Jin couldn't breathe.

As much as he tried to draw it in, as much as Jungkook's spacious aircon penthouse apartment went and was fully ventilated, he couldn't draw in enough air to fill his lungs. His breathing hitched and his eyes burned with tears but he couldn't breathe and he couldn't bring himself to cry.

Jungkook knelt beside him, hands holding Jin's face urging him to let go of his fears and let in the air, because despite the number of times he'd seen men lose their breaths for various unthinkable reasons, seeing Jin struggle like that made him hurt in a way he didn't think was possible.

"Listen to my voice, baby," He urged, one hand raking soothing fingers through Jin's hair, while the other tapped his face continuously.

Jin gasped some more and tears fell from his eyes but still he struggled to breathe. It was a torture. Jungkook wasn't sure what happened or how he hadn't noticed it before it happened but he felt water gush from on top drenching his entire body, knocking the air out of him as well.

"He'll be fine now," He heard the same time he looked up to see Jimin with an empty bowl in his hand.

"He had a fucking panic attack, you imbecile!"

Jimin shrugged. The damage was already done. By the way, his way seemed to work faster than whatever Jungkook was mumbling to Jin. "What happened?"

Jungkook ignored Jimin and focused his attention back on Jin, who was taking deep breaths now. He shook as he sucked in air hungrily, then he turned to Jungkook and hugged him tight without as much as a word or a sound other than that of his strained breathing.

"Am I missing something?" Jimin asked again.

Jungkook shot Jimin a glare. "Not now."

Jimin nodded his understanding before taking a few needed steps back.

Jungkook held unto Jin, rubbing his hands soothingly on his arm for what seemed like hours. No one said a word between them, but Jungkook could hear the scream in Jin's silence.

"My heart hurts," Jin mumbled against Jungkook's neck. He wasn't sobbing, but the tears still fell.

Jungkook nodded. "I know, baby. I'm sorry," he said, reaching towards Jin's torso, to massage his chest. He knew the pain Jin felt was more emotional than physical, but he kept working the heel of his palm against Jin's heart area. "Do you want me to take you home now, so you could be with your mum?"

It took almost a minute for his response to come and even another more to move when Jungkook heard the faint, "Yes, please."

The drive home was quiet. Namjoon insisted on coming with Jin after he heard what had happened but he was in so much pain and Jin just wanted for him to get better in a rather positive environment. And knowing Jimin was there to look after his best friend, he didn't feel bad leaving with Jungkook.

He stared out the window the entire ride, his heart heavy and pained. It had happened. The dreaded had happened and he wasn't sure what to do with himself.

His horrible father had reached out to him and he'd ignored him. His calls and his texts had gone unanswered because despite how much Jin had loved him, he'd hated him as well. He'd thought there'd be more time to get over his pride and anger and finally hear whatever he had to say but life wasn't like that, it waited for no one.

It shouldn't have but it had taken him by surprise. Just when he'd thought to catch a breather from being harassed by Mr. Cho, this had to happen. Jin would take being harassed over this. He'd take being pepper sprayed everyday if it meant his father had to come back to life, even if he remained with his other family.

Jin didn't care. He just wanted this to be a nightmare just like the black blossoms. He wanted to wake up to his father being alive, to the cherry blossoms being pink and beautiful and his life not in shambles.

"Baby," Jungkook called, lightly tapping Jin's lap to break his chain of thoughts. "We're here."

Looking outside the window, Jin saw he was right. They were parked across the street from his house and just watching it from there, he dreaded the atmosphere he'd meet when he walked in. He knew his mother would be hurting but he was not ready to have the talk with her. So, for a moment longer he sat there with his eyes shut, hoping to block out his pain and the world, if he could.

"Will you be fine on your own tonight?"

Jin shook his head. "No," he mumbled shakily.

"Do you want me to come back later on?" Jungkook asked.

Jin nodded. "Yes."

Jungkook leaned over to the passenger side and hugged Jin once more. It was a brief embrace, a needed embrace. "Stay sane until I come okay?" He encouraged, planting a soft kiss on Jin's cheek before pulling away.

Jin dragged himself out of Jungkook's car and headed towards his house. Everything in him screamed for him to go back to Jungkook and tell him to drive him anywhere, even to oblivion, just as long as he drove him away from this horrid reality of his.

Each step was harder and more hesitant than the last but he managed to get himself to the door, turn the handle and walk in. Aunt Soohyun was at the door before he could shut it. She had a look in her eyes, a look like she pitied him and wasn't sure how he was taking it because he was no longer crying but his eyes were bloodshot.

He tried to muster a smile in greeting to her, a smile that could tell her he was fine and she didn't have to be worried about him, but his lips moved and inch painfully and he gave up. "I'm fine," he said hoping to sound like himself but his voice was low and hoarse.

She shook her head, 'no you're not,' before going to hug him. It was not like Jungkook's. Her small body that did little to warm him was nothing like Jungkook's that came with a force and a tug at Jin's heart but it was soothing and he appreciated it.

The hug drew on for a couple of minutes before she pulled away, tapping him comfortingly on his cheek. "Your mum is in her room. You should go and see her."

Jin went to his mother's room from there but she was already sleeping with dried streaks of tears on her face, clutching onto the last picture they'd taken together with his father as a family.

He took a hot shower after he left her room. He was so mad at him, biting down on his arm to stop the scream from leaving his mouth. His hands shook and his anger and regret triggered his panic attack. So, he sat under the hot shower burning his skin as he struggled to find air for the second time that evening.

He clasped his shaking hand over his mouth, biting down hard on the skin of his palm to stop the scream from leaving his lips.

His heart cracked over and over again that it physically hurt. How had he been so stubborn? How had he been so blind? So ignorant and selfish. How hadn't he been able to convince himself to see him much earlier, to pick his calls or even reply to his texts? Even on his deathbed, his father had reached out and he'd shut him out completely.

His mother was right. He was wicked and heartless, and he wasn't any different from the person who'd walked out on his family. His father had abandoned them while they had nothing. He had abandoned his father while he was sick and dying. Now, it was too late to make amends.

Too late to yell at him. Too late to ask him why. Too late to demand answers because he had a lot of them. Too late for anything. Now, he was left with so much anger and hurt, and emptiness at the same time, knowing he would never get that closure he always sought.

Back in his room, Aqua cried next to him, rubbing her body against him, as if she knew what he was going through. Her large paw reached to touch his arm.

He reached for her, pulling her large body onto his laps and wrapping his arms around her. Her thick furs provided him with warmth and her presence made him feel less lonely.

He sat on the floor for hours with Aqua by his side, staring at nothing in his cold, dark room, imagining his father now; cold in a dark room of his own, alone. Forever alone.

Forever alone.

Jin dug the heels of his palms into his eyes in an attempt to push the tears back but the more he tried to stop them, the more they flowed. He shook his head. "I should have come soon," he cried.

His moment was interrupted by a faint knock on his window. He started, looking up to find the familiar silhouette of Jungkook outside. He scrambled to his feet and went to undo the bolts, trying to open it without making much noise.

Jungkook successfully climbed in, bringing in his stomach churning scent and atmosphere that sent instant relief firing through Jin. But Jin headed away from him, going to assume his position at a corner on the floor.

"Sit on the bed instead," Jungkook's voice came mildly in the quiet room. "You're going to catch a cold."

"Like I don't deserve it?" Jin asked, his voice laced with a bitter tinge.

"Deserve what?"

"To fall sick. To hurt. I deserve it all."

Jungkook raked his right hand through his hair, letting out a sigh. "Don't do this, please. I know you're fond of taking the blame for things that are out of your control but don't do it with this. Grieve but don't take the credit, you didn't do anything."

"Take the credit? Is this like a fucking Broadway performance, Jungkook? What fucking credit am I trying to take?! You don't even understand what I'm going through right now!"

"Yes, I do, baby. I understand perfectly well what you're going through and that's why I'm telling you to fucking crush that seed of blame before it germinates inside of you, because trust me, if it does, it's going to take a miracle to pull out the root."

Jin tore his angry glare away from Jungkook.

"Believe me, I understand everything you're going through. But you also have to understand that none of this is your fault."

"Yes, it is!"

Jungkook shook his head. He crossed the room and stood a few feet from Jin. "What exactly is your fault? That your father left? That you were angry and needed time to prepare yourself to see him? That he got sick?"

"Even you told me to go and see him! You told me that I'd regret it! You told me to make a decision fast—" His words got swallowed by a sob escaping his mouth as he cried into his hands. "I hate how it feels! I hate it so much, Jungkook."

Now kneeling in front of him, Jungkook pulled Jin into his arms. "You'll be fine. Trust me, the weight of it all feels lighter as time goes on. I promise you."

And Jin wanted to believe him. He wanted to believe Jungkook that the guilt choking him and squeezing his heart wouldn't kill him, but as much as he tried he couldn't.

"It doesn't feel like it," Jin cried. "Why didn't I listen to you? Why did I take so long? He called me, Kook. He sent me a bunch of texts, saying he wanted to see me and talk to me. He said he had a lot to say to me. Now, I'll never know. He'll never get that closure, and I'll never know why he did what he did."

His lips vibrated, and his teeth chartered as he cried against Jungkook's hold. He should have waited. Jin had already resolved to see him, to hear him... He'd finally pushed passed his anger and had resolved to visit him.

And he should have waited. He had owed it to Jin to wait. He should have, but Jin knew better. Time waited for no one, especially someone who was already dying.