The Cherry tree in my dream had black petals. It was snowing, every inch of the floor had been covered with the white snow but ontop the snow were tiny black contrasting petals.

It had been two days since Hoseok had confessed to me, and I'd had the same recurring dream every night. Faceless people dressed in black, laughing at me, a single hand shovelling sand over me as it rained—but last night, it had been snow instead of sand and black petals instead of rain.

I woke up feeling empty and confused. I wondered what the recurring dream was, if it was a sign and what it was saying. But I couldn't figure it out. It was driving me to insanity.

That morning mum wanted me to go to church with her to help decorate for their tenth anniversary which was taking place the next day.

She still gave me looks like she felt something was up with me but I always smiled around her and acted like I was perfectly fine. Maybe I was acting too much because I wasn't supposed to be fine. I was supposed to be dejected but I made her believe otherwise. Although, I wasn't certain she bought it. She just didn't say anything.

As soon as I got out of the bathroom that morning, I coated my body with lotion to help hide the redness from my hot shower. I took my time dressing up before heading out to meet her.

When we got to the church there were already a few people there, cleaning up the place, pumping balloons, wiping down the pews and hanging up decorations. Since I was tall, Deacon Mark put me and a few other people on ribbon duty.

Usually, I'd have looked for an excuse to get out of here but I was more than happy to be there. More than happy to take my mind off things as the two ladies in my team who were cutting the ribbons talked about a girl whom they found out was dating a married man in the church. They were both certain she'd turn up pregnant before July.

In the middle of activities, I received a text from Jungkook. We spoke every day on phone but we hadn't seen since the day at the perfume store when he'd pulled me into the bathroom stall and blown my mind away.

The truth was, I'd intentionally not gone to see him. He had wanted to come pick me up from school yesterday but I'd told him I had to tutor some classmates.

But in reality, I was avoiding him because I was terrified of how fast my heart raced in his presence, how badly my body ached for him and how much my soul sought him. Even when we weren't together I thought about Jungkook way more than I wanted to. I was afraid of my feelings and how quickly they were developing for him.

For the rest of my stay at the church, my attention was divided. I tried to concentrate on every task I was handed but my thoughts always went back to his text: I want to see you. I miss you. And it would cause my mouth to go dry and my stomach to feel fuzzy.

I busied myself with my own duty, throwing in a remark or two in the different topics of conversation the ladies with me were having. I didn't want to leave my mind open and blank, so after I was done with hanging balloons, I joined another group to tie ribbons.

It was a good distraction. The interaction with each group was fun and it was nice to catch up on things that happened during the week at church since I only went on Sundays. But deep down, my spirit and heart were far away from the church auditorium, they were in a twenty storey apartment building, at the pent house with a certain man who was taking up too much space in my head and heart.

After two torturous hours of trying to ignore Jungkook's messages, I caved. I told my mum I had to meet up with a friend from school and was off. I felt eager to him and then felt appalled that I felt eager at the thought of seeing him. The endless battle in my head pushed on.

Outside the church, I found a Taxi which got me to his house in twenty minutes. The ride had been impatient but I had no one else to blame but myself.

I just wanted to see him. To touch him. To hold him. To kiss him. I knew I was doing too much but I'd never been so terrified and excited of something at the same time. I'd never been terrified and excited of someone at the same time.

His door flung open the moment I reached it. He must have been waiting for me because he swooped me into his arms, spinning me into his house. My arms wrapped around his neck, face buried in his shoulder as I breathed in the scent I'd missed and come to love.

He mumbled something inaudible into my neck, breathe my skin. I chuckled, raising my head so I could speak. "What?"

I felt him shift, plant a kiss under my ear. "I said you smell good."

I spent the day moving heavy stuff and hanging things up the wall, there was no way I smelt good enough to be complimented on. But still, I felt flustered at his words. "I'm not wearing the perfume you got me," I said to him wishing I was wearing it.

"I know." His nose grazed the skin of my neck. "You smell like you. I love your smell."

My arms tightened around him. Suddenly, I felt lighter. Like somehow I'd been carrying something on my back and now, it was just gone. I shut my eyes and just let myself be there in the moment with him. "How are you?" His voice came.

For a moment, I didn't speak because I was afraid of the words I'd say next. Then I did, "I don't know. I can't stop thinking about him."

Jungkook pulled away to look at me, his arms still around me. "Your dad?"

I nodded and told him about the dreams. He listened with full attention the entire time, until I was done.

"Jin, I think you should go see him."

"What?"

"Listen, maybe your dreams are like a sign. Maybe this is him trying to tell you something. Have you thought about that?" He asked, quietly.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Just hear me out."

"He abandoned us. Have YOU thought about that?" I threw back at him, my voice higher than normal. I detached myself from his hold and moved a few feet away from him, suddenly feeling smoldered.

"You don't have to take any big steps or—"

"Going to see him is taking a big step. Do you have any idea what he put us through? What he put me through?" I asked. "I was devastated for years! I waited and waited and waited for him to show up but he didn't. He just left. Just like that. And I'm supposed to just forget that."

"I'm not asking you to forget, Jin," he said, his voice still calm. He remained where he'd been standing but his body was turned to me, both hands planted on his hips. "All I'm saying is to give him a chance before it's too late. Trust me, I know what regret feels like and I'd absolutely hate for you to experience it."

"As a matter of fact, I'm experiencing regret right now. The regret of coming here," I said, throwing him one angry look before heading for the door.

Jungkook's hand grabbed mine as I walked past him, pulling me towards him.

"Let me go," I gritted out.

He just stared at me, relaxed. "Why are you so stubborn?" He asked. "This is your father, Jin. I won't sugarcoat anything because we already know what is going on but he's dying."

Those words slashed at my heart. Deep. I swallowed, glaring at him but I didn't move away from him.

"You think hating that you came over tonight is regret? Is that how easily you think of regret? It's not that simple. The regret I'm talking about is one where you feel pain in your soul. Where your guts twist and turn at the mere thought of an incident. It's knowing that you could have done something but you didn't and now it's too late to ever do anything about that, so you walk around with the guilt of what if. Even when you try to forget and forgive yourself, you might succeed temporarily but in the end, you realize you never had the power or the right to forgive yourself."

His dark eyes stared into mine, piercingly, his own regret manifesting as a wince on his face.

"You get to live with that guilt for the rest of your life," he went on. "It's a terrible thing to feel. I would never want you to experience it, baby."

I blinked, looking away from him because my eyes stung with tears. I didn't want Jungkook to see me cry. I'd embarrassed myself enough for one day.

I'd poured my frustration on the one person that brought me peace. If I'd walked out that night and he hadn't stopped me, I'd have gone home with a broken heart.

"Do you want me to take you home?" He asked, his hand leaving mine. I hated it. I hated that he wasn't touching me anymore. After a heartbeat, he continued. "I'll get my keys."

He'd made it halfway across the room before I found my voice. "I'm sorry," I said, shakily. I was holding back a sob. I was afraid if I spoke again it'll let loose. It had been a terrible past few days, the worst days of my life and it was making me into someone I didn't think I was—vulnerable, irritable and more than anything, angry.

Jungkook was in front of me before I knew it. His hands ran over my bare arms, caressing up and down and up and down as if to warm me up—or calm me down, in this case.

"I know you're angry. Believe me, I completely understand what you feel. But I care about you too much to let you make the same mistake I did. I don't want you to live with the regret of not knowing. Or the anger of knowing you had the chance to have done what you didn't. It's something you don't get over, no matter how many years have passed. It'd creep up at the most random moments and whatever happiness you feel. I don't want that for you."

I nodded, my head lowered because the tears had streamed down my face and I didn't want to move my hand to wipe them. If I moved, he might stop touching me and I didn't want him to stop.

"You don't have to do anything now. Just think about it, okay?"

Again, I nodded.

This time, he tilted my face up, making me look at him. His eyes were glazed over with hurt and concern, nothing that made me feel embarrassed. He reached up and wiped my tears with his thumb, his movement gentle against my skin, sending electric waves down my back.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. Deep down I felt I had to say that again because I'd lashed out at him and all he'd said had been for my own good.

"Don't." He shook his head, leaning to plant a kiss under my left eye. "Don't apologize." Another kiss under my right eye. I shut my eyes, savoring the moment, his closeness, his kisses, his touch. His lips brushed over my eyes, his minty breathe fanning my face, making my toes curl.

He planted a soft kiss on my mouth, I leaned into it, parting my lips to deepen it.

I let out a soft sigh, wrapping my arms over his neck only for him to slowly pull away from me. I frowned. He turned and made his way to the couch, where he collapsed on it then pathed the seat next to him.

I stared in confusion, as he looked over at me. "Come and relax with me."

My head felt heavy. The whole room spun when my eyes fluttered open, and it was all I could do to shut it, cradling my head. Even with my eyes closed, it still felt like I was spinning slowly, like I could fall off the bed any moment.

I tried again, trying to ignore every jolt of pain stabbing at every part of my head. Pulling myself up to a sitting position, I stayed that way, nursing the maddening ache, for a minute, before throwing my legs off the edge of the bed.

What time was it? It was bright outside. I pried my eyes open again. The light shot into them, this was insane. This had never happened to me. Hangovers were usually Namjoon's thing. Not mine.

But yesterday, when Jungkook had popped a bottle of wine few minutes into our movie, telling me it was his favourite wine and he'd saved it for a special occasion, it had taken that and a quick whiff of the fruity smell to have me gulping it glass after glass, getting drunk and losing control of my sanity. My reasoning had already long disappeared.

So, there I was paying the ultimate price. I contemplated calling Namjoon to ask what I could take for it because I'd seen him drink weird concussions only to feel better in a couple of minutes whenever he was hungover, but he didn't know about Jungkook and to be honest, I didn't even know what we were. Also, knowing Namjoon, he would joke about it and tease me, and I didn't have the mental or physical strength to deal with that.

I grabbed a t-shirt and threw it on, then turned to leave when I saw the glass of water and two tablets on my side table. A note sat next to the glass, with the easily unmistakable handwriting of Namjoon. He was back.

𝒟𝓇𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓌𝑒 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀.

I picked up the tablets and threw them in my mouth before swallowing them with half the water in the glass. It was definitely Aspirin. How did he know I had a headache? Knowing Namjoon, he'd been here sometime between when I got home late last night and me being passed out for most of the morning.

His note sounded unlike himself—serious—but I didn't want to read unnecessary meanings into anything.

Hoping the aspirin would do the magic and make the discomfort go away which I honestly doubted was that easy to get rid of, I headed out of my room.