say 'No sorry, you can't come into the room that you pay for,' so I felt obligated to say yes.

The door slowly opened and Anakin peaked his head inside. The room was dark, but the light from the hallway helped me see his features, but I wasn't sure if he could see me, "I'm sorry if I freaked you out," He pushed the door open fully and flicked the light on. My eyes adjusted to the light change and I blinked a few times before locking gazes with him, "It wasn't my intention." He looked... guilty. Like he was the one who did something wrong.

I instantly shook my head, "You didn't, I freaked myself out," I sighed as he walked closer to me, but slowly, and stopped just at the foot of the bed. His eyes were glazing over with curiosity over my words, and before he could ask, I explained, "I never expected myself to go that far with you — so soon," Or ever, but I didn't want to say that and offend him.

He smiled as he glanced to the floor, "I have a habit of jumping the gun when I know what I want," He looked back, his eyes scanning me with admiration, "Slow has never been in my vocabulary."

I swallowed the built up saliva that came with his words. I'm not sure if he meant it in a sexual manner, but that's exactly where my mind took it. I sighed heavily as I clutched the blanket in my hands nervously, "You don't want me Anakin, you hardly even know me." We've known each other how long? Two weeks? Three? I already lost track of how long I've been living this undercover life.

"That is where you are wrong Ms.Winters," He pointed at me and strutted even closer, "I know that you're as sweet as sugar," He eyed me up and down slowly with a subtle bite of his lower lip. He was even closer now and I had to raise my head up to maintain eye contact, "That you're smart, kind, funny, sassy, jealous, passionate," His tone got quieter with each word until he whispered the last one.

He placed his index finger was under my chin, and lifted my head up higher. He broke his word of saying he would keep his hands to himself, but I wasn't going to complain either. His actions stole the air from my lungs and I gazed up at him in awe. He was perfect — his eyes, his voice, his smile, his scent... everything was perfect.

"And let's not forget, you're so beautiful. Your eyes alone have more power over me than you could possibly understand — I adore you (y/n)." He bent down so our eyes were leveled and every breath I took was followed by a painful clench in my chest.

"But-" My breath got caught in my throat when he moved his face closer to mine. He was keeping a teasing distance, but I could see in his eyes that he was dying to lean just a few inches forward, "Anakin I'm scared." Was all I could think of to say, and I was, rightfully so.

"What are you afraid of?" He removed his finger from under my chin and gently moved my hair out of my face, "Hm?" He tilted his head to the side, a caring tone in his voice.

"What if I told you there was more to know? A past or a secret that may very well change your entire perspective of me." I whispered with tears in my eyes.

His eyes were on my lips the entire time I spoke, and when I finished, they glided up to my eyes, "Then I would say that you're not alone."

I didn't know what to say after that, and I'm guessing he didn't either because he remained just as quiet as me. There were no words being spoken, but with our eyes locked on each other the way they were, we had entire conversation filled with declarations, understanding, and admiring.

"It feels good to not be alone," I finally said with a single tear rolling down my cheek. It was as if my words were a trigger or an invitation. Because he cupped my face with urgency and pressed our lips together before I even finished my sentence.

He was gentle, yet passionate and I kissed him back almost instantly. He slid his hands back and ran his fingers through my hair as his tongue softly grazed at my lips, a way of asking for permission to enter.

I parted my lips in a yes and wrapped my arms around his neck, a response to the butterflies fluttering furiously in my stomach. His hands dropped from my hair and went to my hips, where he easily lifted me up and laid me on my back so he could hover over me.

He placed his knee between my legs while his other knee rested on the other side of my thigh, so when he moved forward, he created friction.

His lips moved quick against mine as I ran my hands through his hair and tugged on the roots, "Do you want me to stop?" He asked as he parted the kiss for a few seconds.

I shook my head without allowing myself to think about it since I knew what my guilty mind would say, "No, but I don't think we should-"

"Believe it or not, I wasn't planning to have sex with you right now," He assured me with a gentle kiss to my lips, "Not until you're the one to ask, so I know it's what you really want."

Like I said, he's not even close to what I was expecting. How can someone like him have a dark side? Everything about him screams 'Angel'.

"But I am going to kiss you again," He lowered his lips down and rubbed them as ha isn't mine with a growing smile, pure adoration in his eyes.

And before he could do it, my hands were back on his neck and I pulled him down to bring his lips to mine.

I still have no idea what I'm going to do, but in this moment I didn't care, I wasn't even thinking about it. I wanted freedom from the chains of my mind for awhile and this, being in his arms and the receiver of his affection gave me the sweetest kind of freedom.

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Sunlight peaked through a small crack in the curtains and casted over my face, causing me to wake up and turn away from the light. After turning, I realized my breath was being thrown back into my face and when I opened my eyes, I understood why. Anakin's bare chest was the only thing I could see because of how close I was to him. And it was now that I realized he also had his arm draped over me, holding me to him.

After our heavy make-out session last night, we ended up falling asleep, but not before talking and laughing for a few more minutes. I thoroughly enjoyed his company.

I could hear him lightly snoring so I knew he was still asleep, and I was about to go back to sleep myself, but my eyes caught one of his tattoos on his chest. Then I noticed he had multiple.

I knew he had some on his arms, and there was also another I knew of that stuck out on his neck from under his collar. But these, they were all new to me, I never knew he had this many.

I backed away a little for a broader view of his chest without pulling myself out of his hold so I wouldn't risk waking him. And I ran my finger along one of the designs on his left pec, it was a date written in roman numerals with a ribbon wrapping around it, the name Shmi written inside.

If I remember correctly, that was his mothers name.

"It's my mother if you're wondering," His tired voice broke the silence and his chest rumbled with his words. I glanced up to see that his eyes were now open and on me, "Not an ex girlfriend." He gave me a lazy smirk.

I glanced back down at the tattoos and turned my attention to another one. It was a symbol, one with three swirls pointing out in triangular formation, "Do you have any tattoos of an ex girlfriends?" I asked curiously.

He shook his head slowly, "No, I swore to myself I would never get a representation of a girl on me. Not unless I knew for certain that it was going to be a forever thing, and I never felt that way for any of my exes," He admitted with a nonchalant shrug, "Reason why they are now exes."

I hummed with an understanding nod. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a small pain if jealousy in my heart, but I reminded myself that I was still married, so being jealous was hypocritical, "Do you have any crazy ex stories?" I asked as I lifted myself up and steadied my elbow on the bed and held my head up with my palm, "Or stories in general about your tattoos or-" I looked down to his chest and gently touched a scar just below his collar bone, "Scars. I want to know more about you."

He gently grabbed my hand that was trailing his tattoo and I took notice to the goosebumps on his body, a result from my touch. He brought my hand up and kissed the back of it, "I'll tell you about my scar if you tell me about yours."

I knitted my brows in confusion, "What scar-" I paused when I realized what he was talking about. He saw the scar on my leg from the gun shot wound I got on duty last night.

He ran one of his palms down my hip and my thigh until I felt his fingertips brush against the area I knew my scar was, "This one," He whispered as he softly caressed the skin that was on the front of my thigh and also very close to my...it need not be mentioned.

I swallowed nervously, "My ex was a little crazy." Was all I could think of to say and I wasn't sure how confident I felt about my lie.

Anakin blinked in surprise, "Are you trying to say your ex shot you in the leg?"

A knot of guilt for lying tightened painfully in my chest, "Yeah, but it was an accident, and last I heard he's getting the help he clearly needs," I awkwardly laughed at my lie and I kept wondering if there was anything I could've said that would have sounded better. But my mind was still blank, "So tell me how you got yours." I said fast, before he could ask me anything else like I suspected he was about to.

The way he looked at me was like he was baffled that I was trying to run past it. But he seemed to respect my wishes and cleared his throat before pointing at his scar, "To put it simply, I was stabbed."

My eyes widened, "By who?"

He smiled and breathed out a single chuckle, "Ahsoka when she was little, but it was an accident," He waved it off like it wasn't a big deal, "Before I tell the story I want to clarify that my parenting towards her started before my mom died, not after. And that's because there were days she was so sick she stayed in bed and Ahsoka became my responsibility," He sighed quietly at the memory, his smile turning into a frown as he used his fingertip to trail circles against my cheek, "Well I think I was about fourteen at the time and she was seven. She was running around with a box cutter she found after digging somewhere she shouldn't have been while I was giving our mother her medication. I chased her around the house for I don't know how long before she turned around and lunged at me," He rolled his eyes, "The brat was trying to give me a surprise hug, and her little brain didn't comprehend that that would be a stupid thing, and ended up stabbing me right here. It wasn't really deep or fatal in anyway, but I did have to take myself to the doctors and get stitches."

"Alone?"

He nodded, "I had to, my mom could hardly walk, let alone drive me to the emergency room."

I glanced at the scar and now knowing the story, I can perfectly see the angle of a box cutting blade, "Sounds like you've had to take care of yourself your whole life."

He sighed as he continued using his fingers to caress swirls near my cheek bone, "Me and everyone else," He said low as he leaned forward and gave me a small kiss on my forehead — my stomach did a somersault, "Now about yours-"

He was cut off by the sound of a vibration on the nightstand and without skipping a beat, he reached for it and answered it before pressing it against his ear, "Hello?" He asked in a bored tone, then after a few seconds he knitted his brows and moved it away to look at the screen, "Oh this is yours." He said and my heart immediately stopped, "Sorry I thought it was mine."

I took it from his grasp without appearing too panicked, "It's fine, who was it?" I held my breath as I looked at the screen.

He answered me before I could read the numbers, "I'm not sure, they hung up instantly and the number isn't saved, so it was probably a prank call."

I swallowed nervously as I recognized the number. It was Connor, and Anakin answered it at seven am — I already know where Connors head is going to be at. And I was scared of what was going to unfold because of it.

"Yeah probably," I closed the phone calmly, despite my rising anxiety, and placed it back on the nightstand - facing down.

Anakin motioned for me to come back into his arms, "I have one more hour before I have to wake up Piett to leave," He didn't wait for me to come to him, he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me closer until I straddled his hips, "And if you don't mind, I want to spend it like this," He brushed my hair away from my face and grabbed me by the back of neck. He smiled up at me with one of the most beautiful and genuine smiles I had ever seen, before he pulled my down to bring our lips together.

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Hope you liked it ❤️
Their relationship is only going to start to grow more from here, both emotionally and physically ❤️
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